


His Savior

by orphan_account



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Not Related, Bilbo is Kili's foster father, Family, Growing Up Together, Kili is adorable, M/M, Slow Burn, So is Bilbo, Thorin is still Fili's uncle, mentions of past childhood abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-04
Updated: 2016-12-20
Packaged: 2018-03-05 07:45:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 51
Words: 133,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3111749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They met as two orphans in a group home in New York City and promise to be brothers forever. Kili hates himself for screwing that up by falling in love with Fili. To be fair, though, if he hadn't been so disgustingly perfect by always being there for him and caring for him, this never would have happened.</p><p>So really, it's all Fili's fault.</p><p>(Or how Kili brings together his family and then is afraid he's ruined everything.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> Just so you know, I have absolutely no knowledge of the New York City foster care system or New York family law. Please overlook any inaccuracies.

Falling for Fili had been so easy that Kili hadn't even realized it had happened until years after they first met.

Though, to be fair, no one even thought about falling in love at the age of seven.

He had been brought to the group home in the dead of night, shaking with fear as he clung to the hand of his social worker. He didn't remember his parents, not really. He had vague memories of shouting and crying and trying very hard to be quiet, but that was all. (Well, not all, but all he would let himself think about). All he knew then was that something very bad had happened to his mother, and that his father was going somewhere where he couldn't hurt anybody (couldn't hurt _Kili_ anymore).

And that left him utterly _alone_.

He wasn't the youngest at the group home, but he was definitely the smallest. That combined with his withdrawn nature left him as a ripe target for some of the older kids at the home. They would rip up his drawings, call him names, and shove him into the dirt whenever he tried to fight back. 

“You'll never get placed with a proper foster family,” Randy, one of his more frequent bullies, sneered one day after they had all said goodbye to Michael, who had just been placed himself. “Let alone _adopted_. Who would want a freakish runt like you? All you do is cause trouble.”

He tried not to let it get to him, but he couldn't deny the  _truth_ behind the statement. He never  _meant_ to cause trouble. He was simply... curious. He had an endless abundance of questions. Why was the sky blue? What caused it to rain? What would chocolate milk and orange juice taste like mixed? (Awful, he had found out.) How long could he go without sleeping? (Not long, he had discovered, as he had fallen asleep not long after his bedtime that same night.) Why did Mr. West always tell them to never put a fork in the microwave?

That last one had gotten him in big trouble. He had been sent to bed without supper for a week, and it had taken nearly that long for him to be able to sit without it hurting. The light show had been pretty, but how was he supposed to know that it would break the microwave? If Mr. West had just told him that when he asked why in the first place, instead of snapping at him to just not do it, he never would have done it.

He dunked upstairs to his bunk as soon as Mr. West dismissed them to play. He had no desire to go outside with the other boys. While he didn't like being alone, it was better than being bullied all the time. He would miss Michael, he decided morosely. He had been one of the few boys in the home that had always been decent to him. On the upside, since Michael was gone, it meant that Kili had their room to himself until some other boy moved in.

He felt restless sitting in the house, but there was nothing for it. The other boys were no doubt in a foul mood for the reminder that they were still stuck in the home and not placed yet (especially Randy, who had been here far longer than Kili had). And they usually saw no problem with taking out their own frustration on Kili.

Since he didn't want to risk going outside, he took out an old notebook and grabbed the crayons he had managed to salvage over the past year. It'd be cool if he could draw what had happened inside the microwave when he had put the fork in it, though he'd have to be careful that Mr. West didn't see it, as that was likely to make the man mad.

He was just about to grab his blue crayon when the door to his room opened, causing his head to jerk up in fear that it was Randy seeking him out to torment him.

Instead, it was a blond boy he had never seen before being led in by Mr. West. So much for having his room to himself for a bit, he realized with a sigh. Maybe this one wouldn't be as bad as most of the others, though.

“Kili, what are you doing inside?” Mr. West asked with eyes narrowed in suspicion.

“Nothing,” he bit out before frowning down at his crayons. He couldn't do anything without Mr. West looking at him like he was up to no good. He couldn't tell the man that the other boys were mean to him. Even if the man did believe him, it would only make things worse in the long run.

“Oh, quit your pouting and go play outside while I get Fili settled in here,” he ordered.

Though he was loathed to go outside and face the others, he quickly stashed his things and did as he was told, sparing one last glance at the blond boy, Fili, before he left.

He darted downstairs and into the backyard, with the thought of checking on a cocoon he had come across yesterday. He knew that a caterpillar was inside and would turn into a butterfly soon, but he wasn't sure how long it would take. He wanted desperately to know what was going  _inside_ the cocoon, but knew that if he opened it, then the caterpillar (or was it a butterfly yet?) would die. He wasn't curious enough to kill the little thing before it was done. That would be cruel.

He found that cocoon again with little effort, right where he had left it on the bush on the corner of the house. The color looked a little different today. Maybe that means that the butterfly will come out soon, he thought with glee.

“Whacha lookin' out there, freak?”

He whirled around and stood protectively in front of the bush. “Nothing.”

“Doesn't look like nothin' to me,” Randy said with a nasty smirk before knocking Kili to the ground harshly. He stepped over the smaller boy to take a better look at the bush. “Oh, look, trying to grow yourself a friend? Even bugs wouldn't want to play with you.”

The older boy smiled down at him cruelly before yanking the twig the cocoon was attached to from the bush and throwing it on the ground.

“No!” Kili cried out too late as Randy gleefully stomped on the small cocoon, grinding his foot down just because he could. His eyes filled with tears as he looked at the smear that was all that was left of what could have been. “Why did you do that?”

“Worthless freak,” the older boy sneered. “Don't you know that nothing good ever lasts around you? How'd you think you ended up here? Pathetic freak with no parents and no friends.”

Despite how much he didn't want Randy to see him cry, hot tears still poured down his cheeks without his consent. He stared down at the destroyed cocoon, hating the fact that the older boy was right.

“He does too have a friend,” an unfamiliar voice said as a shadow fell over Kili. He looked up to see the blond boy from earlier insert himself between him and Randy. “He's got me.”

“Only a freak would be friends with a freak,” Randy scoffed, eyeing up the other boy. He couldn't have been older than Randy, who had just turned eight, but he was taller and with the healthy look of a child who had been properly looked after all his life.

“Better a freak than whatever it is you are,” the other boy (Fili, Kili suddenly remembered) growled. “Now why don't you leave me and my friend alone.”

“Whatever,” Randy said with a roll of his eyes as he stalked away.

“Thanks,” Kili sniffled as he pulled his legs up and tried to appear as small as possible in the shadow of both Fili and the bush, a habit he had adopted before he came to the home and never quite remembered why. (He _did_ , really, but there wasn't any use thinking about it so why bother.) “You don't have to be my friend just cause you said that, though. Just you saying it should scare Randy off for a bit.”

“Well, I don't know anyone else here, and since we could both use a friend, why not be each other's?” Fili said with a shrug, sliding down the wall to sit next to Kili. “I'm a good friend to have,” he bragged with a smirk. It wasn't a mean smirk like Randy's always was. Fili's smirk made Kili think of barely withheld laughter, the good kind that came from figuring out who the doorknob worked, not the mocking kind he always got from other boys.

“And what makes you such a good friend?” he asked with an answering grin, ready to play whatever game Fili's sparkling blue eyes promised.

“Well I can climb trees, catch frogs, and spit further than all the other boys from school,” he replied confidently.

“That supposed to impress me?” Kili asked, even though he was undoubtedly impressed. “Can you tie a knot?”

“Four different kinds,” Fili answered proudly.

“Do you know how to swim?”

“Like a fish.”

“How fast can you run?”

“Faster than anyone in the third grade, and some in the fourth.”

“Bet you I can run faster,” Kili challenged.

“Can not!” Fili protested.

“Can too! Just watch. Race you to that tree,” he said, indicating the large oak on the far side of the yard.

“You're on! Ready, set, go!”

They tore off, Kili laughing the entire time as he managed to stay a half-pace in front of his new friend the entire way, slapping his hand against the bark of the tree a moment before Fili did. “Told ya I could beat you!” he crowed in triumph, turning to Fili and beaming.

It was only then that he thought he might have made a mistake. What if Fili didn't like being beat? What if he didn't want to be Kili's friend anymore?

Fili only grinned back at him though. “How'd you get so fast?”

“Pssh, that's nothing,” he said smugly. “Gotta be able to outrun people before they hit you, ya know?”

Fili gave him a peculiar look before smiling down at him once more. “Well, since I'm not as fast as I thought I was, maybe that means you're a better friend than me. Guess that means we'll have to be best friends.”

Kili looked at the other boy in wonder. “I've never even had a friend before, let alone a best friend.” He bit his lip uncertainly and looked down. “What if I'm no good at it?”

Fili just shrugged and slung an arm around his shoulders. “How could you be bad at it?”

“I'll get you in trouble,” Kili warned him. “I'm always in trouble with Mr. West. That's why no one ever wants to foster me. No one will want to foster you either with me as a best friend.”

“I don't need any foster parent,” Fili stated with finality. “'Specially one that don't like my best friend. Besides, my uncle is going to adopt me, soon as the social worker lady can find him.”

“You're going to leave?” he asked morosely. He had just got a friend, a best friend even, and he was already going to leave him.

“I'm sure he'll take you too,” Fili said confidently. “Then we'll be like brothers!”

Kili beamed at that. Brother trumped best friend hands down. “Okay!”

Of course, things hadn't really worked out as the two children had hoped. It took longer than expected for social services to track down Fili's uncle with only a first name to go on (though Thorin was an odd first name, Kili thought, so it shouldn't have been  _that_ hard). New York was a big city, and they were only going on a few letters his mother had kept that the police had found after the accident. (It had been a car crash, Fili had told him.) In the end, it had been Kili who left the home first.

“I don't want to go,” he said tearfully as he snuggled into Fili's side. He was nine now, and if Mr. West caught him sleeping in Fili's bed, he would have been angry because he was “too old for such nonsense.”

“You have to,” Fili told him as he wrapped his arms around the smaller boy. “Besides, you said Mr. Bilbo was nice, right?” Kili nodded sadly. “And remember what he told Stephanie?”

Kili did remember, though he wasn't strictly supposed to know about that conversation. Mr. Bilbo had been talking to Kili's social worker, Stephanie, privately after their second visit together, and had told her that he might want to properly adopt Kili after they got to know each other a little better. Fili and Kili had been listening by the door. At first, Kili had been thrilled at the idea because he really liked Mr. Bilbo. 

He'd then been horrified because that would mean leaving Fili behind.

“You're going to have a proper family,” Fili stated quietly.

“But you won't be there,” he said mournfully. “And what if Mr. Bilbo decides to send me back? What if I'm too much trouble for him? What if I come back and you're already gone?”

Fili's social worker Elaine had told him last week that they thought they had found his uncle at last. Kili wasn't really sure why it had taken them so long, but now it looked like he and Fili would be well and truly separated for good.

“I'll find you, Kili,” he promised seriously. Kili lifted his head to look into Fili's solemn blue eyes. “I said we would be brothers and I meant it. Brothers stay brothers even when they are separated.”

Kili smiled up at him before resting his head against Fili's shoulders. “Brothers forever.”

“Forever.”

tbc...

 


	2. Chapter Two

Kili was terrified living with Mr. Bilbo. (He had told him that he didn't have to call him “Mr.”, that just “Bilbo” was fine, but Kili was scared it was a trap, like how his father used to tell him he could have a cookie and then hit him for having sweets before dinner.)

He wasn't terrified  _of_ Mr. Bilbo. Mr. Bilbo was probably the nicest adult Kili had ever met. He cooked him chocolate chip pancakes and let him watch cartoons on Saturday mornings. He answered every question that Kili asked (though he tried very hard not to ask too many) and even seemed  _happy_ when Kili was around.

No, it wasn't Mr. Bilbo Kili was scared of. It was himself.

He was going to mess it up. He  _knew_ he was going to mess it up. He messed  _everything_ up. If it hadn't been for him, his father would never had hurt his mother the way he did.  _He_ was the reason that Randy killed the not-quite butterfly. It was probably a good thing that Fili wouldn't be around anymore. He'd only mess things up with him too.

He missed Fili  _so much_ . He knew the older boy had promised that they'd see each other again, but Kili was terrified he would never see his best friend again. Fili had been the first person to ever seem to think that Kili mattered. And if someone like Fili, who in Kili's eyes could do absolutely no wrong, thought that someone like  _him_ mattered, well, that meant something.

But now he'd never see him again, he realized as tears welled in his dark eyes. Even when Mr. Bilbo got tired of him and sent him back to the home, Fili wouldn't be there. He'd be gone with his uncle and would forget all about Kili. Why shouldn't he? Kili was a nobody anyway.

“Kili?” the gentle voice of Mr. Bilbo called, setting a plate of scrambled eggs, sausage, and toast in front of him. “Are you alright, my boy?” he asked, placing a warm hand on Kili's shoulder.

Kili really wanted to lean into the touch, to wrap his arms around Mr. Bilbo and cry and tell him how scared he was that he'd never see Fili again and that Mr. Bilbo would get tired of him and he'd be all alone, but he knew that he couldn't do that. Mr. Bilbo might misunderstand and think he wasn't happy here. Then he'd send him away for sure.

Instead, he gave a half-shrug and picked at his food while mumbling, “I'm okay.”

“Hmmm, you wouldn't be worried about your first day at a new school, would you?” Mr. Bilbo asked knowingly.

“Maybe a little,” Kili answered, not exactly lying. He didn't care that much about school, though. He didn't expect to make friends there. He never had before. The teachers were bound to get annoyed with him, saying he was showing off by reading ahead (it wasn't _his_ fault everyone else went so slow) or getting annoyed when he asked too many questions (sometimes the book didn't explain with enough detail) or getting on to him for not paying attention.

School was worrying in general, but not really because it was new.

“Fourth grade. Important year,” Bilbo nodded sagely. “You'll be learning some very important things. But I'm not worried about you, Kili, because you're smart. You'll catch on quickly.”

“I will?” he asked, bewildered by the idea of Mr. Bilbo calling _him_ smart. No one had ever seemed to think that before. “How do you know?”

“We adults just know these things,” he replied with a wink. “Just be sure to have a little bit of fun as well, okay? Relax a little and make some friends. You'll be fine.”

“I've only ever had one friend,” he admitted in a small voice. Why couldn't he keep the stupid tears from his eyes lately? “He was all I ever wanted, but I'll never see him again, will I?”

“Oh, my dear boy,” Mr. Bilbo whispered before wrapping him in his arms. Kili stiffened at first. No one ever hugged him like this. Well, no one but Fili, but Fili's hugs were different. Everything about Fili was different. He relaxed into it though and clinched his fists around Mr. Bilbo's shirt. “You'll see him again. I'll make sure of it.”

Kili blinked up at his foster father with watery eyes. “How?”

Mr. Bilbo smiled down at him with a soft look in his eyes. “Always so curious,” he remarked with a soft chuckle. Kili flushed in shame and looked down, but Bilbo lifted his chin. “There's nothing wrong with a little bit of curiosity,” he said firmly. “But to answer your question, I'll talk to your social worker and Mr. West at the group home, see if we can't set up a playdate with your friend. Fili, wasn't it?”

He nodded, wondering how Mr. Bilbo knew Fili's name but not wanting to ask anything else after being called out for being curious. “He might not be there anymore,” he told him instead. “His uncle was supposed to come get him soon.”

“Well, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it,” Bilbo replied to Kili's complete confusion. What did bridges have to do with anything? He wanted to ask, but it was probably a stupid question anyway. “Now, why don't you finish off your breakfast and wash your face and I'll take you to school, okay?”

He nodded and shovelled his eggs and sausage into his mouth, took a couple of bites of his toast, and tore off to wash his face.

After that embarassing crying episode that probably irritated Mr. Bilbo, it was probably best that he complied with his orders quickly. Especially if he made good on his promise to let him see Fili, even if he had used the very childish term “playdate” for the whole thing.

School went better than he expected, though he didn't really make friends like Mr. Bilbo had said. He had  _tried_ , and he had gotten further than he ever had before (it probably helped that he was wearing the news clothes that Mr. Bilbo had bought him and no one really knew that he was foster kid). However, by the time lunchtime had come around and he had gotten comfortable enough to talk more freely, his mouth had pretty much ruined things for him. ( _He_ had thought it was interesting that the Jell-O they were eating was made from horse hooves, but one girl had started crying and all the boys were looking at him like he had said the most awful thing in the world.)

That was okay though. They didn't seem to want to play with him (or even talk to him) but they didn't pick on him either. They had left him alone to dig for worms at recess, and when he had gotten bored with that, they hadn't bugged him when he decided to climb the jungle gym, even though a couple of them were already on it.

It was okay not to make friends as long as he didn't get any bullies. Besides, none of them could ever measure up to Fili anyway. (Okay, so maybe it would be  _nice_ to have other friends too, but wanting them seemed almost like betraying Fili in some way.)

Mr. Bilbo was waiting for him outside afterwards, just like he said he would be.

“I won't be able to walk you to and from school every day,” he had said that morning, looking regretful. “Will you be alright by yourself?”

Kili had barely resisted rolling his eyes at that and just nodded reassuringly. But honestly. It was only about four blocks to the school from Mr. Bilbo's apartment (which was located right above the small bakery he ran). And it was a  _nice_ side of town. He had walked by himself to and from school for two years before he had met Fili. (Mr. West had meant for them all to walk together, but they usually ran off and left him behind.)

Still, it was... nice... seeing Mr. Bilbo waiting for him. It made him feel like, well, like someone  _cared_ what happened to him. An adult someone, as opposed to someone like Fili. It wasn't a feeling Kili was used to. Adults could do things to help you. It was a type of support that Kili never had before.

Mr. Bilbo had looked pleased to see him too, if his smile was anything to go by. Maybe he hadn't gotten sick of Kili yet.

Kili grinned at the thought and ran excitedly to his foster father, nearly bursting at the seams to ask him about Fili.

“How was your day?” Mr. Bilbo asked as they began their walk back to the apartment.

“Fine,” he said dismissively. “Did you hear about Fili?”

He knew right away that whatever Mr. Bilbo was about to say, it wouldn't be good. His face went pinched in a weird way as soon as the question was out of Kili's mouth, and Kili's heart fell.

“Kili,” he said, stopping and kneeling down in front of him. “I called the group home, but Mr. West said that Fili had already left to live with his uncle. But I called your case worker, and she's going to try and get in touch with Fili's case worker. It may take a little bit of time though.”

Kili bit his lip but nodded. It was better than nothing. At least Mr. Bilbo was  _trying_ .

“Don't worry, though,” he said, standing up and smiling down at Kili. “I'm sure Fili is just as eager to see you, and his uncle is probably trying to track you down as much as I'm trying to track them down. Between both of us, we'll get this sorted out soon.”

He mustered a small smile in reply, but in the back of his mind was worried that maybe Fili's uncle wouldn't want his nephew playing with a nobody like Kili.

He kept to himself the rest of the day, doing what little homework they had been given on their first day without complaint and staying as quiet as possible during dinner. There were a lot of observations and questions that Kili  _wanted_ to voice (like telling Mr. Bilbo that he had climbed to the very top of the jungle gym or asking him why he named his bakery “Bag End”), but he had felt he had already bugged Mr. Bilbo enough for one day, what with asking him about Fili and all, so he kept his mouth shut.

The next two days, he did pretty much the same.

Unfortunately, Mr. Bilbo seemed to just get  _more_ agitated as the days went by. Not  _bad_ agitated like Mr. West (and his father) used to get, the kind that made Kili want to find a dark closet to hide in, but more of an uncomfortable agitated, making Kili feel guilty at the thought that he was the cause.

“Kili,” Mr. Bilbo said suddenly during Thursday night's dinner, breaking the silence with a serious look on his face. “You know I want you to be happy here, right?”

He scrunched his nose up in confusion, but nodded anyway.

“I can't do that unless you tell me why you're unhappy,” he continued gently. “Is it something I'm doing? Do you not like it here?”

His eyes widened and he shook his head vehemently. “I  _really_ like being here, Mr. Bilbo,” he stressed. “I've never liked living nowhere more.”

His foster father sighed. “Are you just missing your friend? I promise you I will find him for you, but is there anything I can do to make you happier in the meantime? Anything to make you more comfortable?”

“You've already done more for me than anyone ever has,” Kili replied earnestly.

“Well, we're family now, Kili. That means taking care of each other.”

He frowned at that. “What do I have to do to take care of you?”

“Be happy. Be yourself. That's all I need,” Mr. Bilbo smiled at him with a twinkle in his eye. “I can see the effort it takes for you to not talk, sometimes, but you don't need to. I like listening to you talk and I like answering your questions.”

“But what if I bug you too much?” Kili blurted out his greatest fear. “I don't want to be sent back.”

“Oh, Kili,” Bilbo said, standing and coming around the table to pull him into a tight embrace. He pulled back slightly and looked him in the eye. “I'm never sending you back. You're my little boy now, and I don't intend to ever give you up.”

“Promise?” he asked tearily.

“I promise,” Mr. Bilbo whispered, pulling him into another hug and dropping a kiss on the top of his head. “I promise.”

 

tbc...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter became more about Bilbo and Kili with no Fili, but I promise he's coming back soon. And somehow Bilbo became a baker? Please let me know if you like it! Comments/Kudos are always welcome :)


	3. Chapter Three

It was hard, at first, to take Mr. Bilbo at his word. It wasn't until a Wednesday a couple of weeks later that Kili began to realize that Mr. Bilbo hadn't been lying.

Kili walked into the bakery after school, intending to let his foster father know that he had made it home before going back out and up to the apartment.

“Kili!” Mr. Dori greeted him from behind the counter with a large smile on his face.

“Hi, Mr. Dori!” Kili replied with a grin of his own. He liked Mr. Dori. He was much older than Mr. Bilbo, with almost white hair and he always smelled like cupcakes. Sometimes, he would slip Kili a cookie with a wink and a finger to his lips. Kili didn't know why, though, because Mr. Bilbo had seen him do it a time or two, he knew, and had never said anything.

“Bilbo's in the back frosting a cake. I can tell him you went on up, if you'd like, but how about this instead,” he said with a twinkle in his eye. “Why don't you sit down here and do your homework and I'll get you a cupcake when you're done? My grandson is going to be spending his afternoons here with me from now on, and I think the two of you would get along nicely.”

Kili frowned as he thought over the suggestion. On one hand, a cupcake after finishing his homework sounded really good. Plus, Mr. Bilbo would be down here. He liked being near Mr. Bilbo. On the other hand, though, he didn't usually get along with other kids very well. They usually thought he was odd.

But Mr. Dori was looking at him so hopefully that Kili couldn't really say no. Besides, Mr. Dori was nice, so maybe his grandson was too.

“Okay,” he said with a shrug, sitting down at a table by the wall near the counter. He pulled out his homework folder and decided to start with math. It was the easiest. They had just started long division, and Kili liked how it was like multiplying backwards.

Mr. Bilbo came out of the back with a pink box in his hands and smiled when he saw Kili sitting there. “Mrs. Taylor is going to come in for this around four,” he told Dori, nodding towards the cake box. He then walked over to lean against the display case close to Kili. “Good day at school?”

He nodded. “Mr. Dori said he'd give me a cupcake after I finished my homework,” he informed, hoping that was okay with his foster father.

“Well you best get to it,” he said with a smirk and a raised eyebrow, causing Kili to grin and nod. 

The bell on the bakery door rang out. “Ori!” Mr. Dori greeted enthusiastically, coming out from behind the counter to huge the kid who just walked in. 

Kili turned slightly in his seat to get a better look at him. He was shorter than him, he noted happily, so even if he turned out mean, he wouldn't be able to push Kili around too much. But from the looks of him, Ori wasn't the mean type. He smiled happily enough when Dori swooped him up for a hug, but smiled sheepishly when Mr. Bilbo greeted him from behind the counter, dunking his head and letting his auburn hair fall over his eyes.

Mr. Dori led the other boy to the table where Kili sat. “Ori, this is Mr. Bilbo's son, Kili.” Kili jolted at the man calling him Mr. Bilbo's  _son_ , but didn't want to protest. He liked the sound of it a little too much. “Kili, this is my grandson, Ori.”

“Hi,” Ori said shyly, giving him a tiny smile.

“Hi,” Kili responded with a grin, figuring he may as well try to be friends with Ori. “Mr. Dori says he'll give us cupcakes if we finish our homework!” he told him excitedly.

Ori whipped his head up to look at his grandfather with hope gleaming in his eyes. Mr. Dori just laughed. “Yes, I did. I'll leave you two to it. You boys let me know if you need any help.”

Kili heard Ori pull out his own homework as he turned back to his math worksheet. He only had a few problems left, which were dealt with easily enough. Teacher always said to go back and check your work, but Kili found that terribly boring. He'd already done it, why go back and look over it again? Instead, he took out his English worksheet and made a face. Contractions. He hated contractions.

To put off starting his next (and last) bit of homework, he looked up at Ori, who was biting his lips and furrowing his brow in concentration.

“What are you working on?” he asked curiously.

“Math,” Ori replied morosely. Kili perked up. Math was one of his favorites. “We're doing fractions. I don't get fractions.”

“I could help you!” he volunteered eagerly. “I love fractions!”

“Really?” he asked earnestly before frowning. “Don't you have to do that?” he said, pointing towards the English worksheet.

“I'm not so good with contractions,” Kili admitted. “But I am good with fractions! I'd rather help you.”

“I'm good at contractions!” Ori beamed at him. “Maybe we can help each other?”

Kili grinned. “Deal!”

Whenever someone in his class had ever asked for his help with schoolwork before, they had basically just wanted Kili to give them the answers. Kili didn't really like doing that, but figuring out fractions for Ori was more appealing than figuring out contractions on his own. However, it was quickly apparent that Ori would not be satisfied with just answers, which meant Kili got to  _explain_ . And Kili  _loved_ explaining things.

“You can't just add them like they are,” he said as they began with the first problem. “The bottom numbers are different, see? You gotta make the bottom numbers the same first.”

“How?” 

“By timesing them to get the least common denominator,” he said. Ori looked at him blankly. “Well, the denominator is the bottom number right?” Ori nodded. “The least common denominator is the smallest number that both numbers can go into.” Ori nodded again in understanding. “Like if it were two and three, then the least common denominator would be six. Sometimes it's easier to just times the two denominators by each other.”

Ori's eyes lit up. “So for this one, since the denominators are four and five, the least common denominator would be twenty!”

“That's right!” Kili crowed in triumph.

They went through each problem together, going faster with each subsequent problem as Ori got the hang of it. They then turned to Kili's English worksheet.

“So the apostrophe goes where letters are missing after you smoosh the words together?” Kili asked for clarification. Ori nodded eagerly. “But what about won't? How does that make sense? The missing letters are I. L. L, but the apostrophe is between the N and the T! And why is the O moved to after the W?”

Ori shrugged. “I don't know. That's just the way it works.”

Kili scowled down at the worksheet. “This is why I hate English. It doesn't make sense!”

“Sometimes it doesn't,” he replied sympathetically. “Some things you just got to remember.”

“I'm not good with remembering,” he mumbled with a frown, circling his final answer on the sheet.

“You're really good with math though,” Ori comforted. “And I think you're better at remembering than you think. You knew most of the answers already.”

“Hmm, maybe. Do you have any more homework?”

“Nope,” Ori said with a grin. “Math was all I had.”

“Me either. You know what that means?” Kili said with a sly grin before turning towards where Mr. Dori was wiping the counter. “Mr. Dori! We're finished!”

“Are you now?” he asked with a smile on his face. “Well, I guess it's time for cupcakes then.”

The two kids exchanged grins as Mr. Dori put two chocolate cupcakes in front of them with swirly green frosting on top. “Enjoy, boys.”

“Thanks, Mr. Dori!”

“Thanks, Grandpa!”

Kili wasted no time in unwrapping the cupcake and taking a big bite, surprised at the chocolate goo that flooded into his mouth. He chewed thoughtfully as he examined the remainder of the cupcake.

“How do the get the goo inside?” he asked Ori, who just shrugged. “And how do the spread the icing to be so swirly? And how do they make it green?”

“Would you like to see how?” Mr. Bilbo's voice asked. Kili turned and looked to where Mr. Bilbo was smiling from the door to the kitchen. He cocked his head towards the back. “Come on, I was just about to frost a batch. Why don't you two help?”

Kili grinned before walking as quickly as he could to the kitchen (because Mr. Bilbo had already told him not to run in doors). Ori followed him at a more sedate pace after looking at his grandfather for permission. Kili was jumping on the balls of his feet and nearly vibrating with excitement as he stood next to the table that held two trays of unfrosted cupcakes.

“Now,” Mr. Bilbo said, smiling at the two boys. “What color should we make these cupcakes?”

“Blue!” Kili cried immediately. It was his favorite color.

“Blue it is,” his foster father said. He grabbed a large bowl that already had white, fluffy icing in it. “Since I've already made the frosting, we're just going to add some food color to it.” He grabbed a small white tube with blue writing on it. He squeezed a few drops into the bowl. He then began to stir the color in with something that sorta looked like a spoon, but wasn't.

“What's that?” he asked, pointing at the unknown utensil.

“This is a spatula,” Mr. Bilbo answered.

“It doesn't look like the spatula Daddy flips pancakes with,” Ori pointed out with a frown.

“That's because this,” he said, holding up the utensil for the boys to get a better look at it, “is a baker's spatula. We use it to frost cakes.”

“Are you going to use it to spread the icing on the cake?” Kili asked, wondering how the spatula could make the swirls of frosting on the cupcakes they'd had before.

“No, we will pipe the frosting on,” Mr. Bilbo answered.

Kili immediately pictured frosting coming out of the bendy pipes from under the bathroom sink. “Pipe?” 

His face must have shown his confusion because Mr. Bilbo chuckled. “I'll show you.”

He and Ori watched as Mr. Bilbo took a large white bag thing out and scooped some of the now blue icing into it and twisted the bag close. He then held the bottom of the bag, which had a pointed metal piece on the end, over a cupcake and  _squeezed_ , making frosting come out. Mr. Bilbo squeezed slowly and moved the tip of the bag in a circular motion, making a perfectly frosted cupcake.

“Wow,” Ori breathed.

“Can I try? Pleeeease?” Kili begged.

Mr. Bilbo laughed again. “Of course!”

He handed the bag over to Kili's eager hands and showed him how to hold it. Kili moved the tip of the bag over the next cupcake and squeezed like Mr. Bilbo had. He squeezed too hard, though, and a glob of frosting came out, covering the entire cupcake and spilling over the sides.

“Oh no!” he cried in distress, knowing Mr. Bilbo was about to be mad. He instinctively shrank into himself, preparing himself for a blow.

“Well, that's okay,” Mr. Bilbo said, laying his hands gently over Kili's and ignoring how he flinched away from him. “That can happen, especially with a first try. Let's try another, hm?”

With Mr. Bilbo's help, he managed to very carefully swirl the frosting on the next cupcake correctly, though it didn't look as nice as Mr. Bilbo's.

“Very good!” Mr. Bilbo praised as Kili beamed up at him.

“Can I try too?” Ori asked softly.

Kili quickly surrendered the frosting bag to the other boy, smiling as his foster father helped his new friend with frosting a cupcake. Mr. Bilbo looked up at him and smiled back at him, looking so  _happy_ to be sharing things with Kili. 

Maybe he had been telling the truth when he said he liked Kili being around before.

Things became better after that day. Kili became less reserved around Mr. Bilbo, who seemed happier and happier the longer he was there. He liked seeing Mr. Bilbo happy.

And he even had a friend! Granted, Ori was nowhere as good as Fili was, but that was okay. Fili was his best friend, but people had friends that  _weren't_ best friends, right? But maybe Ori was his best friend. Fili had said that they were brothers. That meant that Kili wasn't replacing Fili because you couldn't replace brothers.

So he didn't feel guilty playing with Ori when he came to the bakery after school every day (apparently Ori's fathers (he had TWO of them, how lucky was that?) didn't like him being at home alone while they worked). Sometimes, they would just sit in the bakery and either do homework or draw or play games, but Mr. Bilbo also let them go up to the apartment by themselves sometimes and play with Kili's toys up there or watch TV. 

They were both drawing in the bakery when it happened.

Kili was concentrating very hard on drawing the spiderweb that he had seen on the stairs outside. The bell over the door broke his concentration and he looked up to see the biggest man he had ever seen. He wasn't big like Ori's Uncle Bombur was. No, this man was tall and broad like Batman was. He looked a little scary, if Kili was honest, like he imagined Batman would probably be if he met him in real life. Not scary in a bad way, though, if that made any sense.

What struck Kili the most was his  _hair_ . It was long, but it didn't make the man look girly, even if it were pulled into a high ponytail. Then again, Kili supposed it was hard to look girly with a beard. Girls didn't have beards, after all.

The man was all but forgotten, though, as Kili caught sight of the small figure standing behind him.

“Fili!” he yelled, up and running towards the other boy before anyone could react. If it hadn't been for the man next to Fili, he'd probably would have knocked them both to the ground as he ran into Fili and threw his arms around him.

“You're here, you're here, you're here,” he murmured over and over, hanging on tightly to the blond boy he had begun to despair of ever seeing again.

“I'm here,” Fili whispered back. “Told you I'd find you.”

Kili pulled back a bit and grinned up at him, not caring that his eyes were wet. “What took you so long?” he demanded with a pout.

Fili laughed at him and tugged him back into a hug. “Sorry. New York was bigger than I thought.”

Kili clung tighter to Fili. “Just don't leave again, okay?” he begged.

“Promise. Brothers don't leave,” Fili assured.

“Good.”

tbc...

 


	4. Chapter Four

Kili didn't want to let Fili go after he had finally got him back. To be fair, though, Fili didn't seem ready to let Kili go either. Mr. Bilbo and Fili's Uncle Thorin, who was the big, scary-looking man that Fili had come in with, exchanged a bemused before Mr. Bilbo had asked Kili to bring Fili up to the apartment while he and Fili's uncle talked.

Kili grinned before dragging Fili outside and then up to their apartment, making sure to keep a firm grasp on his hand the entire way. 

He didn't care much for any of his toys or anything in his room now that he had Fili back, so once they had reached his room, he had just turned to look at his friend and smile in happiness, clinging to Fili's hand like he was afraid he'd disappear.

Fili smiled back at him. “So Mr. Bilbo seems nice.” It sounded like a statement, but Kili could read the question in Fili's eyes, the one he always got whenever he had left Kili alone with other people. The one that asked,  _Are you okay?_

Kili nodded. “I like him a lot, but I  _really_ missed you.”

“He's taking good care of you though?” The question wasn't even disguised this time.

He rolled his eyes and pulled Fili over to his bed, dragging him down and curling up with him like they used to do in their room at the home. “You always worry too much,” he accused, tucking his head under Fili's chin.

Fili chuckled and wrapped his arms around him. “Well, you're my little brother. I'm supposed to look after you.”

A warm feeling spread through Kili at that. Not only did he have an almost-father, but he got his brother back to. How lucky could he get? 

He frowned, though, as he remembered how scary Fili's uncle looked. “What about you?” he asked, almost afraid of the answer. “How's your uncle?”

“Uncle Thorin is great!” Fili gushed. “I mean, he works a lot, but that's okay because I usually stay with Uncle Balin then and he's really nice too. And he's adopting me, just like I told you he would. Only, he said it would take a little while for everything to be final.”

“What does he do? Who's Uncle Balin? And why did he not find you sooner?” Kili was especially interested in this last question. He took it as a personal affront that Fili's uncle hadn't found him sooner. Why would anyone take so long to look for someone as great as Fili?

“He's a detective,” Fili said proudly. “And Uncle Balin lives in the apartment across the hall from us, but he's not really my uncle. His brother is Uncle Thorin's partner at work. And he didn't know about me.”

Kili scrunched up his face and looked up at Fili in confusion. “Didn't know about you? How could he not know about you?”

Fili shrugged. “He and my grandfather had a fight about something, and my grandfather disowned him. Told my mom that she wasn't allowed to talk to him. She tried anyway, but Uncle Thorin told her to not make trouble for herself. She never got a chance to tell him about me.”

“Disowned?”

“It means he told Uncle Thorin that he wasn't his son anymore,” he explained. 

Kili looked at him in horror. “People  _do_ that?” What if Mr. Bilbo did that with  _him_ ? “What'd they fight about that was so bad?” he asked in a low voice.

“Uncle Thorin being gay,” he answered matter-of-factly. 

“Gay? What's that?”

“It means that Uncle Thorin likes to kiss boys instead of girls,” Fili told him.

“Oh. Like Ori's dads,” he said thoughtfully. “And people don't like that?”

“Some people don't,” he replied with a shrug. “My grandfather sure didn't. Who's Ori?”

“He's my friend,” Kili said proudly. “His grandpa works at the bakery with Mr. Bilbo. Mr. Bilbo is friends with his dads.”

“So Mr. Bilbo definitely won't have a problem with Uncle Thorin being gay,” Fili stated with satisfaction. That was good, Kili decided. Not just because he'd hate for Mr. Bilbo to not like Fili's uncle, but also that meant that Mr. Bilbo would still like him if _he_ decided he wanted to kiss boys instead of girls (not that he wanted to kiss _anybody_ because _ew_ , even if a small part of him wondered _why_ people seemed to like it so much). “And you madea new friend?”

“I still like you best!” Kili was quick to assure, sitting up to look at Fili properly, begging him with his eyes to believe him. “I promise I wasn't trying to replace you!”

Fili just rolled his eyes and pulled Kili back down, letting out a small “oof” as Kili landed half on top of him. “I'm not worried that, Kee,” he said in exasperation. “I'm  _happy_ you have other friends.”

“Friend,” he corrected.

“What?”

“I only have the one other friend,” Kili confessed. “Nobody at school really wants to be my friend. They think I'm annoying. But they don't bully me!”

“They're stupid then,” Fili grumbled.

“I don't need anyone else,” he responded brightly. “I got you as a brother, I got Ori as a best friend, and I got Mr. Bilbo as something like a dad.”

“Something like a dad? Does that mean he's adopting you?”

“He and Stephanie sat down with me when she came to visit here for the first time after I moved in,” he said with a shrug. “They told me they'd start the paperwork if I was okay with it. But they said what your uncle said. That it'd take time to go through.”

“So Mr. Bilbo is basically your dad, then? Not just 'something like' it,” Fili stated like it was obvious.

“People assume he is,” he all but whispered. “Mr. Dori and my teachers always call him my father and call me his son. I don't tell them any different. I...” he trailed off, picking absently at a thread on the blanket beneath them. Saying he wanted it to be true sounded pathetic.

“You could probably call him 'Dad,' you know?” Fili suggested casually.

Kili bit his lip. “He didn't tell me I could, though,” he said uncertainly.

“He probably doesn't want to just ask you to,” the older boy explained. “Doesn't want you to feel like he's trying to replace your real dad. That's what Uncle Thorin told me when he told me he was adopting me. Told me I could call him whatever I wanted because he knew I already had a dad and he didn't want to replace him.”

“Mr. Bilbo is _nothing_ like my real dad,” Kili said with heat, twisting around to glare at Fili for even suggesting that.

“I know,” he said gently. “Your real dad sucked.”

Kili frowned. “I never told you that.”

“You never had to,” Fili said with a sad smile. Kili looked down, unable to meet Fili's eyes. He didn't like people knowing about his parents. The ones who did either pitied him (mostly adults) or thought he deserved it (mostly other boys at the home). “Hey,” he said, dunking his head so Kili had to look at him. “He doesn't matter anymore. He's never going to hurt you again. Besides, you got a new dad. A much _better_ dad.”

Kili thought that over before smiling shyly. “You really think Mr. Bilbo won't mind if I call him Dad?”

“Never hurts to ask, right?” Fili grinned, laying back down on the bed and pulling Kili down with him. “Now, tell me everything I missed.”

That was all the go-ahead Kili needed to tell Fili everything that had happened to him since leaving the home. He told him how Mr. Dori would always give him and Ori a treat for finishing their homework. He told him how his teacher had complimented him last week for being able to spell “responsibility.” He told him how he had accidentally made Louisa, a girl in his class, cry after she had asked him if he would be her boyfriend and he had said no.

Fili had roared with laughter at that last one.

“I didn't even know her _name_ until she passed me the note,” Kili grumbled, pouting as Fili laughed some more.

“How'd you not know her name if she's in your class?” Fili asked.

“Well, she had never talked to me before,” he pointed out petulantly. “Why should I have learned her name?”

“Fair enough,” he chuckled. “But—”

Whatever Fili was about to say was interrupted by a knock on the door. Mr Bilbo poked his head in and blinked at them. Probably was surprised at them lying on the bed and just talking instead of playing or anything. He quickly shook himself out of his surprise though. “Sorry, boys, but your uncle says you need to be going, Fili.”

“No!” Kili cried, throwing his arms around Fili.

“I'll come back as soon as I can,” Fili promised. “And I can call you and talk to you tomorrow!”

“I've already given your Uncle Thorin our phone number,” Mr. Bilbo assured as Kili turned hopeful eyes to him. “Now come on. Time to go, Fili.”

Kili walked his friend to the living room where his uncle was waiting, clinging to his hand the entire way. He pulled him into a desperate hug before he left, holding on as tight as he could.

“I'll be back,” Fili whispered. Kili just nodded.

Fili's uncle gave him a small smile before nodding to Mr. Bilbo. “We'll be in touch,” he said, his voice deeper than any Kili had ever heard. He liked it, he decided.

Mr. Bilbo turned to him and smiled once they had left. “Dinner?”

Kili nodded, settling on the couch to watch television while Mr. Bilbo began cooking in the kitchen. He couldn't really concentrate on what was happening on the screen though. He couldn't get Fili's words out of his head. 

Finally, he got up and walked to the door of the kitchen. Mr. Bilbo was in there, stirring something vigorously in a frying pan and talking to himself.

“—will not find that man attractive, Bilbo Baggins. You will not make things awkward with him,” he was mumbling to himself. “I don't care how blue his eyes are. You will restrain yourself for—”

“Mr. Bilbo?” he interrupted, causing the man to start and nearly upend the pan.

“Oh,” he cried in alarm as the frying pan teetered but managed to stabalize it before turning to Kili with a smile. “Did you need something, Kili?”

“I was just wondering,” he said in a small voice, looking down at his shoes. “Well, you're trying to adopt me right?”

“Yes,” Mr. Bilbo answered slowly, turning a knob on the stove and moving closer to Kili before kneeling in front of him. “But only if you want me to.”

Kili nodded, looking up hopefully. “Well, I was just wondering if I could maybe... call you Dad?”

Bilbo swallowed thickly. “Oh, Kili,” he said in an oddly choked voice. “I'd like that very much. But only if you want to.”

“I do!” he replied earnestly. “I mean, I really want you to be my dad. If that's okay?”

“Kili,” he whispered before wrapping him tightly in his arms. “Of course it's okay.”

Kili felt something wet hit his ear and he pulled back with a frown. “Why are you crying, Dad?”

His father chuckled through his tears. “Kili. Son,” he said with a smile. “I'm just so happy.”

Kili grinned before hugging his father again, convinced this was probably the best day ever. It only got better when whatever Bilbo had been cooking ended up burning and they ordered pizza instead.

  
  


Life was pretty much perfect after that, Kili decided. Fili, as it turned out, lived in Jackson Heights, which wasn't too far from Bilbo's bakery in Sunnyside. It had apparently taken some pleading by Fili, and some assurances from Bilbo that it was no imposition, but Thorin had given his permission for Fili to visit Kili after school, as long as he got all his homework done and was home in time for dinner (something Kili was in awe over, because Thorin let Fili ride take the bus  _by himself_ , making Fili basically the coolest person ever).

Needless to say, Fili was over as much as possible after that.

They always did their homework as fast as possible (Kili usually finished first and it was always very hard to keep quiet and still waiting for Fili to finish). Mr. Dori still gave sweets for finishing. Ori had looked a little down the first time Fili came straight from school, though, which make Kili feel kinda bad for almost forgetting his friend so he invited him along to play with Fili and him. He still felt kinda bad because he and Fili sometimes got a little too caught up in talking to each other and he didn't want Ori to feel left out, but the little redhead didn't seem to mind too much.

He had asked him about it one day while they were waiting for Fili to show up at the bakery.

“You never leave me behind,” Ori had said with a shrug. “I know you both are my friends. You're just something more with each other.”

Kili accepted that with a shrug and tried not to feel bad about things anymore. He also made sure to never leave Ori behind though.

It was a Tuesday night when he was sitting on the couch after dinner (reading a book about the Egyptians pyramids and wondering whether or not he wanted to become an archeaologist) when the phone rang. He quickly abandoned the book and scrambled to pick it up.

“Hello?” he said in the receiver, hoping it was Fili. He knew he had just seen the other boy earlier that day, but that didn't mean he didn't want to talk to him again.

“Hello, Kili, is your father there?” Thorin's deep voice answered. Kili was only slightly disappointed. Mostly, he was curious over why Fili's uncle was calling his dad.

“Yeah, hold on,” he said before covering the phone receiver. “Dad?” he called, the novelty of using that word still making something warm fill his chest. “Mr. Thorin wants to talk to you on the phone!”

A loud crash came from the kitchen where Bilbo was cleaning and he frowned. His dad came out looking a little frazzled, but smiled at Kili as he took the phone from him.

“Hello?” Kili kept a careful eye on his dad as he listened to whatever Fili's uncle was saying, wondering what was making him act so weird. “It's been no trouble,” Bilbo responded to whatever Thorin had said. Probably something about keeping an eye on Fili the past few weeks. “I'm pretty sure Kili would have thrown a fit if it were any other way.”

Kili scowled at that. He would not have done something so childish as having a temper tantrum. He really didn't know what he would have done, though. He wouldn't have wanted to make Bilbo mad at him, but he would've wanted to spend time with Fili. Thankfully, he didn't have to choose.

“If you're sure it wouldn't be an imposition,” Bilbo was saying into the phone now. He smiled as Thorin obviously assured him it wasn't. “Well, we'll be there then.” There was another pause before his dad said, “Goodbye,” and hung up the phone.

“What'd he say?” Kili asked immediately.

“He invited us to dinner at their apartment this Friday night,” his dad answered, looking a bit preoccupied at something else.

Kili tilted his head and looked up at him. “Dad, you like Mr. Thorin, right?”

Bilbo's eyes widened. “Of course, I do! Whatever made you think I didn't?”

“Well,” he said with a furrowed brow. “You just kinda look funny whenever you talk to him.”

“I like him just fine,” he sighed. “I'm just silly sometimes. You'll understand when you're older.”

He scowled. “I hate it when grown ups say that.”

His dad laughed at that. “I remember hating it to, but some things just can't be explained. You just have to experience them.”

“If you say so,” he grumbled before going back to the couch and his book. Maybe he'd ask Fili what he thought Bilbo meant and if his uncle ever acted weird when talking to Bilbo. If they both acted weird, maybe they just needed a little help to work whatever the problem was out.

Satisfied with that thought, he went back to reading about pyramids.

Tbc...

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is getting out of hand but I love it. I hope I'm not disappointing anyone who wants a faster pace! Please let me know if you like it by commenting/leaving kudos!


	5. Chapter Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long. I've been sick :(

Kili was vibrating with excitement by the time he and Bilbo got to Fili's apartment. He rolled his eyes as his dad straightened his jacket before knocking. He didn't understand why his dad was so focused on what his clothes looked like. He also didn't understand what was wrong with the first two shirts Bilbo had put on before settling on the one he was wearing. They all looked the same to Kili.

Fili opened the door almost before Kili's father got done knocking. The blond grinned as he grabbed Kili's hand and dragged him inside, leading Bilbo to follow at a more sedate pace.

“Uncle Thorin!” he called in delight as he pulled him into the small dining area where his uncle was putting a dish of lasagna on the table. “They're here!”

“Yes, I can see that,” Thorin said drily, lips quirking up in a smile as he shared a look with Bilbo. Kili watched with interst as his dad smiled back with a slightly pink tinge on his cheeks. He looked to Fili in askance but the other boy just looked smug. Kili felt like he was missing something.

“I brought dessert,” Bilbo said, holding up the bakery box he had brought.

Fili cheered, causing his uncle to chuckle. “I'll put this in the kitchen,” Thorin said, taking the box before nodding towards the table. “Please, help yourself.”

Kili caught Fili's eye and the two boys wasted no time in scrambling into chairs next to each other. Fili carefully put two heaping helps of lasagna on both their plates while Kili grabbed bread for them both. Neither of them bothered even looking at the salad that was also on the table. Bilbo just shook his head at them and poured water in their glasses from the pitcher on the table.

“This is really good, Mr. Thorin,” Kili complimented around a mouth full of lasagna.

“Kili, don't talk with your mouth full,” his dad scolded while Thorin just smiled.

“Thank you, Kili,” he replied, taking the seat left next to Bilbo.

There was a stretch of awkward silence as they ate, broken up by Thorin and Bilbo's stilted attempts at small talk. Normally, Kili had no problem filling the silence with chatter when he was with just Fili, but Thorin was a new entity to him. He had heard a lot about him from Fili, but he hadn't really spoken to the intimidating man before.

It was Fili who finally got the conversation going.

“Uncle Thorin arrested a some bank robbers today!” he informed them with pride.

Kili's head whipped up. “Really?” he asked in awe. “How many were there? Did they have guns? Did _you_ have a gun? How much money did they steal? How'd you catch them?”

Thorin chuckled as Kili ran out of questions to ask. “There were three of them,” he answered dutifully, sharing an amused look with Bilbo. “And no, they did not have guns so I didn't have a reason to draw mine either, luckily. They were very smart. They managed to steal over three million dollars from nine banks over two months.”

“That's a lot of money,” Kili said, eyes big. “How'd they do that?”

“They did some very clever tricks with computers,” Thorin replied, taking a bite of lasagna.

“If they were so smart, how'd you catch them?”

“Uncle Thorin is smarter!” Fili chimed in, knocking his elbow against Kili's with a grin. “They couldn't hide from him!”

The detective smiled warmly at his nephew. “In all honesty, it was more our computer forensics people than it was me,” he stated. “All I did was put all the pieces together in the end.”

“How?” Kili pressed, lasagna half hanging out of his mouth.

“Kili, eating is less messy if you keep the food in your mouth,” Bilbo commented lightly but with a stern look. Kili dutifully stuff the lasagna all the way in his mouth and kept his lips shut as he chewed.

Thorin shrugged in answer to his question. “Using investigative tools,” he said. “Asking questions, checking facts, looking for evidence, that kind of thing. Collecting all the information we can and then following it to the perpetrators.”

“Wow.” That was it, he decided. Thorin was his new hero. “That's so cool. I want to be a detective when I grow up!” Kili wasn't sure, but he thought he saw Thorin's cheeks redden slightly.

“I'm sure you can be whatever you want to be, Kili,” his father said, smiling indulgently.

Fili, however, frowned next to him. “You shouldn't be a detective.”

Kili gave him a hurt look. “You don't think I could do it?”

“Of course you could!” he insisted. “You'd be great at anything! But there are safer things to do. Being a cop is dangerous, right, Uncle?”

Kili rolled his eyes as the adults shared an amused look. Fili always tried to stop him from doing things he thought were “dangerous.” Just last week, he had talked Kili out of trying to use a bedsheet as a parachute and jumping out of his bedroom window. In hindsight, though, Kili could admit that that probably hadn't een his best idea.

“There are risks associated with the job,” Thorin admitted. “But it's worth it. Should I be offended, though, that you only think of the danger when it's Kili's hypothetical career? Not worried about your poor, old uncle?”

Fili scoffed at Thorin's teasing. “No one could hurt you, Uncle Thorin,” he said confidently.

He laughed at that. “I wish that were true. Now, seeing as how we're all done with our lasagna, should we check out what Mr. Bilbo brought us for dessert.”

“Just Bilbo, please,” Kili's father said in a flustered tone, rising with Thorin to help him clear the table.

Kili turned to Fili as the adults were busy chatting over the dishes. “My dad acts weird around your uncle,” he said in an undertone.

“Uncle Thorin acts weird around Mr. Bilbo, too,” he whispered right back. “I think they _like_ each other.”

Kili furrowed his brow. “Of course, they do. So why are they acting weird.”

“No, they _like_ like each other,” Fili said meaningfully with a smug smirk.

His eyes widened. “Like, they want to _kiss_ each other,” he hissed, both fascinated and a little disgusted by the idea.

Fili nodded enthusiastically. “We need to make sure they get together,” he whispered seriously.

“Why?” Kili asked, wrinkling his nose.

He rolled his eyes. “Because if they got together and decided to move in together...”

“Then _we'd_ move in with each other!” Kili finished in excitement. “We'd be like real brothers then!”

Thorin and Bilbo came back from the kitchen before Fili could say anything else, with Bilbo balancing four plates with chocolate cake while Thorin carefully carried four glasses of milk.

“Once you boys finish your cake, I thought we'd watch a movie,” Thorin suggested as he sat back down at the table.

Fili and Kili grinned at each other and nodded, tucking into their cake with gusto. It wasn't long before they were racing each other to the living room as Bilbo cleared the remaining dishes and Thorin setup the DVD player. Fili made it the living room first, claiming the entire loveseat as his own by stretching out across the cushions and giving Kili a triumph look.

The younger boy was not detered though and only smiled michievously before pouncing on Fili.

“Ugh, Kili, get off,” Fili laughed, tussling with the other boy but careful to ensure that he didn't follow off the loveseat.

“Scoot over!” he squealed back, wedging his legs under Fili's so that he couldn't be dislodged.

“Boys,” Thorin said sternly, giving them a look that instantly stilled them.

Fili sighed as relented, moving to one end of the loveseat. Kili ignored all the free space and curled up right under Fili, wrapping his arms around the other boy's waist and leaning into his side with a soft smile. Fili grinned down at him before slinging his arm over Kili's shoulders.

Bilbo raised an eyebrow at their seating arrangment as he walked into the living room and looked at Thorin, who just shrugged and pressed play on the DVD player. He and Bilbo settled down on the couch together, both careful to keep a certain amount of distance between them.

Kili smiled as he realized they were watching The Incredibles. It was one of his favorite movies. As the movie progressed, the two boys ended up shifting on the couch until eventually they were both lying on their sides, Kili leaning back against Fili's chest with the other's arm thrown around him to keep him in place. Fili was snoring softly in his ear by the time the Parr family was escaping from the island in the rocket, and Kili had his eyes closed as he let the sounds of the movie wash over him.

“Do you think we should worry?” Thorin asked Bilbo quietly. Kili frowned but kept his eyes closed. What were they worrying about?

“I don't think so,” Bilbo answered softly. “They're very attached to each other, yes, but it's understandable given everything.”

Were they talking about him and Fili? Kili didn't understand why they'd be worried about them.

“You aren't concerned about them becoming... codependent?” Kili really wanted to ask what that meant, because Thorin said it in a disapproving tone, but he didn't want to be caught eavesdropping.

Bilbo gave a low chuckle. “They're too young for us to worry about that. Besides, they don't shut out other people. They have their own interests. They just love each other. There's nothing wrong with that.”

Of course there was nothing wrong with him loving Fili, Kili wanted to snap. They had promised to be brothers. Brothers loved each other.

“And if that love ends up being a little more than platonic when they get older? You wouldn't be upset by that, would you?” Thorin asked. Kili didn't know what “platonic” meant, but he was very interested to know if it would upset his dad all the same. If it _would_ upset Bilbo, Kili would have to make sure to avoid it.

“It would be a bit hypocritical if I were,” Bilbo quipped. Kili relaxed. He knew what hypocritical meant. It meant that his dad couldn't be mad at him because he did the same thing.

“That's... good,” Thorin said after a pause.

“Please tell me I haven't made that bad of impression that I came off as the type of parent who'd reject his son because of his personal choices?” Bilbo said lightly. Kili knew that if he opened his eyes, there'd be a smile dancing over his dad's lips.

“Of course not,” Thorin was quick to assure. “I've just seen it happen before and would hate to see it happen to a kid as great as Kili.”

Kili wanted to beam at that. Thorin thought he was a great kid. He pressed his lips in a firm line to keep from letting on that he was awake.

“Oh, Thorin, I'm sorry,” Bilbo murmured, obviously catching something that Kili missed. “I had no idea.”

“Well it's not something I advertise,” he said dismissively. “I'm just angry that my father's actions indirectly caused Fili to spend two years in foster care without my knowledge. I didn't even know he _existed_ , let alone that he didn't have anyone else.”

Bilbo hummed in sympathy. “At least it gave the boys time to meet, though that's a small consolation, I guess.”

“It's something, at least,” Thorin conceded. “What about you? What made you want to adopt Kili?”

Kili listened very intently for an answer to that. He had wanted to know the answer for a while but had always been too afraid to ask.

“Well, I guess I saw a lot of myself in him,” Bilbo admitted. “My parents died when I was seven and I was put into the system. Stayed in it until I graduated high school. And if it's tough being a foster kid in elementary school, it's so much worse in high school. Teenagers can suck sometimes.”

“I'm sorry,” Thorin said. Kili heard rustling and he cracked his eyes open a bit to see that Fili's uncle had shifted closer to his dad. He bit back a smile at that and closed his eyes again.

“Yes, well, it's in the past,” Bilbo sniffed. “But I always said that I would save at least one kid from that. And when I met Kili, I knew it had to be him. He's just so special. I couldn't see that bright spirit crushed.”

A warm feeling spread through Kili at Bilbo's words. His dad thought he was _special_ with _spirit_.

“I think you are a very good father.”

He was the very best, Kili agreed silently.

“You're not so bad yourself, you know. Fili absolutely adores you, and I'm pretty sure Kili is on his way to hero-worshipping you,” Bilbo said with a laugh. “He was hanging off your every word when you were talking about your job. And Fili seemed very proud of you.”

“Fili's just happy that I finally told him a story. I don't talk about my work with him too much,” he explained. “Most of my cases are not suitable for young ears. I'd hate to give him nightmares.”

“Well, as a citizen of New York and a parent, I would like to say that I am very grateful that someone like you is out there hunting down criminals that would give little kids nightmares,” Bilbo stated sincerely.

“Thanks. It's nice to be appreciated.”

The on-screen battle between the Incredibles and the robot got particularly loud at that point, causing Fili to stir behind Kili. “The movie over?” he mumbled sleepily.

“Not quite,” Thorin replied. “But I think it's time for bed.”

“Yes,” Bilbo agreed. “And I think it's time we got home.”

“No!” Fili cried, wrapping his arm tighter around Kili, who had stopped feigning sleep at that point and was pouting up at his dad.

“Don't wanna go,” he grumbled before turning and hiding in Fili's arms.

“Kili...” Bilbo said imploringly.

“He could stay the night, if he wants,” Thorin offered. “They can spend tomorrow together. Fili's been in your hair for weeks. It's only fair for you to have a day off.”

“Are you sure?” he asked even as Fili and Kili gave him puppy dog eyes.

“It wouldn't be a problem,” Thorin said with a shrug. “I'm sure Fili wouldn't mind lending him some clothes, though they might be a bit big.”

“Pleeeeese, Dad?” Kili begged, still clinging to Fili.

“Yeah, please, Mr. Bilbo?” Fili pleaded as well.

Bilbo threw his hands up in defeat. “How can I resist those looks?”

The boys cheered as both adults just shook their heads.

“I'll bring him home some time tomorrow afternoon,” Thorin told him.

“Thanks,” he said with a smile. “I do appreciate it. I have some errands I need to run tomorrow and I'm sure Kili would have been bored tagging along.”

“It's no problem.”

“Do I at least get a goodnight hug?” Bilbo asked, turning to Kili. To his surprise, both Fili and Kili surged forward to wrap their arms around him tightly before dashing back to Fili's bedroom.

“Night, Dad!” Kili called as Fili pulled him into his room.

“You can wear these to sleep in,” Fili said, shoving a pair of pajamas into his hands. “They're too little on me anyway.”

Kili grinned, wondering how he was ever going to sleep when he was this excited to be staying with Fili.

And if his dad and Mr. Thorin _did_ get together, they could do this _every night_.

That was enough incentive to get Kili to start scheming. When they were both huddled under Fili's covers, Kili told Fili his plans, to which the other boy agreed to with gleeful delight.

Kili couldn't wait until they were all a real family.

Tbc...

 


	6. Chapter Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry updates are coming more slowly now. School has started back :(

Fili shot down every single plan Kili came up with to push Bilbo and Thorin together, much to Kili's consternation.

True, some of his plans were probably not exactly _doable_ (he really hadn't been sure how they were going to turn Thorin into a frog or he hadn't really liked the idea of giving his dad a poisoned apple). In hindsight, he could admit that maybe basing his plans on fairytales was probably a bad idea, but they were really the only experience he had with the whole love and kissing thing.

Fili's plan had been much simpler. “All we got to do is make sure they spend as much time as possible with each other,” he had explained with a smirk. “Easiest way to do that is to make them bring us places together.”

The plan was going well, as far as Kili could tell. He wasn't sure if Bilbo and Thorin were any closer to kissing, but they were spending lots of time together. The best part was all the places they were bringing him and Fili. They didn't even have to suggest going places anymore, which was great because Bilbo and Thorin knew about lots of fun places that Kili hadn't even known existed.

After Fili had asked for them to go to Coney Island together and Kili had asked to go the zoo, his dad had suggested a day at the aquarium. And then Fili's uncle had asked Kili and Bilbo if they wanted to go to the Museum of Natural History.

That had by far been Kili's favorite family outing (as he and Fili had taken to secretly calling them). There had been so much to see! Fili hadn't liked it as much, but he had been patient as he waited with Kili at each exhibit as he carefully read the information about each one and examined each aspect of them. He had been disappointed when they hadn't been able to get to see everything before the museum closed.

“It's my own fault,” he had said to Fili fter his dad had told him they had to go. “I took too long looking at everything.”

Fili had shrugged and slung an arm across his shoulders. “Cheer up, Kee. It's not like you're never gonna come back. And it's not a bad thing to want to learn everything you can about each exhibit.”

His lips had twitched up into a smile at that before he began talking about the dinosaur exhibits they had seen, which he knew was one that Fili had actually liked.

Fili's favorite family outing had been seeing The Lion King on Broadway. Kili had liked it alright, but could have done without all the singing. Fili, though, was singing the songs to himself for a week after seeing it.

However, despite all their maneuvers to leave Bilbo and Thorin on their own for as much as possible, there had yet to be any kissing.

“What are we doing wrong?” Kili asked, pouting while hanging his head over the side of his bed.

Fili sitting on the floor and leaning back against the bed next to him, frowning down at Kili's Rubik's cube. He looked up at Kili's question. “Wrong with what?”

“With getting Dad and Thorin together!” he exclaimed as if it were obvious.

“You're trying to get your parents together?” Ori asked, looking up from the book he was reading. “Why?”

“Because they _like_ each other,” Kili answered. “And me and Fili want to live together.”

“What have you been trying?”

“We've all been going places together,” Fili replied. “And we've been having more dinners and movie nights. Kili and I try and leave them alone as much as possible. I think it's going okay,” he said, turning to look at Kili. “After the first couple of times, we never had to ask for us all to go together. We just have. And your face is turning red. Turn over before you give yourself brain damage.”

Kili rolled his eyes but did as Fili said, mostly because he was getting a little light-headed.

“Yeah, but you don't have to ask because they probably know that you two don't like to go anywhere without each other,” Ori commented, closing his book and giving them an exasperated look. “And it's not they're likely to do anything with the two of you around. How would you even know if it's working?”

He hadn't thought of that. “You mean they might have kissed or something while we weren't looking?”

“How are we supposed to know then?” Fili asked.

“We could spy on them!” Kili cried enthusiastically.

Ori snorted before opening his book again. “I don't think you could be quiet enough to spy on people, Kili.”

Fili laughed while Kili scowled. “I can be sneaky!” he protested.

“You really can't, Kee,” Fili quipped with a chuckle.

Kili pouted before grinning mischievously. “Fine. If I can't be sneaky to figure it out, I'll just have to be more direct,” he pronounced before traipsing out of the room.

“Wait, Kili, where are you going?” Fili called after him as both he and Ori scrambled after him, catching up with him as he exited the apartment.

“You'll see,” he said with a smirk before leading them down to the bakery and back to the kitchen where Bilbo was baking. “Dad?”

Bilbo turned his head and smiled at the three of them as he pulled a cake pan out of the oven. “You three look like you're up to no good.”

“Have you and Thorin been kissing?” Kili asked bluntly.

“Kili!” Fili and Ori cried in horror as Bilbo fumbled and dropped the cake pan in his hands. Luckily, the pan landed right-side-up with the cake intact.

“Um... Why... How...?”

“Well,” he said, interrupting his dad's inarticulate response. “You both like each other, and me and Fili have been trying to give you time alone together so we were just wondering if it was working?”

Bilbo blinked at him with his mouth moving silently for a moment before huffing a laugh. “You two are something else,” he said, shaking his head and bending to pick up the pan he dropped. “Honestly, what are Thorin and I going to do with you?”

“So have you?” Kili pressed, ignoring Fili elbowing him lightly in the side.

Bilbo sighed heavily. “Yes, we have,” he admitted. Kili squealed while Ori cheered and Fili just smirked smugly. “We were both going to sit down and discuss it with the both of you to make sure you were okay with it, but it looks like that really isn't necessary now.”

“So when are we all going to move in together?” Kili questioned with a grin.

His dad dropped the pan he was holding again. It clattered against the counter, narrowly missing falling off the edge. “I, uh, think that’s something we will have to wait and see about.”

Kili frowned. “How long will we have to wait? What are we waiting for?”

“Um, well, I guess we, uh…” Bilbo’s eyes flickered behind him. “Ori, why don’t you give me a moment alone these two?”

“Okay, Mr. Bilbo,” Ori agreed. Bilbo waited until the door swung shut before he ushered Fili and Kili closer.

“Alright, boys,” he said, dropping to one knee to talk to them. “What Thorin and I have is new, okay? Neither of us know if it’ll lead anywhere, and it is nowhere near serious enough to be talking about moving in together. We just have to see where the relationship goes.”

“But you like each other, right?” Kili asked.

“Well, I can’t speak for Thorin,” Bilbo began before Fili cut him off.

“Uncle Thorin _really_ likes you,” he informed helpfully.

Bilbo bit back a smile before shaking his head. “Well, I really like him, too,” he stated, pink tinging his cheeks. “But it’s still really early. Relationships take time to build.”

“They don’t in the movies,” Kili replied doubtfully, causing his dad to laugh.

“Life isn’t like a movie, Kili,” he said, smile fading to a sober look. “Things don’t always work out the way we want them to. I just don’t want the two of you to be disappointed if things between Thorin and I don’t work out.”

“But you both like each other,” Fili said, throwing a triumphant smirk at Kili and reassuring him that everything would be alright.

His dad didn’t want to get his hopes up in case things didn’t work out, Kili realized, but he always did that when Kili got excited over things that hadn’t happened yet. He had done it when he had said he was going to find Fili for him, and look how that had turned out. Kili was absolutely sure that things would work out just the way he and Fili had wanted.

They just had to be a little patient. And that sucked, because Kili _hated_ being patient.

Being patient got a little bit easier, though, as his tenth birthday drew closer.

He didn’t think much about it at first. He knew that the date was getting closer, but he didn’t expect much of a fuss. When he had lived at the home, Mr. West would gave all the boys a pudding cup after dinner on the night of their birthdays. When Fili had come, he had been extra nice to Kili on his birthday, letting him choose the games they played and letting him win. Kili didn’t expect much more than a “happy birthday” and maybe a cupcake from his dad.

So when Bilbo asked him who he wanted to invite to his party while they were eating dinner with Thorin and Fili, he was stunned to say the least.

“What party?” he asked dumbly, looking at Fili to see if he had any idea what Bilbo was talking about. Fili just smiled back at him, though there was an oddly angry glint in his eyes.

“Your birthday party, Kili,” Bilbo answered gently, sharing a pained look with Thorin for some reason.

“Oh,” he said, realizing suddenly why everyone reacted weirdly to his question. They were angry that he had never had a birthday party before. Kili didn’t care though. It wasn’t like he had ever had anyone that he had wanted to have a party with before anyway.

“So who do you want there?” Bilbo asked again.

“Fili and Thorin,” he answered immediately.

Fili rolled his eyes at that. “Well, duh, of course Pop and me are coming.”

They had decided together after they found out about Bilbo and Thorin’s relationship that they needed something to call Thorin instead of “Uncle.” When they became a family and moved in together, they couldn’t both call Bilbo “Dad” and then just call Thorin “Uncle.” It wouldn’t have been fair. So they decided that they’d call him “Pop.” Fili had said that Thorin had looked very pleased at the new moniker.

Kili wondered what the two of them would think once Fili started calling Bilbo “Dad” and Kili called Thorin “Pop.” He wasn’t really sure if Thorin would appreciate it, but he knew that his dad would be happy.

“Who else do you want to invite?” his dad prompted.

Kili shrugged. “Who do people normally invite to birthday parties?”

“Well, normally you invite your family and friends,” Bilbo answered patiently.  

“Why don’t you invite your friend Ori?” Thorin suggested.

“Yeah!” Kili agreed.

“Are there any friends at school you want to come as well?” Bilbo asked.

Kili shook his head. “Nope,” he said happily, grabbing the ketchup and squirting some on his plate.

Bilbo and Thorin both frowned at that but didn’t comment. Fili scowled and speared one of his potatoes a little too fiercely with his fork. Kili ignored the other boy, knowing he didn’t like the fact that none of the other kids at school liked him. Kili didn’t care.

After that, Kili couldn’t wait for his birthday party. His actual birthday fell on a Thursday, but Bilbo had said that it would be better to have the party the Sunday after, which mean Kili was ten for three whole days before his party.

Not that he didn’t have fun on his actual birthday. Thorin and Fili picked him up at the bakery and they went to see a movie before meeting Bilbo for dinner after the bakery closed. Then they had gone for ice cream.

It was really fun, but Kili was still anxious for Sunday.

When Sunday finally came, Kili was beyond excited. Unfortunately, the party was at two and Kili woke at nine, which meant he had _five_ hours to wait. He tried to watch television or read or play with his toys, but nothing could hold his attention for too long. He would have gone to the kitchen to watch his dad cook for the party, but he had already been banished from that area from an exasperated Bilbo.

Luckily, Thorin and Fili came early for the party, arriving a little after noon and providing a much needed distraction for Kili.

“Has he drove you crazy yet?” Thorin asked Bilbo after Kili had grabbed Fili’s hand and started dragging him towards his room. Kili knew he was talking about him, but didn’t care.

His dad chuckled. “He’s just a tiny bit excited.”

Thankfully, Fili was able to keep him occupied until two. Kili hadn’t even noticed it was time for the party until Ori showed up with his parents and grandfather.

“Happy birthday, Kili!” Mr. Bofur, one of Ori’s dads, said with a grin. Kili beamed and thanked him. He liked Mr. Bofur. He was always very cheerful. Mr. Nori, Ori’s other dad, smiled at him and handed him a brightly wrapped present.

Kili’s eyes widened. “For me?”

“I’ll take it and put it with the rest,” Bilbo said, plucking the gift from Kili’s loose grip. Kili’s eyes widened further as he caught sight of the small stack of presents on the coffee table in the living room. “You can open them all after we have cake.”

Kili hadn’t realized he was going to get presents, especially not so many!

Bilbo shooed all three kids to the table and soon they were all eating the food Bilbo had been preparing all day. Kili stuffed his face as quickly as possible, wanting to get to the cake and ice cream.

“How’s it feel to be ten now?” Ori asked curiously.

“I’ve been ten for three days now!” Kili crowed. “And it’s great! I’m finally Fili’s age!”

“Only for a couple more months!” Fili shot back, elbowing him playfully.

“Alright!” Bilbo cried finally. “Time for cake!”

Bilbo brought out a large round cake with blue frosting and ten lit candles. Kili’s face hurt from smiling so much as everyone began singing “Happy Birthday.” His dad set the cake down in front of him with a wink.

When the song ended, Bilbo cried out, “Now make a wish and blow out the candles!”

Kili thought hard about what he wanted to wish for. He caught Fili’s eyes and grinned as he realized what he most wanted was for his family to always be together. He took a deep breath, wished hard, and blew, making sure not to miss on candle.

Everyone cheered. His dad grabbed a knife to cut the cake as he instructed Thorin to grab the ice cream out of the freezer. Kili got the first slice of cake, mouth watering as he realized the cake was chocolate, his favorite. Thorin put a scoop of chocolate ice cream on his plate as well. Kili beamed up at him.

“Thanks, Pop!” he exclaimed, turning to his ice cream and cake and not seeing how Thorin nearly dropped the tub of ice cream in surprise.

Once they were all finished with their cake, Kili raced to the presents in the living room, Fili and Ori hot on his heels as the adults followed at a more sedate pace.

“Open the one from me and Pop first!” Fili demanded, handing him a large rectangular package wrapped in shiny blue paper with a white bow.

Kili tore into it without any further prompting. “Wow,” he said in awe. It was a science experiment kit. “This is amazing!”

Fili beamed. “I knew you’d like it.”

“Ours next!” Ori cried.

Kili nodded, setting the science kit aside reverently and grabbing the next package. He ripped open the paper. It was a box set of _The Chronicles of Narnia_. Kili had been read _The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe_ in school last month and had talked Ori’s ear off about it. “Ori, thank you so much!” Kili cried earnestly, eager to begin reading the whole series.

He opened the present from Mr. Dori next, and thanked him for the toy stegosaurus. The next three presents were from his dad. Bilbo got him a nice art set, a new Lego set, and a microscope.

The microscope excited him the most. “This is awesome!” he proclaimed, getting up and hugging Bilbo. “Thanks, Dad! Can I use it now?”

“Sure,” Bilbo replied laughing.

The rest of the party passed quickly, with Kili, Fili, and Ori amusing themselves by finding different things to look at under Kili’s new microscope.

Ori and his dads and grandfather left around four. Fili and Kili grew tired of playing with the microscope shortly after that. They peeked out of Kili’s room to see what Thorin and Bilbo were doing and stifled giggles as they caught sight of them kissing through the kitchen door. Fili pulled Kili back into his room before he could give them away.

“I don’t understand kissing,” Kili said as soon as they were safely in his room.

“What’s there to get?” Fili replied with a shrug.

“Why do people like doing it?”

“I don’t know,” he said. “I guess it feels nice. Like hugging with your mouth. And hugs feel nice.”

“Hmmm,” Kili hummed, not really satisfied with that comparison. He grinned as he got an idea. “We could find out.”

“How?”

“By kissing!”

“Kissing who?” Fili asked in puzzlement.

“Each other,” Kili answered with a roll of his eyes. “Just to see how it feels.”

Fili considered that for a moment before nodding. “Okay,” he agreed.

Kili stepped closer so that their faces were inches apart. He frowned in concentration and leaned forward, puckering his lips as Fili leaned forward and met him halfway. Their lips met for a moment, their noses brushing each other awkwardly before they pulled apart.

Kili scrunched up his face. “That didn’t feel like anything,” he said.

“Maybe we’re supposed to move our lips? And maybe we should tilt our heads a bit?” Fili suggested. “Should we try again?”

Kili nodded and moved forward again. This time, when their lips met, heads tilted to the side, Kili moved his lips against Fili’s, mimicking Fili’s motions. He pulled away with a gasp at the tingling sensation that created.

“Oh,” he said with wide eyes.

“Yeah,” Fili muttered. “Guess that’s why people like it.”

Kili nodded in agreement. “Guess it isn’t so gross after all.”

He really wanted to kiss Fili again but figured Fili probably wouldn’t want to. They already figured out why people liked kissing. Kili reckoned that kissing each other anymore would be more than what brothers usually did.

For a fleeting moment, he wished that he and Fili hadn’t promised to be brothers before quickly shaking that thought away. He wouldn’t give up being Fili’s brother for something as dumb as kissing, even if it did feel nice.

Tbc…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that was Fili and Kili's first kiss. I hope I handled it well...


	7. Chapter Seven

Now that Kili was ten, Bilbo decided that he was old enough to ride the bus to and from Fili and Thorin’s apartment by himself. And even though Kili loved hanging out at home and the bakery, going over to Fili’s instead added a layer of excitement to everything they did.

Of course, he didn’t spend every day at Fili’s. For one, Kili didn’t want to leave Ori behind all the time, as his parents didn’t like him to take the bus by himself. (Ori was a year and a half younger than Kili, but was so smart that he was in the same grade.) For another, Thorin was only home maybe one afternoon a week, if he was lucky, and Bilbo didn’t want Kili to impose too often on Fili’s Uncle Balin.

Balin, of course, had brushed aside Bilbo’s concerns, telling Kili that they were welcome anytime as they made him feel young again. Kili liked the older man immediately and began calling him “Uncle” just like Fili. Uncle Balin was fantastic. He told the best stories and often took them to the park a block down the street.

Kili’s favorite days to go over, though, were the days when Thorin was home.

If Thorin was upset about Kili calling him “Pop,” he never let on. But whenever Thorin was home, he liked to spend as much time with Fili, and by extension Kili, as possible. Sometimes he took them to the park like Balin would, but unlike Balin, he usually joined them in whatever they were playing, be it catch or hide and seek. A couple times he took them to the movies or to get ice cream.

Kili’s favorite, though, was when they just stayed at the apartment and played board or card games. He really liked when they played poker using M&Ms or Skittles as bets, even though Thorin always seemed to know when he or Fili was bluffing.

Usually, days with Thorin ended with Bilbo driving over instead of Kili taking the bus home. They’d then have dinner together and watch a movie or something before Kili and Bilbo went home. If it were a Friday or Saturday, sometimes they didn’t even go home. Kili curled into bed with Fili, and he assumed his dad slept in the same bed as his pop did.

Fili and he were certain it wouldn’t be too much longer before they moved in together and they were both bubbling with excitement at the thought.

Time flew by quickly for Kili, but Fili was a constant throughout it all. Winter turned into spring, and soon it was early April, which meant that in a little over a month, he would have lived with Bilbo for a year. When he lived in the home, he had never imagined being as happy as he was now. He should have expected the bottom to drop out of everything.

And of course, it wasn’t one thing that went wrong, it seemed like it was everything.

The day started out bad and just seemed to get worse. His dad had to come into his room three times to wake him that morning. By the time he was up and dressed, Bilbo was more than a little cross at him, instructing him to eat his breakfast quickly so that he could get to school in time before going down to the bakery.

Of course, he spilled his orange juice in his eggs and over half the table. The only good thing was that he managed to wipe it all up before it dripped onto the carpet. Still, his breakfast was ruined and he was late, so he had to run to school on an empty stomach.

His hunger didn’t help him when his class went to P.E. that morning. He hated days when they had P.E. He particularly hated when they were divided into teams because everyone was very vocal about _not_ wanting him on his team. He _didn’t_ care what anyone else thought about him, not when he had Fili, Dad, and Pop, but it still hurt to hear just how much he wasn’t wanted.

Not that it mattered much today. They were playing dodgeball, and as soon as their teacher blew the whistle, about ten balls managed to hit him at once, meaning he sat out most of the game.

It was a stupid game, he decided as he watched his classmates have fun dunking balls and throwing them back at the other team. What did being able to hit someone prove anyway? And how were you supposed to dodge when the entire team was throwing balls at you at once from all directions?

The morning got even worse right before lunch, which Kili hadn’t even thought was possible. He didn’t, however, take into account that they would be getting their English tests back that day. His stomach turned to lead as he stared at the glaringly red F on the top of the first sheet. Tears made his vision blurry the longer he looked at it.

It didn’t help that the other kids sitting next to him all saw his grade and started snickering to themselves. They made sure to tell everyone else as soon as it was lunch time.

“Guess you aren’t as smart as you thought, huh, Kili?” was the kindest thing they said.

“Who fails an English test?” a girl two seats down from him sneered. “You have to be pretty stupid.”

“I bet his dad will take him back for sure now,” the boy next to him said.

“What do you mean?” she asked, glancing at Kili with a mean little smirk. Kili tried to ignore them, but he couldn’t help but worry about what they were saying. What if it were true?

“Well, you know he’s adopted, Louisa,” he answered matter-of-factly. “When we adopted a dog from the shelter, we took him back after a few months because he wasn’t good a lot. We traded him in for a better dog. We got a younger one so we could teach it better.”

“So you think the baker will take Kili back?”

The other boy shrugged. “Who wants a stupid kid?”

They were right, Kili realized as a horrible sinking sensation within him. Nobody wanted a stupid kid. And Kili was probably as stupid as they came. English was supposed to be _easy_. He could speak it perfectly well, couldn’t he? Why was it so hard for him to _write_ it? How was he supposed to tell his dad that he had failed a test?

He pushed the food around on his tray, but wasn’t really hungry anymore. His dad wouldn’t really send him back, would he? His adoption became final right before Christmas, and Bilbo had said that it was the best present he could have ever gotten. He wouldn’t _replace_ him, right?

After lunch, he got detention from his teacher for not paying attention during their math lesson. Instead of going outside to play at recess, he was stuck inside writing lines. Just as well, he thought as he wrote _I will pay attention in class_ once more. He didn’t really want to be around the other kids in his class anyway.

He couldn’t get the words from lunch out of his mind. He was being dumb he knew, but he couldn’t help to worry.

He wasn’t the smartest kid Bilbo could have adopted. He wasn’t the cutest. He wasn’t the best-behaved. He was loud. He was nosy. Kili couldn’t think of one thing that Bilbo should like about him. Why wouldn’t he take him back?

He said he wouldn’t though, Kili reminded himself forcefully. He had _promised_. Bilbo never went back on his promises.

Steeled with this truth, he walked home slowly, still dreading showing the test to his dad. In order to put it off as long as possible, he bypassed the bakery and went straight up to the apartment to drop his backpack in his room. He didn’t have any homework for that night so he didn’t need it.

The phone was ringing when he walked in the door but clicked over to the answering machine before he could pick it up.

“Mr. Baggins,” a woman’s voice could be heard from the machine. “It’s Miranda from Child Services in Seattle. Thank you for getting back to me about Frodo. I’m so happy you’ve decided to take him in. The foster system can be tough on a four year old. Please call me as soon as possible to iron out a few details.”

Kili’s backpack fell from his limp fingers. No. Bilbo said he wouldn’t send him back. Was he really _replacing_ him?

The boy’s words at lunch filtered through his mind: ‘ _We got a younger one so we could teach it better.’_

That’s what Bilbo was doing. He was getting a younger kid that he could raise to be much better than Kili. Not that that was going to be hard.

He backed out of the apartment, trying to get as far away from the answering machine as possible, as if distance from the message would solve everything.

He couldn’t go back to the home. He was miserable there before Fili came, and Fili wouldn’t be there.

What if Fili didn’t want him anymore either? Or Thorin? Why would they want him anymore than Bilbo did? He was sure this _Frodo_ would be a great little brother for Fili. And Thorin would probably _adore_ him.

Tears streamed from his eyes as he realized he was losing his entire family. He didn’t know what to do so he did the only thing he could do.

He ran.

He ran as fast as he could and as long as he could.

He finally collapsed under a tree in an unfamiliar park, curling his knees to his chest and burying his head in his arms. He cried until he had no tears left to cry and was left feeling hollow inside.

He wasn’t sure how long he sat there, but he didn’t move until well after the sun had set.

He still didn’t know what to do. Nobody wanted him anymore because why would they? But where was he supposed to go?

He wanted Fili. Wanted to wrap himself around his big brother and tell him he was safe and loved.

He always wanted Fili though. What surprised him, though, was the ache he felt for Bilbo to hug him and tell him he was his little boy. Or for Thorin smile proudly at him. Would he ever have any of that again though?

Thunder rumbled in the distance and he looked up at the cloudy night sky. He couldn’t sleep here. Not only was he fairly certain that people weren’t allowed to sleep in parks, but he also didn’t want to get rained on.

He could always go home. He knew that even if Bilbo was going to replace him, he wouldn’t just kick him out with nowhere else to go. But Kili couldn’t bring himself to face his dad knowing he wouldn’t be his dad for very much longer.

Maybe Fili would let him stay with him tonight. They’d have to be sneaky about it, Kili knew. If Thorin caught him there, he’d definitely tell Bilbo about it, who’d definitely come over, if only to make sure Kili wasn’t burdening Thorin.

Resolved, he got up off the ground and started trekking back the way he came, hoping to find a bus stop so he could catch the bus to Fili’s. Thankfully, it didn’t take him long to find one, and luckily it wasn’t too long after that that the correct bus actually pulled up.

He got a strange look from the driver as he hopped on, making Kili realized it was probably late for someone his age to be out on his own. However, he had learned early on in life that if you acted as if you knew exactly what you were doing, people rarely questioned him.

He spent the entire bus ride worrying about what he would tell Fili. He wasn’t entirely sure the other boy had realized how worthless Kili really was yet. If he didn’t, he probably wouldn’t understand why Kili had to leave.

He’d have to make sure that Fili didn’t blame Bilbo, if that were the case. After all, Bilbo was amazing. It was Kili that was the problem.

He got off the bus at the by-now extremely familiar stop. Fili’s apartment wasn’t that far away. Thankfully, it was on the ground level. Sneaking in would be much easier if he could get Fili to let him in through his window, he decided.

Kili frowned as he considered the building in front of him. Fili lived closest to the front and to the left, but there were two windows there. One, he knew, was Thorin’s room. The other was Fili’s. But figuring out which was which was harder when he was looking from the outside in. If he chose wrong, Thorin would definitely catch him sneaking in.

He pictured the layout of the apartment in his mind and tried to figure out which room was where. Making a decision, he moved to the window on the left, hoping he wasn’t wrong. He tapped gently on the window.

Nothing happened. Just as he was considering tapping again, the curtains were thrown open and Fili’s face appeared in the window.

However, if he thought he could sneak in unnoticed by Thorin, that notion was dashed at Fili’s wild shout of “Kili!”

He opened the window quickly and all but pulled the smaller boy inside, pulling him into a crushing hug. “Kili, Kili, Kili,” he whispered as if it were a mantra.

Fili pulled back suddenly and glared at him. Kili shrunk into himself at the anger in those beloved blue eyes. “Never do that again!” he seethed before wrapping him into his arms again. “I was so scared I’d never see you again.”

“Kili,” Thorin breathed softly from the doorway before striding in and wrapping his arms around both of the boys.

Kili stood there wrapped in the arms of his pop and brother, confused over their actions. What was going on?

“Your father is on his way,” Thorin said finally. “Maybe you and I could talk before he gets here?”

He said this mostly to Fili, who didn’t look nearly ready to let go of Kili just yet. Kili nodded in agreement anyway, dread settling in his stomach. Fili very reluctantly loosened his grip on the younger boy and let him follow Thorin into the living room.

Kili sat down on the couch in trepidation. What could Thorin want to talk to him about?

Thorin sat down next to him. “Kili?” he asked gently. “Why did you run away?”

He bit his lip and looked down, examining the scuff marks on his shoes in order to avoid meeting Thorin’s eyes.

“Kili?” he prompted softly, wrapping a strong arm around Kili’s small frame.

“I found out… Dad,” he said, hesitating over calling Bilbo “Dad,” not sure if he had the right anymore. “I found out he was going to send me back to the home, and I didn’t know what to do.”

“Kili, look at me,” Thorin said seriously, placing a hand on each of his shoulders and turning them both so that he could face him. “Your father loves you and will _never_ send you back. Why would you think that?”

He shrugged. “Some kids at school were saying that he’d replace me because I’m not smart or anything special, and then I heard the message about Dad getting another kid on the answering machine…”

“Kili, if your classmates said you weren’t smart or special, then it was only because they were jealous because you _are_ so smart and so special,” Thorin stated firmly. “And even if you weren’t, that wouldn’t matter to either your father or me. You’re our son, and we love you. You don’t have to earn it or deserve it.”

Kili blinked up at him, hardly daring to believe his words. “I’m your son too?” he asked.

He smiled at him. “Of course, you are. Just like Fili is, and just like Frodo will be when he gets here. Now I’m sorry you had to find out about Frodo like that. Bilbo and I had planned to talk about him to both you and Fili this weekend. But I promise you, he’s not replacing anyone. We love you and that’s not changing, okay?”

Kili threw himself in Thorin’s arms, burying his face in his chest. “I love you, too, Pop,” he whispered thickly.

Thorin held him in his arms for a few moments before pulling away. “Why don’t you go wait for your father to get here with Fili? He may spontaneously combust if I keep you away any longer.”

Kili nodded with a small smile before darting back to Fili’s room. The blond boy was standing by the door waiting for him and pulled him into his arms as soon as he saw him.

“I can’t believe you ran away because you thought you weren’t wanted,” Fili whispered harshly in his ear, obviously having eavesdropped on Kili and Thorin’s conversation. “Even if Pop and Dad _didn’t_ want you, _I_ always will.”

He just leaned into Fili, letting him drag him to the bed and curling around him. “I just thought… well, you all are so great, maybe I didn’t deserve you?”

“We wouldn’t even be a family if it weren’t for you,” Fili muttered into his hair. “How can you say that? You deserve _everything_ , Kee.”

“If you say so,” he mumbled.

“You scared me so much,” Fili confessed, tightening his grip on the smaller boy. “When you never came to the bakery, Dad freaked out. And then Pop left work to help look for you, and I could tell that even if he was trying to be calm, he was scared. And I thought… I thought I’d never see you again, Kee.”

Fili’s voice was thick with tears, and Kili felt sick with guilt. “I’m sorry, Fee,” he sniffled, clinging to him and tucking his head under his chin. “I didn’t even think… I thought no one would care.”

“Well you were wrong,” he accused. “You were _so wrong_!”

“I’m sorry,” he whispered.

“Just don’t do it again.”

“Okay.”

They lay there until Bilbo arrived, all but running into the room and scooping Kili into his arms.

“Kili,” his dad murmured. “Thank God you’re okay. I was so worried.”

“I’m sorry,” he said, wondering how often he’d feel the need to say that in the coming days.

He really hadn’t meant to upset anyone. Looking back, he could see that it may have been a bit foolish to just run like he had, to believe that no one would care. It may have been excusable a few months ago, when he still wasn’t used to people caring, but he should have known that his dad, pop, and Fili would care.

“It’s alright,” Bilbo assured. “Just don’t do it again.”

Thorin cleared his throat to call their attention. “I’ve made us a pallet in the living room,” he said. “I didn’t figure any of us wanted to let Kili out of our sight tonight, and my bed is definitely not big enough for all four of us.”

Bilbo shot him a grateful look as he ushered Kili out of the room, Fili right on his heels.

“Who’s Frodo?” Kili asked finally after they had all settled down onto the blankets.

“He’s my cousin who will be coming to live with us,” his dad replied. “But we’ll talk about it in the morning, okay? I think we all could use some sleep after today.”

Kili nodded, and with Fili snuggled up to him from behind and his dad and pop’s arms thrown over both of them, he faded off into sleep.

Tbc…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So my grades for last semester finally came in and I didn't do as well as I wanted. So please validate my self-worth by leaving kudos and comments!


	8. Chapter Eight

Kili’s stomach woke him up before the sun was up the next morning. He frowned as his stomach rumbled painfully, suddenly remembering that he didn’t really eat anything the day before. Fili was still sound asleep, lying half on-top of him. Bilbo and Thorin, though, must have already woken up.

Hearing low voices coming from the kitchen, he carefully extracted himself from Fili and padded towards the door. He paused, however, as he heard his name.

“I really thought we had gotten past Kili’s distrust of us,” Bilbo said with a soft sigh. “I don’t know what else I can do.”

Guilt greater than he had ever felt before welled within Kili. His dad was blaming himself for Kili’s stupidity. He had never wanted that to happen.

“This isn’t about us,” Thorin murmured. Kili peaked around the corner of the doorway to see the detective wrap his arms around Bilbo from behind. “Kili’s been hurt so much in his short life. I don’t think anyone ever showed him any affection until he met Fili.”

“Then how do we help him? How do we get him to understand that we love him no matter what?”

“We’ll just have to show him. Every day.”

“I don’t know how to do that other than what I’ve been doing,” Bilbo replied, looking so heartbroken that Kili couldn’t help but rushing into the kitchen and wrap his arms around him.

 “I know you love me, Dad,” he said in a small voice, hiding his face in Bilbo’s shirt. “You loved me so much, though, that I didn’t think I deserved it.”

“Oh, Kili,” his dad whispered, kneeling down and pulling him tightly to him. “You deserve all the love in the world. No matter what those kids at school say.”

“What about my English test?” he asked, hating to bring it up in case Bilbo didn’t know about his F.

“Is that what set this all off?” Bilbo asked, pulling back slightly and smiling down at him. “Kili, I don’t care what grades you make in school, as long as you try your best. That’s all I can ask you to do.”

“And you’re not replacing me with Frodo because he’s younger and not as messed up as me?”

“You are not messed up,” he stated firmly. “And you can _never_ be replaced. I think there’s room in this family for one more kid. And wouldn’t you like to be a big brother?”

Kili thought the question over. He could be a big brother to Frodo just like Fili was to him. He could make sure that Frodo was happy and that he didn’t get picked on by other kids and teach him all sorts of things. The more he considered it, the more he liked the idea.

A smile crept over his face and he nodded. “When is he coming?”

His dad opened his mouth to answer but Kili’s growling stomach interrupted his reply. Bilbo frowned down at his son’s stomach. “Goodness, Kili!” he cried in realization. “You probably haven’t eaten since lunch yesterday! Come on, let’s get some food in you.”

Kili didn’t bother correcting his dad and telling him he didn’t eat lunch. It didn’t really seem that important, especially after Bilbo had set a stack of pancakes in front of him. The smell of breakfast quickly woke Fili up as well, and soon they were all seated at the table together.

They ate in comfortable silence until Bilbo broke it. “I guess now is as good a time as ever to talk about what will happen when Frodo gets here.”

“Why is he coming to live with us?” Kili asked. Now that he didn’t feel threatened by him, he was curious about the small boy joining their family.

“His parents died, and I’m the only relative he has,” Bilbo explained simply. “Now we’ve been talking about it, and Thorin and I have decided that, since we both consider both of you sons and since we’re getting a new son in Frodo, maybe it was time for us all to become a proper family and move in together.”

Fili and Kili grinned at each other. If Frodo was the cause of them finally moving in together, Kili decided the other boy couldn’t be that bad.

“Are we moving in here or are they moving into our apartment?” Kili questioned, bouncing in his seat in excitement.

Bilbo chuckled. “Well, neither apartments are really big enough for a family of five. We’ll have to look for another place…”

Thorin cleared his throat. “Actually, I may have found a place for us.” Bilbo looked at him in askance. “My realtor found a four bedroom house in Bayside that she thinks will be perfect for us. Great schools in the area, quiet neighborhood, about a 20 minute drive from the bakery.”

“Wait, you hired a realtor?” his dad asked in confusion. “And is a house in Bayside in our budget?”

“Don’t worry about the money,” Thorin said dismissively. “We’re fine on that front.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Bilbo asked, voice still confused but on the edge of testy.

“Pop is rich,” Fili piped in helpfully, taking a large bite of pancake and giving their dad a syrupy grin.

Bilbo sputtered, unable to articulate whatever it was going through his head. Kili, though, didn’t have that problem.

“Since when?” he asked innocently.

“Since always,” Fili explained while Thorin looked up at the ceiling with a long-suffering expression on his face. “My great grandfather left him a _very_ big trust fund before my grandfather disowned him.”

“Then why do you work?” Kili directed his question at Thorin. He had always thought that people worked because they needed money.

Thorin scowled. “I work because I want to make my own way in this world and not just laze about living off my grandfather’s money. Besides,” he said with a small smile at Fili and Kili. “I enjoy keeping my city safe for my family.”

“Were you going to tell me about this?” Bilbo asked suddenly.

Kili froze, his eyes darting anxiously between the two adults. He had never heard his dad use that strange, strained tone before, but he definitely didn’t like it. Fili surreptitiously took his hand under the table and squeezed it.

“Does it change anything?” Thorin challenged. Kili tightened his grip on Fili’s hand. This was starting to sound more and more like a fight, and he _really_ didn’t like it.

Bilbo glared at Thorin for a moment or two before letting the tension drain out of him. “Of course not,” he sighed. “I just don’t like feeling like your hiding things from me.”

His pop reached across the table and grabbed his dad’s hand, smiling softly. “I wasn’t trying to hide it,” he reassured. “I just don’t like talking about my family. I should have told you before though. I’m sorry.”

Something loosened inside of Kili’s stomach as Bilbo smiled back at Thorin. “It’s alright. I guess it just surprised me.”

“So when are we moving?” Fili asked, giving Kili a comforting glance.

“Well, I was thinking we could go see the house together today, and if we like it, I’d make an offer,” Thorin suggested, looking at Bilbo hopefully.

“That sounds like a great idea,” he answered.

Kili’s excitement was back in full swing now. He grinned as he dived back into his pancakes. It felt too good to be true. Yesterday, he had thought he had lost everything, and now, his family was going to see a house they were going to move into together.

“Dad, my backpack is at our apartment,” he informed after he finished off his pancakes and chocolate milk.

“I think after the day we had yesterday, starting your Spring Break a little early by missing today might be warranted,” his dad answered. “Why don’t we all get dressed and see if Thorin can get a hold of the realtor so we can see this house today? You’ve got clothes in Fili’s room, right?”

Kili nodded before following Fili to his room.

“You okay?” Fili asked as soon as they were alone.

“Yeah,” he said, gnawing on the inside of his lip. “You’re not still mad about yesterday, are you?”

He sighed before wrapping his arms around him. “Kili,” he murmured into his hair. “I was never _mad_. Not really. You just scared me.”

“I didn’t think you were afraid of anything,” Kili admitted. “You always seem so brave.”

Fili scoffed and pulled away, turning to rummage through his dresser for clothes for both of them. “I’m scared of plenty stuff. Now get dressed. I want to see this house we might live in.”

Kili frowned, not sure he liked the idea of Fili being scared of anything. He’d have to make sure that _he_ didn’t scare the other boy anymore. That would be much easier when they lived together, he realized with a grin. He was sure that if he had seen Fili beforehand, he wouldn’t have run.

The problem came when he was left alone with his thoughts.

Putting it out of his mind, he tugged on the clothes that Fili threw at him. Once he was dressed, he turned towards the door. Fili’s voice, though, stopped him before he could open it.

“You should never think you don’t deserve my love.”

Kili’s breath caught in his throat. He knew it shouldn’t surprise him, but Fili had never told him that he loved him before. Happiness swelled within him, and he felt nearly invincible. Then he focused on everything else Fili said, and he bit his lip. How could he deserve Fili’s love?

“Kili?”

“You were listening earlier?” he asked, not really knowing what else to say.

Fili rolled his eyes. “You woke me up when you got up. And you can’t talk because you were listening in on Pop and Dad’s conversation. But I need you to know that don’t question my love. Please, Kili.”

He sighed and leaned against the door, looking down at his shoes to avoid Fili’s eyes. It wasn’t fair, Fili saying “please.” How was he supposed to deny him anything?

“I’ve never questioned _you_ ,” he tried explaining. “You’re perfect so—”

“I’m nowhere near perfect!” Fili argued, interrupting him. Kili’s head snapped up at the blond’s vehemence. “I’m selfish and greedy. I hate sharing. I’m messy. I never clean my room unless Pop makes me.”

Kili shook his head. “You’re the most giving person I know!” he protested. “And everyone can be messy sometimes.”

“And sometimes people can fail tests. Even people as smart as you,” Fili pointed out with a smirk. “Would you still love me if I were to fail a test?”

“Of course!” he exclaimed, scandalized at the question. “Nothing you could do would make me stop… oh. Is it the same for me?”

The blond grinned. “Finally getting it, huh? Next time you think you’re not loved because of something you did or something you didn’t do, ask yourself if you’d stop loving _me_ if I did the same thing.”

“But that answer’s always gonna be no,” Kili said in confusion. “I’ll always love you, Fee.”

“And I’ll always love you,” he replied confidently. “So will Dad and Pop. That’s what family means.”

Kili frowned as he thought that over. The only experience he had of family before he met Fili was his mom and his first dad (he refused to think of him as his _real_ dad because that felt like a slight to Bilbo). He knew, though, that his first family wasn’t a normal family so maybe he should stop making assumptions about his new family based on his old.

Why did everything seem so simple when Fili explained it?

“Come on,” Fili said with a soft smile, taking Kili by the hand and pulling open the door. “Let’s go convince Pop to buy us a house.”

 

The realtor had been all too happy to show the house to them that morning. Thorin had muttered something about her wanting the commission, but Kili didn’t know what that meant. What he _did_ know, though, was that this house was _amazing_.

It looked just like the houses he saw sometimes on television, in shows or movies where families were always loving and understanding and everything always worked out in the end.

He and Fili pounded up the stairs, leaving their parents to talk to the realtor lady as they explored the bedrooms.

“These two are connected by a bathroom!” Fili cried after poking around the rooms to the left of the landing. Kili lit up at that. He and Fili could have connecting rooms!

They opened the remaining three doors, finding another bathroom and two other bedrooms, one much bigger with yet _another_ bathroom. That would probably be Dad and Pop’s rooms. The other would be Frodo’s, Kili decided. Frodo was little so it was probably better he was closer to their parents. Besides, he had to have a room by Fili.

“Let’s go look outside!” he suggested, dragging Fili down the stairs once more.

“—and there is another half-bath in the basement,” the realtor lady was telling their parents as Kili made for the door.

“Boys,” Thorin called before they could make it outside. “Come over here.”

Kili pouted but aborted his attempt to explore the outside of the house, letting Fili instead lead them over to the adults.

“How do you like the house?” their pop asked.

“When can we move in?” Kili crowed in excitement, causing the adults to chuckle.

“I think we can assume they approve,” Bilbo commented lightly.

“And do you?” Thorin said, looking at him hopefully.

The baker smiled at him. “It looks perfect to me.”

“Excellent!” the realtor said with a grin. “Would you like to make an offer?”

Thorin smiled at his family before turning to her. “I think we would.”

“Perfect,” she said cheerfully. “If we play our cards right, I can get this closed and get you moved in by the beginning of summer.”

Kili grabbed Fili’s hand, vibrating in excitement. This was really happening. They were going to be a family.

He grinned at Fili before glancing at their parents. Then again, he thought happily, they already were.

Tbc…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is disappointing, I know. It's more of a filler chapter than anything else. Sorry. Frodo joins us next chapter, though! And possibly another familiar face or two!


	9. Chapter Nine

Frodo came before they moved into the house. For some reason, Kili hadn’t expected that to happen, and Frodo wasn’t really what Kili expected either. Not that he had really expected anything. But he didn’t think the small boy would be so… sad.

Kili didn’t like seeing anyone sad, but even more so with Frodo. Something about those big blue eyes framed by those black curls that just tugged at Kili’s heartstrings. So Kili took it upon himself to make the young boy smile as much as possible.

Luckily, he seemed to have a knack for drawing a smile out of Frodo. Sometimes, he was even able to get a giggle. Kili had puffed up with pride the first time that had happened.

They had been sitting in Kili’s bed, which Frodo had been sharing for the few weeks they would have to wait to move into the new house. Bilbo was reading them a bedtime story. Well, he was reading _Frodo_ a bedtime story. Kili was too old for that sort of thing. But Frodo seemed to like it.

He had really meant to just listen and let his new little brother enjoy the story. It was one that Kili knew from school, the one about Goldilocks and the Three Bears, but he had never really understood it. It was all he could do to hold back his questions until the end of the story.

“So she just runs away after she breaks into their house and eats their food and messes with all their stuff?” he asked, nose scrunched up in confusion. “Who does that?”

“I never understood it either,” Bilbo admitted with a chuckle.

“It doesn’t make any sense!” Kili exclaimed, gesturing wildly with his arms. “Where did this girl come from? Did she have parents? Was she hungry and cold and looking for help? If so, why was she so picky? Why was she in the woods anyway?”

He would have gone on, but any was interrupted by a soft tittering at his side. He turned his head and saw Frodo giggling quietly at him. Kili felt pride swell within him as he realized this was the first time he had heard his new little brother laugh.

“Kili’s silly,” the small boy said with a smile as he noticed both of them looking at him.

“Oh, I’m silly, am I?” he said with a mischievous smirk before pouncing on Frodo (gently, because he definitely didn’t want to hurt him). Frodo squealed as Kili’s fingers found his unprotected sides and tickled him mercilessly.

“Yes! You’re silly!” Frodo cried, trying to squirm away while laughing. “Save me, Bilbo!”

“Should I save you from the Kili Monster?” the baker asked innocently. “That sounds dangerous.”

“Yes!” he laughed. “Save me from the Kili Monster!”

“I’ll show you monster!” Kili growled playfully, moving his fingers to Frodo’s armpits, causing him to squeal once more.

“Bilbo, help!”

His dad chuckled before scooping Frodo up and away from Kili. “I’ve saved you, my boy!” he exclaimed triumphantly. “The Kili Monster won’t get you again!”

“Yay!” he cheered before scowling at Kili and shaking his finger in his direction. “Bad Kili Monster!”

“Curses!” Kili cried dramatically, shaking his fist. “I’ll get you next time!”

“No!” Frodo protested, giggling. “Bilbo will protect me!”

“That I will,” Bilbo agreed, chuckling lightly. “Now, time for all good little boys to be in bed!”

“But I’m not sleepy,” Frodo said, words belied by a yawn.

“Well, I think you should try to sleep anyway. Kili is going to bed, too,” he said, giving the older boy a meaningful look.

Kili frowned at that. It wasn’t his bedtime yet. But when Frodo climbed into the bed and looked at him expectantly, he sighed and climbed in after him. He couldn’t be too put out, though, when the smaller boy immediately curled up next to him and wrapped his little arms around him.

Bilbo smiled down at them and kissed them both on the forehead. “Goodnight, boys.”

“Goodnight, Dad,” Kili whispered, not wanting to disturb Frodo whose eyes were already starting to close. “Love you.”

“Love you too.”

 

Of course, no matter how many smiles and laughs Kili managed to draw out of Frodo, he still seemed to get so _sad_ sometimes. Kili might have been good at distracting him from it, but Fili was better at making it better somehow. Whenever Fili came over (which happened more often as they had stopped spending time at Thorin’s apartment for some reason), he would always make the time to talk to Frodo by himself.

Kili hadn’t expected to feel the stab of jealous that hit him every time this happened. For some reason, he hadn’t considered that getting Frodo as a little brother also meant that _Fili_ was getting Frodo as a little brother. He wasn’t sure he wanted to share Fili with Frodo, or anyone really.

But he really couldn’t be selfish enough to deny Frodo something that made him less sad, even if it made _him_ sad. So he decided to keep his dejection to himself. Apparently, he didn’t do a very good job, though, because Fili took him aside after about the third of his and Frodo’s little chats.

“Are you okay?” he asked softly, looking at him in concern.

Kili swallowed back the things he was feeling and nodded.

Fili just looked at him knowingly. “He’s not replacing you, you know.”

“I know,” he replied in a small voice, even though he didn’t really believe it.

“He’s not,” Fili insisted with a roll of his eyes. “Just because I love him doesn’t mean I love you any less.”

Which made sense to Kili. After all, he loved his pop but that didn’t mean he loved his dad any less. And he loved Frodo, too, which didn’t make him love Fili any less. But he loved Fili best of everyone. He just wanted Fili to love him best too.

And that was very selfish, he knew. He probably shouldn’t even love one person in his family more than the others. Something was probably wrong with that.

“We’re both your little brothers now,” he said instead of trying to explain his thinking.

“Yeah, but you’re more than that,” Fili replied with a shrug.

“I am?” Kili asked. He always thought that being brothers was more than anything else they could be. What was more than brothers?

“You’re also my best friend,” Fili said simply.

Kili grinned at that. “So what do you talk to Frodo about anyway?” he asked, changing the subject. “You’re better at making him feel better than me.”

“He misses his parents,” he answered with a shrug. “I just talk about how I do too sometimes but that it gets better and that it’s okay to be happy without them.”

“Oh,” he said ruefully. He didn’t know how to relate to that. He had never really missed his real parents. “Do you get sad like Frodo then?”

“I used to,” Fili admitted, wrapping an arm around Kili’s shoulders. “But then I met you and then Pop found me and then we all became a family. I don’t get sad anymore. I miss them at times, but that’s different than sad.”

“Good,” he said, wrapping his arms around Fili’s waist and burying his face in his chest. “I don’t want you to ever be sad. Sorry I never noticed before.”

“You made the sadness go away,” Fili shrugged, returning Kili’s hug. “There wasn’t much to notice.”

 

They moved into the new house the week after school let out. Bilbo and Thorin had been working the previous week to get most of their things moved in so the transition was relatively painless for Kili, Fili, and Frodo.

Kili loved the new house. He loved having a backyard, he loved having his entire family live with him, and he especially loved having a room next to Fili’s.

Frodo seemed to like it as well, not that that didn’t stop him from sneaking into bed with either Fili or Kili at times. As the summer wore on, though, those occasions became fewer and more far between. Kili was also glad to see that he became less sad as June and July quickly went by.

Not that Kili was happy with the summer going by so quickly. It would be tough going from spending all of his time with Fili to going to a different school from him and being around kids that thought he was weird. He wished he could go to the middle school with Fili, but comforted himself with the knowledge that he’d be going there next year. And maybe the kids in his class would be nicer to him at this new school.

His first run in with one of his future classmates, though, didn’t leave him much hope.

It was well into August. Bilbo was taking Frodo to the dentist to get a cavity fixed so Thorin had to take Fili and Kili with him to the grocery store. Grocery shopping was boring, Kili quickly decided as he and Fili trailed after their pop in the produce section. He was almost jealous of Frodo who was getting his teeth drilled instead.

That was when a cool voice caught Thorin’s attention as he was squeezing tomatoes.

“Thorin Durin, it has been a while.”

All three of them looked up to see a tall, pale blond walking towards them, with two kids in tow as well. Thorin’s face did a weird spasm as if it weren’t entirely sure which emotion it wanted to express before smoothing into an emotionless mask.

“Thranduil,” he greeted calmly. “It’s actually Thorin Oakenshield now.”

Kili frowned at that. Fili’s last name was Durin. For some reason, he had just assumed Thorin’s was as well.

“Oh yes,” the pale blond drawled. “I had heard that you had a falling out with your family. Shame.” Kili didn’t really think whoever this Thranduil was thought it was a shame. It sounded like he couldn’t care less.

“Yes, well, it happened,” he said stiffly. Kili decided then and there that he did not like Thranduil one bit. “Are these your children?”

“Ah, yes,” Thranduil replied, waving gracefully towards the blond and redhead following him. “This is my son Legolas,” he nodded towards the blond boy. “And Tauriel.”

Kili frowned at the dismissive introduction of the girl, but Tauriel didn’t seemed bothered by it.

“And what grades will you two be going into?” Thorin asked the two of them.

“They’ll both be going into the 5th grade,” Thranduil answered for them before either child could respond.

Their pop looked a little annoyed at that, but smiled anyway. “So will my Kili,” he told Kili’s future classmates. Kili grinned at Thorin calling him _his_. It wasn’t a new concept anymore, but it still felt nice. “Fili here will be starting at the middle school.”

Kili examined Legolas and Tauriel with a little more interest. The boy didn’t seem too interested in Kili, but his sister was giving him an appraising look. Despite her father, she looked like someone Kili might want to get to know. She didn’t seem like the other girls that Kili had come across. She wasn’t wearing anything with a skirt or ruffles or anything, which was a definite plus in her favor.

She seemed to find him wanting, though, as she looked away haughtily and inspected the display of peppers near her.

Kili pouted. How could she not like him already? He hadn’t even said anything!

Fili nudged his shoulder and sent him an encouraging smile. He grinned back at him. Who cared if some stuck-up little girl didn’t like him? He had Fili.

Thorin quickly wrapped up the conversation with Thranduil, seemingly extremely happy to get away from the blond he obviously knew from his past.

Grocery shopping was uneventful after that and soon they were back at the house and unpacking the bags from the car. Bilbo and Frodo still weren’t back yet, which Thorin seemed particularly unhappy about for some reason. He took his time putting away the groceries, telling Fili and Kili that he didn’t need any help. Thorin then went about the house, straightening things that really didn’t need straightening.

Kili looked at Fili in confusion. It looked like their pop was putting something off, but he wasn’t sure what it could be.

Finally, Thorin sighed and called for them both to come sit in the living room with him.

He sat them both on the couch and moved an armchair so that he was sitting directly across from them.

“Alright, boys,” he said finally, looking resigned. “Your dad thinks… Well, your dad and I think that you’re both at the age where, um, we need to have a discussion with you. About things that will be… that your bodies will be going through…”

Kili didn’t think he had ever seen their pop fumble awkwardly through talking like this.

“So anyway,” Thorin continued uncomfortably. “Your bodies will be changing…”

“What do you mean changing?” Kili asked in fascination, envisioning sprouting wings for some reason.

The detective cleared his throat. “Well, your voice will be changing for one. And you’ll be growing hair in certain areas.”

“What areas?” he asked eagerly. He could feel Fili beside him biting back laughter, but he really wanted to know.

“Your… private areas,” Thorin answered. “And you’ll be getting certain _urges_ , which are completely natural.”

“Urges to do what?” Kili was getting very frustrated by Thorin’s vague terms.

Thorin looked at the ceiling and didn’t say anything for a moment before taking a deep breath. “Um, sexual urges. Urges to have sex. You’ll want to, well, touch your private area, and have others touch you there, and touch others’ private areas.”

Kili couldn’t fathom why he would want that. “Why?”

“Because you’re getting older and once you hit puberty, your hormones will make you want to do these things,” Thorin explained in a rush, obviously wanting to get as much information out as quickly as possible. “And when you do, your dad and I want you to remember that sex is a very important step in a relationship and should only be done with someone you trust and both of you should want it. And use a condom. Any more questions?”

Fili shook his head but Kili thought for a moment before opening his mouth. “What’s the difference between liking girls and liking boys?”

Thorin stared at him with his mouth open for a minute before breathing in deeply through his mouth and letting it out slowly through his nose. “It’s just a matter of who you find attractive.”

“But how do you _know_?” Kili pressed.

“Kili, just find the person you want to spend every moment of your time with and who you want to share every piece of yourself with,” Thorin replied with a soft smile.

He frowned at the answer. That wasn’t very helpful. The only person who had ever and could ever meet that criteria was Fili. No one would ever take his place.

“Any other questions?” their pop asked.

There was a beat of silence before Kili asked, “What’s a condom?”

Fili finally lost his battle for composure and burst out laughing.

“And I’m done,” Thorin said, throwing up his arms in defeat. “Neither of you are allowed to have sex ever.”

Kili wasn’t sure that was fair, but since he really didn’t understand why anyone would _want_ to anyway, he wasn’t too upset by it.

Fili just laughed more at Thorin’s proclamation.

Tbc…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there's probably only going to be one or two more chapters before I get into the real meat of the story, and I promise my writing will be less choppy when that happens.


	10. Chapter Ten

Summer, like all good things, came to an end, of course. Which left Kili standing in front of his new school, gripping his backpack straps tightly in trepidation.

It wasn’t fair. He thought that, with his new family, he wouldn’t have to face school alone anymore. But with Fili at the middle school and Frodo at preschool, Kili was left to face the horrors of elementary school on his own.

He took a deep breath as he walked into the building. He knew where his homeroom was. He had come here with Bilbo for “Meet the Teachers” day last week. He had hoped to meet at least one of his future classmates then, but hadn’t had the opportunity. It would have been nice to know at least _one_ person going into class.

He froze as he walked into his classroom and saw a familiar blond and redhead sitting by themselves in the back corner of the class. Well, he had wanted to know someone, he thought with an internal groan. Why did it have to be _them_? He had thought he would be walking into a room where nobody liked him yet because nobody _knew_ him. Instead, he was walking into a room where two people already disliked him.

Maybe if he steered clear of them, he could still make some friends in his class. Or at least not alienate everyone from him.

With that in mind, he chose a desk in the nearest front corner, as far away from Legolas and Tauriel as possible. He wasn’t super thrilled with sitting in the front of the room. He usually tried not to sit so close to the teacher. In his experience, they never tended to like him anymore than his classmates did. However, maybe if he stayed away from those two, maybe they’d leave him alone.

Most of the other children were gathering in their groups of friends, obviously catching up and talking about their summers. It was tough to realize that most of his classmates had known each other for years probably. The notable exceptions were Tauriel and Legolas, who seemed content to sit alone in the back, and a small, redheaded boy sitting in the opposite back corner.

Kili hesitated by the desk he initially chose, biting his lip as he thought. On one hand, if this boy was sitting by himself, he might be feeling just as alone as Kili. It would be nice to be able to make a friend on the first day of school. On the other hand, though, he might be sitting alone out of choice and might be upset if Kili sat near him. Then he would have to deal with the embarrassment of having been rejected, which Legolas and Tauriel would _definitely_ see.

However, if the boy _was_ as lonely as Kili, he could very well just ignore him out of fear of rejection. Steeling his nerves, he marched down the row to where the boy was sitting alone and tentatively sat his backpack down in the desk next to his.

“Hi,” he said with a shaky smile. “Do you mind if I sit by you?”

The boy looked at him with wide grey eyes. “Um, okay,” he answered uncertainly.

Kili’s smile brightened as he settled down and eyed at his potential new friend with interest. He wanted to ask why the other boy was wearing long sleeves when it was so warm outside, but he figured that was probably none of his business. “My name is Kili,” he said instead. “My family just moved to the neighborhood. What’s your name?”

“Faramir,” he replied softly.

Kili opened his mouth to ask why Faramir kept looking at him like he was going to disappear, but a voice interrupted him.

“Faramir, don’t tell me you’re trying to trick the new kid into actually being friends with a loser like you?” The kid who spoke was sneering down at Kili’s new friend while his two friends laughed meanly at his question.

“Just leave me alone, Billy,” Faramir muttered, looking down in shame.

“I’d rather be friends with him than a bully like you,” Kili retorted though, standing up and giving the three the dirtiest look he could muster.

Billy and his friends’ eyes shifted to look for the teacher, and seeing her otherwise occupied with another teacher in the hallway, smirked at Kili. “Looks like the new kid thinks he can take all of us,” Billy told the others.

By now the other kids had started to observe them, but Kili didn’t expect any of them to step forward and stand up for him and Faramir. Nobody had ever stood up for him before. It came as a surprise, then, when someone shoved past Billy and his friends to stand next to him.

“Let’s even up the odds then,” the newcomer all but growled, bushy red hair all but quivering in indignation.

The blond behind Billy rolled his eyes. “Guess all the new kids think they’re something special,” he sneered.

“We’ll just have to show them how things are around here,” Billy stated.

“Or you could just go be pathetic somewhere else,” Tauriel suggested, coming up behind Kili with an obviously reluctant Legolas standing at her back.

Kili was rather nervous about what would happen next. It may have been five to three, but he had no idea if the kids standing near him would stick with him if things escalated further. Thankfully, the teacher chose that moment to step back into the room and call for the students to find their seats. To his surprise, the redheaded boy he didn’t know immediately took the desk in front of Faramir.

“Gimli,” he said with a nod to both of them.

It took a moment for Kili in his dumbfounded state to realize he was introducing himself.

“I’m Kili, and this is Faramir,” he returned before being shocked as Tauriel slid gracefully into the desk in front of him. She looked back at him with a smile before turning her attention to the teacher in the front of the room. Legolas frowned at her seating choice but followed her lead and took the desk in front of her.

Kili really wasn’t sure what had just happened. He glanced at Faramir, who looked just as lost as he felt.

Neither of them, though, got a chance to really talk to any of the other three until lunchtime.

“So are we friends now?” Kili asked, too curious to worry about his bluntness. Faramir looked terrified at the question, whether because he was afraid of the answer or because he was scared of the others’ reaction, Kili didn’t know.

Tauriel laughed at the question though, which left Kili amazed at how musical her laughter was. “I suppose we are,” she replied. Her brother, though, didn’t look too thrilled at the prospect, but he didn’t refute her answer.

“Of course we are,” Gimli declared as if it were a foregone conclusion. “Why wouldn’t we be?”

Kili just shrugged and pushed around the peas on his tray with his fork. “Just never really had friends at school before,” he said, not counting Fili, of course. Fili was always in a category by himself.

“Me neither,” Faramir admitted, giving Kili a small understanding smile.

“Never had… Well, that ends now!” Gimli blustered as if personally offended on their behalves.

“Yes, it does,” Tauriel seconded in a calm but firm voice, green eyes flinty as they flickered to where their classmates were sitting.

Kili smiled at their support but couldn’t help but feel a bit nervous as Legolas surveyed both him and Faramir with appraising eyes. He could only guess what was going on in the blond’s head, but he was probably trying to figure out what it was about the two of them that had scared off so many people in the past.

Kili met his eyes head-on, deciding he didn’t care what the other thought of him. Faramir he could probably count on to be his friend, given their newfound kinship in alienation. Gimli didn’t look like he would be scared away by anyone, let alone a scrawny boy like Legolas. The only one the blond’s appraisal might scare off would be Tauriel, but Kili didn’t think Tauriel was the type of person to let her decision be influenced by anyone else.

So he’d let Legolas size him up all he wanted. He couldn’t hurt him.

It came as a shock to him, then, when the blond’s lip curved into an approving smile.

This was probably the most confusing days of school Kili had ever had.

 

“So how’d it go?” Fili asked him as soon as he walked through the door, dropping his bag by the door and flopping down on the couch next to Kili.

“It was… different,” he answered, scrunching up his nose as he searched for the words to describe his day. “I guess I made friends?”

“You mean you don’t know for sure?” he teased, blue eyes sparkling with laughter.

“Well, I mean, they said they were my friends now, but it’s just weird, you know? I’ve never had friends before,” Kili tried to explain.

“And what do you call me?” Fili cried in half-feigned affront. “And Ori?”

“I mean friends in school,” he backpedaled quickly. “Obviously I’ve had Ori as a friend. And you’re much more than a friend,” he said with a roll of his eyes.

Fili leaned back in satisfaction and threw an arm over his shoulders. “So how’d you make these friends then?”

Kili related the story of the bullies that morning, but regretted it when Fili’s eyes flashed with anger. “It wasn’t a big deal though,” he assured quickly, not wanting Fili to be upset.

“I don’t like other kids picking on you,” the blond stated with a frown.

“Well, technically, they were picking on Faramir,” he pointed out. “But I couldn’t not do anything! I had to stand up for him, Fili!”

Fili smiled at him. “I know you did. And I’m proud of you for that. But if it comes to actual fighting, try and postpone it to after school, okay? That way I can help,” he said with a wink.

Kili laughed. “I’ll try,” he promised. “But what about you? You didn’t make any new friends you’re gonna spend all your time with now, are you?”

That was Kili’s not-so-secret fear. That Fili would make new friends and forget all about him. It was silly, he knew. Fili loved him and he could never forget all about him because Kili slept in the room next to him, but it still worried him all the same.

“You know no one could ever replace you in my heart, Kee,” Fili reassured him. “But I did make a few new friends.”

Of course, he knew that. It was just nice to hear it again. “What are their names?” he asked. “What do they look like? Are they nice?”

“Well, if they weren’t nice, I wouldn’t be friends with them,” Fili replied with a chuckle. “But let’s see, they’re all taller than me,” he said with mock exasperation. Kili grinned at that, knowing Fili was a little annoyed at his lack of a substantial growth spurt, especially since Kili himself had shot up a couple of inches over the summer and was now slightly taller than him. “Aragorn has dark hair and grey eyes, and Eomer and Eowyn, who are twins, are both blonde with blue eyes.”

“Like you?” Kili asked, trying to picture Fili’s friends in his mind.

“Well, Eomer’s blond is a bit darker than mine, while Eowyn’s is a little paler. And their eyes are a little lighter than mine,” Fili described.

“So not as nice as yours,” Kili declared with a smirk.

Fili chuckled. “If you say so. I’m sure you’re speaking as an unbiased party, after all. There’s no reason for you to prefer my color over anyone else’s.”

“None whatsoever,” he replied serenely. “Do you have homework?”

“Not for the first day,” Fili answered.

“Then come on,” Kili said, standing up and tugging him impatiently to his feet. “Let’s go outside!”

Fili laughed but followed him anyway. Kili grinned back at him. No matter how different things were at school now that he had friends, he was glad that Fili was one constant in his life he knew wouldn’t change.

Tbc…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kinda short, but I hope you enjoyed Kili's first day at his new school. We'll learn more about Kili and Fili's new friends as the story progresses, I promise.


	11. Chapter Eleven

Tauriel was amazing, Kili decided.

He had been leery of her, at first, despite her initial offer of friendship. He hadn’t been able to shake the look of disdain she had given him in the grocery store. That hadn’t lasted long, though, because as soon as Tauriel realized he didn’t trust her friendship, she had pulled him aside one morning to ask him why.

Kili had shrugged. “You didn’t really seem to want to be my friend when we first met.”

“That was before you stood up to the class bullies for a boy you had just met,” she had explained.

“Why would you care?” he had asked in confusion. “You never cared that they picked up Faramir before.”

“Just because I didn’t do anything doesn’t mean I didn’t care!” was her heated response. “Them picking on Faramir meant they weren’t picking on Legolas though,” she had admitted in a smaller voice.

He hadn’t been able to argue against that. Kili could understand her protecting her brother. He didn’t think he would do the same thing in the same situation, but maybe it was different when you and your brother were in the same grade. If a kid were picking on Frodo, Kili was fairly certain that he and Fili would be able to scare the kid into leave their little brother alone without having to redirect him to a different target. And he couldn’t even imagine someone picking on Fili, let alone how he would react to it.

Since their talk, he had decided to wholehearted embrace friendship with both Tauriel and Legolas, the same as he had with Faramir and Gimli. And, to the somewhat chagrin of Legolas, Faramir, and Gimli, he and Tauriel got on like a house on fire.

Tauriel, with Kili’s infectious personality as an influence, was every bit as curious as he was. The difference, he was quick to realize, was that the redhead was truly fearless. Where Kili might be hesitant to ask certain questions to certain people, Tauriel had no such restraint. And when Kili might decide against an experiment thinking it was too risky, Tauriel dived right in.

Which meant, of course, that Kili dove right in after her.

Faramir, Legolas, and Gimli usually shuffled along after them, joining in on their tamer exploits, attempting to do damage control when things got somewhat out of hand.

Luckily, there weren’t many opportunities for too many dangerous stunts, though Tauriel and Kili still found ways to push things.

Faramir had gotten particularly nervous when they decided to see if they could get someone to swing over the bar of the swing set. Kili had managed to push Tauriel so high that the chain was nearly perpendicular to the ground before Gimli, taking a look at Faramir’s antsy face, put his foot down and made them stop.

Both Faramir and Legolas had shot Gimli a grateful look when Kili and Tauriel immediately stopped upon noticing their friends’ discomfort.

For some reason, though, Fili didn’t seem to like Tauriel, which Kili thought was supremely unfair of him because he had never even _met_ her.

“You should’ve seen it, Fili!” Kili gushed, recounting the swinging experiment they had tried. “Tauriel got so far off the ground! She looked like she was flying! It was awesome!”

“Mmhm,” he replied absentmindedly, not even looking at Kili and focusing instead on the apple he was munching on.

“And Tauriel had this great idea about how to figure out how hot air balloons work!” he went on.

“I bet Tauriel is just a fountain of good ideas,” Fili said sardonically.

Kili frowned in annoyance. “What’s wrong with you?”

“Maybe I’m tired of hearing how wonderful Tauriel is,” he snapped, shooting Kili an irritated look.

“What’s wrong with Tauriel?” he asked, offended on his friend’s behalf and a little hurt at Fili’s harsh words.

“She’s reckless!” Fili exclaimed. “And she makes you reckless too! One or both of you are going to get hurt one of these days.”

“We’re not going to get hurt,” Kili retorted with a roll of his eyes. “We’re careful.”

“Kili, you just told me that you both thought it was a good idea to see if you could swing Tauriel all the way around the swing set. What part of that sounds careful?” Fili asked incredulously.

“It was fun! No one got hurt!” he replied with humph.

“It’s always fun until someone gets hurt!”

“Why do you have to try and be so grown up?” Kili asked in exasperation. “You’re only a year older than me. It’s not like you know so much, you know.”

Fili sighed in defeat. “I just worry about you, Kili. I’d be really sad if something happened to you.”

Kili’s annoyance at the other boy drained out of him. He closed the distance between them on the couch and threw his arms around Fili in an awkward hug and buried his face in the side of his neck. “Nothing’s going to happen to me.”

“It better not,” Fili said grumpily.

“Kili!” Bilbo called from the kitchen before he could ask Fili why he was still so moody. He reluctantly let go of the blond and made his way to the kitchen.

“Yes, Dad?”

Bilbo smiled at him as he put a casserole dish in the oven. “I just got off the phone with Mr. Bofur,” he informed. “Ori would like you to come spend the weekend with him. Seems like he’s been missing you since you don’t come to the bakery after school anymore.”

“Okay!” he said cheerily. He frowned, though, as he realized something. “Just me? Not Fili too?”

“The invitation was just for you,” his dad said carefully while setting the oven timer.

Kili scrunched up his face in confusion. “I thought Ori liked Fili?”

“Of course he does!” Bilbo assured him, turning around to face him. “But I think he sometimes misses when it was just you and him. You and Fili do tend to get caught up in each other, you know?”

He nodded slowly. That was true. He stuck close to Fili whenever they were with each other, but they both tried their best not to exclude others! They had tried to include Ori as much as possible when Bilbo and Kili were still living above the bakery, and though he was still little, they tried to include Frodo as much as possible as well. Kili didn’t want to be a bad friend or brother by favoring Fili all the time. And if Ori wanted to spend some time with him without Fili, well, he could do that. It was just…

“The _entire_ weekend?” he asked morosely.

“You’ve gone longer without seeing Fili,” his dad said with a roll of his eyes, turning his attention to chopping vegetables for a salad.

“Not out of choice,” he pointed out with a pout.

“Kili,” Bilbo said gently, bending down slightly to look him in the eye. “You don’t have to go if you don’t want to. But you see Fili all the time and he’s not going anywhere. If you want to keep Ori’s friendship, you’re going to have to put effort into it now. After all, you don’t go to the same school and you don’t see him at the bakery anymore.”

“I _do_ want to be Ori’s friend,” Kili insisted. And he did miss spending time with the younger boy. “I guess a weekend there could be fun.”

“That’s the spirit,” his dad approved.

Fili didn’t think it was a bad idea either.

“You’ll have fun with Ori,” he said with a smile. “Fun that won’t run the risk of bodily injury.”

Kili scowled at that, knowing it was a further dig at Tauriel. He thought that Fili would lay off after they talked earlier. Apparently he was wrong. Maybe after a weekend at Ori’s, Fili wouldn’t annoy him as much about his new friends.

He tried to not let his annoyance with Fili spoil his time with Ori. He plastered on a grin and listened to the younger boy attentively as he told him about his new teacher and how the older kids in his class had finally stopped treating him like a little kid, which was an improvement over previous years.

“So what’s got you so moody?” Ori asked finally, giving him a knowing look.

“I’m not moody,” Kili protested.

“Yes, you are,” he said matter-of-factly. “You’d never let me go on and on about the idiots at my school without interrupting to tell me how stupid they all are. So what’s up?”

He sighed and shrugged. “Fili and I had a little bit of a disagreement.”

“You and Fili are fighting?!?” Ori cried in shock.

“We are _not_ fighting,” Kili insisted. He thought about it for a moment before he gasped. “No! Fili and I are fighting! We never fight! I can’t be in a fight with Fili!” he said in a panicked voice. “What do I do?!?”

Ori looked thoughtful for a moment. “Well,” he said slowly. “Are you upset at Fili?”

Kili opened his mouth to immediately reply “no,” but then he thought about the question. Was he mad at Fili? Well, he was definitely annoyed at him for being so unfair to Tauriel. “I guess…”

“Well, why?”

“He doesn’t like Tauriel,” Kili said with a scowl. “And he hasn’t even _met_ her! She’s my friend. He’s the one who always wanted me to make more friends at school! You’d think he be happy that I did!”

“Why doesn’t he like her?” Ori asked. “How does he even know enough about her to dislike her?”

“I’ve told him all about her,” he answered. “And he thinks she’s ‘reckless.’ But we’re always careful to not get hurt!” he defended. “I mean, yeah, sometimes it’s only because Gimli is telling us off, but still.”

Ori frowned. “Do you talk about Tauriel a lot?”

“Well, yeah,” Kili admitted. “But she’s my friend and I spend a lot of time at school with her and the others so of course I do!”

“But do you talk about her more than your other friends?”

Kili bit his lip as he considered that. Yeah, he talked about all his friends, but maybe he did talk about Tauriel more, simply because she was his usual partner in crime at school, with the other three following their lead.

“Maybe…”

Ori rolled his eyes and flopped down on the bed next to Kili. “He’s probably just jealous then,” he stated. “He’s probably is really worried, too, but he’s definitely jealous.”

“Jealous?” Kili said incredulously. “Why would he be jealous?”

“Well how would you feel if he started talking about how great some girl was all the time?”

“That’s different,” he insisted. He didn’t like that scenario at all. “And I wouldn’t be _jealous_. I’d just be worried that he had found someone that he was going to start spending time with and forget about me. That’s not _jealous_.”

“That is exactly jealous,” Ori laughed.

Kili scowled again. “Fine, I _might_ be jealous if that happened, but it’s still different. Why would _Fili_ be jealous of Tauriel? It’s not like I like her more than him. I don’t like _anyone_ more than Fili. And I wouldn’t start spending more time with her and forget about him. That’s ridiculous. I’d rather spend time with Fili than I would with _anyone_.”

“Well _I_ know that, and _you_ know that, but does _Fili_?” Ori asked with a small smile.

Kili wasn’t listening though. He was going over his previous words and he winced as he realized how he sounded. “I didn’t mean it like it sounded,” he told Ori seriously. “It sounded like I didn’t want to spend time with you and I do, I promise!”

The younger boy just laughed again. “I know that, Kili. But anyone who knows you at all knows how important Fili is to you. The question is, does Fili?”

Kili didn’t have an answer for that, and the question haunted him all weekend. He pushed it out of his mind as much as possible in order to not spoil Ori’s fun, but it niggled in the back of his mind regardless.

As soon as he was home, he darted up to Fili’s room, not even bothering to knock, and leaped onto the bed where Fili was reading to wrap him in a tight hug.

“Wha—Kili!” Fili cried in surprise, automatically returning the hug.

“I missed you,” he mumbled into Fili’s shirt. “And I’m sorry.”

“I missed you, too,” the bewildered blond replied. “But what are you sorry for?”

“For talking about Tauriel so much and for being so reckless with her,” he said, looking at him with earnest eyes. “I promise to be more careful. But Fili, you have to know that you’re my favorite person, right? I love you more than I love anyone else.”

“I love you, too, Kee,” Fili murmured with a soft smile as he rearranged them so they could cuddle properly. “You’re my favorite, too, you know?”

“I know,” he said with a grin. And he did. He no longer had any doubt about his place in Fili’s life.

“Cocky little runt, aren’t you?” Fili teased.

“Not a runt,” he shot back. “Taller than you are!”

“Why you little…”

Kili squealed and twisted away as Fili’s fingers found his side to tickle him. “Sorry!” he cried among a peal of laughter. “Mercy! Please!”

“That’s what I thought,” Fili said smugly, tucking Kili against his side once more.

He pouted playfully but wasn’t able to hold it for too long before smiling in contentment. “It’s always going to be you and me, Fili,” he said sleepily, not knowing if he was telling or asking.

It didn’t matter, though, because Fili answered anyway. “Of course it will, Kee,” he promised. “Nothing and no one will ever stop me loving you.”

Kili smiled as his lids slid shut and sleep crept over him. “Love you best.”

Tbc…


	12. Chapter Twelve

Fifth grade flew by in a blur for Kili, which he was somewhat sad about because it had been the most enjoyable year he had ever had in school. Granted, most of that was due to the fact that he finally had friends, but the material they had learned had been fun as well.

It was the last month of school, and their homeroom teacher had told them that next Monday they would have a job-shadowing day, with a report to be turned in the following Friday. Kili was practically vibrating with excitement because he knew _exactly_ who he wanted to ask.

“What’s got you bouncing like a puppy?” Tauriel asked with a sly smile.

Faramir nudged her arm with a grin. “He’s always bouncing like a puppy. That’s just his personality.”

He scowled at both of them as they laughed at him. Legolas and Gimli turned back at the noise from where they were walking a little ahead of them. They just shook their heads as they realized the two redheads were just teasing Kili, a common enough occurrence, and turned back to their own conversation.

“You both are mean to me,” he said with a pout, though he was secretly pleased to see Faramir initiating the teasing. It had taken the other boy a while to come out of his shell, and even now he seemed like he couldn’t believe his luck to actually have friends. Kili could relate, but he himself had slowly gotten over a lot of his self-worth issues, in large part due to the fact that none of his family or friends ever hesitated to tell him how much worth he had.

He didn’t think Faramir had that kind of support. He didn’t know much about Faramir’s family, which was odd now that he thought about it. He knew all about Tauriel and Legolas’s family, mostly because Tauriel had been quick to tell him very matter-of-factly that Legolas was _not_ her brother and that Thranduil, though he had been very kind to her, was _not_ her father. Apparently Thranduil had been her mom’s boss and had taken her in after her mom had died. Legolas’s mom had died later on as well, cancer Legolas had told him sadly, so it was just the three of them.

Of course, maybe it wasn’t so common to just tell your family history to your friends. Kili knew he hadn’t really outright told any of them about his family. Gimli hadn’t either. There were things you just picked up, though, from just talking. Like he knew Gimli was an only child with a dentist for a dad and a real estate agent for a mom, both of which Gimli jokingly complained were a little _too_ affectionate at times.

And he was sure they all knew that his dad was a baker and that his pop was a detective and he had two brothers. He was actually fairly certain that they all knew a little _too_ much about Fili, as he tended to talk about his big brother all the time.

But he knew relatively little about Faramir’s home life. He knew that he had an older brother named Boromir in high school, and he _thought_ Faramir may have mentioned his father once or twice, but that was the extent of his knowledge.

He was bursting to ask Faramir, but he thought it might be one of those situations people didn’t like to talk about. Like how he didn’t like to talk about his first parents.

“So why are you so excited?” Faramir asked with a smile, breaking through his thoughts.

Kili grinned back at him. “The job-shadowing thing. I’m gonna ask Pop if I can shadow him!”

“He’s a detective, right? Isn’t that a little dangerous?” Faramir said pensively. “You think he’ll go for it?”

He shrugged, unconcerned. “Doesn’t hurt to ask. And if he says no, then I can just hang out in the bakery with Dad instead, taste testing frosting and cookies.”

“It’s supposed to be a job we’d be interested in pursuing as a career later on,” Tauriel stated disapprovingly.

“I could be a detective!” Kili cried in protest. “Or a baker!”

She rolled her eyes. “You’d be bored as a baker. And Fili’d never let you become something as dangerous as a cop.”

He opened his mouth to protest, but he really didn’t have any good counters to her arguments. For one, she was probably right about him being bored as a baker. Baking was fun, but he liked figuring out things. There wasn’t much opportunity for that in baking, he thought. And while Thorin’s job was all about figuring things out, Fili would probably be upset with him going into something so dangerous. Not that he always did what Fili wanted, but he didn’t want something as silly as a job messing with their relationship. Still…

“Fili isn’t the boss of me,” he said petulantly.

“No, but you wouldn’t want to disappoint him,” Faramir answered instead of Tauriel.

He couldn’t argue with that. It still didn’t stop him later that day at dinner, though, from asking Thorin about the job-shadowing.

His pop looked at him thoughtfully for a moment before shooting Bilbo a look. His dad didn’t looked thrilled at the prospect at all. Frodo dug into his chicken with no mind to the conversation around him, and Kili didn’t dare look at Fili’s face.

“I’ve got a better idea,” Thorin said at last, giving Kili a smile. “There’s a forensics guy that I work with a lot that would probably be happy to let you shadow him in the lab.”

“A lab?” Kili asked, eyes sparkling with glee. “Like a real lab?”

His pop glanced at his dad, who nodded with a smile. “Yeah, a forensics lab,” he said. “I think you’d enjoy that more than following me around, especially since there’s a good chance I’ll just be doing boring paperwork. Would you like me to ask him?”

“Yes!” he cried in excitement. “Thank you!”

If he thought he was going to escape a talk with Fili, though, he was out of luck. Not that he really ever wanted to get out of talking with Fili, but he could do without a lecture about how dangerous being a detective was.

He was in for a surprise, though, as Fili just sighed as he followed him up to his room and plop down beside him on the floor. “Do you really want to be a detective?” he asked after a while of just sitting there, halfhearted looking through Kili’s books.

He just shrugged. “It’d be fun figuring out crimes,” he admitted. “But the forensics thing Pop was talking about sounds pretty cool, too. Maybe even cooler. I thought you didn’t want me doing something dangerous?”

“Yeah, but I don’t want you to not do what you want because of _me_ ,” Fili said emphatically. “I just want you to be happy, Kee.”

Kili grinned and leaned into Fili’s side. “I think I could be happy flipping burgers as long as I still had you.”

“You’ll always have me. And you’d never have to do something as boring as flipping burgers for money” he said with a roll of his eyes. “You could just mooch off of me instead and do fun things that made no money.”

“Then you’d have to make enough money for that,” Kili replied with a laugh. “Unless you got a trust fund tucked away like Pop does.” Fili was quiet. “You do, don’t you!” he accused, shoving him playfully. “Jerk! You never told me!”

Fili shrugged. “I can’t touch it until I’m eighteen so it’s not that important.”

“It matters that I’m gonna have to help you fight off all the gold diggers that are gonna try and take advantage of you,” he pointed out with a sly grin.

“So glad I have you to defend my honor,” he said sarcastically.

“I’ll be your knight in shining armor!” Kili declared cheekily.

“More like a nerd in tinfoil,” Fili teased.

Kili snorted before looking at him thoughtfully. “So if you don’t need money, what do _you_ want to do when you grow up?”

“Well… that’s kinda the reason I can’t really be upset if you want to be a detective like Pop…” he said reluctantly.

“Do _you_ want to be a detective like Pop?” he asked with a frown, not liking the sound of that at all, despite knowing it was hypocritical of him.

“No,” Fili replied. “I was thinking maybe a firefighter.”

Kili’s frown deepened at that. Firefighter wasn’t any better than a police officer. In some ways, it might even be worse. “Why?”

“I don’t know,” he answered. “It’s just… you know how Frodo and I used to talk about his parents?” At Kili’s nod, he continued, “Well, his parents died in a fire, and he was there and he talked about how scared he was and how the firemen saved him and I just, I don’t know, want to be able to save people like Frodo.”

“You could get hurt, though,” Kili said in a small voice.

“I would be careful,” Fili assured, throwing an arm around Kili’s shoulders and pulling him close. “And I might do something completely different. It’s just an idea that kinda stuck with me.”

Kili couldn’t say that he particularly liked the idea, but it wouldn’t be fair for him to be upset about it when Fili had just said he wouldn’t be mad if _Kili_ chose a dangerous job. Though Kili didn’t quite think it was fair that Fili had waited to say this until _after_ Thorin had piqued his interest in the much safer field of forensics.

“No use worrying about it down,” he said finally with a sigh. “That’s years and years away.”

Fili chuckled. “You’re right. We have plenty of time to figure everything out.”

 

Kili was fairly certain he got on pretty much everyone’s nerves over the next few days as he waited impatiently for Job-Shadowing Day to get there already. He couldn’t help it though! He was just so excited! His excitement doubled when his pop told him Dr. Radagast had actually agreed for him to shadow him in the lab.

He woke up before the sun Monday morning and rushed to brush his teeth and throw his clothes on. He was downstairs munching on a bowl of cereal before Bilbo even left for the bakery.

His dad just chuckled as he caught sight of him before he left. “Someone is getting a jump on the day,” he remarked.

“I’m going to work with Pop today, Dad!” Kili reminded him with a grin.

“I don’t think any of us could have forgotten that if we tried,” Bilbo said with a cheeky wink. “Behave today, but have fun!”

“Promise!” he said as he waved his dad out the door.

It took _forever_ for Thorin to come down. And then it took _forever_ for him to drink a cup of coffee. And _then_ he had to fix a travel mug of coffee. Really, how much coffee did one adult need?

Of course, he forgot to take into account that his pop always took Frodo to school before he went to work. And of course, that took _forever_ too.

They _finally_ pulled into the precinct and Kili was bouncing with impatience as Thorin led him down to the lab.

The man who met them there was probably the oddest looking man Kili had ever seen. His brown and grey hair was pulled into a messy bun on the very top of his head. He had two pairs of glasses perched on his large, hooked nose, and he was muttering to himself as he read over a sheet of paper that he held close to his face.

Kili liked him immediately.

“Kili, this is Dr. Radagast,” Thorin introduced before turning to the scientist with a raised brow. “And Rob, really? You need to get bifocals.”

Radagast waved him off. “I can see perfectly fine with these,” he said, gesturing towards the two sets of glasses on his face. “Now, off you go so I can corrupt your son with ideas about science.”

Kili grinned at that and Thorin just shook his head.

“I’ll come get you for lunch, okay?” he told Kili before he left.

Kili turned to Radagast with his notebook and pencil in hand, ready to take notes and learn everything he could.

The strange older man clapped his hands together gleefully. “Alright, so how about we solve a murder?”

Though he was sure the scientist kept the more gruesome pieces of evidence away from him, Kili was fascinated by everything Radagast showed him. First he showed him a machine called a mass spectrometer, which, from what Kili could understand, spun really fast and separated different materials from each other so that you could identify what things were. Then he showed him how he pulled fingerprints from objects like cups and things found at the scene. He then scanned the prints into a computer. They were still waiting for the database to finish running the prints when Thorin came to get him for lunch.

“Pop! Dr. Radagast has the coolest job ever!” Kili gushed over his hamburger.

Thorin chuckled at his enthusiasm. “I thought you might like it.”

He scrunched up his face in confusion after a moment of thought. “Pop?” he asked. “If Dr. Radagast is the one who figures out all the evidence and stuff, what do _you_ do?”

“I should be offended at that,” he laughed. “But forensics does play a large role in police work. But detectives are the ones who find the guy all the evidence points to. It’s not easy sometimes. Sometimes the evidence points to someone and we don’t know who that someone is because none of his information is in the system.” Kili nodded thoughtfully as he finished his soda. “Now, ready to get back to work?”

“Yeah!”

The rest of the day past quickly for Kili, and when his pop came to collect him at the end of the day, he really didn’t want to go.

“I think it’s safe to say Kili found his calling today,” Thorin told his dad over dinner.

Kili bobbed his head enthusiastically. “It was _so cool_ , Dad!”

“You wouldn’t mind be stuck in a lab all day?” Fili asked next to him, nose scrunched up as if that were the worst thing he could think of.

“Why would I mind being in a lab all day?” he asked in bewilderment, causing his parents to laugh.

Fili shook his head. “I guess _you_ wouldn’t.”

“Nope,” he chirped, spearing a carrot and popping it happily in his mouth.

“What’s a lab?” Frodo asked, blue eyes looking at them in confusion.

“It’s a place where smart people like Kili work,” Fili answered primly, blue eyes shooting Kili a mischievous look.

Kili dunked his head in embarrassment but smiled anyway.

“Well, if Kili spends his entire life in a lab and not being shot at, I, for one, will be happy,” Bilbo declared, giving Thorin a meaningful look.

“I am very rarely shot at,” the detective pointed out, uselessly as far as Kili was concerned because he still remembered the incident a few months ago when Thorin _was_ shot at one night and Bilbo had cried and he, Fili, and Frodo all huddled together in Fili’s room. “But this is about Kili, and not me.”

Bilbo sighed before standing to clear the table. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”

Kili caught Fili’s eyes and they both beat a hasty retreat to the safety of Fili’s room, both of them knowing that the night would probably end in Bilbo crying and neither of them wanted to see that again.

“I should’ve thought more before asking to go with Pop to work,” Kili said once they were settled in Fili’s room, absently pushing around Fili’s remote control truck. “I should’ve known it would have made Dad remember that night.”

“I think Dad remembers that night a lot anyway,” Fili replied, flopping down on his bed. “It wasn’t a very good night.”

“I try not to remember it,” he said with a shrug. He was pretty good at blocking out unpleasant memories.

Frodo ran into the room and jumped on the bed before the conversation got any sadder. The five-year-old managed to distract the older two from any morose thoughts, and they all played happily together until it was Frodo’s bedtime.

“Can I sleep with you tonight?” Kili asked Fili after he had had a shower and changed into his pajamas. He didn’t want to be alone that night. He was afraid the bad memories would haunt him.

“Yeah,” Fili murmured, pulling down his blankets and letting Kili slip in with him.

They curled up together and were soon fast asleep, barely noticing when Thorin checked in on them and left with a quiet smile.

Tbc…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like this chapter a lot more than the last couple I've posted so I hope you all enjoyed it as well! And I'm not sure what Fili's eventual career is going to be so I am open to suggestions as long as they fit with the trajectory I plan for his character.


	13. Chapter Thirteen

Summer came and went quickly, though it hadn’t exactly went the way Kili had thought it would.

For one, he hadn’t realized that he wouldn’t get to see a lot of his friends from school over break.

To be fair, it wasn’t as if they didn’t talk to each other. It was just… difficult… for some reason for them to all get together.

Tauriel and Legolas were understandable. Thranduil and Thorin were still rather cool towards each other, and tended to avoid each other if possible. The blond had brought his two children to Kili’s birthday party during the school year, but they had barely stayed for cake and presents before leaving. It really wasn’t surprising that few invitations passed between their parents that summer.

Bilbo wasn’t exactly happy that Thorin was letting his “teenage grudges” (as he called them) interfere with Kili’s friendships, but Kili assured his dad that it was okay. It wasn’t as if Legolas and Tauriel had much free time that summer anyway.

Thranduil had them booked for numerous lessons over the summer, from tennis to archery to Latin. Legolas took them all extremely seriously, as he did most things. Tauriel, though, only tolerated them from what Kili had gathered from their occasional phone conversation. She may have had the same innate curiosity as Kili, but she didn’t have the same overall love of learning he did.

Then again, if he had to waste his summer in lessons, he’d probably be annoyed too.

Gimli also was around much. They saw each other a couple of times over the summer, with his parents and Kili’s hitting it off right away apparently, but he spent most of his summer at camp.

Faramir he didn’t hear from at all, which made a knot of worry twist in his gut.

“I’m sure he’s fine,” Fili told him the night before school began again, after Kili had told him that he was concerned.

“How do you know?” Kili whispered back, snuggling close to the blond despite the heat still lingering in the September night. They were supposed to be asleep already, but Kili had crept into Fili’s room after Bilbo had ordered them both to bed, unable to sleep, a combination of worry, nerves, and excitement coursing through him.

“I don’t,” he admitted quietly. “But you’ll see him tomorrow so there’s no use worrying about it.”

Kili chewed the inside of his lip for a moment before sighing. “You’re right, but I can’t help it.”

“Just think about something else then,” Fili suggested, wrapping his arms around him and pulling him closer. “We’re finally going to be at the same school.”

Kili shot him a small smile at that. “Yeah,” he said shyly. “You’re not gonna pretend like you don’t know your dorky kid brother, right?”

“Don’t be stupid,” he scoffed. “Why would I do that?”

“I don’t know,” he shrugged. “You’ve got all your friends and you’ll be a seventh grader and I’m sure it’s not cool to be seen hanging around a sixth grader.”

“First of all, I don’t care about being cool,” Fili said seriously, propping himself up on his elbow to look at Kili properly. “Second of all, you’ve met all of my friends and they know how close we are so I doubt any of them would have a problem with you.”

That was true, Kili had to admit. Fili’s friends were kind of awesome. They had been around this summer much more than Kili’s own friends had been.

He had liked Eomer and Eowyn immediately. There was a certain wildness about the two that Kili felt an instant connection to. They had taken to him quickly as well, easily accepting the package deal that he and Fili were, probably because, as twins, they understood it better than most.

Aragorn he had a harder time figuring out. At first, he had thought the dark-haired boy didn’t like him. Not wanting to make problems for Fili with his friend, he had tried to keep out of their way when Aragorn was over. Of course, that hadn’t worked because he found it nearly impossible to stay away from Fili, so when his brother would invite him along, as he inevitably did, he was incapable of saying no.

The more time he spend with Aragorn, though, the more he realized the boy was similar to Fili in some ways. Like Fili, he was reserved around people he didn’t know very well. However, once you got to know him, he proved to be warm and caring, with a rather wicked sense of humor. Kili still wasn’t sure if the older boy actually liked him or not, but he was friendly enough for Fili’s sake, which was good enough.

“I still don’t expect you to give me too much attention at school,” Kili muttered ruefully. “I mean, you have your friends, and I have mine…”

“And we’re all going to hang out before school, and we’re all going to take over a table at lunch together, and we’re all going to walk home after school together,” Fili said before uncertainty colored his voice. “Unless… you’d rather _not_ … I mean, I know you have your own friends…”

Kili rolled his eyes. “Why wouldn’t I want to? But do you really think our friends will be okay with being smooshed together like that?”

Fili shrugged, lying back down on the bed. “Doesn’t matter. They can stay as separate as they want. If they want to draw a line down the middle of the lunch table with us in middle, I don’t really care. Though, I really don’t think Aragorn and the twins would do that. They like you and will at least be nice to your friends.”

“If you say so…”

“I do say so,” he said with finality. “And now that that is settled, let’s go to sleep. Big day tomorrow.”

Kili didn’t think he’d be able to sleep, but curled up in Fili’s arms with Fili’s fingers carding through his hair, he felt himself slowly drift off.

 

He was still wrapped around Fili when Thorin knocked loudly on the door and hollered at them both to get up and get dressed. Kili grumbled and burrowed deeper into the blankets, deciding that school was stupid and all he wanted to do was sleep forever. Unfortunately, Fili didn’t seem to share his sentiments.

The blond rolled out of bed immediately and shot to the bathroom. Kili huffed before curling around Fili’s still warm pillow. If his brother wanted the bathroom first, that was perfectly fine by him. It only meant he could stay in bed a few extra minutes.

He had almost fallen back to sleep when Fili yanked the covers off of him, grinning down at him already dressed and ready to go.

“Get up, lazybones! Don’t want to be late!”

Kili glared up the blond. If there was one thing about Fili that he did not particularly like, it was his ability to be way too cheerful in the morning. After stubbornly burying his face in the pillows for a moment longer, he crawled out of bed and trudged to the bathroom in a sleepy daze.

He was slightly more awake when he exited the bathroom into his own room, quickly pulling out a pair of jeans and tshirt and changing, running a brush through his hair after he was dressed. His hair was getting long, but he wanted to keep it that way. His goal was to have it get as long as Thorin’s, though he knew he had a long way to go with that. It wasn’t going to be as nice as his pop’s, though. His hair lacked the thickness and curl that Thorin’s had.

Fili would probably look really good with long hair, he thought absently.

“Kili!” Thorin called, breaking him out of his thoughts. “Get down here or you won’t get any breakfast!”

Not wanting to miss out on food, he quickly darted downstairs, grinning as spotted Frodo walking into the kitchen right in front of him.

Sneaking up behind his little brother, he scooped the smaller boy up in his arms with a shout. “Got you!”

“Kili!” Frodo squealed, trying to squirm out of his arms. “Let me go!”

“What’s the magic word?” he teased, hoisting him even higher.

“Now!” he cried petulantly but with a smile on his face.

“Boys,” Thorin said, a hint of warning in his voice. Kili smiled at him sheepishly as he put Frodo down and plopped down at the table next to Fili, who just shook his head at his brothers’ antics.

Fili and Kili both scarfed down their breakfast quickly, eager to get to their first day of school. Thorin’s warning glare was the only thing that kept them from running out the door after they had finished.

Fili turned his head and grinned at him as they hit the sidewalk and turned in the direction of the middle school. A burst of happiness spread through Kili.

His good mood continued all the way to the school until it stuttered slightly as he saw a familiar redhead walking in front of them.

“Faramir!” he called, grabbing Fili’s hand and dragging him forward in a run in order to catch his friend.

The other sixth grader turned carefully and gave the brothers a small smile. “Hello, Kili, Fili,” he greeted softly.

Kili frowned at him, taking in his pale face and his sunken eyes. That knot of worry that had been in his stomach all summer was back. “Are you okay?”

He felt Fili’s hand tighten around his own, but before any of them could say anything else, they heard voices calling them from behind.

“Fili! Kili!” Eomer and Eowyn both cried, reaching them and immediately throwing their arms around the brothers, both somehow managing to get an arm around each of them simultaneously and Kili didn’t know how that was even possible.

“Faramir!” Eowyn exclaimed happily, having pulled away and spotted the redhead with them. “I didn’t realize you were starting middle school too!” She wrapped her arms around the smaller boy’s shoulders enthusiastically.

She missed the pained wince Faramir gave at the embrace, but none of the others did.

Eomer scowled at the younger boy. “You told me it had stopped,” he accused.

Faramir shrugged and looked down. “It did for a little while.”

Kili looked between the two of them, knowing he was missing something important. Eowyn had moved to stand at Faramir’s side and took his hand comfortingly, looking more nervous than he had ever seen her. Fili had stiffened completely at his side, hand almost painfully tight around Kili’s own. Eomer, though, looked _furious_.

“Do you three know each other?” Kili asked finally, figuring that was a safe enough question in the tense atmosphere.

“Our families have always been friends,” Eowyn explained with a grateful look at him, obviously glad to talk about something and lessen the tension. “Faramir’s brother has been dating our brother Theodred for years and Faramir usually tags along when he comes over.”

“Because that makes me sound pathetic,” Faramir quipped with a roll of his eyes. Kili was glad that whatever was going on didn’t drive his friend back into his shell. They had all spent all of last year dragging him out as much as they could to see it be reversed over the summer. “And I’m _fine_.”

Eomer glared at the younger boy a moment before stalking away. Kili felt more than saw Fili send Eowyn a questioning look, but she just shook her head.

“Kili!” Tauriel’s excited voice broke through his thoughts as she came to a stop in front of them. “Faramir!”

Legolas followed her at a more sedate pace, giving both Kili and Faramir nods of hello.

“Tauriel, Legolas!” Kili greeted with a grin. “This is Eowyn, and you both know Fili.”

Tauriel’s eyes lit up as she greeted Eowyn, who was giving her a bright smile. Kili figured that they were probably both happy to have another girl in their friend group.

“Have you seen Gimli yet?” Legolas asked after giving Eowyn a polite smile.

“No, I—”

“Legolas!” the booming voice of Gimli interrupted him as he wrapped both arms around the thin blond from behind and lifted him in a boisterous greeting. Eowyn laughed aloud at the sight while Tauriel shook her head in amusement.

Kili shot a look at Faramir, who was resolutely keeping a smile on his face even though his eyes held more than a little hurt. Kili wondered how much of that had to do with Eomer’s anger and how much was because of whatever had happened over the summer.

He was so lost in his thoughts about Faramir that he almost missed Aragorn joining them briefly before leaving to go hunt Eomer down. He hoped the older boy would tell Eomer off for being so mean to Faramir. Whatever Faramir was going through, he didn’t need Eomer’s anger on top of it.

Fili gave his hand a final squeeze as the bell rung before he let go. Kili, in all honesty, had forgotten that he had been holding his brother’s hand the entire time. He looked at Fili in askance as they both headed to their homerooms. The blond shot him the fiercely protective look that he usually only got when Kili told him about bullies at school or when Kili’s first parents were brought up.

“It’ll be okay,” he murmured to Kili before turning down the hallway towards his own classroom at the other end of the school than Kili’s.

Kili wasn’t sure if that was true, but he wasn’t really sure what was happening either. His stomach was twisted in something worse than worry for Faramir, but he didn’t know _why_. He felt helpless and useless and so utterly _small_.

For the first time in years, he felt like he wanted to curl up in a ball in a closet again and hide from the world.

And he didn’t like that feeling one bit.

Tbc…

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Faramir... I realize I should probably add more relationship tags to the top, just to let you all know where this is eventually headed pairing-wise, haha.
> 
> I have a question for later on down the road when we get to the high school romance drama. Do we want any of Fili's POV? I think it would be a nice addition, but I don't want it to be disruptive of the flow I've been having with Kili's POV. There are some aspects of the story that won't be as obvious without Fili's POV, but they'll still be there regardless. I don't want the stylistic shift to turn anyone off though. Let me know what you all think!


	14. Chapter Fourteen

Kili was glad that teachers never taught anything important on the first day of school because he was unable to concentrate in any of his classes. He was grateful when lunch period rolled around and he was able to follow his classmates to the cafeteria.

He craned his neck over the crowds to look for Fili or any of his friends. None of his friends had been in his English class, and he had no idea how he was supposed to find anyone with so many people pressing around him.

The crowd was only exasperating his earlier desire to run away and hide. He felt a little shaky and clammy for some reason. He chalked it up to worry over Faramir and twisted his head left and right in order to catch a glimpse of any of his friends.

He bit his lip as a horrible thought struck him. What if he didn’t have the same lunch period as any of them? What if he was stuck sitting alone in the cafeteria?

He felt sick all of a sudden and nearly bolted into the nearest bathroom before an arm was looped through his and Tauriel was grinning at him. He stared at her for a moment, wondering why she didn’t seem as worried as he was, but then remembered that she hadn’t been there to know that something was wrong with Faramir.

“Finally found one of you!” she cried in relief. “I had no idea there’d be so many students at this school!”

Kili gave her a weak smile. “Yeah, I was starting to worry about sitting alone in the cafeteria.”

She frowned at him. “Everything alright?”

He didn’t answer because he wasn’t really sure. He just kept walking down the hallway. Something loosened in his chest when they ran into Fili and Eomer as they rounded the corner towards the cafeteria.

As long as Fili was around, everything would be alright because Fili always knew what to do.

They took their place in the lunch line with most of the other student, Kili being sure to stick between Fili and Tauriel. With them on either side of him, the crowd didn’t seem so smothering. They spied Eowyn nearer the front of the line. She looked back at them and waved before grabbing a tray and turning towards the food selection.

“How were your first classes?” Fili asked him.

“Fine,” he mumbled, scanning the room for any sign of Faramir.

“If he’s not here by now, he must have the second lunch period,” Fili informed him, grabbing a tray for himself as they reached the front and then handing one to Kili. “Don’t worry. It looks like Gimli, Legolas, and Aragorn will be with him.”

Kili sighed as he took the tray and looked at the food available for lunch. His stomach lurched unpleasantly. “I’m not really that hungry,” he said.

Fili, though, pretended he didn’t hear him and grabbed two of everything, putting one on his own tray and one on Kili’s. He rolled his eyes at the blond’s antics but didn’t say anything, only handed the lady at the end of the line his lunch money and followed Fili to where Eowyn and Eomer were already waiting.

Tauriel trailed after and frowned at them once she sat down. “Why do I feel like I missed something?”

“Faramir’s father has been hurting him,” Eowyn answered in an undertone. “We realized right before you showed up this morning.”

Kili’s head shot up and he looked at Eowyn in horror only for his attention to be drawn away by a derisive snort from Eomer. “Call it what it is,” her twin spat bitterly. “He’s been abusing him.”

His blood ran cold.

It was stupid, he knew, to pretend as if he hadn’t known all day what had happened to Faramir over the summer. He may not have known the particularities, but he had _known_ on some level. He had just been fooling himself into believing that wasn’t possible.

Because it _shouldn’t_ have been possible. Faramir didn’t deserve that kind of treatment. Faramir was one of the nicest people Kili had ever met. He was kind and understanding and soft-spoken and smart and _never_ made _any_ kind of trouble. Kili had never even seen Faramir break one rule in school. Why would his father hit him?

“What has he told you before?” Fili asked seriously.

Eomer stabbed at his broccoli violently. “Not a lot,” he replied sullenly. “I saw hand-shaped bruises around his arms one day and asked him if his father did it. He didn’t deny it but begged me not to say anything because it wasn’t going to happen again.”

“And you believed him?” Tauriel asked incredulously.

He glared at her. “Of course not!” he growled. “But I believed Boromir when he told me a little later that he wouldn’t _let_ it happen again. Their father always doted on Boromir so I figured that if he was going to step between them, nothing else _would_ happen.”

“Faramir might not have let him get between them,” Kili said quietly, staring down at his tray. If it were him, he wouldn’t let Fili. He knew what happened when people got in the way.

“Well he should have,” Eomer snapped angrily.

“You being mad at him isn’t going to help anything!” Kili shot back, fed up with the older boy’s attitude. “You’re just gonna make him more scared and he’ll never let anyone help him! It’s not like it’s his fault! Faramir doesn’t deserve to be hurt and he doesn’t deserve your anger!”

“I know!” Eomer exclaimed before sighing and continuing in a softer tone. “I know. I’m more angry at myself for not telling someone before.”

“You told Boromir,” Eowyn reminded gently.

“Fat lot of good that did.”

They all sat in silence for a while, quietly eating their food and not knowing what to say. Well, everyone but Kili ate their food. He finally began picked up his pizza once Fili nudged him and gave him a significant look.

“How did you guess it was his dad hurting him?” Fili asked, breaking the silence at last.

“Denethor was always a little uncaring towards Faramir,” Eomer explained. “Dad once said it was because his wife died when Faramir was born and it was hard for him to look at with being sad. I don’t think he thought him capable of actually hurting him though.”

“Not loving him probably hurt him more than hitting him did,” Fili remarked, shooting Kili another look as he noticed him only holding his pizza and not eating it. Kili sighed before taking a bite that sat like ash on his tongue.

Eomer only shrugged helplessly. “Anyway, the only people he’d been around were Denethor and Boromir, and Boromir would rather cut off his own arm than hurt Faramir so…”

“What do we do?” Tauriel asked, voicing the question on everyone’s mind. “What _can_ we do?”

“We can’t do _nothing_ ,” Eowyn insisted, looking outraged at the very thought.

Kili envisioned them all storming Faramir’s home and confronting his father directly and had to stop himself from shuddering at the image. If he could hurt Faramir, he could probably hurt any one of them as well.

“We tell our parents,” Fili said in a calming voice.

He felt a tiny flicker of hope at that. Dad and Pop would know what to do. They would help Faramir and would make sure that no one else was hurt by him. Pop was a police officer. He wouldn’t let Faramir’s dad hurt him or Bilbo or anyone else that tried to stop him from hurting Faramir.

“We have to be able to do something more than just run to our parents!” Eowyn protested.

“What if he doesn’t want us to tell anyone?” Tauriel asked.

“I don’t care what he wants!” Eomer hissed. “This is what he needs!”

Fili nodded. “I agree. As for what else we can do, all we can do is be there for him.”

“What if he doesn’t let us?” Tauriel said mournfully. “What if he’s too upset at us for going behind his back and saying something?”

“Are we going behind his back?” Eowyn asked, brow furrowed. “Shouldn’t we tell him that we’re going to tell our parents?”

“No,” Kili replied softly, speaking up at last. “It’d just make him act differently in front of his dad. That might make him angry.”

She nodded thoughtfully. “Should we tell Aragorn and Gimli to tell their parents as well?”

Fili nodded. “The more people, the better, I think.”

Kili really hoped that was true. He didn’t want Faramir to get hurt because his father didn’t like being ambushed by a mob of his friends’ parents.

 

Kili was in two classes with Faramir after lunch, and in both the other boy tried his best to pretend as if nothing was wrong. For his benefit, Kili tried to do the same. It was hard, though, chatting about their science teacher’s toupee when Kili was bursting at the seams to tell Faramir than none of this was his fault and that he didn’t deserve any of it.

It was a relief, then, to leave the rest of their friends behind on the walk back to their house.

“You okay?” Fili asked him, bumping his shoulder lightly.

Kili nodded. “Do you think Pop and Dad will be able to help Faramir?”

“If anyone can, they can,” he assured, throwing an arm around Kili’s shoulders before frowning. “You’re growing taller too fast. I know I was taller than you this summer.”

He shot Fili a weak but grateful smile. He knew his brother was trying to take his mind off of Faramir. “Guess you’re just doomed to be short,” he quipped back. “You’re practically a dwarf.”

Fili rolled his eyes. “A half inch does not make you a giant, you know.”

Kili just smiled and hummed at that and continued walking. The tension eased in his chest a little as he spied Thorin’s car in the driveway. He really didn’t want to put this conversation off.

Determinedly, he picked up his pace, grabbing Fili’s hand and pulling him along with him. They burst into the house and slamming the door behind them, causing Frodo to jump on the couch in the living room, startled by their loud entrance.

“Fili! Kili!” Thorin cried, walking into the entrance hall and frowning at them sternly. “What have we told you about slamming the door?”

“We need to talk to you!” Kili said in a rush. “It’s important.”

Thorin looked from Kili to Fili before nodding and gesturing towards the kitchen. Kili looked over at Fili, suddenly anxious about the upcoming conversation. Fili gave his hand a reassuring squeeze as they both followed Thorin and took seats at the kitchen table across from him.

“Are you two alright?” Thorin asked before either of them could start.

Kili nodded. “We’re fine, but…” He bit his lip as he trailed off, not really sure what to say now that their pop was in front of them listening.

Thankfully, Fili took over for him. “Our friend Faramir is being abused by his father,” he said.

Thorin’s face grew stony. “He told you this?” he asked in what Kili knew to be his detective voice.

“More or less,” Kili answered with a shrug, looking down at his hands.

“Pop, he looked awful,” Fili elaborated in agitation. “He was hurt and in pain. And he admitted that it happened before but that he thought it had stopped and it _hadn’t_. You’ve got to help him!”

“I will, Fili. I promise,” he stated seriously. “Did you tell anyone else?”

“We all decided to tell all our parents,” he informed. “We didn’t really know what else to do.”

Thorin nodded. “You did the right thing. I’m proud of you. Both of you,” he added, giving Kili a small smile.

“What’s going to happen to Faramir?” Kili asked, worried that his friend was going to end up shipped off to a group home like he was after they took him from his first father.

“We’re going to try our best to make sure he is taken in by someone who will love him and keep him safe,” Thorin promised. “Faramir is a good kid. I’m sure there are plenty of people who know him who will make sure he is cared for, don’t you worry, Kili.”

He nodded, mind set at ease. Thorin was right. Faramir was great. Even if he did end up in a group home, his experience would be different than Kili’s. It would take no time at all for him to find a foster family. Kili just hoped it was a family close by so that Faramir wouldn’t have to change schools.

It was going to be okay, he told himself. Pop would take care of everything.

Tbc…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've made a decision regarding POV. It's going to stay just Kili, though be sure to look for oneshots with varying POVs that are outtakes of this story!


	15. Chapter Fifteen

Thorin told them that some of their friends’ parents would be coming over after dinner to decide what they should do. He and Bilbo ushered their sons upstairs, telling them to let them handle things.

Naturally, Fili and Kili waited until Frodo was ensconced in his room before sneaking out to listen at the top of the stairs.

What Kili didn’t expect, though, was for Thranduil to be the first to arrive.

“Thank you for coming,” Thorin said civilly as he opened the door and led the blond into the living room.

“I am not one to sit idly by when a child is being hurt,” they heard his voice reply as they both disappeared from sight.

Kili leant as far as he could over the bannister in an attempt to see into the living room, but Fili quickly jerked him back. He shot his brother a scowl as he listened to the conversation between their pop and Legolas’s dad. It was weird how… not hostile they sounded.

Before anything interesting could be said, though, the doorbell rang again and Bilbo let in two men that Kili didn’t recognize, but who Fili informed him in a whisper were Elrond, Aragorn’s stepdad, and Theoden, Eomer and Eowyn’s dad. Conversation didn’t turn serious, though, until Gimli’s dad arrived.

“Is there a reason you can’t just go over there and arrest the bastard?” Gloin asked, obviously speaking to Thorin.

Kili was wondering that himself. Why bother talking things over when Faramir could be being hurt _right now_?

“I think that should be a last resort,” Thorin answered. “You can never be certain if charges will stick and, even if they do, then Faramir would be taken in by the system, which I think we all want to avoid.”

The doorbell rang again before anything else could be said. Bilbo hurried to the door and opened it to reveal two teenagers, one of which Kili recognized as Faramir’s brother Boromir.

“Can I help you?” Bilbo asked in confusion.

“Theodred!” Kili heard Theoden call in surprise before seeing the other man walk into the entrance hall. “What are you two doing here? How did you even know to come here?”

“Eomer called me,” the teen who must have been Theodred answered. They both stepped inside as Bilbo shut the door behind them. “Boromir has been staying with me for the last two months. We’ve been trying to figure out how to get Faramir away from Denethor.”

“Well, why don’t we all sit down in the living room with everyone and hear the whole story,” Bilbo suggested. Before he followed them, he shot a look straight at Fili and Kili, raising an eyebrow. Kili was sure he was going to scold them and send them to bed, but he said nothing and went back to the living room.

Fili bumped his shoulder and gave him a small, reassuring smile.

“Why has Boromir been staying with you?” Theoden asked.

“Dad threw me out after catching me and Theo together,” a voice that must’ve been Boromir answered after a heavy sigh. “I tried taking Faramir with me, but he threatened to have me arrested for kidnapping. I didn’t know what to do…”

Someone murmured something Kili couldn’t hear, followed by a bunch of other murmurings that were lost to him as well.

“I believe the best option we have,” Thranduil said, cutting through the din, “is to force Denethor to sign over guardianship of both Faramir and Boromir. Get him to sign the forms and get them approved by a court later.”

“And how exactly are we supposed to get him to go along with _that_? Ask nicely?” Gloin remarked sarcastically. Kili pursed his lips. He didn’t like that they were sniping at each other instead of focusing on what was important.

Thankfully, Thranduil didn’t take the bait. “From what I’ve seen of the man the few times we’ve met, he seems to value his reputation more than anything else. I think the mere threat of police intervention, with an actual detective there to back up the threat, will have him caving to what we want.”

“He’s right about Dad valuing his reputation,” Boromir agreed in a bitter tone. “He didn’t care that I was gay, he only cared what people would say about it.”

“Okay, but who’s going to be the boys’ guardian?” Bilbo asked. “I mean, I’m sure I speak for Thorin when I say they are more than welcome here, but what would be best for them?”

“I think they should stay with me,” Theoden declared. “I’ve known them since they were young and they obviously have good relationships with my children.”

“You’ve known them for years and clearly missed their father abusing them,” Thranduil pointed out.

“It wasn’t his fault,” Boromir protested vehemently. “Most of the time, I could stop my father from hitting Faramir so there wasn’t much to notice. I just screwed up and now I can’t protect him!”

“Regardless, I don’t think Theoden is the best option,” Thorin stated. “If Denethor is upset with Boromir being with Theodred, he might refuse to sign out of spite.”

“My wife and I would welcome them,” a new voice said. Kili scrunched up his face in confusion before realizing it must be Aragorn’s stepdad, who had yet to say anything. “My wife and the boys’ mother were first cousins. Gilraen hasn’t really been part of their lives before, but she would like to be. And if we do have to go through the police and the foster system, the boys could still be placed with us.”

“I like that plan,” Bilbo said approvingly. “Gives them some stability regardless of what option we have to take.”

“Agreed,” Thranduil said. “When should we confront him?”

“No time like the presence,” Gloin remarked. “I don’t want the boy with that man any longer than he has to be.”

“Let me call my partner. I want him to come with us as well,” Thorin said. “Theoden, it might be best if you don’t come. Maybe you should take these boys to your home and we’ll bring Faramir there. Might be best to bring him somewhere familiar before settling him with Elrond and Gilraen.”

“I want to come!” Boromir protested immediately. “He’s my brother!”

“It’s better if you don’t,” he reasoned. “Trust me. I’ll get your brother out of there, though. I promise.”

Fili and Kili scrambled back to Fili’s room as everyone started bustling about making plans. Kili turned towards his brother with frightened eyes as soon as they were inside.

“You don’t think he’ll hurt Pop or the others, do you?”

Fili gave him a soft smile before pulling him into a hug. “Of course not,” he assured. “You’ve seen him. Do you really think he could take both Pop _and_ Uncle Dwalin?”

Kili was pretty sure that _no one_ could take both Thorin and Dwalin, let alone the posh business man he knew Faramir’s father was. “You’re right.”

“I’m always right,” he said slyly. “It’s been a long day, though. You should get some sleep.”

“Can I stay in here with you?” Kili all but begged. He didn’t want to sleep alone tonight.

“You can always stay with me,” came the almost automatic answer. “Though I think Dad and Pop might wonder why they bothered with separate rooms if we keep ending up in the same bed.”

Kili just chuckled before darting through the bathroom to grab a pair of pajamas before getting ready for bed. He sighed as he slid into bed next to Fili and curled around him, sure that he wouldn’t be able to sleep much that night.

However, with Fili’s arm wrapped around him and with his brother’s hand in his hair, he quickly drifted off.

 

He curled into himself as the shouting got louder. He didn’t want to be here, but he hadn’t had a chance to run before the first blow hit him. He had cried as they kept coming down before they stopped and the screaming and pleading had started.

He had never been this scared before. He dared to peek between his fingers and gave a soft whine as his father gave his mother one final kick before walking away in disgust. He wanted to creep forward to check on her. He had never seen his father as mad as he had been, and she wasn’t moving.

He was so scared, though. He couldn’t move. He was shaking. No, someone was shaking him…

“Kili!” Fili called, waking him from the nightmare. “It’s okay,” he said, pulling Kili’s trembling form into his arms. “It’s okay.”

“Fili…” He couldn’t stop crying. It was stupid. It was just a stupid dream. Why couldn’t he stop crying?

“Do you want me to get Dad? Or Pop?” Fili asked, pulling away and looking at him with worry.

He shook his head and tucked his head under his brother’s chin. “Just you,” he whispered.

Fili just held him as he got his crying under control and the tremors slowly left his body. “Do you want to talk about it?” he asked finally.

He thought about that for a minute. He hadn’t really talked to anyone about that night, not even the police who had come and taken his dad away or the lady who brought him to the group home. He didn’t like to think about it. He didn’t like to think about his first family at all. He didn’t know what he would dream about them. He thought those dreams were long gone.

“It was about my first family,” he admitted at last. “About the night my mom died.”

Fili hummed in understanding. “It makes sense that this whole thing with Faramir would bring back bad memories.”

Kili shook his head. “Faramir is completely different than me,” he argued. “What Faramir’s dad did to him doesn’t make any sense. Faramir is such a good person. He didn’t deserve any of that.”

Fili hands flew up to frame Kili’s face as he stared at him seriously. “You honestly can’t think that _you_ deserved what your first father did to you.”

“Maybe I didn’t deserve _everything_ he did,” Kili conceded. “But I did make him mad all the time. I mean, I was loud and asked too many questions and was always around when he didn’t want me there…”

“Kili, what happened to you wasn’t your fault!” Fili said vehemently. “That man never should have _touched_ you!”

“But some of it _was_ my fault!” Kili sobbed. “If I hadn’t been there, he wouldn’t have hurt my mom. She wouldn’t have stepped between us and he wouldn’t have k-k-killed her…”

“Kili, no,” Fili murmured, pulling him close and letting him sob into his shoulder. “He was a bad person. You didn’t make him that way, and you couldn’t have stopped him. Your mother tried to protect you because she loved you. She wouldn’t want you to blame yourself.”

“If I had just been _better_. I tried. I tried _so hard_ to be good, but it wasn’t enough,” he muttered.

“No,” Fili said firmly, tightening his hold on him. “You were good enough. But even if you weren’t, that doesn’t matter. You could’ve been a complete terror and he wouldn’t have had the right to hurt you.”

“Then why did he?” Kili asked brokenly. “Why didn’t he love me?”

“Because he’s an asshole and an idiot,” he whispered into Kili’s hair. “Because only an idiot wouldn’t love you.”

Kili let his brother hold him tight as his crying subsided. Maybe Fili was right. Maybe his first dad was just a bad person. Maybe Kili _hadn’t_ deserved to be hit. He hadn’t been much older than Frodo at the time. And no matter how bad Frodo was, Kili wouldn’t say that he deserved to be hurt for it. And he _knew_ Bilbo and Thorin would never hit Frodo like his first dad had hit him.

“You’re not… worried about doing something to deserve something like that now, right?” Fili asked quietly, breaking the silence that had settled over them.

“No,” Kili replied in a sure voice, realizing with a start that it was true. “Even if I thought someone might try, I know you’d never let them. Neither would Dad or Pop.”

“Good. I love you, Kee.”

“I love you, too, Fee.”

Tbc…


	16. Chapter Sixteen

Faramir wasn’t at school the next day, but Eomer and Eowyn reported that he had gotten to their house late last night. When they had left, he was still curled up sleeping in Boromir’s arms, who he hadn’t let go of since he got there.

Kili was distracted the entire day, worrying that Faramir might be angry with them when he did get back. He wasn’t going to regret what they did regardless, but he hoped he hadn’t lost Faramir as a friend.

He’d understand if he was mad, though. Kili knew that _he_ didn’t like people knowing about what his first dad did to him. Even if Fili said it wasn’t his fault, he still didn’t like the looks he got from people once they knew. But then there were people like Fili and Dad and Pop, who all knew but didn’t give him the looks. Those people were worth putting up with all the others.

He wanted to be one of those people for Faramir.

He was anxious the next day to get to school, hoping Faramir would be back.

Fili rolled his eyes at him as he tied his schools. “I swear, you’re like an overgrown puppy,” he said, standing up and grabbing his backpack.

Kili made a face at him but grabbed his hand as soon as he had his bag and dragged him out of the house and down the street. “Hurry up!” he urged. “I want to talk to Faramir before class.”

The blond sighed but picked up his step anyway. Kili threw him a grateful look.

They got to school in record time, which only meant they had to wait around for the rest of their friends to arrive. Kili shifted his weight nervously, not turning his eyes away from the direction he knew Faramir would be coming from.

“He’s not going to be mad, you know,” Fili said suddenly, putting a calming hand on his shoulder.

“He might be,” he argued, not looking at him.

Whatever Fili might have said was lost, though, as Faramir came into sight with Aragorn walking beside him. Kili gave a cry before running forward to meet them. Aragorn shot him a smile before walking ahead of the two younger students. Kili nodded at him gratefully before turning to Faramir with a sheepish look.

“You look a lot better,” he said. And he did. Faramir didn’t look as tired or tense or anything. He was still a little pale and looked too thin, but he didn’t seem as… worn.

Faramir gave him a small smile. “I think things are going to be a lot better now.”

Something inside of him relaxed at the words. “You’re not… upset, are you? That we told our parents about your dad?” he asked still, needing to clear the air.

Faramir frowned. “I hadn’t even thought about being upset,” he admitted. “Everything’s kinda happened pretty fast. I don’t know how I feel about you all going to your parents without telling me, but I’m happy to be be back with Boromir and I think staying with Elrond and Gilraen is going to be okay.”

“It’s my fault we didn’t tell you what we were going to do,” Kili confessed. “Don’t blame anyone else if you’re gonna be mad about it. I convinced them it would be better.”

He tilted his head in response. “That would be the only thing I could maybe be upset about, but why didn’t you want to tell me what you planned?”

Kili bit his lips and looked down at his shoes. “I thought it’d make you act differently around your dad and he’d get suspicious. My first dad was always suspicious of me when I acted any different.”

A look of understanding crossed Faramir’s face and he abruptly pulled Kili into a hug. “We’re both going to be okay,” he said firmly, pulling away and giving Kili a serious look. He smiled at Kili before leading them both towards where the rest of their friends were gathered.

Kili couldn’t help but shoot admiring glancing at Faramir throughout the day. The amount of strength in the other boy amazed him. When he had left his first family, he hadn’t thought it was going to be okay. It had taken him a long time, and no small amount of help from Fili, to think that.

Faramir, though, seemed to be taking everything in stride. As the days went by, he became more like the Faramir Kili had come to know last year, except more, somehow. Kili didn’t really understand _how_ the other boy could bounce back so fast. How could he be so accepting of what happened already? How could he have already moved past it?

It had taken Kili _years_ to put what his first dad did behind him, and he still wasn’t really sure he had. How could Faramir do it so fast? Was there something wrong with _Kili_ that made it so hard for him?

When he had voiced his concerns to Fili, his brother had shaken his head.

“I don’t know if Faramir is actually past what his dad did to him,” he had said thoughtfully. “But your situations are different. He’s always had his brother there for him. Things were worse this summer because Boromir was gone, but now they’re back together.”

Kili had understood better after that. Faramir was acting like things were normal because, for him, things _had_ gone back to normal because he was with his brother again.

Kili could _definitely_ relate to that.

So things settled down after that. The upside of everything was that Fili and Kili’s two groups of friends seamlessly merged together as the year progressed. Aragorn and Faramir became better friends simply by living together, and because they both shared lunch with Gimli and Legolas, the four of them grew closer. Tauriel and Eowyn were practically joined at the hip at times, with Eomer usually standing not too far off. Truthfully, it sometimes seemed as if his friends were better friends with Fili’s friends than they were with _him_ , but seeing as how he and Fili were together whenever they weren’t in class, he really couldn’t complain too much.

It came as a surprise, then, when Legolas invited him, Faramir, and Gimli over for a sleepover for his birthday.

“My father told me to only invite people in my class,” he had explained with a shrug. “Besides, it’s been a while since it was just us, right?”

Which is how he had ended up at the Greenleaf residence, sitting amid a pile of sleeping bags, munching pizza with the three of them plus Tauriel, who steadfastly refused to be excluded when Thranduil had tried to tell her that girls shouldn’t attend boys’ slumber parties.

“It’s not a slumber party!” Legolas protested immediately, ears burning red. “Slumber parties are for girls!”

“It’s a slumber party,” Tauriel said with a roll of her eyes. “And boys can have them same as girls can. And it doesn’t matter that they’re all guys. They’re all gay anyway!”

Kili was so blindsided by that that he didn’t know how to react and just stared at Tauriel in confusion. He looked at the other boys to try and figure out what his reaction should be. Legolas face had gone completely pink and he wasn’t looking anyone in the eye. Faramir looked nervous but defiant, and Gimli had the same easy-going look on his face as normally did.

They didn’t seem to be denying it. How could all of his friends be gay without him knowing it? And why did they think he was? He hadn’t really shown interest to anybody. Was it just because his dads were gay? Kili didn’t think it worked like that…

Thranduil, though, seemed to accept it in stride and left them alone without further argument to Tauriel.

“I didn’t know you were all gay,” Kili commented as soon as they were alone. “Why didn’t anyone tell me?”

“Nobody told anyone. Tauriel just has a big mouth,” Legolas said, scowling at her.

“It’s not like it matters,” Faramir reasoned, looking a bit more confident now that it was out there and no one reacted badly.

“So you all knew that you all were gay?” he asked, still confused. “ _How_?”

“I didn’t know we _all_ were,” Faramir admitted. “Knowing makes me feel a little bit better though.”

“I kinda had a feeling,” Gimli said with a shrug.

“I’m not gay though,” Kili stated uncertainly.

“Really?” Tauriel said, eyebrows raised in surprise.

“I-I don’t think so?” he stammered out, a little worried at how surprised she was. Was he gay and didn’t know it? Shouldn’t he know? “How are you supposed to know?”

“What do you mean? You just _know_ whether you like boys or girls!” she cried in exasperation.

“I don’t like anybody like that…”

“Of course, you do,” Legolas said, rolling his eyes. “Everyone likes _someone_ like that.”

“I don’t?” he said, worried now. Was there something wrong with him?

“Really?” Tauriel said skeptically. “There’s no one you’d like to, I don’t know, hold hands with or kiss or something?”

Kili’s mind flashed back to the kiss he shared with Fili almost two years ago but pushed that thought away. Fili was his brother. Tauriel meant something different.

He shook his head. “Who do _you_ like then?” he challenged, trying to divert attention away from himself.

“Eowyn,” she answered promptly. “And Faramir likes Eomer, and Gimli and Legolas like each other.”

“Tauriel!” Legolas cried in outrage, face tinged pink as he tried to not look at Gimli. Kili didn’t think he had anything to worry about, though, because Gimli was smiling at him and he was pretty sure that that would work out in Legolas’s favor. Faramir’s ears were flaming red, but he gave no other reaction to his crush being revealed so callously.

“But we were talking about _you_ ,” she told Kili, ignoring Legolas’s anger. “Surely there must be _someone_. Have you ever kissed anyone?”

“Yes!” he said defensively before flushing in mortification. He didn’t want to tell them about that. “I mean, no!”

“You have!” she cackled in excitement. Faramir and Gimli were looking at him in askance as well. Even Legolas was distracted enough from his own annoyance to give him a curious look. “Who?”

“It’s not important,” he mumbled.

“You have to tell us!” Gimli said eagerly. “When did it happen? Why didn’t you tell any of us?”

“Almost two years ago, before I knew any of you,” he muttered, face burning. “Can we please not talk about it?”

“Was it not good?” Faramir asked in concern.

“No, it was great!” Kili protested immediately. “I just, don’t want to talk about it.”

“We’re not going to let it go until you tell us who it was with,” Tauriel stated with a smirk. “Do we know them? We must or you wouldn’t be trying to keep it a secret.”

“Was it your friend Ori?” Legolas guessed.

“No.”

“Well then who was it?” Tauriel demanded.

“Fili, okay!” he finally cried in defeat, glaring at them. “Can we drop it now?”

“You kissed your brother?” Faramir asked in confusion.

“That doesn’t count,” Tauriel said, exasperated. “Brotherly kisses aren’t what we were talking about.”

“It wasn’t really a… brotherly kiss,” Kili admitted.

“But… you’re brothers?” Gimli stated, an odd look on his face.

“We weren’t technically brothers then,” he defended. “This was before my dad and his uncle got together and we moved in together.”

“Wait, so you and Fili aren’t _real_ brothers?” Legolas questioned, looking confused. “Like, there’s no blood relation?”

“I’m only seven months younger than he is. How did you guys not realize that?” he asked incredulously. “But he’s still my brother.”

“Yeah, we know, whatever, but you don’t share the same birth parents?” he clarified.

“We just assumed you did,” Faramir said. “I mean, your names are so similar and you’re so close…”

“Our names are a coincidence,” Kili replied with a shrug. “And we only had each other when we were in foster care together so of course we’re close.”

Tauriel smirked. “So do you _like_ Fili?”

His eyes widened. “We’re brothers!”

“Only because you call yourselves brothers,” she pointed out. “If you wanted to call yourselves boyfriends, you could do that too.”

He rolled his eyes. “We’ve always been brothers. I’m not going to give that up because you think I’m supposed to _like_ someone.”

She shrugged. “Maybe you don’t like him, but you’re gonna like _someone_ one of these days.”

“And when I do, I’ll make sure to tell you nothing,” he warned, causing the other boys to laugh.

They abandoned their pizza then and Legolas brought out a deck of Uno cards. In retaliation for the earlier conversation, the boys all teamed up to make Tauriel lose, but she held her own even with them all against her, helped out by a series of what Kili thought were unfairly lucky hands.

And if Gimli and Legolas sat a little closer than usual, well, Kili did say a word.

Tbc…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So a few things. First, I'd like to assure all of you that the end-game is still Aragorn/Legolas and Gimli/Ori, but I wanted to throw in a very slight middle-school romance between Gimli and Legolas before things got too dramatic in high school.
> 
> Second, I'd like to think you all for pushing this story past 500 kudos. That makes me super excited and your enjoyment keeps me inspired.
> 
> Third, Spring Break is coming to an unfortunate end, so these daily updates of my stories will not be happening anymore. I should still update every two or three days, though, so keep an eye out!


	17. Chapter Seventeen

Kili tried putting the discussion about sexuality out of his mind, he really did. It got more difficult, though, as his body seemed to get more interested with the idea of sex. About a month after his twelfth birthday, it became a regular occurrence for him to wake up sporting an erection. That was embarrassing enough for him to stop sneaking into Fili’s bed, but he was positively _mortified_ the first time he woke up with a wet, sticky stain in his underwear.

His dad talked to him about it a couple days later (after muttering something about Thorin and doing things himself if he wanted something done right), and told him that it was perfectly natural and that he shouldn’t worry about it. Kili hadn’t known _how_ Bilbo had even known that Kili _had_ been worried about it, but he was grateful.

Regardless, his body’s insistence on going through puberty had him questioning exactly what gender he _actually_ found attractive. And since questions were made to be answered, Kili set out to find that answer.

The first thing he tried was simply looking around the school, surreptitiously of course, thinking the best way to figure out who in his class he found attractive. The problem with that, though, is that he couldn’t really get past what he already knew about their various personalities. That was not particularly helpful.

For a more controlled experiment, then, Kili decided that it might be better to stick with actors. This worked much better. Ultimately, what he discovered was that, while he could appreciate the beauty of the curvy bodies of actresses like Scarlett Johansson and Jennifer Lawrence, he much preferred the more masculine lines of Chris Pine and Ryan Gosling.

Chris Hemsworth he found particularly appealing. The combination of the Australian’s crystal clear blue eyes and golden blond hair… He had flushed beet red when he came across a picture of the man shirtless and instantly his cock stood up in interest. He quickly cleared the search history of the computer the whole family shared in the basement and fled to his room, grateful that he didn’t meet anyone on the way there.

On the upside, he figured that was pretty definite proof that he was, in fact, gay. He knew that that revelation might have caused a crisis for other twelve-year-old boys, but given that he had two dads and apparently many of his friends were also gay (a statistical anomaly, Kili was sure), he was much more blasé about the realization. Sure, he knew that other people might treat him badly because of who he was attracted to, but he figured if he had a shot at something like what his dad and pop had, it was more than worth it.

The downside of his little experiment, though, was that now, whenever his penis decided it wanted to become erect, which happened randomly as far as Kili could tell (which the internet told him was totally normal during puberty), but whenever that happened, blond hair and blue eyes would pop into his head, making it extremely hard to think of something non-arousing to get rid of it.

Despite his body’s burgeoning interest in the idea of sex, he still found the whole thing unbelievably embarrassing and uncomfortable. Sure, he could understand why sex would be appealing (it _did_ feel nice when he touched himself), but he couldn’t imagine ever wanting someone _else_ to touch him, especially if he were _naked_! It seemed like it would be so… personal.

The worst part of the stupid puberty thing, though, was that he felt like he shouldn’t slip into bed with Fili anymore, not that that stopped him those nights when he had nightmares. Even then, they had to be particularly bad to get him to leave his own bed. For some reason, the thought of waking up with morning wood while curled around Fili made his stomach lurch in a way he didn’t quite understand.

He regretted, though, when he was woken in the middle of the night by a soft sound coming from Fili’s room. He frowned as he stood up and crept through the bathroom into the other bedroom.

“Fili?” he called quietly, peering into the dark room and barely able to make out his brother’s outline in his bed. A soft cry of pain was his only answer, but it sent him shooting forward like a rocket to Fili’s side. The blond was curled tightly on his side, barely audible whimpers coming from him with every other breath.

“Fili!” he cried in alarm, kneeling by the bed afraid to touch him for fear of hurting him.

Blue, pain-filled eyes opened as Fili tried to smile reassuringly at him. He failed spectacularly. “I’m alright, Kee,” he ground out. “Just a stomachache. It’ll go away.”

Kili reached up to brush the hair from Fili’s forehead and frowned. “You’re burning up! I’m getting Dad and Pop.”

“Kili, no,” he protested weakly, but Kili was already up and headed towards the door.

Fili was always reluctant to admit he was sick, but he had never been this sick before. Never so hot and in so much pain.

And it scared Kili.

“Dad! Pop!” he cried loudly as he burst into their room. Thorin was sitting upright in alarm in an instant while Bilbo raised his head and looked at Kili in groggy confusion. “Fili’s _really_ sick!”

Thorin was out of bed and moving past him before Kili even finished talking. Bilbo was only a split second behind him, but Kili had already darted out behind his pop, eager to return to Fili’s side.

The light was on when he returned to Fili’s room, which only highlighted how pale and sickly the blond looked. Thorin looked worried as he spoke softly to him, frowning deeply when he lay his hand on his forehead. Bilbo walked in and coaxed a thermometer in Fili’s mouth before turning to Thorin.

“I think we should call Balin and ask him to come stay with Kili and Frodo,” he murmured. “We need to get him to the emergency room if he’s in this much pain.”

Kili blinked back tears as Thorin nodded, leaving the room to presumably call Uncle Balin. Emergency room. That wasn’t good. That meant something was _really_ wrong with Fili.

He rushed to take the spot by Fili that Thorin had vacated, taking his brother’s sweaty hand in his own. Fili’s eyes cracked open again as he gripped Kili’s hand tightly. “I’ll be okay, Kee,” he promised weakly.

Kili wanted to believe him. Fili wouldn’t lie to him, but Kili knew that there was no way that the other boy knew for sure that he _would_ be okay. He didn’t like seeing Fili like this. Nothing should be allowed to hurt Fili. Fili never deserved to hurt.

“What’s going on?” Frodo’s sleepy voice asked as he stumbled into the room rubbing his eyes.

“Fili’s sick,” Bilbo explained in a forcibly calm voice. “Why don’t you and Kili run along back to bed? Pop and I are going to take him to the hospital just as soon as your Uncle Balin gets here to look after you two.”

“I want to go with him,” Kili protested, tightening his grip on Fili’s hand. Fili gripped him right back, silently lending support to Kili’s plea.

Bilbo shook his head as Thorin walked back in, dressed and stating that Balin would be there in about half an hour. “It’s better if you stay here with Frodo and Balin,” his dad said in a distracted tone. “Take Frodo to his room and then go back to bed.”

His dad left the room and Kili turned to look pleadingly at Thorin. “Pop…”

“I’m sorry, Kili, but do as your father says,” he said, sparing him an apologetic look before turning back to Fili. He carefully scooped him into his arms, blankets and all. Fili whimpered in pain as he was moved, hand slipping from Kili’s as he went.

Hot tears finally spilled down Kili’s cheeks as he watched Thorin carry Fili out of the room. He felt so helpless and scared. Fili was so sick and was hurting so much. What if something was really wrong with him? What if he…?

A quiet sob escaped his lips before he pressed his hand tightly over mouth, breathing harshly through his nose. A tiny hand wrapped around his free hand and tugged lightly. He looked down to see Frodo looking up at him with big blue eyes.

“It’s okay, Kili,” he said, tugging him out of the room and into Kili’s own room. If Kili wasn’t so distraught, he probably would have smiled as his little brother manhandled him into bed. As it was, he just quietly let the small boy push him into the bed and then crawl in after him, wrapping his little arms around Kili’s shoulders.

Kili tried to stop his tears, not wanting to frighten Frodo, but he couldn’t. Frodo, though, didn’t seem to mind, just clinging more tightly to him and telling him over and over that it would be okay.

A little while later, Bilbo came into the room and sighed as he saw Kili’s tears. “I promise Fili will be okay,” he said, brushing back Kili’s hair. “We’re going to take him to the hospital now. Balin’s going to take Frodo to school tomorrow, but I’ll tell him you can stay home, okay? That way you can be here when we get back.”

Kili nodded miserably. “Okay.”

He felt like that word was being used a lot for a situation that was most definitely _not_ okay. He felt Bilbo brush a kiss to his forehead as he closed his eyes, hoping that Fili would be back home when he woke up and feeling better.

 

 

It was late morning by the time he woke up. As soon as he was awake enough to remember the night before, he was up and running through the bathroom to Fili’s room, stopping just short of the door and peeking in quietly in case the other boy was sleeping. He frowned as he saw that the room was just the same as it had been the night before after Thorin had carried Fili out.

Thinking maybe Fili was awake and watching television in the living room or something, he tore off down the stairs, disappointed as silence greeted him.

“Kili?” the soft voice of his Uncle Balin called from the kitchen. He made his way to where his uncle was pulling a bowl out of the refrigerator. “How about some pancakes?”

He ignored the question. “How’s Fili? When’s he coming home?”

Balin sighed as he turned the stove on to heat the pan. “He probably won’t be home until tomorrow, I’m afraid,” he explained, giving Kili a sympathetic smile. “He had an acute case of appendicitis and they were getting him ready for surgery when your dad called me with an update.”

Kili’s blood ran cold at the word ‘surgery.’ Surgery was serious. Surgery meant someone was going to _cut Fili open_.

His panic must have shown on his face because Balin was suddenly pulling him into a comforting hug. “It’s not as bad as it sound, I promise, Kili. It’s a quick, easy surgery that will have Fili feeling right as rain afterwards.”

Kili sniffled into his uncle’s shirt. “They’re gonna cut him open though,” he said, looking up at him with doubtful eyes.

Balin smiled at him. “Yes, they have to get the sick part of him out so it doesn’t hurt him anymore. But it’s not a big cut, and they know what they’re doing.”

“What if they mess up?” Kili asked, terrified. “What if their hands slip and they cut too deep and… and…”

“That won’t happen,” he answered quickly. “Fili’s going to be just fine.”

“Are you sure?”

“I am,” he stated with a smile. “Now, pancakes?”

Kili shook his head. “I’m not really hungry.”

“How about this,” he said. “You eat some pancakes. And this afternoon, you, Frodo, and I will eat some dinner, bring some to your parents because I’m sure they won’t have eaten anything decent all day, and you can see for yourself that Fili is just fine.”

He frowned. The afternoon seemed like a long time away. And his stomach felt too tied up in knots to eat. “Can I just have an apple or something for now instead?”

Balin smiled and nodded, turning the stove off and placing the bowl of pancake batter back in the fridge. “Okay, we’ll have pancakes for dinner then,” he replied with a wink, handing Kili a shiny red apple.

 

 

The afternoon, like Kili expected, took _forever_ to get there. They did end up having pancakes with Frodo later on, but Kili still didn’t really feel like eating, picking his pancake apart and moving the bits around on his plate to make it seem like he ate more.

When they _finally_ got to the hospital, after picking up food for Bilbo and Thorin, Kili was a bundle of nerves, and he didn’t really know what to do with himself. He wanted to run up to Fili’s room to reassure himself that his brother really was okay. At the same time, though, he was _terrified_ that Fili _wouldn’t_ be okay when he saw him.

Then there was the small kernel of guilt that had been steadily growing within him all day. Because Fili had obviously been in pain for a long time last night before Kili had heard his cry of pain. If Kili hadn’t stopped sneaking into his brother’s bed, maybe he wouldn’t have gotten as sick as he did and maybe he wouldn’t have had to have surgery. What if Fili had figured that out and was upset with him?

So it was with apprehension that Kili followed Balin into Fili’s room. That apprehension faded immediately, though, when Fili lifted his head and smiled at him, raising an arm in obvious invitation. Kili was there in an instant, climbing gently onto the bed next to the blond and tucking himself under his arm, keeping his arms wrapped around himself so he didn’t accidentally hurt Fili’s surgery incisions.

Thorin and Bilbo had smiled at them but were now talking with Balin and not paying attention to them. Frodo was busy poking around the room, looking in drawers and cabinets and exploring the bathroom.

“Told you I’d be okay,” Fili said sluggishly, scooting over slightly and drawing Kili in close to his side.

“They cut you open,” Kili pointed out with a pout. “I’m allowed to be scared for you.”

“Just a few little cuts,” he replied, closing his eyes and leaning his head against Kili’s. “Won’t take that long to heal. I missed this.”

“What?” he asked softly.

“You lying next to me in bed,” Fili answered with a lazy smile. “You don’t sleep with me anymore.”

Kili cringed, his own guilt coming back to him full force. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “If I had been with you, you might not have gotten so sick and needed surgery.”

“Nah, I was always gonna need surgery to get my appendix out,” Fili slurred, nuzzling his face in Kili’s hair. “S’not your fault. Why don’t you sleep with me anymore, Kee? S’it something I did? I really miss you…”

Kili frowned. He hadn’t realized Fili missed him sneaking into his bed as much as he did. It made him feel doubly guilty, especially since he was pretty sure Fili wouldn’t be saying any of this if he wasn’t on whatever drugs the doctors were giving him.

“I miss you, too, Fee,” he admitted, tucking his head under Fili’s chin. “I just… thought it was time to grow up and stop depending on you so much.” It was only a partial lie. The reason was because he was growing up, but he _liked_ depending on Fili, though it probably wasn’t fair to his brother.

“Don’t want you to grow up,” Fili muttered petulantly. “Want you to stay with me forever.”

“I can grow up and still do that,” he argued.

“No,” his brother replied sadly. “You’ll grow up and find someone you love more than me and then leave me.”

Kili craned his head to look into Fili’s now tearful blue eyes, shocked that he would ever think that. “Never,” he promised. “I’ll never love anymore more than you.”

The blond smiled at him, but Kili could see the disbelief in his eyes. He wondered how long Fili had thought about this, whether it was just the drugs talking or if Fili actually believed he was replaceable to Kili. Before he could ask, though, Fili’s eyes fluttered close and his breath evened out in sleep.

Tbc…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, guys, so I'm over 100 pages into this story and still haven't gotten to the part of the story that was the inspiration for this entire piece! This is completely crazy for me and I'm hoping you are all enjoying the ride!
> 
> Question for those of you who might be interested in reading other Fili/Kili stories from me. As my story "Untamed" draws closer to the end, I find that I am looking for another story to write and I have two plot bunnies in my head so I'm looking for input on which to start (and also taking bets on the likelihood of finishing "His Savior" before finishing the new story that I write, haha). Anyway, here are the two half-formed concepts that I'm thinking of:
> 
> Twilight AU - hear me out, not a full-on Twilight AU, but more like werewolf!Dwarves and vampire!Elves, and basically just playing with Meyer's werewolves and vampires to make my own story (and of course, Fili/Kili imprinting will happen, though again, they won't be brothers because I can't write that)
> 
> X-Men AU - Fili and Kili as young mutants taking each other as best as possible while trying to stay as far away from the fighting between humans and mutants and among different human groups (there will be some play on the concept of "five armies" here, haha). Obviously, they manage to be thrust right into the middle of the fighting.


	18. Chapter Eighteen

Kili desperately wanted to ask Fili if he really thought that Kili was going to outgrow him, but he didn’t know how to bring it up. For one, he didn’t want to embarrass Fili by bringing up something he said while he was on lots of pain medication. For another, he wasn’t really sure _how_ he could reassure his brother if Fili _did_ think that.

He was woefully inadequate compared to Fili in that respect. Fili was so good at figuring out what was wrong with other people, why they felt how they did, and then helping them feel better. Kili had seen him do it over and over again, usually with him, but also with Frodo or their friends. Kili didn’t know how to do that.

So instead, he tried to _show_ him how much he loved him.

The first thing he did was start sleeping with Fili again. The only night he hadn’t spent with Fili had been the night after his surgery, when his parents had to gently pry him from Fili’s bed to get him home. It wasn’t even really a conscious decision on his part, really. The day after Fili came home, he had curled under the covers with him carefully and didn’t leave until the weekend was over and it was time to go to school.

After that, slipping into Fili’s bed every night became the norm, even after the blond recovered from his surgery and returned to school. And if either of them woke up with an erection, the other was kind enough to ignore it. Frankly, the fact that Fili got them too made the whole situation much less embarrassing for Kili.

Kili didn’t know how else he was supposed to show Fili how much he loved him, though. Besides, the problem wasn’t that Fili didn’t know he loved him, it was that he thought Kili would eventually find someone he loved _more_.

Finally, he couldn’t hold back anymore. “Why do you think I will love someone more than you one day?” he asked bluntly one night, staring up at the dark ceiling in Fili’s room instead of looking at him.

Fili sighed heavily. “I don’t know, Kee,” he mumbled. “That’s what people _do_ , right? They grow up, fall in love, get married…”

Kili frowned deeply. He didn’t like the sound of that. Not that he gave much thought to falling in love himself. He had yet to have so much as a crush on anyone in school (something Tauriel still didn’t believe) so he wasn’t concerned so much for himself.

Fili, however, was a different story. He had never considered the possibility of the blond finding someone he loved more than _Kili_. He tried to picture Fili meeting some stupid girl and getting married, and his mind balked at the idea.

“Is that what _you_ want? To fall in love and get married?” he asked, chewing on his bottom lip.

Fili chuckled, but it sounded off to Kili’s ears. He turned his head so that he could observe the blond, but he could barely make out his features in the dark.

“Who doesn’t?” Fili asked in an odd tone that was almost angry but not really. “But I don’t think I’ll get married.”

He said it with such resignation that it was clear to Kili that he _wanted_ to. “Why not?”

Fili shrugged, jostling Kili slightly. “I don’t know. I just don’t think I will.”

“Then why are you worried that I will?” Kili asked in confusion.

“Most people do.”

“But you won’t, but not because you don’t want to?” He sighed in frustration. “I don’t understand.”

Fili echoed his sigh. “I don’t either, Kee.”

He let that hang in the air for a moment before propping himself up on his elbow and looking down at Fili seriously. “Okay, even though I’ve never even _liked_ anyone and even though gay marriage isn’t legal in New York,” he knew because he had looked it up when he was wondering if Bilbo and Thorin would ever get married, “even with all that, say I do get married one day. How would that change things between us? It’s just like when Frodo came. Us loving him didn’t mean we loved each other less.”

The blond gave him a small smile. “You’re right. It won’t change anything.”

He could tell that Fili didn’t _really_ believe that, but he also didn’t think that anything he said could change that. It was frustrating that he couldn’t set Fili’s mind at ease. It didn’t help that now _he_ was worried about _Fili_ finding someone else.

He knew he was just being selfish though. He wasn’t content for Fili to love him, he wanted his brother to love him _best_ , just like Kili loved _him_ best.

He felt guilty for loving Fili more than anyone else. But it wasn’t like he didn’t love his parents and Frodo. He _did_. He loved the quiet Sunday mornings when he would help his dad make waffles (ironically, the only day of the week he didn’t mind waking up early). He loved helping his pop with the crossword puzzles in the newspaper. He loved reading to Frodo and helping him with his homework. He didn’t want to lose _any_ of them. Losing any one of them would _devastate_ him.

The difference, though, was that losing Fili would _destroy_ him.

Before he could dwell too much on that, Fili interrupted his musings.

“When were you going to tell me you were gay?”

“What?”

“You said that gay marriage not being legal in New York might keep you from getting married,” he said.

“Oh, yeah,” Kili said, shrugging. “I didn’t realize it til a little while ago. It didn’t really seem like that big a deal that I had to tell you or anything. I mean, like I said, I’ve never really liked anyone so it didn’t matter. Besides, it kinda felt like everyone already knew but me.”

“I didn’t,” Fili said in consternation.

Given that the older boy had already been worried about Kili outgrowing him, he could understand why not knowing something like this might upset Fili. “Sorry for not telling you,” he said sheepishly. “I honestly didn’t think it was that important. I mean, it’s not like you ever told me that you liked girls.”

“I like boys too,” Fili commented before sighing. “But I never thought to tell you so I guess I see your point.”

“You like _both_? I didn’t know you could do that,” he said thoughtfully, unconsciously tightening the arms he had wrapped around Fili’s waist. He didn’t realize he had to worry about both girls _and_ boys taking Fili away from him.

“I can see the appeal of both,” Fili replied, turning into Kili’s embrace and pulling him closer. “But I can’t see myself with just anyone. They’d have to be pretty extraordinary. That’s probably pretty hard to find.”

“You deserve it, though,” Kili stated with certainty, even if the idea of Fili loving someone more than him hurt his heart. “You deserve _everything_.”

He scoffed. “You have to say that because you’re my brother.”

The words sat terribly in Kili’s mind for a jumble of reasons that he couldn’t really explain. “Maybe,” he said noncommittally, trying to shake off the feeling of _wrong_. “Or maybe I just know you well enough to know how great you are.”

“Maybe you do, Kee,” he murmured before smiling sleepily at him. “Time to actually sleep now, before Dad or Pop hears our whisperings and comes to tell us off.”

 

 

With the idea that Fili could find someone he loved more than him in his head, Kili became more clingy, to the point of foregoing opportunities to hang out with any of their friends unless Fili was there too. He felt a little guilty, both for imposing himself on Fili so much and for ignoring his friends, but Fili didn’t seem to mind and his friends barely noticed any difference.

His dad, though, was a bit more concerned than his brother and friends. It had been about two months since Fili’s surgery, and Bilbo and Kili were once again doing their Sunday morning waffle-making routine, with Kili in charge of stirring the batter while Bilbo supervised and sliced strawberries.

“Kili,” his dad said seriously, putting the knife down. “I’ve noticed you and Fili have been a little more… affectionate lately. Is there something you’d like to talk about?”

Kili shrugged. “I just… want to make sure he knows I love him.”

“Oh, Kili, Fili knows you love him.”

“But he told me that he thought I’d love someone more than him one day!” he protested. “I don’t want him to ever think that!”

Bilbo sighed. “While I understand, don’t you think you might be… taking things a little far? You’ve both been spending less time apart lately. You shouldn’t neglect your friends for each other.”

“We’re not neglecting anyone!” Kili argued, though he wasn’t really sure how truthful he was being as he hadn’t really noticed. “I mean, we still hang out with them. We went to the movies last weekend with Aragorn and Faramir. And the weekend before that, Ori came over here and we spent time with him. And we always talk to our friends at school.”

“When was the last time either of you spent time with friends without the other around?” he asked. “Other than classes.”

Kili shrugged in answer, not really wanting to admit that it was probably Legolas’s sleepover and that was well over four months ago. “Why is it such a bad thing to want to spend time with Fili?”

“It’s not,” Bilbo was quick to assure. “I just don’t want you to miss out on anything because you are afraid of losing Fili. Because you’re never going to lose Fili, you know. Fili loves you as much as you love him.”

“But what if he finds someone he loves more?” he asked urgently. “What if he falls in love and gets married and doesn’t love me best anymore?”

“You could do the same,” Bilbo pointed out. “You’re both growing up.”

“I’ll _never_ love someone more than Fili,” Kili declared vehemently.

His dad frowned at him thoughtfully for a moment. He opened his mouth before quickly closing it with a shake of his head. “Maybe you won’t, Kili,” he said finally, turning on the waffle maker before taking the bowl of batter from him. “But I don’t think you have to worry about Fili loving someone more than you either.”

Kili looked at him hopefully. “Really?”

Bilbo smiled at him. “Really. Now why don’t you go wake everyone up and tell them breakfast will be ready soon.”

He nodded happily. “Okay.”

He crept up the stairs with a new lightness in his step, smirking as he snuck first into Fili’s room. He paused moment as he just looked at Fili’s sleeping form, breath sticking in his throat for some reason as the sun shone in through the window and made Fili’s golden hair gleam.

Kili shook his head and stepped closer to the bed, reaching out and shaking Fili gently. Blue eyes blinked up blurrily at him. “Mornin’,” Fili mumbled with a smile as he came fully awake. “Breakfast almost ready?”

He nodded. “Want to help me wake Frodo and Pop?” he asked mischievously.

Fili grinned up at him before rolling gracefully out of bed and following him down the hall to Frodo’s room. The younger boy was sprawled across his bed on his back, blankets twisted around his little body. Kili caught Fili’s eyes and nodded at the bare feet sticking out of the blankets.

They padded closer to the bed, nodding at each other before lightly running their fingers over their little brother’s feet. They twitched away instinctively, causing them both to smirk. Spurred on by the reaction, they began to tickle Frodo’s feet more aggressively until the small boy was awake and pealing with laughter.

“Stop!” Frodo squealed, squirming to try and escape but getting caught in the blankets.

By silent agreement, Fili and Kili did stop at that, neither wanting to risk waking Thorin with Frodo’s squealing.

“Want to help us wake Pop?” Kili asked the smaller boy.

Frodo’s blue eyes lit up as he scrambled out of bed, Fili helping him as he ended up getting more twisted up in his blankets. Before leading through the door to their parents’ room, Kili put a finger to his lips to signal they needed to be quiet. Fili and Frodo both nodded solemnly, though Fili’s serious look was more joking than Frodo’s.

He held up three fingers and counted down from that silently, all three of them bursting into the room and jumping on top of their sleeping pop.

“Oof,” Thorin grunted as he was unceremoniously woken. He was barely awake before Fili led the other two boys in a tickle attack.

Kili’s cackles of delight, though, turned into squeals of protest as Thorin’s thicker fingers found his own sides and tickled. They had an advantage with three of them against one, but Frodo quickly turned on Fili and Kili, turning his tiny hands on Fili and leaving Kili to Thorin’s mercy.

“Traiter!” Fili cried as he went down at Frodo’s attack, trying to roll away from the smaller boy.

“Fee, help!” Kili called laughingly as Thorin pinned him to the bed, mercilessly tickling his sides.

“I’m defeated, Kee!” Fili answered dramatically, falling limply to the bed. “Don’t look! Remember as I was!”

“I’ll see you on the other side, Fee! Our time together was too short!” he replied mournfully, closing his eyes and throwing an arm over his eyes.

Thorin snorted as Frodo giggled. “You two are ridiculous,” their pop said. “Now come on. I’m sure your dad has breakfast ready.”

Grinning at each other, Fili and Kili followed their pop and brother off the bed and down to breakfast.

Tbc…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So finals are quickly approaching so I may not be updating for a few weeks. Sorry for that. I'm not too happy about it either, haha. I'd much rather write than study.


	19. Chapter Nineteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Extremely short update that I wrote as a study break. Hope y'all enjoy!

Kili trusted his dad when he said he didn’t think Fili would love anyone more than him. Bilbo had never lied to him, and he was sure someone as old as his dad was would know what was likely to happen as Fili and he got older.

Still, as sixth grade came to an end and summer began, Kili made sure not to stray too far from Fili’s side, figuring that if his brother was always with _him_ , then he’d never spare any attention to anyone else. However, since Bilbo seemed to think that it was good for them to spend time apart, Fili and Kili decided to appease him by figuring out things they could do apart.

Fili had immediately asked their parents if he could take jiu-jitsu lessons. Kili wasn’t sure why Fili wanted to spend time learning to punch and kick things, but it wasn’t something he was interested in doing. Their dad had asked him if he wanted to take the lessons too, but it wasn’t something he had any interest in. Besides, if the point was to spend time apart from Fili, he couldn’t very well do that by taking the same lessons with him.

Since he couldn’t think of any other lessons he might want to take instead, he instead tried to spend more time with his other friends.

Of course, this was more difficult than it sounded. Spending time apart from Fili with Faramir didn’t work because he lived with Aragorn. It didn’t make sense for Kili to visit without Fili coming along. And though he was friends with both Eomer and Eowyn, visiting them without Fili was weird because they were Fili’s friends first. Legolas and Gimli were inseparable, and though Kili loved them both dearly, he _really_ couldn’t stand their puppy love routine for very long. And Ori was spending most of his summer at some super smart and exclusive brain camp for geniuses (or something like that).

Which is how he ended up lazily watching Tauriel practice her archery on a hot August Tuesday afternoon while Fili was at jiu-jitsu.

He yawned as he watched her blow a sweaty piece of red hair out of her face before lining up another shot, back straight and elbow up as she pulled the string taunt. She let it fly and it thudded firmly into the target, just slightly to the left of the bulleyes circle.

“It doesn’t look that hard,” he commented, leaning back on the lawn-chair he was lounging on and taking a sip of lemonade. He wasn’t sure what the Greenleaf’s housekeeper did to it, but he swore he had never had anything as refreshing in his life.

Tauriel rolled her eyes at him and held the bow out. “If you think it’s so easy, why don’t you try it?”

Kili grinned at the challenge and sprang to his feet. He took the bow from Tauriel, who smirked at him before retrieving her arrows and stowing them back in the quiver propped up on a chair near where she was shooting.

“Go ahead, then,” she dared, making a sweeting gesture with her hand before stepping back and folding her arms.

He shot her a cocky smirk before imitating how she was standing as best as possible, trying to remember all the suggestions Legolas and Tauriel always called out to each other when the practiced. His arms strained a bit with the effort it took to draw back the string. He was extremely aware of the position of his elbow, knowing it was supposed to be up but not too high. He lined up his shot, took a deep breath, and released on his exhale.

He winced as the bow string hit his arm on the release but looked at the arrow embedded in the target with satisfaction.

It wasn’t a bullseye, or really anywhere close, but he _had_ hit the outer circle of the target. He called that pretty successful for someone who had never picked up a bow before.

Tauriel agreed. “Not bad,” she said with considering look. “You know, with a little work in correcting your form, you’d probably be really good. Maybe join the archery team with me when we get to high school.”

“What, Legolas not joining with you?”

She pouted. “No. Says he’d rather focus on music. He likes piano lessons a lot more than I do.”

“I’ll pass,” he said, handing her back the bow. “I think I’d get bored of shooting arrow after arrow at a target.”

Tauriel rolled her eyes at him and grinned. “That’s probably true. So what’s up with you and Fili?” she asked, dropping down to sit on the ground and inviting him to do the same. “Why’ve you been spending so much time here alone with me? Please don’t tell me you’ve developed some sort of crush on me!”

Kili scrunched up his nose in distaste. “Ew, no!” She gave him an exaggerated look of offense. “I mean, obviously you’re a very pretty girl and I’m sure there are lots of people out there who would like you like that—”

“I know, I know,” Tauriel interrupted him with smirk. “You’re gay.”

“I am,” he admitted with a shrug, causing her eyes to widen.

“Please tell me you’ve finally realized you’re in love with someone!” she cried with an eager look.

“Tauriel, I’ve never even had a crush on anyone, let alone been ‘in love,’” Kili said sardonically, using air quotes to emphasize how ridiculous the notion was.

“You’re an idiot,” she said with a shake of her head, which Kili did not think was fair at all. “But that doesn’t explain why you’re suddenly seeking out to spend time away from Fili.”

He shrugged. “Dad thinks it’d be better if we spent more time apart. Something about not wanting us to miss out on anything. I don’t really understand it, but Fili seemed to think it was a good idea. And he was really quick to find something to do without me…” He bit his lip before asking the question that had been bothering him all summer. “Do you think he’s getting tired of me being around all the time? I mean, ever since he was in the hospital, I’ve been a bit clingy.”

Tauriel snorted. “You’ve always been ‘a bit’ clingy. You just got worse after Fili got sick. But I don’t think Fili ever had a problem with it. Fili is happiest when you’re with him.”

Kili furrowed his brow. “But clingy is a bad thing, right? So I should stop.”

“I don’t think it’s bad the way you do it,” she said thoughtfully. “I mean, you two are not disgusting everyone in the room with you like Legolas and Gimli do.”

“That’s because we’re not in a relationship,” Kili said, pointing out the obvious.

Tauriel waived that off as insignificant. “You two just kinda… gravitate towards each other. It’s not a bad thing. And it makes you both happy.”

“If it makes Fili so happy, why did he jump at the chance to spend time away from me?” Kili asked grumpily.

She rolled her eyes. “Maybe he just wanted to take jiu-jitsu lessons and knew you wouldn’t want to take them with him. I mean, martial arts definitely seems right up his alley,” she commented.

“Why?”

“You know,” she explained with an impatient wave of her hand, “that whole protector thing he has going on, particularly when it comes to you and Frodo.”

He scowled. “I don’t need protecting.”

Tauriel laughed at that. “Considering how often you mouth off at the bullies who still try and pick on us, I think you should reconsider whether or not you need protection. Besides, Fili is always going to protect you whether you want him to or not.”

Kili worried his bottom lip in consternation. He didn’t like the idea that Fili was taking jiu-jitsu just so that he could better protect Kili. He _never_ wanted Fili to ever be put in a situation where he might be hurt just to protect _him_. He wasn’t worth that.

“Stop making that face,” Tauriel said in exasperation. “The only way you’re ever gonna stop Fili from trying to protect you is to get him to stop loving you, and that’s never going to happen.”

Kili felt his stomach tie in knots at that. He didn’t want Fili to not love him. But his mother had loved him too, and look where that had gotten her.

He resolved not to think about it. The only way it would matter was if Kili were in danger, and if that happened, he would just have to make sure Fili didn’t do anything that would get him hurt.

Tbc…  


	20. Chapter Twenty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this has taken so long! Things have been a bit hectic with my law school graduation and all. Now the only thing I have to do is study for the bar, and since that won't be any fun, I'll hopefully be posting often-ish, haha.

Seventh grade passed by in a blur for Kili, seeming to go by faster and faster the closer the end came, probably because he was dreading it being over. He knew it was silly, but he didn’t want summer to come, because after summer, he had to go into the eighth grade, while Fili went into ninth.

And ninth graders went to high school, while eighth graders were still stuck in middle school.

“You’re not concentrating,” Legolas admonished, giving him an unimpressed look as he lowered his bow. “Your form is sloppy.”

“Sorry,” Kili mumbled, his own bow falling to his side with a sigh. He still wasn’t sure about this whole archery thing, but Tauriel had pestered him until he gave in to at least letting her and Legolas teach him. With Fili still going to jiu-jitsu lessons after school twice a week and homework being ridiculously easy, it wasn’t as if he had anything better to do.

Besides, after Tauriel had mentioned it to Thorin, prompting his pop to buy him all the necessary equipment and set up a practice area for him in their backyard, it was hard to say no.

“I think it’s time for a break anyway,” Tauriel remarked, setting her bow down next to her quiver before plopping down on the ground next to Gimli, Faramir, and Aragorn, who had been half-watching while working on their homework under the shade of a large oak tree.

Kili gratefully followed her, muscles burning from use. He had been practicing for a couple months, but still body still wasn’t quite used to the strain of shooting the bow. Thankfully, he ached less now than he had when he first started so he knew he was getting better. Just not as quickly as he would like.

“Did you guys see where the Assembly passed the Marriage Equality Act?” Faramir asked, looking up from his book as the three archers joined them.

Kili’s face scrunched up in confusion. “The what?”

His question was lost, though, as Legolas spoke over him. “It won’t pass the Senate,” he stated in confident resignation. “It didn’t two years ago when the Democrats controlled it, and it won’t now when the Republicans do.”

“Some Republicans have pledged their support for it,” Aragorn pointed out. “And they changed the Senate rules so Diaz can’t put the vote off.”

“Do we have to talk politics?” Tauriel asked in exasperation, sharing a commiserating look with Gimli. Kili suspected that they both often were subject to political conversations because of Legolas’ interest. Kili himself didn’t know much about politics, mostly because he tended to tune out that kind of thing, but he knew that Legolas often found willing conversation partners in both Faramir and Aragorn.

“This directly affects all of us!” Legolas protested.

“None of us are posed to get married anytime soon,” Gimli replied with a roll of his eyes. “No reason to get so up in arms about it.”

The blond glared at his boyfriend but refrained from saying anything else. Kili did, however, notice that, when he stretched out across the grass, he purposefully put more space between the two than normal.

Kili cringed internally at that. He had noticed that the two had started to bicker more and more throughout the past year. At times, it was good-natured, but most of the time it ended in Legolas closing himself off from the redhead, who seemed to have little patience for the blond’s cold shoulder. Kili could see the end of the relationship coming and was a little apprehensive over what it would do to the dynamic of their friend group.

“Where are Eowyn and Eomer?” he asked, changing the subject in hopes of easing the tension.

“Theodred was taking them to a movie for some sibling bonding,” Faramir was quick to volunteer, catching on to what Kili was trying to do.

“That’s nice of him,” Kili remarked, racking his brain for something else to say. “How are he and Boromir doing?”

“Good!” he answered, more cheerfully than probably warranted. “Boromir graduates this year and is planning on moving straight in with Theo, I think. I don’t think Elrond is really that thrilled with the idea, though.”

“Why not?”

“Dad’s a firm believer in living independently for a substantial period of time before cohabitating with a significant other,” Aragorn stated with a wry grin. “Which is shrink-speech for not moving in with your boyfriend until you’ve lived on your own for a year or so.”

Kili imagined living alone for a moment and shuddered. It sounded so lonely.

“I think I can understand where Elrond is coming from, but it doesn’t make sense when they’d both have roommates anyway and would likely spend every night together regardless,” Faramir remarked.

Aragorn shrugged. “He doesn’t want them becoming codependent or anything.”

“And codependent is bad?” Kili said, vaguely remembering hearing the word in a negative context before, but not recalling when.

“Well, yeah,” the older brunet answered. “Codependent people are at risk of losing their own identity because they sacrifice everything for their partners. Not really a recipe for a healthy relationship.”

“But I thought you were supposed to make sacrifices in relationships?” Kili might not have any experience with relationships, but he had heard his dad say as much a few times.

“But you can’t be the _only_ one making sacrifices,” Aragorn pointed out.

“Relationships sound too complicated,” he commented with a frown.

“Only if you talk to psychiatrist,” Tauriel quipped with a smirk. “Or his son.”

Aragorn laughed. “That’s probably true.”

“I wouldn’t worry about it, Kili,” Faramir told him with a smile. “You’ve always been so sure of who you are that I don’t think you’d ever be in danger of being codependent.”

Kili frowned at that as the conversation moved on around him. He had never really considered himself to be as sure of himself as Faramir seemed to think. If he seemed that way, he knew it was only because the people around him encouraged him to be himself.

“You okay?” Tauriel asked him softly, nudging his shoulder lightly.

“What if you’re only yourself because the people you love tell you to be?” he mumbled in consternation. “Is that bad?”

“You mean is having loving and supportive relationships bad?” she said incredulously. “Kili, the people you love are _supposed_ to do that.”

“Oh,” he sighed in relief. “That’s good.”

She shook her head in disbelief. “Kili, you are hopeless.”

He pouted. “Why do you always talk as if you know something I don’t?”

“Because I do,” she replied simply.

“You could just _tell_ me, then,” he shot back with a scowl.

She just gave him a mysterious smile.

“I would give up, Kili,” Legolas said with a roll of his eyes. “Whatever she thinks she knows, she’s not going to tell you. She’s annoying that way.” Tauriel made a face at him and stuck out her tongue. “And oh so mature,” he added with a smirk.

Kili figured Legolas was probably right, so he let it drop. Besides, Tauriel was not known for her patience. If she thought Kili should know something that he wasn’t figuring out, she’d eventually cave and tell him. He just had to outwait her.

Not the easiest thing to do, of course, because he wasn’t particularly good at being patient either.

 

Kili forgot all about the discussion about the Marriage Equality Act until Bilbo and Thorin sat him, Fili, and Frodo down a few weeks later after the school year had ended.

Kili glanced at Fili in askance, but the other boy looked just as clueless as he did. He didn’t _think_ they were in trouble. He didn’t remember doing anything that would have put such serious looks on their parents’ faces. Well, there was the incident with the snake he had snuck into his room, but it hadn’t been poisonous and Bilbo hadn’t even scolded him that much before making him releasing it outside. Besides, Fili and Frodo hadn’t helped him with that.

“Boys, I don’t know if you’ve been watching the news, but New York has recently legalized gay marriage,” Thorin began. Fili nodded, understanding dawning in his eyes. At least Frodo seemed to still be lost, though Kili wasn’t sure if it reassured him that he apparently understood as much as a seven-year-old.

“Well, your pop and I have decided to get married,” Bilbo announced with a smile.

“Oh!” Kili exclaimed, feeling a little like an idiot for not realizing where the conversation was heading. “Does that mean things will change?” he asked, not really understanding what difference it would make.

“Well, I’ll be changing my last name to Baggins,” Thorin explained thoughtfully. “It’ll make a few things easier, but nothing you need to worry about.”

“Why are you changing your name?” Kili wanted to know. “Why isn’t Dad changing his name?”

“I don’t have any particular attachment to the name Oakenshield,” he replied with a shrug. “It was just a name I chose to use on the spur of the moment. Besides, Baggins is yours and Frodo’s name as well. It makes more sense for me to become a Baggins.”

“Is Fili going to change his name too, then?” he asked, looking over at the blond, who looked startled at the question.

“That’s up to Fili,” Bilbo answered gently.

“I… would rather not change my name,” Fili said slowly, shooting Kili an apologetic look.

“That is completely fine,” their dad said firmly, not giving Kili a chance to ask why.

“When are you getting married?” Kili asked instead.

“Will there be cake?” Frodo asked excitedly at the same time.

They chuckled. “Of course there will be cake!” Bilbo answered. “But the wedding is just going to be a small thing with family and friends, but we haven’t figured out a date yet.”

“Not too small, though,” Thorin disagreed with sly smile. “I want everyone to know you’re mine.”

“Because living and raising three sons together isn’t sign enough,” Bilbo commented drily.

Fili made a face. “I don’t’ think we need to hear this part of the conversation.”

Kili and Frodo nodded in agreement as they all shot off the couch and up the stairs as fast as they could, laughing at their parents’ indignant cries following them.

“Why don’t you want to be a Baggins?” Frodo asked Fili once all tumbled into the oldest boy’s room. Kili focused his attention on Fili as well, keenly interested in hearing the answer.

The blond sighed. “Durin was my mother’s name,” he answered. “I don’t want to lose that connection to her.”

Frodo nodded in understanding, but Kili frowned. It sounded like a good reason, but something about Fili’s voice was off, making Kili think that there was something else that Fili wasn’t telling.

When Frodo had run off to his room, Kili turned to Fili. “Why do you really not want to change your name?” he demanded.

“I told you, Kee,” he said, not meeting his eye. “I want to keep my mom’s name.”

“That’s not the only reason,” he persisted.

“No, but it’s the only one I feel like talking about,” Fili snapped, causing Kili to take a step back. The blond sighed and gave him a regretful look. “Sorry. I just… can’t talk about this.”

Kili frowned. “I thought we told each other everything.”

He shook his head. “This is different, Kee. Something I gotta deal with on my own before I tell anyone.”

“Will you tell me eventually?” he asked unhappily.

“Maybe,” Fili answered noncommittally. “Can we not fight about it?”

“It’s making you sad,” Kili said mournfully. “I just want to help.”

“You can’t help with this, Kee,” he replied sadly. “If you could, I’d tell you. You’d help me most by just dropping it.”

“Fine,” he grumbled with a pout. “As long as I’m not the reason you don’t want to be a Baggins.”

Fili gave him a wry smile. “Thank you.”

 

The summer went by quickly. Too quickly, in Kili’s opinion. He was pretty sure Bilbo would have agreed with that assessment, considering how frazzled he appeared with the wedding plans. It was scheduled for mid-October, and was apparently not going to be as small as his dad had originally hoped. To be fair, Thorin tried to help with the planning, but Bilbo always seemed more exasperated after his help than he was before.

Kili wasn’t exactly sure why planning a wedding was so complicated, but given how grumpy his dad was lately, he wasn’t sure he was brave enough to ask any questions about it.

Unfortunately, the day Kili was dreading came sooner rather than later. The first day of eighth grade.

Fili himself didn’t seem too thrilled about going to a new school.

They were both quiet as they walked towards both their schools. When they reached the street where they would have to separate, they both hesitated.

“We’re going to be late if we don’t get a move on,” Fili commented, making no move to continue walking.

Kili hummed in agreement, but stayed where he was.

“It’s only a year,” Fili said. “We’ve gone to different schools for longer before.”

“I didn’t like it then either,” Kili sulked.

Fili nodded in agreement. “It’s not like we’ll be alone, though,” he reasoned. “You’ll have Tauriel, Legolas, Gimli, and Faramir.”

“And you’ll have Aragorn, Eowyn, and Eomer,” Kili agreed morosely.

“We’ll be okay,” he assured.

“It won’t be the same,” he replied. “We won’t be together.”

“We’ll always be together, Kee,” Fili stated. “We just have to go to different classes for a few hours a day. We did that when we were at the same school too.”

“Yeah…” But how was he supposed to stick close to Fili and make sure he didn’t meet anyone he’d love more than Kili if he was at a different school?

“Come on, we better go,” the blond said in resignation. “I’ll meet you here after school, okay?”

“Okay,” Kili sighed, knowing it was probably silly to be this upset over just going to different schools.

Fili pulled him into a hug. “I love you, Kee.”

“Love you, too,” he sniffled, slightly mollified by the fact that Fili wasn’t any happier with going to different school than he was.

Fili let him go and smiled at him. “See you after school.”

“See you,” he replied weakly, reluctantly turning and walking towards the middle school.

He had a feeling it was going to be a long year.

Tbc…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm unsure about NY law and the marriage of adopted siblings, so I'm having Bilbo and Thorin be unsure (because OF COURSE they suspect, haha) and not add each other's names to Kili and Fili's adoptions (meaning they would effectively only be step-siblings, who I KNOW the incest laws do not apply to). I don't actually think there would be a problem anyway (because an adoptive father is allowed to marry his adopted daughter) but I wanted to be sure. Regardless, there's no major ick factor anyway.


	21. Chapter Twenty One

“He’s not talking to me again!” Gimli declared in exasperation poked a little too vigorously at his peas, causing a couple to fly up and hit Kili in the face. They were the only two schedule for the second lunch period. And though Kili wanted to be a good friend, he really didn’t know what he was supposed to do in this situation.

“Any idea why?” he asked carefully, assuming he was talking about Legolas. Considering the blond boy had been complaining yesterday about the redhead while they were practicing archery, he figured it was a pretty good assumption.

“Gah!” Gimli growled, throwing his hands up in frustration. “Who knows? He doesn’t talk to me. Does he think I’m supposed to read his mind? And whenever I _ask_ because I _know_ something’s bothering him, he just gets _madder_ at me!”

Kili winced in sympathy. “Legolas doesn’t like confrontation,” he commented weakly, stomach twisting in knots. He was getting a bad feeling that an ugly break up was on the horizon.

“Well, he’s going to have to deal with it whether he likes it or not,” Gimli grumbled.

He took a bite of his chicken instead of saying anything else. If a break up was coming, he definitely didn’t want to be caught in the crossfire.

Thankfully, lunch ended soon enough and Kili was able to escape any further conversation. Mercifully, the only one in his afternoon classes was Faramir. He, at least, would want to stay as neutral as Kili did. Tauriel had to take Legolas’ side, him being her pseudo-brother and all, but Kili just wanted to come out of whatever was going to happen without losing any friends.

Kili bolted from his last class as soon as the bell rang, not bothering to wait for any of his friends let out and instead almost running to the corner where he and Fili always met after school. For once, he beat Fili there.

The blond frowned when he finally walked up. “How’d you get here so quickly? My school is closer.”

“I made a quick getaway,” Kili explained as they turned towards home.

Fili gave him an understanding look. “Gimli and Legolas fighting again?”

“It’s all they do anymore,” he whined. “Why do they fight so much? They didn’t use to.”

Fili shrugged. “I don’t know.”

“Do relationships always make people fight?” Kili asked in concern.

“I don’t think so,” he replied thoughtfully. “Dad and Pop don’t fight.”

Kili rolled his eyes. “They fight.”

“Not seriously,” Fili protested, bumping their shoulders together. “And they always talk things out afterwards.”

“So you think we should get Gimli and Legolas talk it out?”

“I don’t think we can make them do anything,” Fili said with another shrug.

“What if they break up and aren’t friends anymore? What if they make us choose sides?” Kili asked worriedly as they arrived home. “I don’t want to lose a friend.”

“I don’t think either of them would make you choose between them,” he assured, opening the front door and stepping inside. “You—”

“Fili?” Thorin called out from the second floor landing, poking his head over the railing. “Can I talk to you up here, please? Alone,” he said pointed, giving Kili a look.

“Did you do something?” Kili asked him in a low voice as he closed the door.

“Not that I remember,” Fili muttered, climbing up the stairs with a frown.

“Kili!” their dad called from the kitchen. “Can you come in here?”

“Looks like I’m not the only one in trouble,” Fili told him with a smirk.

He stuck his tongue out at him before making his way to the kitchen. “I didn’t do it!” he protested immediately, causing Bilbo to raise an eyebrow.

“Your guilty conscience is something we can discuss later,” he quipped with a shake of his head.

Kili flushed. He had been sure Bilbo had found out about him breaking the desk lamp in the basement. He had _tried_ to put it back together after he took it apart, but he must not have done it right because now it wouldn’t turn on. Thankfully, the lamp was very rarely used.

“How are things going with you and Fili?” Bilbo asked.

He furrowed his brow in confusion. “What do you mean? We’ve been spending time apart like you said…”

“And I think that’s been very good for you, but that doesn’t mean I don’t support the relationship between the two of you,” his dad told him.

“We’re not in a relationship!” Kili protested, slightly panicked for a reason he couldn’t explain.

“I didn’t mean a romantic relationship,” Bilbo was quick to assure. “But that doesn’t mean there isn’t a _relationship_ between the two of you, as friends, brothers, or whatever else you want to be.”

“What else is there?” he persisted, unclear what this whole conversation was about.

“Well—you know, it doesn’t matter. That’s not what I wanted to talk to you about,” his dad said dismissively. “I wanted to talk you about your sleeping situation.”

“I thought you wanted to talk about Fili,” Kili said, completely lost now.

Bilbo sighed and leaned against the kitchen island. “This isn’t going very well,” he muttered to himself before looking at Kili and straightening up. “We need to discuss the fact that you’re still sneaking into Fili’s bed at night.”

“Oh.” Kili lowered his gaze to examine the patterns in the granite countertop. He didn’t want to talk about this. He didn’t want Bilbo to tell him he couldn’t do it anymore.

“Can you tell me _why_ you do?” his dad asked.

Kili shrugged, not really knowing what to say.

Bilbo frowned. “Do you have nightmares or feel scared for some reason at night? Is that why?”

He shook his head. “I just like being close to Fili,” he muttered.

“I know you do, Kili, but you know it has to stop, right? The both of you are getting too old to be sharing a bed,” his dad told him gently. “We probably should’ve stopped you a long time ago.”

Tears welled in his eyes but he blinked them back. “I understand,” he said thickly.

He _knew_ he was too old to be sneaking into Fili’s bed. It was just… It felt _nice_ to be held by Fili at night. He didn’t really want to give that up.

“I know you’re upset,” Bilbo said, walking around the island and wrapping his arms around him. Kili leant into him and just let himself be held by his dad. “But I promise you’ll understand that your pop and I are just trying to do what’s best for both of you when you’re older.”

“I hate it when adults say things like that,” Kili sniffed.

His dad chuckled. “So you’ve told me. But some things you have to learn on your own.”

Kili gave him a weak smile as he pulled away. “I’m gonna go do my homework now,” he said.

“Okay, but, Kili, I hope you know how much I love you. I’m sorry I have to make you do this,” Bilbo told him.

“I know,” he stated. “I just… don’t want to talk about it anymore, okay?”

Bilbo nodded as Kili turned and fled upstairs. Fili’s door was wide open and his room was empty, so Kili assumed that Thorin and he were behind the shut door of their parents’ room.

Figuring he might as well get a jumpstart on his algebra homework since Fili was otherwise occupied, he shut himself in his room and got to work. He was just finishing up the last problem when his bathroom door opened and Fili walked in.

“Dad tell you to stop sleeping with me?” Fili asked before making a face and falling back onto Kili’s bed.

“Yeah,” Kili said, throwing his pencil down and joining Fili on the bed. He curled into the blond’s side and hid his face in his neck, smiling as Fili’s arms wrapped around him. “I don’t wanna.”

“It’s probably for the best,” Fili commented. “I might not like it, but we might be closer than brothers should be.”

“You always said we were more than brothers!” he protested, sitting up and glaring at Fili. “Who says how close we should be anyway?”

He was pouting and he knew it, but he didn’t really care. Fili coaxed him back down and into his arms.

“We can be close without sharing a bed,” he told him. “We were close before when we used to live in different _apartments_! I think we can survive sleeping in two different rooms.”

“Why does everything that is supposed ‘good for us’ make me spend less time with you?” Kili asked morosely. “How is that a good thing?”

“I don’t know, Kee, but how about this,” Fili said, pulling away to turn on his side and look at him. “Since tomorrow is Saturday, how about we spend the whole day together? Just you and me?”

“Really?” he said, a grin spreading across his face. “Just you and me?” When Fili nodded, Kili leaped forward to tackle him in to a hug. “Yes!”

Fili laughed and caught him easily, obviously expecting Kili’s enthusiasm.

 

To say Thorin was surprised when Kili bounced into the kitchen bright and early on a Saturday morning was an understatement. When Fili came in not too long after he had settled at the table with his cereal, their pop was downright flummoxed.

“Who are you and what have you done with my sons?” he asked in mock-suspicion.

“We’ve got big plans for the day,” Fili said smugly, giving Kili a wink. He grinned back at him and dug into his Cap’n Crunch with gusto while Thorin looked between them with a raised brow.

“Anything I should know about? As, you know, your parent and all?” he asked sarcastically.

“I was thinking we’d go see a movie, get a late lunch, and then go paintballing. Is that okay?” Fili gave Thorin his most charming smile, which Kili secretly didn’t know how anyone could say no to. Their pop, though, didn’t look that impressed.

“That seems like a pretty full day,” he commented mildly.

“Please, Pop, can we go?” Kili begged.

Finally, Thorin cracked a smile. “As long as you both wear old clothes. No getting paint on your good clothes,” he warned.

“We promise!” Kili said, jumping up and putting his bowl in the dishwasher before bolting upstairs to change, Fili right behind him.

Today was going to be the best day ever!

The day definitely didn’t disappoint, either.

Kili relished having Fili’s attention fixed solely on him. When they went to the movies, he had let Kili pick a seat all the way at the top of the theater in the back row and didn’t complain when Kili pushed up the armrest dividing their seats and leaned into his side. It reminded Kili of when they would have sleepovers, before they moved in together, and curl into each other as they stayed up late watching movies.

Back when nobody seemed to think it was odd that the two of them were inseparable.

Kili was happy to note, though, that the other patrons of the movie didn’t seem to think they’re seating arrangement was that weird. A couple of girls had even smiled at them as they scooted past them to sit a few seats away from them.

Fili grabbed his hand and pulled him up as soon as the credits were rolling, keeping a hold on his hand as he led him out of the theater.

“Food?” he asked with a grin and Kili nodded.

He followed Fili to a Chinese place a couple of blocks away, smiling happily as he noted that Fili hadn’t let go of his hand. He didn’t normally do that, always careful to not touch Kili too much around people they knew. Kili understood his reasons. Too much touching made people uncomfortable. Legolas and Gimli had taught him that. Still, it was nice to hold hands while they walked.

Lunch was awesome. For the first time in what seemed like _forever_ , they didn’t have to share each other with anyone else at a meal. They didn’t talk about anything in particular, but it seemed like they talked about _everything_ , sitting and laughing for hours as the lunch crowd thinned out around them and the early dinner crowd started to trickle in.

Fili looked sheepishly at his watch after a while. “I don’t think we’re going to have enough time to make paintballing,” he said apologetically.

“That’s okay,” Kili replied easily. “We can save that for next time. We should do this more. I like spending time away from home just with you.”

“Me too,” the blond said with a happy smile. “How about we grab some ice cream before we head home?”

He agreed eagerly, not ready for the day to end yet. They quickly paid for lunch before heading to the ice cream parlor, where Kili insisted he pay.

“You paid for both the movie and lunch,” he argued, handing the cashier the money. The girl behind the counter hid a smile before handing him his change. “It’s only fair.”

“I’m better at saving my allowance than you are,” Fili quipped, taking a lick of his mint chocolate cone.

Kili had to tear his eyes away from his lips as he ate his ice cream, feeling hot for some reason. He quickly ate some of his own ice cream to cool off. “I don’t see how you can eat that,” he said after he found his voice once more. “It tastes like toothpaste.”

“Some of us are more adventurous and like ice cream flavors outside of chocolate and vanilla,” he shot back with a grin, holding the door open for Kili as they walked out onto the street.

Kili took a big bite of his vanilla cone in response, cringing as he swallowed it too quickly and got a brain freeze. Fili laughed at him, causing him to shoot him a glare. “Not nice,” he ground out, taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly as his brain finally thawed out.

“Sorry, Kee,” he replied, not sounding sorry at all. Kili was mollified, though, when he switched his cone to his other hand and took Kili’s hand as they began to walk.

They made it home not long after they finished their ice cream, much to Kili’s displeasure.

When they walked in, Bilbo and Thorin were in a deep discussion about the wedding over a pile of various papers and materials in the living room while Frodo watched them looking amused.

“Why do we _have_ to invite him?” Thorin was asking as they snuck up the stairs and into Kili’s room. Frodo followed them both soon after.

“Where have _you_ two been?” he asked slyly, jumping onto the bed between them.

“We were just hanging out together,” Fili said casually, reaching up and messing Frodo’s curls. Kili bit his lip at Fili’s answer. It certainly felt like _more_ than “just hanging out.” At least it had to him. “I’m going to take a shower.”

Kili frowned after him as he left before turning to Frodo and plastering on a smile. “What was all that downstairs about?”

Frodo rolled his eyes. “Pop doesn’t want to invite Thranduil to the wedding. I think Dad is winning, though, especially when he mentioned that you’d probably want Tauriel and Legolas around.”

He shrugged. “I wouldn’t care either way. I mean, Fili’d be there, so I wouldn’t be bored.”

“True,” Frodo agreed before giving Kili a mischievous look. “So with all the wedding stuff, have you thought about what it’d be like if you and Fili get married?”

Kili jerked his head to stare slack-jawed at his little brother. “W-w-what?” he asked once he could speak again.

“You’re in love with him, right?” he asked bluntly. “I know you are because you look at him just like Dad looks at Pop.”

“Frodo!” Thorin shouted from downstairs. “Get down here and clean up the mess you’ve made!”

Frodo made a face before scurrying out of the room, leaving a dumbfounded Kili behind him.

He didn’t look at Fili any different than he looked at anyone else. Did he? He guessed it was _possible_ because he’d be the first to admit that he loved Fili more than he loved anyone else but that didn’t mean anything.

He wasn’t _in love_ with Fili, right? He _loved_ Fili, yes, but that was different, wasn’t it? People in love wanted to spend every moment together and hold each other and kiss and…

He thought about today and how much he loved being alone with Fili. How much he _always_ wanted to be with him. How upset he was that he couldn’t spend every night wrapped in Fili’s arms. How much he couldn’t stand the thought of Fili loving someone more than him. How _happy_ he’d been just holding hands with Fili today and talking and laughing…

But it wasn’t like he wanted to _kiss_ Fili?

But didn’t he? He thought back to that one kiss they had shared when they were younger. Well, two, really, but the first one was so bad that it didn’t count. The point was, he had enjoyed it. _A lot_. There had been a few times since then that he had wished he could do it again.

But it wasn’t something brothers did. Just like brothers weren’t supposed to fall in love with each other.

How had he messed up so badly?

With a start, Kili felt tears slipping from his eyes. Frustrated, he scrubbed his face with his hands vigorously, not wanting to have to explain to Fili when he came back why he was crying.

Because he couldn’t tell him that he had realized he was in love with him. Because he wasn’t _supposed_ to fall in love with Fili. They were supposed to be _brothers_!

But he had.

He’d fallen in love with Fili, and he really didn’t know what to do about it.

Tbc…

 


	22. Chapter Twenty Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not entirely satisfied with this chapter, but it is what it is.

Kili knew there was no way he could get himself under control enough to face Fili so soon after his realization, or any of his family really. So he curled under his covers and feigned sleep when Fili came back from his shower.

“Kili?” he called softly. Kili fought to keep the charade up, making sure to keep his breath slow and even. He sighed in relief as he heard Fili’s retreating footsteps followed by the door closing quietly behind him.

He didn’t like lying to Fili. He had never lied to him before. But this was a smaller lie than the one he’d have to tell him if Fili had asked him what was wrong. Because he couldn’t tell him this.

When Bilbo came up a little while later to ask him to come down to dinner, he just shook his head and buried his face deeper in his pillow.

“’M not hungry,” he mumbled, not even having to lie. His stomach felt like it was tied in knots. He was sure that he wouldn’t be able to get anything down even if he tried.

He felt his dad’s fingers card gently through his hair. “Are you feeling okay, Kili?”

“’M fine,” he insisted, though it may have lost something being muffled by his pillow. “Just tired.”

“Hmm, okay, you get some sleep then,” Bilbo said as he walked towards the door. “Good night.”

“Night,” he murmured back before curling into himself and pulling his blanket over his head.

Kili tried to sleep, but it wouldn’t come. He couldn’t stop thinking about how disgusted Fili would be once he realized Kili was in love with him. Oh, he’d never _say_ that. He’d probably be extremely nice about it, because Fili would never want to hurt him, but things would not be the same.

And he was sure Fili would be uncomfortable about the number of times Kili slept with him. Kili could kiss spending any time alone with Fili. There’d be no more days like today. Fili would probably be hesitant to go anywhere with him in fear of Kili treating it as a date.

Crap, that’s what he had done earlier, hadn’t he? How had he missed that? He had cuddled with him in the movies, held his hand all day, practically drooled over Fili when he was eating ice cream…

He was a terrible person. How could he have taken advantage of Fili by taking what was supposed to be an innocent outing to reconnect as brothers and treating it like a _date_?

Morning came sooner than Kili would have liked. He knew he should get up and go downstairs and help Bilbo make waffles like he normally would, but he honestly didn’t think he could summon the effort it would take to pretend that nothing was wrong.

He just lay there and listened as the rest of his family slowly woke up and made their way to the kitchen for breakfast. His heart clenched as he heard Fili in the bathroom before he went downstairs.

How was he supposed to face him?

Bilbo came up to his room a little while later. “Kili?” he said, sitting down on the bed and pulling the blankets down to brush his hair back from his forehead. Kili knew that trick. He was checking for a fever.

“I’m not sick,” he protested weakly.

His dad frowned after feeling his no-doubt cool forehead. “Do you feel up for some food?”

“I’m not hungry,” he said, shaking his head.

“You need to eat,” Bilbo tried to reason.

“Don’t wanna,” Kili whined, turning and burrowing into his pillow.

“Kili Baggins, I want you to at least _try_ to eat something,” his dad said sternly. “Or I am taking you to the after-hours clinic to see a doctor.”

“Don’t feel like getting up,” he said miserably. If he didn’t get out of bed, maybe he wouldn’t have to deal with figuring out how to hide his feelings from Fili.

“I’ll bring you something up,” Bilbo replied. “But I want you to at least _try_ to eat it.”

And to be fair, Kili _did_ try. But even though the waffle had whipped cream and strawberries just like he liked, his stomach felt like it was full of lead. He was only able to eat a few bites before he set it aside, not even bothering to make it seem like he had eaten more than he had.

The good news, though, that with the amount of effort he expended _trying_ to eat, combined with not sleeping any the night before, he did manage to doze off for a while after that.

Thundering footsteps on the stairs woke him up some time later, followed by laughing voices from down the hall. Frodo must have had one of his friends over. From the amount of noise, he’d guess either Merry or Pippin or both. Sam tended to be a quieter influence on his little brother.

He heard Thorin admonishing them, though he couldn’t hear his words. From the thundering of footsteps that could be heard once more on the stairs, he guessed that he told them to go back downstairs.

A few seconds later, his pop stuck his head in his door. “Kili?” he called quietly.

He lifted his head with effort, wincing as moving caused his head to pound. Thorin frowned at him and stepped into the room.

“Are you feeling any better?” he asked, sitting on the side of the bed, not even bothering disguising his fever check.

“I’m not sick,” Kili insisted, though he really wasn’t sure anymore since his head was throbbing.

“You’ve barely eaten in twenty four hours. If you aren’t sick, you’re going to make yourself sick,” Thorin commented drily. “Bilbo and Fili are worried about you.”

Kili pouted. That wasn’t fair. He didn’t like worrying either Bilbo or Fili. Worrying both of them was even worse. He was sure his pop knew that, too, or else he wouldn’t have mentioned them.

“Do you want to talk about what’s upsetting you?” Thorin asked, giving him a knowing look.

“Not really,” he replied truthfully, not bothering to deny it.

His pop hummed thoughtfully. “I won’t make you talk about it,” he said finally. “ _But_ you have to come down to dinner and eat at least half of what is put on your plate.”

Kili scowled but sighed when Thorin just raised a brow at him. “ _Fine_ ,” he muttered.

“Good,” his pop said with smile, standing up and giving him a pointed look. “Why don’t you take a shower and come down stairs? I’m sure that’ll help your headache.”

Kili didn’t bother trying to figure out how Thorin knew he had a headache. Instead, he just rolled out of bed and slunk off to the bathroom. He had to admit, the warm water beating down on him did make his head and all his other aches feel better.

He dressed slowly, trying to put off going down stairs. He even took the time to pull his still damp hair into a small bun at the back of his head instead of letting it hang free like he usually did. It was getting to the length where leaving it down made him look unkempt. It didn’t look nearly as cool as Thorin and Fili’s did. Maybe it was time he got it cut.

He sighed, knowing he was only contemplating his hair length to waste time. He made his way down the stairs with trepidation, sure that even if Thorin wasn’t going to grill him over what was wrong, his dad and Fili probably would.

Kili was surprised, then, when Bilbo just smiled at him as he was pulling a dish out of the oven and told him dinner would be ready in a minute. He meandered to the table, which Fili was setting, and sat down.

“Feeling better?” Fili asked, giving Kili a concerned once-over.

He forced a smile and nodded. Fili didn’t look like he really believed him, but he let it drop as Frodo and Merry bounced up to the table, babbling happily about some game they had been playing. Bilbo and Thorin brought the food to the table, and they quickly tucked in.

It was hard for Kili to stomach eating with Fili shooting him worried looks every few minutes. Seeing Thorin eye him, though, kept him shoveling food into his mouth.

If he wanted to keep his feelings secret, he was going to have to get better at acting normal.

Fili followed him to his room after dinner, leaning against the doorjamb and not stepping in.

“Did I do something to upset you yesterday?” he asked quietly, looking guiltier than Kili had ever seen him.

“Of course not!” he cried with wide eyes. “Yesterday was amazing!”

Fili visibly sagged in relief before entering the room and stepping closer to him. “Then what’s wrong?” he asked, leading Kili to sit down next to him on the bed.

“Nothing really,” he mumbled, fighting the urge to lean into Fili. “I just didn’t sleep very well the past couple of nights. I think I just need to get used to sleeping without you,” he explained in a sudden flash of inspiration. It wasn’t even a lie. Not really.

Fili relaxed completely at his words, alleviating the guilt that Kili felt from misleading him.

“It’s hard for me too,” he said. “But it’ll get better. Besides, it’s not like we could share a bed forever, right?”

That’s exactly what Kili wanted to do. He never wanted to be apart from Fili. It’s funny how he felt exactly the same the day before but still didn’t realize that he was in love with him. How oblivious had he been?

Whereas Kili would have protested Fili’s statement and argued that they most certainly _could_ share a bed forever, he just dunked his head and agreed in a dejected voice.

This was going to be harder than he thought.

 

Kili managed to get through the next couple of months without giving away that anything was wrong. Fili gave him a couple of strange looks at times when he did something out of character, but they were few and far between. To tell the truth, Kili would have been _more_ worried if Fili _didn’t_ notice that some things had changed because Kili was trying to change.

He couldn’t keep taking advantage of Fili by clinging to him all the time, after all.

He was just thankful that Bilbo and Thorin were too wrapped up in last minute wedding preparations to notice something was wrong.

The day of the wedding finally came. Honestly, Kili thought that the ceremony was pretty boring. And he most certainly did _not_ think about what a wedding between he and Fili would look like. That was impossible and he wouldn’t torture himself with impossibilities like that.

Still, he was incapable of stopping himself from sneaking looks at Fili while Thorin and Bilbo were exchanging their vows.

Tauriel cornered him at the reception as he was making a punch run, with Faramir following behind her with frustrated expression on his face.

“Have you figured it out?” she asked without preamble, startling him.

“Figured out what?” he said as he narrowly avoiding spilling punch down his front.

She gave him an unimpressed look. “You _know_ what I’m talking about. You’ve figured out that you’re in love with Fili.”

He gave her a panicked look. “Shut _up_!” he hissed.

“Tauriel,” Faramir said in a warning tone.

She just rolled her eyes. “I’m just _happy_ for him. Sheesh!”

“Happy?” Kili exclaimed, unable to keep his eyes from tearing up. “This is the _worst_ thing _ever_! This could tear apart my entire family! Why would you be _happy_ about it? You’re supposed to be my friend!”

Tauriel and Faramir looked stunned as he stormed away, not giving Tauriel a chance to explain. She didn’t understand. Neither of them did. How could they?

He stalked past Gimli and Legolas, who looked alarmed at whatever they saw in his face. He noted absently that they were holding hands. It made him even angrier for some reason.

He left the reception hall, shivering slightly as the cool autumn air hit him, making the tear tracks on his face sting. Before he could work himself into an even bigger state, though, arms pulled him close to a familiar chest and Fili’s voice was whispering in his ear.

“It’s okay,” he was murmuring, which only made Kili choke on a sob because it was _not_ okay. And Fili didn’t even _realize_ …

“I’m sorry,” he whispered thickly. “I’m sorry.”

“Hey,” Fili said, pulling back slightly and lifting up Kili’s chin. “You don’t have to apologize. Just… what’s wrong?”

He closed his eyes and shook his head. “I don’t know,” he lied. “I just… I don’t know. I’m sorry.”

He opened his eyes to see Fili looking at him in such naked concern that he couldn’t help hating himself just a little.

“You’ve been sad for a while now,” he said softly, wiping the tears from Kili’s cheeks. “I just want to help you. Tell me how.”

He gave him a watery smile. “I don’t know,” he said again, feeling awful. “I’m _trying_ to be happy. I don’t want to worry anyone.”

“Will you at least stop pretending around me?” Fili begged. “You don’t have to put on a brave face for me, you know. I love you, Kee. I’m gonna worry you more if I think you’re lying to me. And I know you. I _know_ when you’re just faking happy.”

Kili winced at that because he was _still_ lying to Fili. “I love you too,” he muttered, another tear slipping from his eye. If Fili didn’t want him to pretend to be happy around him, he’d stop. It was one less lie to feel guilty about. Besides, if Fili could see right through it there wasn’t much point.

“I’ll stop pretending,” he promised. “And I will try to be _actually_ happy.”

Fili gave him a sad smile. “You shouldn’t have to force being happy, Kee. Maybe… maybe you should talk to Dad and Pop about this? Maybe you could see a psychiatrist or something?”

“No!” Kili said forcefully. A psychiatrist would trick him into talking. He knew that from listening to Faramir talk about Elrond’s job. And he didn’t want his parents to think he was depressed or something when he _wasn’t_. “I promise I’ll try _really_ hard.”

The blond just sighed and held him close again. “I won’t make you talk to them,” he said. “I just want you to feel better.”

“I _will_ ,” Kili promised.

He didn’t really know how he was supposed to keep such a promise. The only thing that would make him feel better was to stop being in love with his brother. Well, Fili reciprocating his love would probably make him feel better too, but that would never happen.

The only thing to do was try to get over his feelings for Fili.

He could do that. He’d do anything for Fili, even if it meant ripping his own heart out.

Tbc…


	23. Chapter Twenty Three

After the incident at the wedding reception, Kili did everything he could to avoid talking to his friends about the situation. It helped that Gimli and Legolas were fighting once more, meaning Kili could steer Gimli into talking about that at lunchtime whenever he attempted to get Kili to talk about Fili.

He stopped going over to the Greenleafs’ to practice his archery, using the excuse that Frodo was missing their parents while they were on their honeymoon and wanted him at home. In actuality, he just wanted to avoid the third-degree that he _knew_ Tauriel and Legolas would put him through.

He still practiced on the small range his pop had set up for him in their backyard though. There was something very cathartic about losing himself in the simple motions of draw, notch, and release. He could spend as much time practicing as he wanted, too, because Balin, who was staying with them for the two weeks Bilbo and Thorin would be gone, wasn’t familiar enough with his normal practice routines to think anything was out of the ordinary.

Still, Kili made sure not to practice long enough for Fili to come out and watch him with a pinched look of concern.

That didn’t mean, of course, that his friends didn’t stop trying to get him to talk to them. Tauriel was particularly adamant about talking about it. It was Faramir, though, that ended up cornering him at the end of classes on the Friday before his parents were due back.

“Can we talk?” he asked earnestly as Kili packed his notebook in his backpack.

“Fili’s going to be waiting for me…”

“It won’t take long,” Faramir assured. “I’ll even walk with you.”

Kili sighed before nodding. It was supremely unfair that it was _Faramir_ asking. He could have dealt with any of the others, but Faramir was always so _sincere_ and _thoughtful_ that he’d feel guilty if he brushed him off.

“Why do you think your feelings for Fili will tear your family apart?” he asked once they were out of earshot of anyone else, not even trying to disguise what he wanted to talk about.

“He’s my _brother_ ,” Kili pointed out in frustration.

“But he’s not,” Faramir countered calmly. “He’s your _step_ brother. That doesn’t count.”

That distinction didn’t sit well with Kili, even though his feelings for Fili went beyond brotherly. He didn’t want to lose what he had with Fili for anything in the world. He just wanted _more_.

“He thinks of me as a brother,” he argued. “My parents have always treated us like brothers. It would change _everything_. It would _ruin_ everything.”

“If Fili were in love with you, would that ruin everything?” he asked.

“He’s not,” Kili replied in resignation.

“But if he _were_ , would your parents be upset if the two of you got together? Would Frodo be upset?” Faramir pressed.

Kili snorted. “Frodo asked me if I ever thought about marrying Fili. Pretty sure it wouldn’t upset him at all.” He thought for a minute about what his parents would think.

In his worst nightmares, he had always envisioned his parents telling him he was disgusting and sending him back into the foster system, but he knew that was ridiculous. He _knew_ Bilbo would never send him away. He had promised him as much years ago. And Thorin, gruff though he was at times, wouldn’t disown any of them for anything short of murder, maybe not even then.

Even if they didn’t approve of him having feelings of that nature for Fili, the only thing they’d probably do was talk the issue to death, which was something Kili would like to avoid if possible, if only because it’d be embarrassing as hell.

“They wouldn’t be upset if they found out about _my_ feelings,” he conceded reluctantly. “I don’t know if they’d approve of any relationship between us though, not that that matters because Fili doesn’t feel the same.”

“But they wouldn’t punish you for having feelings for Fili?”

Kili rolled his eyes. “They’d make me talk about it, but it wouldn’t be a _punishment_. Not technically at least.”

“And if Fili found out?” Faramir asked.

“Fili _can’t_ find out,” he hissed in panic.

Faramir gave him a sympathetic look and stopped walked, forcing Kili to stop as well. “What’s the worst thing that could happen?”

“He’d hate me,” he whispered, looking down.

“Fili’d never hate you. You _know_ that,” he insisted, placing his hands on Kili’s shoulders and giving them a reassuring squeeze.

Kili shook his head as tears welled in his eyes. “But I’m taking advantage of him,” he confessed. “He’ll hug me or hold me like a brother would and I… don’t take it like a brother would.”

“You’re not making him do those things,” Faramir reasoned.

“But sometimes I _do_!” Kili cried, shrugging away from his friend’s hands and throwing his arms out in frustration. “I _know_ that if he sees me sad or whatever, that he’ll give me a hug. I _know_ that if I sit next to him while watching TV, he’ll put his arm around me.”

“Because he _wants_ to do those things!” the redhead insisted. “Fili _loves_ you. You shouldn’t feel guilty for accepting his love. It makes him _happy_ to be able to show his love for you.”

“But he wouldn’t do those things if he knew how I felt,” Kili said miserably.

“ _If_ that were true,” Faramir said, “it’d only be because he would be trying to be considerate of _you_.”

“It doesn’t matter,” he said with a dismissive shake of his head. “I’m never going to tell him.”

“It matters because you’re feeling guilty over your feelings and it’s _hurting_ you,” Faramir insisted. “We all see it. You barely talk to us anymore, you never smile. Gimli even says you don’t eat.”

“I eat,” he mumbled in weak protestation, knowing that was only true because Fili looked absolutely _heartbroken_ the day after the wedding when he didn’t eat anything at dinner. He had made sure to at least eat half of his dinner after that.

“You don’t eat lunch,” he stated pointedly. “And that’s not the point. The point is that you’re punishing yourself for something nobody would blame you for and nobody would be angry with you about.”

“I’m not trying to _punish_ myself. I just… I don’t know,” he sighed. “Maybe I do feel guilty. I shouldn’t have let this happen.”

Faramir gave him a sad smile. “You didn’t let this happen, Kili. It just happened. You can’t beat yourself up over it. You have to just accept how you feel.”

“I don’t know how,” he mumbled.

“Well first, you have to stop treating your feelings as something _bad_ ,” Faramir told him. “You’re allowed to have feelings no matter what anyone might think about them.”

He didn’t know if it’d be a simple as Faramir made it sound, but he could _try_ at least. Maybe if he could accept his feelings for what they were, he could stop worrying Fili so much. And maybe he could get back to normal fast enough so that neither of his parents would notice anything was wrong.

“I’ll try,” he said finally before giving Faramir a confused look. “How do you know so much about this stuff?”

He shrugged. “Elrond made me see a therapist after the whole thing with my dad. It’s been helpful.”

Kili frowned. “You’re okay now, though, right? You don’t still feel bad or anything?”

“I’m good,” Faramir assured him with a smile. “It’s just helpful to talk to someone, you know?”

“Is that supposed to be a hint?” he asked in exasperation.

“Well, it wasn’t _supposed_ to be, but it works pretty well as one,” Faramir replied with a laugh. “You don’t have to talk to us if you don’t want to, but you can’t keep things bottled up.”

“It’s not normally a problem,” Kili admitted with a sigh. “I usually tell Fili everything. But…”

“Yeah, you don’t want to tell him this,” he said with an understanding smile. “But the rest of us are here for you too, okay? Even if Tauriel can be a bit pushy about it at times.”

“Thanks,” he said with a grateful smile. “I’ll remember that.”

“Good,” Faramir nodded. “Now, I better turn around and head home. If Aragorn gets home before me, he’ll probably call Elrond and Gilraen in a panic. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“See you. And thanks, Faramir. You’re right,” he told him. “Talking helped.”

They parted ways then, Faramir walking back in the direction of his house and Kili picking up his pace to not be too late meeting with Fili.

“Kili!” Fili cried in obvious relief as he rounded the corner and came within sight. The blond jogged the few feet between them to meet him halfway and wrapped his arms around him in a desperate hug.

Kili winced inwardly in guilt, knowing that if he hadn’t been worrying Fili so much lately, he wouldn’t have been as concerned about Kili being at most ten minutes late.

“I’m sorry,” he said as Fili pulled away.

The blond shook his head with a slight blush tinging his cheeks. “Don’t be. You weren’t that late. I just worry too much.”

“No, I’m sorry about worrying you so much these past weeks,” he explained with a rueful smile.

Fili shook his head again, wrapping his arm around Kili’s shoulders and steering him towards home. “You can’t help it if you’ve been upset, just like I can’t help but worry about you when you _are_ upset. We can’t control our feelings.”

Even though he knew Fili had no idea how meaningful his statement was, Kili still felt a weight lift off of him at his words. “So you’d never be mad if I was feeling something you didn’t like?” he couldn’t resist asking.

“Of course not!” Fili exclaimed, giving him a scandalized look. “Kili, I’d never be mad at you for something like that! That isn’t why you’ve been upset, is it?”

Kili ignored the question and asked another of his own. “Even if it were something bad? Or wrong?”

“Kili,” he said seriously, stopping both of them and making him face him. “Even if your feelings made you to want to go on a killing spree, I wouldn’t be _mad_ at you for having them. I would be justifiably concerned, and I’d probably have to tell Pop if you were planning on following through, but I wouldn’t be _mad_.”

He laughed, slightly giddy with relief. “I don’t want to go on a killing spree.”

“That’s good,” Fili quipped, eyes sparkling as he grabbed Kili’s hand and pulled him in the direction of home. “I’m sure the blood would get everywhere. But I’d love you no matter what.”

Kili smiled. “I know. I love you too.”

And even though he might not have come to terms with being in love with Fili yet, he thought maybe he could. He didn’t know if it were possible to get over the blond, but he could learn to live with his feelings as long as Fili didn’t hate him for them.

He was tempted to just tell Fili, but he knew that would change things between them. Even if Fili was mad and didn’t hate him for his feelings, he’d still treat Kili differently, even if it was just to spare Kili’s own feelings. He didn’t want that.

As much as he didn’t like keeping secrets from Fili, this was something he had to keep to himself.

Still, things definitely were better after talking to Faramir and Fili. He actually felt hungry at dinner, going so far as to ask Balin for seconds. He didn’t miss the relieved glint in Fili’s eye as he noticed.

Kili was nowhere near being able to calm the emotions roiling around inside him, but he was able to mute them enough so that they didn’t overwhelm him. By the time Thorin and Bilbo made it home, with Thorin tanner and Bilbo slightly pinker, he was able to act more or less like himself.

By the time Thanksgiving came and went, he realized he was actually feeling _happy_ again. It probably didn’t hurt that Fili had taken to spending as much time with him as possible, with the whole spending-time-apart thing their parents had encouraged thrown completely out the window.

Every waking moment outside of school was spent in each other’s company. Kili was sure this didn’t help him to not be in love with Fili, but it did help him get used to dealing with being close to Fili while being aware of his feelings. And that _was_ helpful. His heart clenched a little less when Fili wrapped him in his arms or held his hand.

It really wasn’t until Tauriel grabbed him after school and dragged him to a secluded hallway that he even realized he was neglecting his other friends somewhat.

“We need to talk,” she stated seriously.

He gave her a sheepish look. “Look, Tauriel, I’m sorry I’ve been a little absent lately…”

She waved him off though. “This isn’t about that. I know you’ve been coming to grips about Fili and working out your relationship with him. No apology needed. _I_ have something I need to talk to my best friend about though.”

Kili started at that. Tauriel thought of him as her best friend? He felt a warm feeling spread through his heart at the thought. “What’s up?”

She looked a bit anxious, which was unusual for her. “Okay, so you know how I told you that Legolas wasn’t really my brother?” she asked, not waiting for him to respond before continuing. “Well, turns out he is.”

He blinked. “What?”

“Yeah,” she said bitterly. “Half-brother actually. Turns out Thranduil wasn’t exactly honest with us before. He told us on Legolas’ birthday.”

“Why did he lie?” Kili asked in confusion.

“My mother died when she had me,” Tauriel explained with a frown. “He took me in because he had to, but he didn’t want Legolas’ mother to know he’d had an affair. So he told her he was taking in his dead employee’s daughter because she had no one else. He kept the lie up even after his wife died.”

He really didn’t know how to react to the information, but he didn’t really think his reaction was really the point of the conversation. “How do you feel about this?”

“I don’t know!” she cried, throwing her hands up in frustration. “I grew up thinking of Thranduil as such a generous person for taking me in. I was _grateful_ ,” she spat the word, “because I thought he took me in out of the goodness of his heart. Now I find out he _lied_ and the bastard was just cheating on his wife and didn’t want to acknowledge it!”

She sighed and the anger seemed to drain from her. “But on the other hand, I didn’t think I had a family, but I _do_. I have a father, even if I’m kinda pissed at him. And I have a _brother_ ,” she said with a wonder-filled smile. “I used to _hate_ the fact that Legolas wasn’t really my brother, that I didn’t really have a claim on him, and now I _do_.”

“Legolas was always your brother,” Kili told her. “And you’re allowed to be pissed at Thranduil.”

“Still, he didn’t _have_ to take me,” Tauriel admitted quietly, leaning against the wall and crossing her arms. “My mother didn’t name him on my birth certificate. There was nothing that tied me to him. He could’ve just let me go into the system. But he gave me a home, a brother. He wasn’t always the best father to me, but his wife always treated me like a daughter so he even gave me that. Can I really be _that_ angry at him?”

“I think you can feel however you want to about him,” he said firmly. “No one could judge you if you were angry. And nobody would judge you if you weren’t. You can’t control how you feel.”

Tauriel shot him a sly look. “That sounds like advice you’ve gotten recently.”

He rolled his eyes. “Yeah. It’s been helpful for me though.”

She smiled at him and pushed off the wall. “Thanks, Kili.”

He shrugged. “No need to thank me. I didn’t really do anything.”

“You listened,” she replied, looping her arm through his and leading him towards the exit. “That’s enough.”

“Well, if that’s all you need, I can always do that,” he said with a laugh.

Tauriel gave him a sincere smile. “That’s what makes you such a good friend. And if you ever need me to return the favor, just let me know. Although,” she said sheepishly, “I may not be so good at _just_ listening and not trying to tell you what to do.”

Kili laughed again. “You wouldn’t be the Tauriel we all knew and loved if you were.”

Tbc…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Kili FINALLY starts high school in the next chapter and things begin to develop more :)


	24. Chapter Twenty Four

Kili had barely got through the door on his first day of high school before he was hit in the face by long, red hair as Tauriel tugged him forcibly away from Fili and pulled him down the hallway. He could hear Fili’s laughter at her antics and turned his head to shoot him a dirty look. Much to his displeasure, the blond didn’t look at all repentant.

“Come _on_!” Tauriel said, putting more force behind her tug.

“Tauriel, slow down!” Kili snapped, trying to pull out of her grip. “I promised Ori I’d find him before classes start!”

Ori had elected to turn down his spot at the magnet high school once he realized that he could go to the same high school as they did. Kili was excited that the smaller boy was joining them. Between going to different schools and Ori spending his summers in smart kid camp, they hadn’t been able to spend much time together in the past year.

“This’ll only take a second,” she assured.

He followed her dutifully as she led him to the courtyard, where a bunch of tables were set up with signs. She made a beeline to a table with a large “Archery Team Tryouts” sign.

Of course.

Tauriel smiled at the dark-haired upperclassman manning the table. “Found the friend I was telling you about,” she proclaimed proudly.

“Found, kidnapped, same thing,” Kili muttered sarcastically. Tauriel glared at him while the boy behind the table grinned.

“Bard Bowman,” he introduced himself. “If you’re as good as Tauriel claims, we’ll definitely have a shot at states this year.”

“Kili Baggins,” he said before frowning and shooting the redhead a look. “Just what have you been telling him? I’ve only been shooting for a little over a year.”

“And he already shoots almost as well as me,” Tauriel bragged. “And I’m damn good.”

He opened his mouth to retort but a voice cut him off.

“Trying to take all the potential recruits, Bowman?” a tall, slim boy with short dark hair at the next table asked with a smirk. “You should give them a chance to see what their other options are, such as those that actually _win_ occasionally.”

Bard rolled his eyes. “I think that if they wanted to sign up for track and field, Smaug, they wouldn’t have approached the archery table.”

“Why don’t you let them decide for themselves?” he asked, sidling up next to Kili. “How about you? Kili, was it? You definitely have the body of a runner.”

Kili flushed as the older boy’s icy green eyes looked him up and down. “S-sorry,” he stammer out. “I already promised Tauriel I’d do archery with her. Besides, I’ve never really done any track.”

“That’s disappointing,” he replied with a quirk of his eyebrow. “However, tryouts aren’t until January so I’ve still got time to convince you.”

“What makes you think I’m worth convincing?” he asked in bewilderment.

“I know value when I see it,” he said, smirking. He excused himself, though, when a group of students came up to the track and field table. As he was talking to them, though, he looked up and winked at Kili.

Flustered, he quickly signed his name on the archery try-out sheet and waited impatiently for Tauriel to do the same.

“Looks like you’ve got Drake Smaug’s attention,” Bard commented as he waited. “I’d be careful if I were you. He’s not a bad guy, but he’s more of a love ‘em and leave ‘em type of guy.”

Kili stared at him with wide eyes. “I don’t think he’s interested in me like that!” he protested. Why on earth _would_ he be?

Bard gave him an incredulous look but turned his attention to another freshman loitering by the table.

“It’s alright, Kili,” Tauriel said, looping her arm around his and steering him towards where their other friends were loitering by the picnic tables. “I’ll protect you from flirty upperclassmen.”

“He was _not_ flirting with me,” Kili insisted as they approached the others. He was happy to see that Ori had found them without Kili seeking him out.

“Who was flirting with you?” Ori asked curiously, looking up at him with an innocent smile and making him regret his previous thought.

“ _Not_ flirting with me,” he reiterated through clenched teeth as plopped down on the bench next to Fili.

“Pretty sure he wasn’t undressing you with his eyes just to size you up for the track team,” Tauriel remarked, giving him a mischievous wink. Kili blushed and hid his face in his arms on the table, prompting his friends to laugh.

“Aw, leave him alone,” Fili said, laugh and voice sounding funny to Kili’s ears through the barrier of his arms. He turned his head and shot the blond a grateful look, but Fili wasn’t looking at him.

“Yes, if Kili says there was no flirting, then there wasn’t any flirting,” Aragorn stated. Kili was surprised, but pleased, at the older boy’s support.

Tauriel opened her mouth to say something else that Kili would want to throttle her for, but the bell rang for homeroom before she could get it out. Kili practically bolted from his friends, needing to escape before any more teasing came his way.

Honestly. As if anyone would want to flirt with _him_. Besides, it wasn’t like _Kili_ would be interested if he _were_. He had resigned himself over the summer to pining for Fili forever. It wasn’t such a bad fate, he had decided. It’d probably be worse as soon as Fili started dating, but until then, it was enough.

“So,” Tauriel said, as she caught up with him.

“Drop it,” he hissed, stalking towards their classroom and taking a seat in the back.

She sat down in the seat in front of him and rolled her eyes. “Wasn’t gonna say anything about that,” she huffed. “I was _going_ to invite you over for a movie night at our place Friday. Eowyn and Ori are coming too.”

Kili frowned. “Just Eowyn and Ori? What about Gimli and Faramir?”

He didn’t bother asking about Fili and their other friends. It wasn’t unusual for Thranduil to limit the number of people Tauriel and Legolas could have over at once, but usually they invited all their grade-mates.

And even Kili wasn’t clueless enough to not realize why she had invited Eowyn.

“Legolas and Gimli broke up last weekend. They’re trying to downplay it, but I figured it’d be best not to subject them to each other,” Tauriel explained. “Faramir is going to ask Gimli to do something with him and Aragorn. I’m sure Aragorn will invite Fili and Eomer too.”

“Well, I’m glad everyone decided to plan Friday out without me,” he muttered sullenly.

“You’re just mad because I’m trying to make you spend time away from Fili,” she retorted. “And it’ll be good for you to spend time apart. If you’re not going to tell him how you feel, maybe time apart will help you _not_ turn down the cute track-star of a senior who was _clearly_ flirting with you earlier.”

Kili scowled at her. “I’ll come Friday if the topic of my love life is on the do-not-mention list. Between you mooning over Eowyn and Legolas nursing a broken heart, I think that’s more than enough relationship drama for one night.”

“Fine,” she agreed petulantly with a toss of her hair.

He sighed and ripped a strip of paper from his notebook before scribbling something down. He held it out to her as a peace offering. “Here.”

She frowned as she looked at it before grinning at him. “Your parents _finally_ caved and got you a cell?” she asked in excitement.

“Nothing so dramatic as _caving_ , really,” he said with a shrug. “They got Fili one when he started high school, so they gave me one this morning.”

“Still, we can text now,” she remarked with a smile before turning as the teacher called them to attention.

As soon as the bell for the next period rang, though, she was digging in his backpack before he could protest and pulling out his phone.

“Hey!” he said as she grabbed her own bag and started walking towards the door, eyes on both their phones as she typed away on his.

“Relax, Kili, we’re going the same way,” she placated. “And I’m just giving you everyone’s numbers and texting them yours, since you’re the last one to get a phone. I swear, even _Ori_ has had a phone for the past couple of years.”

“Ori went away for the summers,” he defended, but gave up trying to get his phone back.

“There,” she said with a smirk. “Now everyone has everyone’s numbers.”

Kili rolled his eyes. “I would’ve given everyone my number, thanks.”

“Well, now you don’t have to,” she replied flippantly. “Now enjoy Geometry. I’m off to English Lit.”

He shook his head and slipped his phone back in his bag before walking to his class. He smiled as he saw Ori already there, sitting front and center. Despite usually gravitating towards the back of the room, he slid into the seat behind Ori, not wanting to abandon his friend.

“How’s the first day so far?”

Ori gave him a bright smile. “Great! It’s nice to have people to talk to at school,” he said shyly.

Kili gave him an understanding smile. He remembered what it was like to be the odd one out at school. He was going to reply but Gimli walked in and plopped down in the desk next to Ori, immediately pulling the younger redhead into a conversation about some sci-fi book that Kili hadn’t read. He was surprised Gimli had, as the other boy wasn’t that avid of a reader, before he realized that _Ori_ was doing most of the talking, with Gimli nodding along and smiling at him in encouragement.

It was nice, he thought, to see Gimli being attentive to Ori and helping him feel more welcome.

The rest of the morning went by quickly, with Kili thrilled to realize that he had the same lunch period as Fili. No mention of the not-flirting incident was mentioned at lunch, mostly because Tauriel did _not_ have the same lunch as them.

The period after lunch was study hall in the library. He made his way there with Faramir once the bell rang, frowning in confusion as he spied Aragorn and Eomer sitting at a table in the corner. Still, he followed Faramir as he immediately headed towards them.

“I didn’t know this was mixed grades,” Faramir commented in a quiet voice as he took a seat.

Eomer was torn away from the window he had been staring out of and gave him a grin, while Aragorn smiled more sedately at them before going back to his Chemistry book. Kili followed his lead and pulled out his Geometry book, turning to the page of problems his teacher had assigned.

He ignored the short whispered conversation of his two friends as he got to work. He had barely started, though, when the empty seat next to him was suddenly occupied.

“You must be one of the few people who _actually_ study in study hall on the first day,” a quiet voice teased.

Kili looked up to see Drake Smaug smirking at him. He stared at him for a moment, not really knowing how to react. He glanced at his friends for help. Eomer and Faramir had abandoned their game of hangman to look at him curiously, but they didn’t seem inclined to insert themselves into the conversation. Kili was sure, though, that the look Aragorn was giving Drake would probably be a glare if it were on anyone else. As it was, it was more of a look of stern disapproval.

He probably didn’t appreciate Drake’s comment on studying.

“I have homework,” he replied in a meek voice, vaguely gesturing towards his math book.

The senior chuckled at him and shook his head in a fond manner. “By all means, don’t let me come between you and your homework.”

Kili turned back to his book, extremely aware of Drake’s eyes on him. It took him twice as long to get through each problem as it normally would. He couldn’t help glancing at the older boy out of the corner of his eye every so often. His presence was incredibly distracting.

Why was a senior like Drake being so friendly to a freshman like Kili?

Once study hall had ended, Kili was relieved when Drake left with only a polite smile and a nod. Eomer opened his mouth, no doubt to tease or interrogate Kili, but he was silenced by a nudge of Aragorn’s elbow and a shake of Faramir’s head. He shot them both a grateful look as they left the library. They could always be counted on for quiet understanding.

Thankfully, he made it to the end of the day without any more confusing run-ins with Drake and without any further comments from any of his friends. He was also particularly glad that Fili didn’t mention anything about the senior on their walk home.

He wasn’t sure if he knew how to handle any teasing from Fili about someone who may (but probably didn’t) have a romantic interest in him.

 

The rest of the week flew by. Unfortunately for Kili, though, Drake Smaug had somehow become a fixture in his life. It wasn’t that he _disliked_ the older boy. He had been perfectly pleasant to him. He asked Kili how he was doing, listened attentively to his interests (when Kili couldn’t stop himself from talking), and always greeted him with a smile and nod whenever he saw him.

No, the problem was his friends’ reactions. Tauriel gave him such insufferably _knowing_ and _encouraging_ looks, usually with Legolas, Faramir, and Gimli giving him sympathetic looks in the background. Eowyn was nearly as bad as Tauriel, but was much more vocal about her support of whatever relationship he chose to pursue with the senior, which only made Kili burn with mortification. Eomer usually waggled his eyebrows suggestively at her comments, making the whole situation even _worse_.

Ori was no help. He didn’t tease or give him pity, but his what-are-you-gonna-do shrug wasn’t particularly useful either.

And Aragorn’s look of disproval from the library had morphed into a general glower whenever Drake’s name was mentioned.

Fili never said anything about the senior. His face always morphed into a blank mask, though, when the topic came up. It was that blankness that prompted Kili to bring up the older boy of his own volition as they walked home together Friday afternoon.

“You know Drake and I are just friends, right?” he asked, looking at Fili quick enough to catch the brief scowl that flickered across his face before it was smoothed into a calm mask. “Barely even that,” he added truthfully. “I don’t see him like that, and I’m pretty sure he doesn’t see me like that either.”

“I’m not too sure about that,” Fili replied, letting a bit of sullenness creep into his voice.

“Well _I’m_ sure,” Kili shot back petulantly. “And even if Drake _were_ interested in me, which, again, he’s _not_ , I wouldn’t go out with him or anything. I wish people would just shut up about it.”

The blond reluctantly chuckled at that. Kili couldn’t help but smile at the sound. Fili hadn’t laughed as much since they started back school, the workload of his classes combined with the training he was doing for his jiu-jitsu tournament apparently weighing heavily on him. Kili didn’t like seeing the blond looking so pensive.

“They just want to see you happy,” he commented, giving Kili a soft smile.

“I _am_ happy,” he said grumpily, not caring that his demeanor undermined his statement. “Besides,” he added with a mischievous smirk. “Drake isn’t even that attractive.”

Fili let out a surprised and hearty laugh at that. “I think there are a lot of people at school that would disagree with that,” he remarked, still grinning.

“Well, there’s no accounting for taste, I suppose,” he said airily, sticking his nose up in mock disdain. “Too tall and skinny for me.”

“What, don’t go for tall, dark, and handsome?” Fili teased.

He shot Fili a smile, taking in his shorter stature, his broad chest and shoulders, and his golden blond hair. “Not in the least,” he replied with confidence. “Though handsome is in the eye of the beholder.”

The blond raised an eyebrow. “Got anyone in mind?”

“Nope,” he answered cheerily. “I’m probably going to die an old maid. How shameful.”

“Idiot,” Fili said with a fond shake his head. “If that happens, we’ll have to get a house with a porch and be the grumpy old men that yell at all the kids.”

Kili grinned, the idea appealing to him more than it really should. “Deal.”

Tbc…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know. "Drake Smaug." Completely unoriginal... Smh.


	25. Chapter Twenty Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter isn't that exciting, but it's meant to lay a foundation for things to come. Hope you enjoy it anyway.

“Okay,” Tauriel proclaimed after they had gorged themselves on Chinese food Friday night. “We have Scream 4, Insidious, and Paranormal Activity 1 and 2. Which do we want to watch first?”

Kili blanched, not thrilled at the prospect of a horror movie. He glanced at the others. Legolas looked pretty indifferent, while Eowyn and Ori looked downright gleeful. He swallowed down his apprehension. He had never watched a horror movie before, after all. He never really understood why anyone would _want_ to be scared. But they couldn’t really be that bad, though, right?

“I’ve been wanting to watch the Paranormal Activity movies for _ever_!” Eowyn exclaimed with a grin. “How’d you get your dad to let you rent them?”

Legolas snorted. “Dad pretty much lets Tauriel get away with anything these days in hopes to get back in her good graces.”

She shot him a devious smirk. “It’s not working, but I can milk it for all it’s worth.”

Kili frowned. “Can’t you just… talk it out with him?” he asked in confusion.

“Not everyone has the perfect parents you do,” Tauriel commented with a roll of her eyes. “Thranduil is… difficult. But who cares? Let’s watch the movie!”

Tauriel put the DVD in before falling onto the longest end of the sectional sofa, pillowing her head in Eowyn’s lap. Ori was curled into the corner of the sectional, watching the screen with avid attention, while Legolas was lounging on the very end where the leather bottom popped out to form a recliner.

Kili was sitting in the freestanding recliner, which was positioned slightly back from the sectional, meaning the others didn’t have a view of him while they were watching the movie.

A fact that he was more and more grateful for the further into the movie they got. It was bad enough when the door on screen moved by itself, but when the Ouija board caught on fire, Kili was officially freaked out. He curled his legs up on instinct, hugging his knees close to his chest.

When the footprints appeared in the powder, he squeezed his eyes shut and buried his face in his arms. It didn’t stop him from hearing when they found the picture of the girl from her destroyed house.

In an attempt to distract himself, he pulled out his cell phone and texted Fili. _Are you crushing it at mini golf?_

He kept his eyes trained on his phone and tried to tune out the talking on screen as the little dots appear that show that Fili is typing his reply.

_I’ve only lost 3 balls so far…_

Kili smiled at the response but jerked violently as a scream sounded on screen. He looked up involuntarily and regretted it a few moments later when a body was thrown at the camera and the blood-stained girl walked into the room. He looked down at the phone again, glad that he did when Ori let out a small gasp.

With slightly shaking hands, he typed back at Fili, _Haven’t beat my record yet ;)_

The last time he and Fili had gone mini-golfing, Kili had managed to lose a grand total of five balls. He blamed whoever decided to put a lazy river ride around the course. Fili had blamed Kili’s wild swings of the putter. Needless to say, though he had had fun that day, Kili had lost rather spectacularly.

He held onto the memory of that day as Tauriel switched DVDs, needing to think of anything but demons and hauntings.

 _Be hard to do that, haha,_ came Fili’s reply, followed by a second text of _enjoying the movies?_

As the housekeeper on the screen was fired for trying to get rid of evil spirits, Kili cringes at the question. _Tauriel’s on a horror kick_ , he typed, not wanting to admit how freaked out he was.

Why did people _like_ these movies anyway? Was he just being too sensitive? The others seemed to have no problem. Sure, Ori jumped a little bit when something startled him, but even he seemed to be enjoying himself and he was _two years_ younger than Kili!

 _Not your thing?_ Fili’s next text asked.

He was glad Fili didn’t ask him if he were scared. He _wasn’t_. Not really. He just… wasn’t a huge fan of this genre.

 _Not really…_ he typed and sent.

_You staying the night there?_

Kili bit his lip, nearly biting through it when a loud bang came from the television and startled him. He had planned to stay the night, but now he wasn’t so sure. He often had problems falling asleep when he wasn’t at home. And he knew they had all been planning on sleeping in the living room, which made him even more uncomfortable.

The room was too big, too open, for his tastes.

Still, he didn’t want anyone to think he was a baby for wanting to run home after watching a couple of scary movies.

 _Yeah_ , he answered finally, flinching as something banged on screen.

Fili didn’t text back for a couple _of_ minutes, making Kili feel slightly bad about interrupting his night. He was heartened, though, when the blond texted him back. _We’re going to Rosie’s for pie if you guys want to join :)_

Rosie’s was a diner that was only a few blocks away from the Greenleaf house. It was an easy meeting place for them most of the time because it also in easy walking distance from Aragorn and Faramir’s house. It didn’t hurt that the owner made great pie.

“The others are going for pie,” he announced. “They want to know if we want to meet them there.”

Tauriel raised an eyebrow at Legolas. Kili cringed internally at that. He had forgotten about the whole Legolas and Gimli thing.

Thankfully, though, Legolas shrugged. “I could go for pie.”

His sister grinned and paused the movie. “Great! We’ll finish this when we get back. The good parts haven’t started yet anyway.”

Kili wasn’t really sure about classifying any part of the movie as “good,” but he wasn’t going to argue. He was too grateful to have a break from the horror fest.

 _On our way!_ he sent Fili.

Legolas darted upstairs to let his dad know where they were heading before they were all out the door. It took them no time at all to walk to the diner. The others had beaten them there and managed to push a table against a booth to get enough seating for all of them.

Kili immediately slid into the empty seat in the booth next to Fili, feeling settled for the first time since Tauriel put on the movie as the blond slipped his hand in his own.

“So who won at mini-golf?” Eowyn asked after the waitress had taken their orders.

“Not your twin,” Fili answered with a smirk. “He managed to score an impressive 47.”

Eomer scowled. “At least I never lost any balls.”

“No, you just could find the holes,” Fili shot back.

“To answer your question,” Faramir cut in calmly. “Aragorn managed to put us all to shame, but Gimli and I tied at a respectable second.”

“Only because Eomer kept distracting me!” Gimli protested.

Kili smirked at Fili as Eomer and Gimli began arguing over Faramir’s head, with the other redhead shaking his head in fond exasperation.

“Not your best game?” he teased quietly, nudging him slightly with his elbow.

Fili shot him a grin. “Near the end I was just trying to see how bad I could be and still beat Eomer,” he whispered conspiratorially.

“How many balls _did_ you lose?” he asked mischievously, leaning in closer to Fili unconsciously.

“Let’s just say I _did_ beat your record and leave it at that?” he answered with a smile. “Serious question, though, does Legolas seem to be sitting a little close to Aragorn to you?” he whispered, nodding his head towards where the two sat at the end of the table.

Kili glanced over and frowned. They weren’t sitting any closer than Fili and he were, but they _did_ seem to be absorbed in conversation with each other, though that might have been because Ori, Tauriel, and Eowyn were in a heated discussion about the movie they had been watching.

He shrugged. “Maybe?” He’d be the first one to admit he wasn’t all that great at judging things like this. Though, if Legolas _were_ showing interest in Aragorn, Kili thought it was a little quick of him. He and Gimli had only broken up two weeks ago.

Some in his facial expression made Fili laugh. “You look like someone just asked you to solve a complicated math problem. Or what a _normal_ person would look like trying to solve a math problem, at least.”

Kili pouted. “I _like_ math,” he mumbled as the waitress came back with their pie.

The blond frowned and wrapped an arm around him, pulling him closer as the waitress put their plates in front of them. “I didn’t mean that in a bad way,” he said earnestly. “You’re _special_ , Kee. So much better than the rest of us.”

He huffed but relaxed against Fili. “No one’s better than you,” he replied earnestly before grabbing his fork and taking a bite of his coconut cream pie.

“Now that’s not true,” Fili argued good-naturedly, keeping his arm around him as he dug into his peach pie.

Kili shook his head and glanced down the table once more, frowning as he noticed the stony look Aragorn was now sending towards the door. He looked over his shoulder and cringed, scooting closer to Fili and attempting to hide himself in the booth.

Drake Smaug had just walked in and was sitting on the other side of the diner with a few of his friends.

Fili, thankfully, couldn’t see the senior. Kili had a sneaking suspicion that the blond didn’t really like Drake all that much. He didn’t want Fili’s night ruined because of the upperclassman.

Eomer had apparently settled his bickering with Gimli and was now tuning into his sister’s conversation. “You guys watched Paranormal Activity?” he asked with a frown. “Isn’t that supposed to be really scary?”

Eowyn rolled her eyes at him. “It wasn’t that scary,” she retorted.

“It’s creepy though,” Ori argued from the end of the table. “The idea that some evil force you can’t escape is following you around. Can you imagine living in constant fear in your own home?”

Kili could imagine it all too well, he realized with a shiver. Maybe that’s why the movie had freaked him out so much. Fili’s arm tightened around him as the blond shot him a concerned look. He gave him a reassuring smile before taking another bite of pie, trying to savor the creamy concoction despite the knots in his stomach.

He _really_ didn’t want to go watch the rest of the second movie.

It didn’t take them long to finish their pie, sticking around a bit longer to chat before paying and leaving.

Kili noticed Fili catching sight of Drake as they walked out, but kept his own eyes away from the senior’s table. He liked Drake alright, but he didn’t want to give Fili any reason to think that he was interested in the senior in any way. It might be a rude thing to do, but he’d rather be rude to Drake than inadvertently hurt Fili.

“You coming back with us, Kili, or going home with Fili?” Tauriel asked once they were outside, giving him a knowing look.

He glared at her but decided he’d rather have her think that he was going home to be with Fili than have her know that he was scared of a stupid movie.

“I think I’ll just go home,” he said, trying to be casual about it. “I’m kinda tired. Don’t think I can manage another movie or two. Besides, you know how scared Fili gets walking home alone,” he joked.

Fili rolled his eyes. “Yes, I need Kili to protect me against the monsters lurking in the shadows. Monsters are terrified of bony teenagers,” he said knowledgably.

“I’m not bony!” he cried in affront. “I have muscles! I couldn’t draw a bow without them,” he grumbled.

“Well,” Eowyn said, ignoring Kili’s protests. “I guess we’ll leave the skinny kid to protect you.”

Kili sighed in exasperation as they parted ways. He glanced at Fili worriedly after a block or so. “I’m not too skinny, am I?” he asked. He never really gave much thought to how he looked. He didn’t think he was ugly or anything, but what if he was?

“You’re perfect,” Fili assured him, grabbing his hand and squeezing it. “I was just joking.”

Of course, Fili _had_ to say that. He was his brother, after all, as much as the thought pained Kili. It didn’t matter, though. It wasn’t Kili’s looks that kept Fili from returning his feelings.

They made it back home shortly after that, their parents looking surprised to see them both.

“I thought you were staying with Tauriel and Legolas, Kili,” Bilbo said with a frown after they had walked in.

He shot him a chagrined look. “They were watching horror movies,” he admitted. “I didn’t really want to watch them.”

His dad gave him an understanding look while Thorin frowned. “What scary movies?” he asked, obviously questioning Thranduil’s parenting skills.

“I was really trying to not pay attention to it, to be honest,” he said, dodging the question. He was pretty sure the movie was rated R, and he knew Thorin would give Thranduil hell for letting Tauriel show it to the rest of them. Kili didn’t really want to cause any trouble. “I’m gonna head to bed. Night!”

Fili followed him upstairs, slipping into his own room as Kili retreated to his. He quickly got ready for bed, turning his light off before quickly darting under the covers, pulling them high above his head. He drew his knees up to his chest and closed his eyes tightly.

If he tried really hard, he could maybe forget that all the bad things in the movie had happened after the couple had gone to bed.

A tap on the door made him jump, but he instantly relaxed when his door was cracked over and Fili whispered his name. The blond shut his door and slid under the covers with him, wrapping his arms around him.

“Dad and Pop told us to stop sleeping together,” Kili protested weakly even as he turned in his arms and tucked his head under Fili’s chin. It was easier to forget that he had been scared earlier with Fili there.

“I think they’ll understand just for tonight,” he whispered back.

Kili wasn’t going to argue the point anymore, not when he felt so much safer with Fili there. He might feel guilty for reveling his Fili’s hold later, but right now, he was just going to enjoy it.

He didn’t have to worry about demons, either imaginary ones from the movie or all-too-real ones from his past, coming to haunt him with Fili’s arms around him.

Tbc…


	26. Chapter Twenty Six

“Hello,” Drake greeted as he sidled up to Kili and leant casually against the locker next to his, voice pitched oddly low.

Kili stared at him in surprise for a moment. The senior had never approached him between classes before, and whenever they had talked, at least one of his friends had always been near him. Without their presence, Kili felt oddly vulnerable under Drake’s green gaze.

“Hi,” he managed to get out, quickly stuffing his geometry book in his locker and pulling out his book for English Lit.

“So you looked pretty cozy in that booth Friday night with blondie,” the older teen commented with a raised brow. “Boyfriend?”

He frowned in confusion before he realized Drake was referring to Fili. “Brother,” he replied, not really sure why it mattered to Drake.

“With a different last name?” he asked skeptically.

Apparently Drake had asked around about Fili before asking Kili himself. Why he would do that, Kili wasn’t sure, but he wasn’t so sure he liked it. He closed his locker and slung his bag back over his shoulder, planning on making a quick retreat.

“Stepbrothers,” he explained hastily, moving to head towards his next class. Drake shoved off the lockers and angled his body to block Kili’s escape.

“That’s good to know,” he murmured softly, leaning in close to Kili’s ear before stepping around him. “See you in study hall,” he called over his shoulder as he walked away.

Kili stared after him a moment, feeling extremely unsettled by his behavior. The feeling lasted all through his next class. It didn’t help that it was the one period that he shared with none of his friends. He was inordinately grateful when lunch rolled around.

Something of his unease must have shown on his face because Faramir gave him a concerned look when he sat down. “You okay?”

He bit his lip, debating whether or not he should say anything. In all honesty, he was probably being overly sensitive. Drake hadn’t been hitting on him, and he certainly hadn’t meant his comments to sound as creepy as they did. The last thing he needed was for Tauriel to get in her mind that the senior was interested in him. She would pester him endlessly if she did.

“Just tired,” he lied, feeling bad but not wanting to admit what was bothering him. He made himself perk up and act normally before Fili walked in. The blond was usually annoyingly good at seeing through his lies.

Kili was glad he hadn’t made a big deal out of it when study hall came and went without incident. Drake hadn’t even sat near him, though Kili thought he could _feel_ his eyes on him. He was surely just being paranoid, though, as every time he looked up, the senior had his eyes on his books.

Tauriel intercepted him after the final bell rang just as he reached Fili, who was storing his books in his locker. “Uh uh, you are coming with me. Archery try-outs are Thursday, and we have to practice!”

“But—”

“No buts, mister!” she declared, pulling him away from Fili, who laughed as Kili looked imploringly at him for help.

“I’ll see you at home!” the blond called after them as Tauriel determinedly dragged him towards the door.

Kili shot him a scowl before he was pulled outside. “I’m not going to make a run for it if you let me go, you know,” he said in a put-out voice. “If you keep this up, I won’t be able to draw my bow!”

“Which is still at my place from practicing Friday,” she pointed out waspishly, reluctantly letting go of his arm. “Which means that you haven’t practiced _since_ then.”

“I forgot it was there,” Kili replied sheepishly. He hadn’t even thought about his bow when he went home with Fili instead of going back to the Greenleafs’. All he could think about at the time had been avoiding the horror movie marathon.

He had to all but jog to keep up with Tauriel’s quick pace, but they made it to her house in record time. Though they made straight for the practice range in her backyard, it quickly became clear to Kili that she had an ulterior motive for wanting to get him alone.

“So I have a favor to ask you,” she said as they both lined up to take their first shots.

He frowned as he released his arrow, noting with satisfaction that it was just right of the bullseye. “Ask or demand?” he teased.

She made a face at him before continuing, “Bard told me about this party a couple of seniors are hosting this Friday night.”

“And?” he asked, not really seeing where she was going with this. He drew another arrow and aimed carefully before releasing. He was pleased as it hit nearly dead center this time.

“So I want to go,” Tauriel replied in an exasperated tone.

Kili shrugged, still not understanding. “So go.”

“I can’t go _alone_!” she cried. “And, the way Bard described it, it’s not really the type of party any of our friends would likely go to. We’re kinda a bunch of goody-two-shoes,” she added with a roll of her eyes.

He frowned but said nothing as he drew back an arrow once more. If all of their friends were so-called “goody-two-shoes,” then he really didn’t see how that could be such a bad thing.

“So will you come with me?” she asked eagerly.

“I don’t know…”

“Come _on_ , Kili, please?” she begged, grabbing his elbow just as he released his arrow, causing it to miss the target entirely. He scowled at her as his arrow embedded itself in the grass behind the target and she gave him an unrepentant look. “For me?”

“I’ll have to ask my parents,” he conceded with a sigh, knowing she wouldn’t give up until he gave her _something_.

Tauriel rolled her eyes at that. “You can’t ask your _parents_ , Kili! They’d never say yes! And you can’t tell Fili either.”

“What kind of party _is_ this?” he asked, a little scandalized and more than a little put off. “I’m not going to lie to my parents, let alone lie to _Fili_!”

“It’s a _senior_ party,” she retorted. “Do you really think your parents would let you go to a senior party if you told them?”

“And why can’t I tell Fili?” he asked sardonically.

“Because he’d never let you go either!” she exclaimed, throwing her hands up in exasperation. “He’s way too protective of you.”

“Well, I don’t want to do something that I _know_ neither my parents nor Fili would want me to do,” he huffed, going to collect his arrows from the target.

“You’re allowed to think for yourself, you know,” Tauriel bit out as she followed him and got her own arrows. “Don’t be such a baby.”

“I _am_ thinking for myself,” he shot back. “I’m just not letting _you_ think _for_ me, which is why you’re getting mad at me.”

She deflated at that but still seemed grumpy. “If you don’t want to come, fine, but don’t tell your parents,” she said with a sigh. “They might tell Thranduil.”

“You’re really going to sneak out and go to a party alone?” he asked incredulously. “You won’t know anyone there.”

“Bard will be there,” she replied with a shrug. “And what good are parties if you can’t make friends there?”

Kili still didn’t think it was a very good idea. He couldn’t _make_ her not go, and he couldn’t _make_ her tell Thranduil. He took comfort in the fact that there was no way she’d be able to keep her plans from Legolas, who surely would try and stop her or tell their dad. There was no reason for him to worry about her. Still…

“Text me if something happens,” he told her, not really sure what he would do if something _did_ happen, but knowing he could at least _try_ to do something. “And tell me where the party is before you go just in case.”

She rolled her eyes again. “Yes, _dad_ ,” she said in resignation. “But only if you don’t _tell_ anyone. Not even Fili.”

“Fine,” he agreed reluctantly. If something bad happened to her, he’d want to know. Even if he couldn’t tell Fili. And if it were really bad, he didn’t think she’d begrudge him telling too much.

They practiced in pretty much silence after that, Tauriel still visibly disgruntled that Kili wouldn’t go to the party with her. It was a relief, then, when she finally decided they had both had enough practice.

“You can just leave your bow here,” she said. “We’ll practice again tomorrow and rest Wednesday so we’ll be fresh Thursday.”

He agreed and headed home, feeling the dire need for a shower to wash the sweat that had accumulated during the abnormally warm September afternoon. When he reached his house, he waved vaguely when Frodo greeted him from the living room but immediately trudged upstairs, focused on getting his shower.

He toed his shoes off as soon as he made it to his room and tugged his shirt over his head and into the hamper. He opened the bathroom door and froze.

Fili had apparently just stepped out of the shower. Kili knew this because Fili was standing just outside the shower. Naked. And wet.

“Sorry,” he squeaked, his mouth dry as he averted his eyes. The heat radiating from his face told him that his face had to be beet red. His jeans were also becoming tighter by the second.

“It’s okay,” the blond said, quickly wrapping a towel around himself and smiling at Kili reassuringly. “I’m done. Bathroom’s yours.”

Kili was extremely glad Fili seemed reluctant to look at him too closely as well. He mercifully left before the erection Kili was now sporting became obvious to him. Kili quickly, but quietly, locked the door leading to Fili’s room as soon as it was shut before doing the same with his own and leaning against it with a sigh.

Obviously he had known that Fili was attractive, but _shit_ , he had never seen so _much_ of him. Those jiu-jitsu lessons had clearly paid off.

He tried to put the image out of his head, but he couldn’t. Those muscled arms, that defined chest, that rivet of water coming from Fili’s wet hair, trailing down his abs into the v that led to his…

Kili shivered and undid his jeans, shoving them and his underwear off to relieve the pressure. He bit back a moan as his wrist brushed against his arousal as he undressed. He was tempted to take himself in hand with the image of Fili fresh in his mind. It wouldn’t take long at all to reach his climax.

But no. He would _not_ do _that_ to the image of Fili. It felt… wrong. It felt like taking advantage of Fili in the worst possible way.

Instead, he hopped in the shower and turned the cold water on full blast. He flinched as the icy stream hit him, but his erection instantly disappeared. He turned the hot water on and waited for his shower to heat up before beginning to wash up, keeping his mind resolutely on archery and cataloguing everything he could do to improve his form.

He jumped out the shower and dried off quickly as soon as he was done. The longer he lingered, the more the image of Fili’s naked body threatened to pop into his brain. It was better he didn’t tempt himself any further.

He slipped into his room and threw a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt on before digging in his bag to find the book they had just been assigned for English Lit class. They were supposed to have an essay written about it by next Wednesday. Thankfully, it wasn’t that long of a book. Kili wasn’t the biggest fan of English, but it wasn’t _that_ hard to read a book and then write a few page about it.

Usually, he and Fili would do their homework together in one of their rooms, with Frodo sometimes joining them, but after the incident in the bathroom, Kili didn’t think he could face Fili and decided not to seek him out. And since neither of his brothers sought him out either, he read quietly by himself in his room until Bilbo came to get him for supper.

Kili thought that dinner would be awkward, but Fili acted as if nothing had happened. Kili followed his lead and tried to put the whole thing out of his mind.

Which worked well, right up until he went to bed and closed his eyes, realizing that it was going to be so much more difficult to forget than he realized.

Tbc…


	27. Chapter Twenty Seven

After the dreams Kili had had for the last couple nights, dreams that he couldn’t help but feel guilty about, he was glad Fili had jiu-jitsu class during the archery team try-outs. The blond had offered to skip in order to come support him, but knowing those blue eyes were on him, watching his every movement, would have been too much for Kili.

Besides, though archery had surprised him by becoming a way for him to ground himself, it really wasn’t all that important to Kili that he make the team. He was mostly doing it to appease Tauriel and to be able to put it on his college applications. He didn’t so much care for the competitive aspect of the whole thing. Sure, winning was great, but losing sucked.

And Kili didn’t really want to win if it made the people he beat feel bad.

So when his name was called first by the archery coach, he wasn’t really nervous. He calmly took his place and shot the allotted number of arrows. Despite himself, though, he couldn’t hold back a triumphant smirk as he noted that most of them hit the bullseye, with a couple of them hitting pretty damn near center.

He glanced at Tauriel and noticed her grinning at his success and giving Bard a smug look. The senior looked inordinately pleased, no doubt, Kili thought, thinking about the team’s chances that season.

“That was great, Kili!” the coach praised, writing something down on his clipboard before calling the next name.

Kili smiled as he walked back to where Tauriel was standing.

“That was excellent,” she said, smiling broadly before shooting a look at the nearby bleachers. “Looks like I’m not the only one who thinks so, either.”

Kili whipped his head around with a grin, thinking that maybe Fili had decided to come despite Kili’s protests, but was instantly disappointed when he realized who she was referring to.

Drake was staring at him with an oddly intense look on his face.

Kili’s face flushed and looked down, fiddling with his bow string nervously. This wasn’t the first time he had caught Drake giving him that kind of look. It made him uncomfortable. He couldn’t say _why_ it made him uncomfortable. Well, that wasn’t exactly true. He wasn’t stupid. After the seventh or eighth time, he was finally able to accept that _maybe_ , for whatever reason, Drake found him attractive.

Maybe he just wasn’t used to that kind of attention being directed at him. He knew he _should_ be flattered, but all he felt was nauseated. And maybe a bit guilty. Had he been leading Drake on and making him believe he was interested? He hadn’t meant to! He had only meant to be polite, not flirtatious! Hell, he wouldn’t know _how_ to flirt even if he tried!

“Kili?” Tauriel said in a soft, concerned voice. “Are you okay?”

He bit his lip. He really hadn’t talked about Drake with anyone. Fili would just worry, and he had been afraid that Tauriel would try to push him to pursue something with the senior. But she wouldn’t do that if Kili were uncomfortable, right? She was his friend, after all.

He opened his mouth to tell her what was going on, but before he could, the coach barked her name. She shot him an apologetic look before stepping onto the field for her tryout.

Kili was so focused on watching her that he jumped when a voice sounded in his ear.

“Hi there.”

He jerked his head to find Drake standing close to him and giving him a sharp-looking grin. “H-hello,” he stammered out, turning back to watch Tauriel’s tryout. Maybe if he didn’t look at the older boy too much, he would catch on that Kili wasn’t interested.

“You looked good out there,” he commented. “You’re definitely a shoo-in for the team.”

“Thank you,” Kili replied awkwardly, concentrating on Tauriel as she released her first arrow, hitting the bullseye only slightly off-center.

“We should celebrate,” Drake suggested. “How about dinner Saturday?”

Kili tore his eyes from Tauriel and gave the senior a searching look. “Are… are you asking me out?” he asked uncertainly. He felt mortified just asking the question. If he were wrong, Drake might think that he _was_ interested in him and was only asking out of hopefulness.

“Yes,” the taller teen replied matter-of-factly. “You are extremely attractive, Kili, and I would very much like to take you out on a date.”

He could feel the heat rising in his face at the answer. How could Drake be so… straightforward… about the whole thing? Those green eyes were once again sweeping his body appreciatively, making Kili feel queasy.

“No, thank you,” he breathed, turning his whole body so that he was facing the tryouts, even though he definitely couldn’t focus enough to see whether or not Tauriel’s arrow flew true.

“I’m not used to hearing no,” Drake mused in quiet amusement even as Kili refused to look at him. “But you’ll say yes. I’ll just have to keep asking until you do.”

That annoyed Kili enough to turn and tell the senior that he most certainly would _not_ say yes and that he was an arrogant asshole for assuming he would, but the other boy had already walked away. He almost called after him angrily, but decided against it. He didn’t really want everyone at the tryouts to know about the embarrassing scene.

“Well, that was easy!” Tauriel proclaimed as she rejoined him on the sidelines. “We’re sure to be on the team!”

He gave her a weak smile. “Sure.”

She frowned at him before looking around. “Where’d Drake go?”

He swallowed thickly and tried to shrug nonchalantly. “Guess he didn’t want to stick around after I turned him down for a date.”

“What!” Tauriel cried, grabbing his arm and pulling him even further away from the other students milling around. “He asked you out? Why’d you say no?!?”

Kili scowled at her. “I said no because I don’t like him,” he hissed heatedly.

She rolled her eyes. “That’s because you won’t look past Fili,” she hissed right back, having the decency, at least, to keep her voice down. “Kili, if you won’t tell him how you feel, you’ve _got_ to get over him!”

“You don’t understand,” he snapped before pausing to take a deep breath and calm down. He didn’t want to argue about this. “You _can’t_ understand. I’ve been in love with Fili since stood up to Randy for me at the group home. I don’t think… I don’t think I ever really saw him as a brother,” he confessed, blinking back tears. “I’ve been in love with him since I was seven, and I don’t think going out with an asshole like Drake would help me any.”

“Oh, Kili…” she said before wrapping her arms around him and pulling him into a hug. “I guess I never thought about how deeply your feelings for Fili ran. I’m sorry.”

“Not your fault,” he muttered, shaking his head and pulling away. He gave her a rueful smile. “It’s not really a normal situation.”

“Maybe, but I should’ve listened more,” she insisted before scowling. “And I _never_ would have pushed you towards Smaug if I knew he was such an asshole. What’d he do?”

He stepped back and looked away awkwardly. “Nothing _really_ ,” he said sheepishly. “He just was so damn _cocky_ when he asked me out. Said he’d keep asking til I said yes.”

“Dick,” she scoffed, looping her arm through Kili’s as the archery coach called them to gather around. “He’s officially on my bad side, which means you are _forbidden_ from saying yes even if you wanted to.”

Kili laughed. “You don’t have to worry about that,” he assured.

 

 

Fili was already back from his class when he got home. Kili hesitated briefly in the hallway outside the blond’s room as he watched him frowning over his homework at his desk. Judging by the particular look of frustration on Fili’s face, Kili would guess that it was his Algebra II homework. He was debating whether or not he wanted to interrupt him when Fili looked up and spotted him with a grin.

“How’d it go?” he asked cheerfully, motioning Kili in with an impatient gesture. “Why are you lingering out there?”

“Didn’t want to break your concentration,” he replied with a smirk. “I know how you love math.”

Fili gave him a mock glare before throwing his pencil down in disgust. “Numbers make no sense. But tell me how the tryouts went?”

“They went okay,” he said with a shrug before falling back onto Fili’s bed. “Pretty sure Tauriel and I made the team. Our arrows hit closest to the bullseye than anyone else’s. The list goes up tomorrow.”

“That’s great!” Fili cried before flopping onto his stomach heavily next to Kili, causing the brunet to bounce slightly. He mock-scowled at the blond, who just grinned at him in response, blue eyes sparkling mischievously. “We should celebrate!”

He bit his lip at the words and turned his head to gaze at the ceiling. Should he tell Fili what happened?

Before he could decide, Fili made the decision for him. “What’s wrong?” he asked, propping himself up on his elbow to look at Kili in concern. He couldn’t lie to Fili.

“Drake asked me out today,” he admitted with a sigh.

Fili went very still next to him. “And?”

“And what?” he asked in confusion, not sure what else Fili wanted him to add.

“What’d you say?” Fili asked in a very neutral voice, one that Kili knew he only used when he didn’t want to force his opinion on someone but he very much _had_ an opinion.

“I said no!” he cried indignantly. “I _told_ you I didn’t want to go out with him. And after he was such a cocky asshole in _how_ he asked me out, I can’t imagine how _anyone_ would want to go out with him,” he added sulkily.

“I’m sorry, Kee,” Fili said, leaning over and pulling him into his arms. “I didn’t want to assume… You’ve never really talked to me about anyone you liked so I didn’t know…”

“You’ve never talked to me about anyone _you’ve_ liked either,” he pointed out grumpily but didn’t try to break out of Fili’s embrace. It felt far too nice, especially after the run-in with Drake earlier.

“That’s different,” Fili murmured into his hair. “I’ve never liked anyone.”

“Well, I haven’t either,” Kili lied. “And if I did, I’d certainly have better taste than Drake Smaug.”

Fili chuckled. “What exactly did he do to piss you off so much?” he wondered. “From what I’ve heard, he can be quite charming.”

“Arrogant ass told me I’d go out with him eventually and that he’d keep asking until I said yes,” he said, scowling at the memory. “And the way he _looks_ at me…” He couldn’t repress his shudder at that.

Fili’s arms stiffening around him told him that that probably wasn’t the best thing to admit. “And just _how_ does he look at you?”

“He just… makes me uncomfortable,” Kili confessed softly. He didn’t want to worry Fili about it. It’s not like Drake was actually _doing_ anything. It wasn’t a crime to look at someone after all.

“We’ll keep him away from you,” Fili promised. “He’s not going to bother you.”

He rolled his eyes. “He’s not _doing_ anything,” he protested. “I’m just being overly sensitive.”

The blond looked down at him with stern eyes. “He’s making you uncomfortable and has already said that he planned on pestering you until you go out with him. And you forget I know you, Kee. You wouldn’t say anything if it wasn’t really bothering you.”

He sighed in defeat and buried his face in the crook of Fili’s neck. “I don’t want to bother anyone.”

“It’s no bother,” the blond assured, resting his chin on Kili’s head protectively.

They lay there for a few moments in silence, Kili’s feelings jumbled into a ball of affection, guilt, longing, and contentment.

“Shit,” Fili swore, causing Kili to look up at him in concern. “I won’t be able to walk home with you tomorrow,” he explained with a frown. “I, uh, kinda signed up to audition for the fall musical.”

A smile crept over Kili’s face at the light blush staining Fili’s cheeks. He wasn’t surprised. Fili had always liked musical theatre. More than he ever did, really. Thorin had taken them both to a few Broadway musicals over the years, Kili going more to see the rapture on Fili’s face than anything else.

“And just when were you going to tell me you were auditioning?” he teased, pushing all thoughts of Drake out of his mind.

“After I didn’t get a part so that you would give me sympathy instead of teasing me,” Fili replied with a pout.

Kili laughed before settling his head on Fili’s shoulder. “Then you’d never tell me because you’re sure to get a part,” he declared, knowing it was true. Fili had a wonderful voice. Even if his acting sucked, they’d put him in the musical for that alone, Kili was sure. “You didn’t audition last year.”

“I wasn’t going to this year, either,” he admitted. “I’m probably not good enough to be put in and would rather save myself the embarrassment. Eowyn asked me to audition with her, though.”

Kili frowned at Fili’s self-deprecation. “You’re going to be _great_!” he protested. “And I’m always right so there’s no point in arguing,” he added, giving Fili a stern look when he opened his mouth to argue. The blond just closed his mouth and shook his head fondly. “Since when is _Eowyn_ into drama, though?”

Fili snorted. “Since she has a crush on this senior named Lothiriel, who’s pretty much the drama club star.”

That explained Tauriel’s sudden urge to party with Bard’s friends tomorrow night, Kili realized with a frown. He felt bad for his friend. He knew she really liked Eowyn. He had thought that the blonde had liked her back. Maybe he just wasn’t so good at the whole romance thing. It was a good thing he never planned on having to deal with it.

“So what musical are you doing?” he asked curiously. “And what are you singing tomorrow?”

“Rodgers and Hammerstein’s Cinderella. The Enchanted Edition,” Fili replied. Kili smiled at the excitement in his voice. “Eowyn and I signed up to sing Do I Love You Because You’re Beautiful as the prince and Cinderella.”

“And you’ll be singing Cinderella’s part?” he couldn’t help but tease.

“No!” Fili cried huffily, giving him a poke in his side that made him squeal.

“Sorry!” Kili laughed, squirming away from Fili’s fingers. “I’m sure you’ll make a very handsome prince!”

He wasn’t even teasing about that. Fili was his ideal image of the perfect golden prince.

Fili showed him mercy and stopped trying to tickle him. “I’m sure I won’t get the role of the prince,” he said thoughtfully. “But it’d be nice to get be the steward or the king. I’ll probably be in the chorus if anything, though.”

“You’ll be great no matter where you’re put,” Kili stated firmly.

“If you say so,” he said. “But the whole point was that I wouldn’t be able to walk home with you and make sure Smaug doesn’t bug you.”

“Like I’m missing your audition,” he replied dismissively.

“Kili,” the blond whined. “I don’t want you to see me embarrass myself.”

“You aren’t going to embarrass yourself,” he huffed. “You’re going to embarrass everyone else because you’re so much better than they are. And you want me there, even if you think you don’t. Just like I wanted you at the tryouts even though I thought I didn’t.”

Fili gave him a pained look. “I would’ve come…”

Kili shook his head. “I told you not to, and I meant it then. It wasn’t until after when I looked around for you that I realized I wanted you there,” he admitted sheepishly.

Fili grinned at him. “Well, I’ll definitely be at all your matches,” he assured him.

“And I’ll be at your audition, and at each performance you’re in,” Kili replied with a grin, though in the back of his mind, he wondered just how much it would hurt to watch Fili pretend to be in love with someone else on stage?

It was probably bound to be good practice for the future, when Fili _actually_ fell in love with someone else.

Tbc…


	28. Chapter Twenty Eight

To no one’s surprise, Tauriel and Kili’s names were on the list of people who made the archery team. They shared a grin as Fili threw a celebratory arm around Kili’s shoulders. He kept his arm there as he escorted Kili to homeroom, a rather unnecessary precaution in Kili’s mind, but he wasn’t going to argue when Fili was so close to him.

It seemed that Fili had let all their friends know to keep a close watch on Kili because suddenly, Kili wasn’t left alone at school for one moment. Tauriel chatted about archery with him after homeroom, seemingly accidentally walking all the way to Kili’s Geometry room with him. Ori and Gimli kept him company after that during his walk to English Lit, not even bothering to pretend they were doing anything but keeping guard as they walked on either of his sides.

Ori gave him a sheepish look as Kili stopped by his locker. “Fili said Smaug was bugging you and you’d feel more comfortable with company between classes.”

Kili smiled at him. “I _really_ appreciate it, but isn’t your next class on the other side of the school? I don’t want you to be late because of me.”

“It’s not far from your Lit class,” he replied with a shrug. “And I already have my books with me so I don’t have to stop by my locker.”

“I knew that Smaug was going to be trouble,” Gimli cut in. “Walks around like he owns the whole school. Probably not used to hearing the word ‘no,’ and not likely to listen to it when someone does dare to say it.”

“Well, he’s going to listen to it _this_ time,” Ori said fiercely, Gimli nodding seriously in agreement.

Kili had to bite back a smile a smile at the two of them. Both were normally so easy-going that it was amusing to see them so ready for a fight. He felt a wave of affection for them as he realized that they were ready to fight for _him_.

Not that he’d ever let them, but still. It was the thought that counted.

“Well, come on, before we’re all late,” he said, closing his locker with a grin.

He had the next period by himself. When the bell rang, he gathered his books slowly. Given the way the day was going, he was almost positive that Fili was racing to get to his classroom before he left. Kili might as well make it easier for him by taking his time.

Sure enough, when he walked out of the room, Fili was casually leaning against the wall next to the door. He shook his head at the blond.

“How long do you think you guys can actually keep this up?” he asked in exasperation. “Are you going to race here every day to walk me to lunch?”

“Yep,” Fili replied with a self-assured grin.

Kili rolled his eyes when he realized he wasn’t going to add anything else and began stomping towards the cafeteria. While he was extremely grateful that his friends had decided to stick by him, the whole situation felt like he was letting them fight his battles for him, a feeling that didn’t set well with him _at all_.

“Kili,” Fili said, grabbing his elbow gently and pulling him into an empty corner. “What’s wrong?” he asked in concern.

He just shook his head, tears already threatening to gather in his eyes. He didn’t even know _why_ he was choosing now to be so upset. Maybe it was seeing Ori and Gimli so ready to stand up for him. Maybe it was Fili going out of his way to walk him to the cafeteria.

Whatever it was, it had stirred unpleasant memories that he had really not wanted to think about.

“Please tell me what’s wrong?” the blond pleaded, which just wasn’t _fair_.

“It just… feels like I’m letting all of you put yourselves between me and danger,” he answered thickly, unable to stop one tear from escaping. “I… don’t like that feeling.”

“Hey, no,” Fili soothed, wrapping his arms around Kili and pulling him close. In the back of his mind, Kili knew he should care more about the other students who were still in the hallway, but he never really cared much what anyone else thought. Besides, if Fili wasn’t embarrassed to hug him in plain view of the entire school, he definitely wasn’t going to be embarrassed to _be_ hugged by Fili.

Fili hooked his chin over Kili’s head as the brunet buried his face in the crook of his neck. It wasn’t an especially comfortable position for either of them, as Kili was slightly taller than Fili, but it was reminiscent of how Fili held him when they slept together and was endlessly comforting to the younger teen.

“I know what you’re thinking and it’s completely different,” Fili assured, as he rubbed soothing circles on his back. “No one is going to get hurt, I promise. This isn’t like your mom. Smaug is just your typical high school asshole. He’s not going to hurt anyone just because we’re keeping him from harassing you.”

“Of course you’d say that,” he accused wetly, voice muffled against Fili’s shirt. He lifted his head to glare weakly at Fili. “You’d jump in front of a bullet if it was headed towards me.”

“But I wouldn’t lie and tell you the bullet wasn’t dangerous,” he said seriously, bringing his hand up to brush away Kili’s tears. “I’d just tell you that it was worth it to keep you safe.”

“I don’t want you or any of our friends hurt to keep me safe,” Kili sighed sadly. “I don’t want you or any of our friends hurt _period_.”

“No one’s getting hurt, Kee. I promise,” Fili stated, pulling him close once more. “Do you feel up to staying at school for the rest of the day?” he asked as Kili managed to calm down. “Pop’s home today. I’m sure he wouldn’t mind coming to pick you up.”

Kili shook his head, knowing that there was no way he’d feel better at home if Fili wasn’t there. “You’re not going to stop me from going to your audition that easily,” he teased, trying to lighten the mood.

“Don’t blame me when your ears are bleeding then,” Fili shot back with a smirk, leading Kili away from the corner and towards the cafeteria.

“You’ve got a great voice,” he scoffed.

Fili grinned and gave him a wink. “Yeah, but you haven’t heard _Eowyn’s_ voice.”

That surprised a laugh out of Kili. “You’re terrible!” he accused. “That’s not very nice.”

“Not very true, either,” Fili admitted with a shrug. “She’s got a decent set of pipes.”

“Then why’d you say it?” he asked curiously.

Fili smirked at him. “It got you to laugh.”

Kili smiled at him, unable to argue with that. They dunked in a bathroom for Kili to wash his face before lunch. Faramir and Legolas were waiting for them with worried frowns when they finally made it to the cafeteria.

“Everything alright?” Faramir asked, both of them eyeing Kili’s no-doubt red-eyes in concern.

“Yeah,” he mumbled as he sat down. “Just bad memories.”

Faramir gave him an understanding look while Legolas just frowned in confusion. Sensing, though, that it was a topic better left alone, he quickly started talking to Fili about the auditions. Apparently, the drama teacher had asked him to play accompaniment for them, which gave Fili and Eowyn an edge because they had been practicing with Legolas.

“How did I possibly miss you sneaking off to practice?” Kili wondered, popping a fry in his mouth to appease Fili’s meaningful look towards his mostly untouched lunch. He popped another in his mouth as he realized how hungry he was before turning to his burger.

Fili shrugged. “We mostly did it when you were at the Greenleafs’ with Tauriel practicing for your try-outs. That’s why we went over to Eowyn’s instead.”

“Are they any good?” he asked Legolas around a mouthful of burger, knowing his blond friend would tell the truth and maybe give Fili a confidence boost. Why Fili thought he would be anything but spectacular was beyond him.

“Fili’s really good,” Legolas replied with a sly grin at the older teen. “And you can tell he knows it on the stage, too, with the way he swaggers out and sings. If he doesn’t get the part of the prince, it’s because he’s too cocky. Eowyn is good, but Lothiriel is better and is going out for Cinderella too.”

“Fili’s only that cocky when he’s unsure of himself,” Kili said knowledgeably, smiling sweetly at the older blond when he sputtered and glared at him. “Now that he’s heard he’s good from you, he’ll tone it down a bit.”

“ _He_ is right here,” Fili grumbled.

“Well if you _weren’t_ then you wouldn’t have heard Legolas, now would you have?” Kili teased, knowing Fili wasn’t really mad. The glint in his blue eyes told Kili that the blond was grateful for the teasing, no doubt happy that Kili was trying to push away the bad thoughts from earlier.

He frowned thoughtfully as he registered what Legolas had said about Eowyn. “If Lothiriel is going out for Cinderella, why is Eowyn if she…” he trailed off as he glanced at Faramir and Legolas in panic, not knowing if Eowyn’s crush was a secret that he wasn’t supposed to tell.

Faramir set his mind at ease. “We know Eowyn likes Lothiriel. Anyone with eyes can see it whenever they’re in the same room,” he informed him with a shake of his head.

“And heaven only knows I couldn’t _not_ know if I tried with Tauriel talking about it all the time,” Legolas added with a roll of his eyes.

“She hasn’t said anything to me,” Kili said with a frown.

“Consider yourself lucky,” he replied as the bell that signaled the end of lunch rang and they all made their way out the cafeteria.

Fili caught his hand just outside the door. “Are you sure you’re going to be okay?” he asked.

He squeezed his hand in reassurance. “I’ll be fine. I’ll see you at the audition?”

The blond gave him a long look before giving him a small smile and nodding. “Wish me luck.”

“You don’t need it,” Kili replied matter-of-factly before turning to catch up with Faramir, who was waiting just far enough away to give the two brothers some privacy.

They walked to their history class in silence. Faramir must have sensed that Kili didn’t feel like talking because he was also quiet when their class ended and they walked to study hall together.

Kili frowned as they walked in and he noticed that Aragorn and Eomer had changed up their usual seating arrangement. The two sophomores were sitting diagonally from each other on the six person table, leaving both seats on the ends of the table open along with one seat on either side of them.

Aragorn looked up at Kili before gesturing to the end seat next to him. The brunet sighed before sinking into the offered seat, Faramir sitting next to him on the other side of Eomer. It was obvious that the two older boys had taken it upon themselves to keep watch over Kili during study period. Though, with the way Eomer was glaring across the room at where Smaug was sitting as he scooted closer to Faramir, he suspected that the blond wouldn’t let the senior anywhere near Faramir either.

“I guess you were right to not like Drake from the beginning,” Kili muttered to Aragorn, who looked at him in surprise.

“I didn’t not like him from the beginning,” he stated quietly.

“You always glared at him,” he argued back in an incredulous whisper.

Aragorn frowned, glancing at Faramir and Eomer who were talking quietly to each other and ignoring them, before leaning in close to Kili. “Okay, so say an older guy with a bad reputation was hanging about Legolas and Tauriel was really worried about him. Wouldn’t you glare at the guy too?”

“Oh,” Kili said, not realizing that Fili had been so concerned about Smaug for so long. “I didn’t know Fili was so worried.”

“It probably isn’t the exact same thing,” Aragorn said with a shrug. “Yours and Fili’s relationship is different from Tauriel and Legolas’, but it’s close enough.”

Kili frowned and turned to his homework for history, not really able to concentrate on it though.

He didn’t get it. He himself had only really been uncomfortable with Drake’s behavior this week. How had Fili and Aragorn known that the senior was so creepy so quickly? Had he missed something? He knew he wasn’t that great at relating to other people, but he didn’t think he was that bad.

It really wasn’t any wonder that he took so long to make friends.

The rest of the day flew by quickly, with Smaug not once trying to approach him. Kili did notice him smirking at him during study hall, but he pointedly ignored him and didn’t draw Aragorn or Eomer’s attention to it. Faramir, he knew, had caught the senior’s looks, but thankfully he kept quiet as well, only nudging Kili’s foot and smiling at him reassuringly.

Soon, he was sitting in the auditorium next to Tauriel as they waited for the auditions to begin.

“You didn’t tell me about Eowyn and Lothiriel,” Kili said, looking at her out of the corner of his eye and catching her grimace.

“There’s not much to tell,” she replied grumpily. “I thought we had a connection and she would ask me out as soon as we were both in high school. Guess I was wrong.”

“Maybe she thought the same?” he asked helplessly, not knowing what else to say.

“Well she sure as hell didn’t give me much of a chance before she started mooning over someone else,” she spat bitterly. “Whatever. If she can find someone else, I can too.”

Kili frowned. “This isn’t why you’re going to that party tonight, is it?”

“So what if it is?” Tauriel asked defensively. “I’m allowed a little fun, aren’t I?”

“Just be careful, okay?”

She rolled her eyes. “It’s a high school house party, not an underground rave. The most trouble I’ll get in is drinking a beer or two.” He shot her a disapproving look. “Oh, grow up, Kili. I’m going to have _fun_ tonight. By myself, if I have to.”

He sighed. “I don’t think it’s going to be as much fun as you think. Wouldn’t you rather me and you go out to a movie or something and celebrate making the archery team?”

“How about we do that tomorrow?” she suggested pleadingly. “I can tell you all about the party and, if it _is_ a drag, you can gloat and tell me all the I-told-you-sos you want.”

“Fine,” he said unhappily, still worried that something bad was going to happen at the party. Before he could get another word out, though, Eomer plopped down in the seat next to him.

“I didn’t miss anything, did I?” he asked the two of them, wide grin on his face.

“They haven’t started yet,” Kili answered. “What’s got you so happy?”

“I have a date tonight,” the blond replied with a broad smile.

“With who?” Tauriel asked with narrowed eyes, no doubt thinking the same thing Kili was.

If Eomer was going out with someone that wasn’t Faramir, it would break their redheaded friend’s heart.

Eomer rolled his eyes. “Put your claws away,” he said in a placating voice. “It’s with Faramir. And you can save any ‘if you hurt him’ talks as well. Pretty sure Boromir, Aragorn, _and_ Theo would cheerfully kill me if I fuck up. Eowyn, too, come to think of it.”

Kili laughed even as Tauriel resolutely turned to look at the stage at Eowyn’s name. “Well, seems like we wouldn’t have to worry about killing you. We’d have to coordinate with them to cover up your murder though.”

“I’m not going to hurt him,” Eomer muttered as the drama teacher called for quiet and the first hopefuls came on stage.

Kili really hoped that Eomer _didn’t_ hurt Faramir, but he knew the blond was a bit of a hothead at times, which often caused his mouth ran away from him. He was fiercely loyal, though, and would never _intentionally_ hurt Faramir.

They watched the auditions mostly indifferent to the students who were Fili and Eowyn’s competition. Kili knew, though, that Fili was a better singer than anyone he had heard so far. They all did watch with interest as Lothiriel walked on stage and sang “In My Own Little Corner.” In Kili’s biased opinion, she wasn’t nearly as pretty as Tauriel. And though her acting seemed good, there was something about her when she was speaking with the drama teacher that lacked the fire and passion he knew Tauriel was bursting with.

All in all, Kili thought Eowyn was crazy for choosing her over Tauriel, although he was sure Lothiriel was nice and pretty and all.

Finally, Fili and Eowyn walked on stage. Kili couldn’t help the smile that came over his face just at the sight of Fili up there. His chest was bursting with pride as Fili opened his mouth and his amazing voice came out. He looked confident, but not cocky, so Legolas’ words at lunch must have sunk in.

He was the perfect prince.

It wasn’t as hard as he thought it would be, watching Fili pretend to be in love on stage. Of course, that might have been because he was singing with Eowyn and Kili _knew_ neither of them were interested in each other like _that_.

Eowyn sounded good, too, as she started singing her part. Her movements were a little bit more stilted, but that was probably just nerves. Her voice wasn’t as good as Lothiriel’s had been, but they were still strong. He didn’t watch her all that closely.

He really only had eyes for Fili.

As they ended the song on the question “are you really as wonderful as you seem?”, Kili couldn’t help but thinking that, yes, Fili was _definitely_ as wonderful as he seemed.

“Well, I think Fili just got the part,” Eomer proclaimed with satisfaction as they clapped for their friends.

Tauriel was watching the stage with narrowed eyes before she turned her stare to Kili. He blinked at her self-consciously, the look in her eyes making him wonder just what exactly she was thinking.

“What?”

Her face cleared as she slowly smiled, a smug gleam in her eyes. “Nothing. Just realized something,” she answered. “I’ll tell you over dinner tomorrow.”

He rolled her eyes. He probably didn’t want to know. “Whatever.”

Eomer and Kili quickly filed out of the auditorium to meet Fili and Eowyn in the hallway that led to the backstage area, leaving Tauriel behind as she planned on waiting until Legolas was done to leave.

Kili threw his arms gleefully around Fili as soon as he was close enough. “I _knew_ you’d be awesome!” he cried with a grin.

Fili smiled at him shyly. “You think so?”

“Oh please, Fili, you know you got the part,” Eowyn said with a smirk.

“You were great, too, Eowyn,” Kili complimented, pulling away from Fili but keep a hand on his shoulder.

“Thanks, Kili. I’m going to dunk back in and talk to some people. Why don’t you go home and get ready for your date?” she told Eomer slyly.

“We’ll see you guys later,” Fili said as he and Kili turned and walked towards the exit. “Was I _really_ okay? You’re not just being nice, are you?” he asked as soon as they were outside.

“You were _really_ good,” he answered, putting as much sincerity in his voice as possible. “You’re sure to get a good part. We should celebrate!”

Fili smiled at him. “Okay. Dinner at Rosie’s and then bowling later?”

“Sure,” he agreed. “Let’s invite Frodo too. I feel like we haven’t done much with him lately.”

“Sounds good to me.”

When they got home, Frodo was excited to be included in the night’s plans, making Kili feel a little guilty for not spending much time with his little brother. Just because he was in high school now didn’t mean he should neglect his little brother. Fili never neglected him when he started high school.

He felt a little guilty going out that night, though. What if Tauriel did end up needing help at the party and he wasn’t able to get to her in time?

“Is something wrong, Kili?” his dad asked him as he was sitting on the couch waiting for Fili to finish showering and getting ready.

Kili looked up at Bilbo and bit his lip. Tauriel had begged him not to tell anyone that she was going to the party, but he really had a bad feeling about the whole thing. But she was right. There really wasn’t a _reason_ for him to be so worried. It _was_ just a party. The worst thing that could happen was that she drank a little too much and ended up with a hangover, right?

But what if she drank too much and someone took advantage of her? He’d never forgive himself if he let that happen.

“What do you do when your friend is putting themselves in a risky situation but you swore not to tell anyone?” he asked Bilbo eventually.

His dad puckered his brow in concern and took a seat on the couch next to Kili. “What kind of risky situation?”

“Nothing _bad_ ,” Kili assured, trying to convince himself more than Bilbo. “Not really. They’re just going somewhere alone where, if they aren’t careful, bad things _could_ happen. But they _promised_ to be careful.”

“Well, would I be upset if _you_ were going?” Bilbo asked.

Kili snorted. “Oh yeah.”

“And am I correct in thinking that this person’s parents don’t know they are going?”

“Yeah… But I don’t want to tell their parents!” he protested vehemently. “They’d never talk to me again!”

He couldn’t lose Tauriel as a friend. Not only would he lose one of his best friends, but he was sure Legolas wouldn’t be his friend either if that happened. That was _two_ friends he’d lose in one go! And his other friends wouldn’t trust him once they learned he blabbed on Tauriel to her dad.

Bilbo hummed thoughtfully. “Maybe you should tell Legolas what Tauriel is planning. If he thinks she needs stopping, he might be able to do it without incurring her wrath.”

“Maybe... Hey! I never said it was Tauriel!” he cried in surprise.

His dad laughed. “You really didn’t have to. Talk to Legolas, tell him what’s going on, and then go have fun with your brothers.”

“What if Tauriel does end up going and needs my help?” Kili asked in a small voice. “What if I can’t help her because I’m out having fun with Fili and Frodo?”

Bilbo scowled. “If Tauriel needs help, you call me _immediately_ ,” he said sternly. “Don’t you dare try and handle things yourself. Don’t worry, I won’t get her in trouble with Thranduil unless it’s absolutely necessary.”

Kili felt as if a weight had been lifted off his shoulders and he grinned up at Bilbo before throwing his arms around him. “Thanks, Dad,” he murmured.

“You’re welcome. You know you can talk to me about anything,” he said, pulling back and looking down at Kili with a smile. “And I mean _anything_.”

He cocked his head in confusion at the weight Bilbo put on the last word, but before he could question it, Fili and Frodo both thundered down the stairs.

“Ready?” Fili asked with a smile, which slipped from his face as he looked from Kili’s confused face to Bilbo’s serious one.

“Yeah!” Kili cried with a grin, shooting up and grabbing both of his brothers’ arms and tugging them towards the door. “Let’s go!”

Tbc…


	29. Chapter Twenty Nine

Kili woke the next morning to his phone ringing. He tried to ignore it, but whoever it was was persistent and kept calling back. Finally, he threw a hand out blindly to grab it off his nightstand, not even bothering to look at the caller ID before answering.

“’Ello?” he grumbled, still mostly asleep.

“You’re a fucking asshole, Kili Baggins!” Tauriel’s voice yelled over the phone.

He sat up, suddenly wide awake with a sick feeling in his gut. “Tauriel?”

“How could you?” she continued angrily. “I fucking _trusted_ you! And you go behind my back and tell my fucking brother everything!”

Kili bit back a whimper at her yelling, clutching the phone tightly as his other arm wrapped around his stomach, trying to stop the queasy feeling there. “I’m sorry,” he said weakly. “I was worried.”

“Worried! Fuck, Kili, there wasn’t anything to be worried _about_!” she cried in a shrill voice, causing Kili to wince. “Why do you have to be such a baby about _everything_?!? The world isn’t as scary as you think it is!”

The words cut Kili deeply. He knew he was afraid more often than was normal. People were just too unpredictable.

“Tauriel…”

“And I bet Drake was completely normal when he asked you out,” she accused, causing his jaw to go slack in shock. “You blow _everything_ out of proportion! It’s pathetic!”

He blinked back tears. That wasn’t true. It _couldn’t_ be true. Could it? Sure, his friends had agreed with him, but they only heard his side of the story. But Aragorn, Fili, and Gimli had said they hadn’t like Smaug from the get-go!

“I do not,” he protested, voice wavering more than he would have liked.

“You do too!” she shot back. “And Fili does nothing more than encourage you with how he babies you!”

That pissed Kili off. She could say what she wanted about him, but _nobody_ criticized Fili like that.

“Shut _up_!” he snarled. “Just because I stopped you from going out and partying with people who don’t give a crap about you does _not_ give you the right to yell at me or talk about Fili! With the way you’ve been acting lately, it’s no wonder Eowyn doesn’t like you! Maybe _you’re_ the one who needs to grow up!”

He jabbed harshly at the end call button before she had a chance to respond. He sat there for a while, seething in anger, before he slowly became aware of what he’d done and the sick feeling from before was back, only worse.

He hadn’t meant all of that. He shouldn’t have said it. Yeah, he was mad, but that wasn’t any reason to say things just to hurt Tauriel. Especially since she was probably right.

Not about Fili. _Never_ about Fili. Well, maybe a _little_ about Fili, but that was mostly Kili’s fault anyway. Fili only babied him because Kili probably _did_ act a bit like a baby.

But he was right about the party. He _knew_ that. Legolas had agreed with him! And he had obviously stopped Tauriel from going or she wouldn’t be so upset.

“Kili?” Fili’s voice called as he tapped on his door before opening it. “You okay?”

He hastily swallowed back his tears and nodded before looking away, pressing his lips together to stop them from trembling. This was probably exactly what Tauriel was talking about when she called him. He was almost fifteen years old! He shouldn’t be blubbering like a baby just because he got into a fight with a friend.

He felt a dip in the bed before Fili’s arms wrapped around him and pulled him close. He tried to resist, but he couldn’t help turning and burying his face in Fili’s shirt.

Tauriel was right. He was pathetic.

“I’m sorry,” he muttered.

“What are you sorry for?” Fili asked, smoothing his hair back as he looked down at his tear-streaked face.

“For being such a baby all the time,” he said, not meeting his eyes. “For blowing this whole thing with Drake out of proportion and being pathetic.”

“None of that is true!” he cried in dismay, tipping Kili’s chin up with his hand and making him look at him. “You are not a baby _or_ pathetic, and you _don’t_ blow things out of proportion!”

“Oh yeah? What about that time when we were younger and I tried to run away because I thought Dad was replacing me with Frodo?” he shot back.

“That’s not a good example,” Fili argued, a pained look in his eyes. “You were scared! And you weren’t used to being loved as much as we all loved you! Of course you were going to overreact!”

“I’m not used to people hitting on me either,” he countered sadly. “What if I took Drake’s innocent advances and twisted them into something they weren’t because I was scared?”

“Smaug is an asshole, and I’ve thought that all along,” Fili stated firmly. “Who told you you were blowing things out of proportion?”

“No one,” Kili lied, not wanting Fili to hate Tauriel forever. He still remembered when Fili didn’t like Tauriel when they had first become friends.

“Didn’t sound like no one you were yelling at on the phone,” he commented lightly, pulling Kili down to cuddle on the bed together.

He sighed in defeat, knowing he couldn’t really keep his fight with Tauriel from Fili. Not when he was sure it would drag out. He would apologize again, but Tauriel was much too stubborn to accept it without stewing in her anger for a few days.

“Tauriel’s just upset that I told Legolas she was planning on sneaking out to a party some seniors were throwing last night,” he said, shrugging as best as he could with Fili wrapped around him. “I know she trusted me not to tell anyone, but I was afraid she’d get hurt or something.”

“You did the right thing,” Fili told him. “Tauriel will realize that sooner or later. But she didn’t accuse you of making the whole thing with Smaug up, did she?”

He could hear the anger lurking in Fili’s question. “Not exactly,” he hedged, trying to shield Tauriel from Fili’s wrath. He was sure the blond would never forgive her if he knew exactly what she had said. “She just said that I was a baby and I got to thinking that maybe she’s right…”

“She’s _not_ ,” Fili insisted.

“Fili, I was crying in the hallway at school yesterday,” he pointed out morosely.

“Kee, you’ve had some really shitty things happen to you at a really young age,” Fili said, giving him a serious look. “And yeah, that makes you react to things differently that other people, but that _doesn’t_ make you a baby. And it _doesn’t_ mean that your reactions aren’t reasonable or valid.”

He shook his head. “Maybe, but what happens when you’re not there?” he asked. “Whenever things get too much, I always turn to you, but I can’t do that forever, Fee. It’s not fair to you.”

“You let me worry about whether something’s fair to me,” he replied. “I care about what’s best for you. I love you, Kee.”

“Love you too, Fee,” he mumbled, curling into the blond’s embrace and letting sleep creep back in. He’d worry about Tauriel and what she said later. Right now, he was just going to let Fili comfort him.

 

 

Fili recruited the rest of their family to distract him for the rest of the weekend, Kili was sure. That was the only reason he could think of for Pop spontaneously deciding to take them all to the New York Hall of Science Saturday afternoon, following, of course, by dinner in the city.

And Sunday, when Bilbo enlisted Fili and Kili both to help out in the bakery because he had apparently gotten a last minute order for two hundred cupcakes that he just _had_ to fill.

Kili wasn’t really sure how much help he and Fili had really been, but it had been a lot of fun, though he didn’t think Bilbo was too happy when they started tossing flour at each other…

Still, though his family had managed to keep his mind to drifting too often to Tauriel, it was still with dread that he approached the school Monday morning, Fili’s hand a steadying pressure on his lower back.

Legolas intercepted them as soon as they walked in the doors, looking distinctly guilty.

“I’m so sorry, Kili,” he said. “She got suspicious after I convinced dad to that we needed a family night to celebrate her making the archery team. She stole my phone and saw your texts.”

Kili sighed, figuring it was something like that. He honestly hadn’t thought Legolas would have told her. “It’s okay,” he replied. “I’m sure she’ll accept my apology sooner or later.”

“You shouldn’t be the one apologizing,” Fili cut in with a scowl.

“She told me not to tell anyone,” he argued. “I don’t want my friends thinking they can’t trust me!”

“This isn’t going to make any of us not trust you,” Legolas assured him. “If anything, it tells us that we can trust you not to let us do anything stupid. I don’t know what’s gotten into Tauriel lately. It’s like she’s stopped caring that her actions have consequences. I mean, she was always a little reckless, but she’s gone overboard recently.”

Kili shook his head. “I think it’s probably a combination of things, starting with your dad telling her he was _her_ dad and ending with the Eowyn and Lothiriel thing.”

“Maybe, but don’t let her get to you, Kili,” Legolas told him. “I heard some of the things she was saying on the phone and she was out of line.”

“Thanks,” he said before they parted ways for homework, Fili stubbornly sticking to his side. He smiled at the older teen. “See you at lunch?”

Fili nodded, not leaving until Kili walked into the room with a roll of his eyes.

Tauriel didn’t even look at him when he walked in and slid into the seat behind her. He tried calling her name to get her to look at him, but she resolutely ignored everything he said.

He gave up with a sigh. How was he supposed to fix things between them if she wouldn’t even _look_ at him?

She left quickly after the bell for first period rang, not giving him the opportunity to try to speak with her again. He frowned as he stuffed his notebook in his bag.

This wasn’t even his fault! _She_ was the one who was being unreasonable!

He froze as he walked out of the classroom, realizing he’d have to walk to Geometry alone. He shook his head fiercely and started towards his class. It was ridiculous to be worried about walking to class alone, especially since he was the one who was arguing it was necessary Friday.

Tauriel was definitely right. He was a pathetic baby. It may have been understandable given his past, but that didn’t stop it from being true.

The walk to Geometry felt longer than normal, but he made it there without any mishaps or run-ins. Ori and Gimli were already in their seats when he got there. Judging by their lack of sympathetic or accusing faces, they didn’t know about his fight with Tauriel. Well, Kili certainly wasn’t going to say anything about it.

“You really don’t have to walk with me,” he told them both after class. It was one thing to use Fili as a crutch all the time, but it was quite another to do the same with his friends.

Gimli gave him an unimpressed look. “Doesn’t mean we aren’t going to,” he replied.

“We know we don’t _have_ to, Kili,” Ori said gently. “But we _want_ to.”

He didn’t protest any further. Just like he didn’t protest later on, when Fili was waiting for him outside of English Lit to walk him to lunch. Instead of going straight to the cafeteria, though, they made a detour by the auditorium, where the casting for the fall musical had been posted before the first lunch period.

Kili grinned as he spotted Fili’s name next to the role of “Christopher.”

“Which one’s Christopher?” he asked eagerly, whipping his head to stare at the blond, who had a stunned look of disbelief on his face.

“That’s the _prince_ ,” he murmured before a wild look of excitement came over his face. He whooped and threw his arms around Kili. “I got the _prince_!”

“I told you you would,” Kili said proudly. “You’re going to be amazing!”

Fili gave him a soft smile but didn’t answer for a moment, the silence stretching heavily between them. “Come on,” he said finally. “Let’s get to lunch.”

The rest of the day, and the rest of the week, seemed to past in a similar fashion, minus the excitement of the casting posting. After being ignored all day Tuesday by Tauriel, Kili gave up trying to talk to her, which made their first archery practice Tuesday afternoon uncomfortable for Kili, who didn’t really know anyone else on the team and wasn’t that great at making new friends. He stood around awkwardly as the other members of the team mingled, not really knowing what to say to anyone who approached him.

Tauriel was doing her best impression of a social butterfly, smiling and laughing with her new teammates in such an ostentatious way that Kili _knew_ she was just rubbing his face in his own social ineptness.

Thankfully, he could block the world out when they finally started shooting. He might not be good at making friends, or keeping them if Tauriel was anything to go by, but he was good at this.

Still, it took a combination of Bilbo, Thorin, and Fili that night at dinner to talk him out of quitting.

“I’m sure this whole fight will blow over in a few weeks. Just hold tight til then,” his dad had said.

“It’ll look good to have an extracurricular on your college application, and you’re _good_ at it,” his pop had encouraged.

“You’ll regret it if you quit, now, Kee,” Fili had told him quietly.

So he didn’t quit. He did, however, be sure to get to practice right on time Thursday so he didn’t have to awkwardly try to talk to his teammates, and he didn’t stick around after practice was over.

Friday morning, he thought he saw a flicker of remorse in Tauriel’s eyes, but she was out the door when the bell rang before he could try to talk to her. He sighed and slung his bag over his shoulder. He was _tired_ of Tauriel being mad at him. Despite how bossy she could be at times, he _missed_ her.

He hadn’t made it two steps down the hall towards Geometry before his path was blocked by the tall form of Drake Smaug.

“Go out with me,” he said without preamble, making it sound like an order instead of a question.

“No,” he replied firmly, trying to step around the senior but he moved with him to block him once more.

“I told you I wasn’t going to take that as an answer,” Drake reminded with a deceptively innocent smile.

“It’s the only answer you’re getting from me,” Kili retorted, feigning left before darting past him on the right. He shot him a glare over his shoulder. “Just leave me alone.”

Smaug laughed after him in delight. “You’ll say yes,” he said confidently. “I just have to figure out how to make you.”

Kili grimaced as he quickened his pace. He didn’t like the sound of that. Surely he wasn’t reading too much into the senior’s words? He wasn’t blowing things out of proportion. He wasn’t a pathetic baby to feel threatened by Smaug’s words.

Smaug’s words _were_ threatening.

He couldn’t make him say yes, though, right? It was highly unlikely that Drake could _ever_ be charming enough to make him _want_ to say yes. So how was he going to _make_ him?

Kili couldn’t help but consider how much taller and stronger Smaug was than him. He shuddered. If he wanted to, he probably _could_ try to force him some way. But he didn’t think he’d say yes even if Drake threatened to beat him to a pulp if he didn’t.

But he really didn’t think Smaug would do something that drastic. He seemed too… cocky to resort to something like violence to get Kili to agree to a date. But what _would_ he resort to?

Why was he even so fixated on him anyway, he wondered with a huff as he walked into Geometry. It’s not like he was anything special or anything. And Smaug had only known him a few weeks! It was ridiculous!

Gimli and Ori looked at him in concern as he sat down, but he only shook his head and gave them a reassuring smile. No use worrying them over nothing, he decided.

He did, though, tell Fili what had happened as they were walking home from school. The blond did not look happy.

“What did he mean, he’ll figure out how to _make_ you?” Fili asked in frustration, echoing the question Kili had been mulling over all day.

“I don’t know,” he said with a shrug. “I can’t think of anything he could do that would make me go out with him.”

Fili grabbed his hand and pulled him to a stop. “Promise me that whatever happens, you _won’t_ go out with him,” he said desperately. “I don’t like the way he thinks he can control you and don’t want to think about what he might do if he were to get you alone with him.”

Kili rolled his eyes. “You don’t have to worry about that,” he assured. “I’m never going to say yes to him.”

“Can you promise me?” Fili insisted, taking hold of Kili’s shoulders and locking eyes with him.

“I promise,” Kili said softly, giving the blond a smile. That was a promise he would be happy to keep.

Tbc…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tauriel is being an overdramatic teenage girl with daddy issues. She'll get better, though, I promise!
> 
> In other news, my laptop charger has quit on me, putting an abrupt end to my updating spree. Hopefully the new one I've ordered will get here soon and resolve the issue. I should be back soon!


	30. Chapter Thirty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got tired of waiting for a new charger so I bought a new laptop, haha. I've been meaning to switch to a Mac anyway.

“You have career counseling this week, don’t you, Fili?” Bilbo asked over dinner Sunday night. “Any idea what you want to do?”

Kili’s head snapped up from his green beans to look at Fili intently. The last time he and Fili had talked about possible careers, the blond had been leaning towards being a firefighter. And while Kili would never want to stand in his way, the thought of Fili running into a burning building terrified him.

“I’m still thinking firefighter,” Fili replied, shooting Kili an apologetic look. Given the resigned looks on their parents’ faces, he had discussed the idea with them before as well. “But most major departments won’t take you until you’re 21, and I want to explore other options for my bachelors degree.”

“What kind of options?” Thorin asked encouragingly as Bilbo leaned forward slightly in his seat, eager to hear the answer.

Fili shrugged and absently pushed around the food on his plate. “I don’t know. Maybe psychology or social work. I’m not really that great with math or science. Not like the genius over here,” he teased, nudging Kili lightly with his elbow.

Kili frowned at that. Fili was good at math and science. He just got bored with it and didn’t concentrate enough. He didn’t like the blond putting himself down.

“That doesn’t sound nearly as cool as fighting fires,” Frodo butted in with a frown.

“They’re cool in their own ways,” their dad said smoothly. “You can help people with those degrees just as much as you can help them by saving them from a fire. Maybe even more.”

“That’s true,” Thorin agreed, jumping in with his deep, thoughtful voice. “It can be easy to rescue someone from physical danger, but it’s much harder to help them recover from psychological trauma. If you can do that, Fili, it can be very rewarding.”

“I think you’d be really good at that,” Kili spoke up, not just saying it because he thought it was a much safer avenue. He didn’t know if he’d consider the things that he’d gone through as anything extreme like “psychological trauma” (even if it probably was), but Fili always made him feel better. “You’re really good at knowing the right thing to say.”

“Yeah!” Frodo agreed with a grin. “Like you knew exactly what to tell Pippin to get him to apologize to Sam for gluing his fingers together.”

Bilbo shook his head in bemusement. “I don’t want to know.” “I do,” Thorin said sternly.

The rest of the dinner was spent with Frodo trying to defend his friends’ actions. Kili and Fili didn’t help him very much, throwing in other ridiculous things that Merry and/or Pippin had done in the past. There wasn’t much to say about Sam. That poor soul was often the target of the other two’s mischief unfortunately.

“I meant what I said, you know,” Kili said after dinner, leaning against Fili’s doorjamb and giving him a shy smile. “You _would_ be good as a counsellor or social worker or whatever. I wasn’t just saying it because it’s safer.”

“I know.” Fili smiled at him before gesturing him and patting a spot on the bed next to where he was sitting. Kili wasted no time plopping down and leaning against his shoulder. “And I don’t want to have a job that’ll make you worry about me all the time.”

“I don’t want you to not be happy and do what you want because of me,” he said with a frown.

The blond threw an arm around him and leaned his head against his. “My job isn’t going to determine whether or not I’m happy. But I like the idea of helping people.”

“You help me all the time,” Kili stated. “And you helped Frodo when he first came here and was sad so much. You always know what to say.”

“Not always,” Fili said with a heavy sigh. “But it’s easy to help you. I know how you think.”

“You didn’t know Frodo that well when he first came and you still helped him,” he pointed out. “And what you said earlier about not being good at math and science isn’t true either. You don’t like them, but you’re good at the when you pay attention.”

Fili chuckled. “Maybe, but I don’t like them enough to make a career out of them. What about you, huh? Still thinking forensics?”

He frowned. “Maybe. I don’t know.” “What’s wrong?” Fili asked in concern.

“It’s just... When I job shadowed Dr. Radagast way back, he didn’t let me see anything really gruesome, you know? And I...” He sighed heavily and dropped his gaze. “I can’t even watch a scary movie without getting freaked out. How am I supposed to look at crime scene photos?”

“That’s different, though.”

“Yeah, it’s different,” he scoffed. “It’s different because it’s _real!”_

“Hey,” Fili said, squeezing his shoulder comfortingly. “Nobody says you _have_ to go into forensics.”

“Will Pop be disappointed if I don’t?” Kili asked in a small voice. Kili knew that Thorin would love him no matter what, but he also knew that the thought of one of his sons following him into police work, albeit in a much safer capacity, made him very proud.

“I think Pop would be disappointed if you did something you didn’t want to do just because he wanted you to,” Fili answered.

Kili smiled. “You’re probably right,” he said before shooting him a sly look. “See! You always know what to say.”

Fili shook his head with a sad smile. “Only about somethings, Kee. For others, I have no clue. So,” he said cheerfully, changing the subject. “What careers are you thinking of now that forensics is off the table?”

“Forensics isn’t off the table completely, but I don’t know,” he replied with a shrug. “I like figuring things out. That’s why I liked forensics so much to start with. I don’t know what other kinds of jobs there are for that.”

“I’m sure there are a lot of jobs like that,” Fili stated confidently. “And maybe you shouldn’t discount forensics yet. At least not because you’re afraid. Why don’t you ask Pop and see if there’s a summer internship program you can do or something? Now that you’re older, you can see the more bloody side of things and see if you can handle it.”

He grinned at Fili. “That’s a great idea! And you call me a genius,” he said with a roll of his eyes. “I never would’ve thought of that.”

Fili chuckled. “That’s because your first instinct when you have a problem is to keep it to yourself and not to ask for help,” he pointed out with a shake of his head.

“That’s not fair!” Kili cried in outrage. “I ask you for help all the time!”

“No, you accept my help when I figure out you _need_ help,” the blond said with a wry smile. “You don’t have to fix everything yourself, you know. There’s a lot of people around you that want to help you. Me especially.”

“I don’t like being a burden,” he mumbled.

Fili sighed. “I know. But you’re never a _burden_ to me, okay? Just remember that.”

Kili gave him a shy smile. “Okay,” he said before reluctantly getting up. “Guess I should head to bed. Goodnight, Fee.”

“Night, Kee.”

 

 

The next day, Fili met him after homeroom to walk him to Geometry, keeping a keen out for any sign of Smaug. Tauriel paused slightly at the sight of Fili waiting in the hall as she darted out of the room before Kili, shooting him an unreadable look before quickly leaving.

“I think she feels guilty,” Fili remarked as they headed towards Kili’s class. “Which is what she should feel.”

Kili sighed. “I said some mean things to her as well.”

“You didn’t leave her alone to be ambushed and threatened by an asshole,” Fili growled.

“She didn’t know Smaug would ambush me,” he said patiently. “And she’s right. Sometimes I do make a bigger deal out of things than they actually are.”

“I knew it,” Fili spat, pace quickening in his anger. “I _knew_ she told you you were blowing things out of proportion. Dammit, Kili, don’t you dare listen to her! Smaug is _dangerous!”_

“That’s clear _now,”_ Kili replied with a roll of his eyes. “But it wasn’t so clear before.”

“Yes, it was,” he insisted, slowing as they approached Kili’s classroom and turning to look at him. “Kee, you don’t blow things out of proportion. If anything, you _downplay_ things that make you uncomfortable. Don’t let Tauriel make you doubt yourself, okay? Don’t let her unload all her crap on you.”

“Fine,” he sighed. “But you have to promise you won’t be mad at her. I don’t need you to go into protective big brother mode over this. She’s still my best friend.”

Fili’s mouth twisted in displeasure. “Fine, but if she continues acting like this and treating you badly, I fully reserve the right to go into protective big brother mode by Halloween.”

“Deal,” Kili agreed with a smile. “See you at lunch?”

He shot him an unimpressed look. “I’ll be there to walk you.”

He shook his head in exasperation before heading into Geometry.

 

It turned out that Fili needn’t have worried about walking him between classes that morning, as Kili discovered once study hall had begun. Drake Smaug was nowhere in sight, which had to mean that he wasn’t at school that day.

A knot of worry Kili hadn’t even realized was there loosened in his chest. He hadn’t realized how much the senior’s very presence in the school weighed down on him until he wasn't there anymore.

He was able to get done with his homework in record time without the worry of green eyes watching his every move. He even managed to finish the book they were reading for English Lit and jot down a quick outline for his essay.

It was amazing how productive he could be without Drake Smaug’s presence in the library. He left for his next class with an extra spring in his step, feeling like nothing could touch him.

Reality was quick to sucker-punch him in the gut.

“Kili!” Legolas called, rushing up to him as he rounded the corner towards his locker. “Fili got into a fight with Smaug!”

Kili felt like his stomach had fallen out of him. “What?” he asked breathlessly, endless possibilities were running through his head.

What if Fili were badly hurt? No, someone would have told him if that had happened, right? Unless it was so bad there wasn’t time?

No, Fili had to be alright.

Oh, God, what if he were _expelled?_ Kili couldn’t go to school without Fili. Even if Smaug weren’t around, he wouldn’t want that.

Shit this was all his fault! The only possible reason Fili would be in a fight with Smaug was if they were fighting about _him!_ So if Fili was hurt or expelled it was his fault!

“I didn’t hear everything,” Legolas was explaining. “I just saw Smaug say something to Fili and he just snapped and punched him in the jaw. Smaug fought back and then a couple of teachers pulled them off each other.”

“Did he look hurt?” Kili asked desperately, Faramir’s comforting hand on his shoulder not helping him at all.

The blond bit his lip before reluctantly answering. “Something on his face was bleeding, but it didn’t look that bad!” he rushed to reassure him as Kili moaned in despair.

“This is my fault!” he cried tearfully. “Fili is hurt and is probably going to be expelled because of _me!”_

“He’s not going to be expelled,” Faramir assured him in a confident voice. “Boromir and Theodred got into tons of fights when they went to school here and they were never expelled. Maybe suspended, but not expelled.”

Kili breathed a little easier at that, but only a little. “But what about the musical?” he asked morosely. “The first rehearsal is today. What if he loses his part because he’s not there?”

“I’ll talk to Mrs. Fitz and explain it to her,” Legolas said quickly. “I’m sure she’ll be forgiving.”

Kili was far from reassured at that, and the rest of the day dragged on for him. By the time the final bell rang, he was out the door like a shot, not even bothering to complain when Eomer insisted on walking him home.

“Kili,” Thorin said, stopping him from bolting up the stairs to find Fili. “We need to talk. Thank you, Eomer,” he added, looking over Kili’s shoulder to where the older boy was hovering. “For walking him home.”

“No problem, sir,” Eomer replied with a serious nod. “See you at school, Kili.”

Thorin led him to the living room once Eomer was gone, sitting Kili on the couch and taking a seat on the armchair next to him. His solemn face was making Kili squirm. The fight must’ve been worse than Legolas let alone.

“Is Fili okay?” he blurted out, needing to know and unable to wait.

“He’ll have a pretty decent black eye, but he’ll be okay,” his pop answered with a sigh. “But what I want to know is why you didn’t tell us that some boy was bothering you at school.”

“Oh.” Kili stared at his hands. “I didn’t think it was anything to worry about.”

“Fili seems to,” Thorin commented casually. “Fili is worried about it a great deal. And I think he’s right to be worried about an older boy harassing you.”

“Drake isn’t doing anything _wrong,_ really,” he mumbled. “He just... makes me uncomfortable.” “Fili said he threatened you,” he stated sternly.

Kili shrugged. “He said he’d figure out how to make me go out with him. But he didn’t say it in a threatening way...”

“Kili, does he scare you?” Thorin asked seriously.

He hesitated for a moment before he nodded. “I would’ve said something but he hasn’t even broken any rule,” he tried to explain. “I didn’t think anything could be done.”

Thorin sighed heavily. “I don’t actually know what _can_ be done, but I will find out,” he promised. “But I want you to stick close to your friends in the meantime, okay?”

He nodded and went to stand up. He paused, though, and looked back at Thorin. “Is Fili in trouble?”

“No, but only because there are extenuating circumstances,” he replied with a frown. “I don’t want you boys thinking violence is the answer. He is suspended from school for a day,” he added though. “He’s lucky it wasn’t longer. But I’ll be driving you to school tomorrow, and picking you up.”

Kili sighed in resignation at that, knowing there was no arguing. “I have archery practice tomorrow afternoon,” he said instead.

“Then I’ll pick you up after that,” Thorin said with finality. Kili just nodded before bounding up the stairs, taking them two at a time to reach Fili sooner.

He burst into Fili’s room, startling the blond who sat up quickly from his supine position on the bed at his entrance. He gave Kili a smile before lying down again, scooting over to make room for the brunet on the bed.

Kili took the invitation for what it was, but sat down next to Fili instead of curling up next to him, reaching a hand out to hover over the blond’s bruised face.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, tears welling in his eyes as he took in Fili’s face. It didn’t look as bad as he feared, but it was still pretty bad. There were a couple of butterfly bandages over a cut above his eyebrow, and the skin around the eye was turning a sickening shade of purple. It would probably turn even darker before it cleared up.

Fili rolled his eyes before tugging him insistently down and engulfing him in a warm embrace. “You have nothing to be sorry about. And trust me, Smaug got the worst end of the fight.”

“What happened?” he asked softly, not sure if he wanted to know but knowing he had to hear it.

“Smaug said something he shouldn’t have and got what he was asking for,” Fili replied, thinly veiled anger in his voice, no doubt remembering exactly what was said but obviously not wanting to share with Kili.

“It’s probably going to be all over the school tomorrow,” Kili reminded him. “You might as well tell me.”

Fili sighed and pulled him closer, as if his body could shield him from whatever Smaug had said. “He told me what he... wanted to do to you,” he said in a tight voice. “He was very... graphic.”

“So you punched him,” he summed up, leaning into Fili’s embrace in an attempt to remind him that Kili was _there_ with _him_ and that Smaug couldn’t touch him.

“I just saw red and couldn’t help it,” Fili said defensively. “I couldn’t just let him talk about you like that.”

“I know. But they’re just words, Fee. I’ll be fine, okay? Especially now that you’ve shown Smaug what you’ve learned in jiu-jitsu,” he commented lightly.

Fili chuckled. “I think I surprised him. He seemed to think I’d be a pushover.”  
Kili grinned before sobering quickly. “Legolas said he’d talk to Mrs. Fitz about the musical.”

“I know,” he replied happily, running his fingers absently through Kili’s hair. “He texted me. She’s not happy, but she understood and said I still had my part. Thanks for getting Legolas to talk to her.”

“This whole thing is my fault,” he said with a shrug. “It’s the least I could do.”

“This is _not_ your fault, Kili!” Fili stated emphatically. “This is all Smaug’s fault. Don’t try and take any blame away from that worm!”

“I’ll try,” he mumbled, snuggling deeper into Fili’s arms.

“Good.”

They lay there for a while longer, Fili’s fingers still in his hair while he began to doze quietly. Eventually, Bilbo called them for dinner, where Kili had to endure another lecture about how he should’ve told them what was going on. Their dad surprised them, and Thorin, though, by turning to Fili and thanking him for standing up for Kili.

“What happened to not encouraging violence?” Kili heard Thorin mutter to Bilbo as they were cleaning up.

“It’s a violent world,” he shot back with a shrug. “Sometimes you have to fight back.”

 

 

Thorin did drop him off at school the next day, where all his friends minus Tauriel were waiting to walk him to homeroom.

“I think the entourage is a little unnecessary,” he mumbled to Ori.

He gave him a no-nonsense look. “It is absolutely necessary,” he replied in a tone that brooked no argument. “Fili was suspended because he threw the first punch yesterday, but Smaug was only sent home for the rest of the day. He’ll be back today.”

He glanced around at his other friends but received no help from them either, though Faramir did shoot him a sympathetic look.

“Ori and I will come get you to walk to Geometry,” Gimli said cheerfully as reached his classroom. “See you then!”

Tauriel frowned at him as he walked past her to get to his seat. “Why is everyone walking you to class now?” she asked in a sullen voice, curiosity evidently too much to keep up the silent treatment.

He scowled at her. “Probably because I’m a baby who’s blowing things out of proportion again,” he snapped, suddenly fed up with the entire situation and finding Tauriel a convenient target for his anger.

Hurt and regret shot through her eyes before they hardened. “You’re probably right,” she said coolly before turning to face the front of the classroom.

Kili felt remorse well in him. That was stupid of him. He had had a shot to mend things a bit between the two of them, and he just made things worse. Why couldn’t he do anything right?

Thankfully, Smaug didn’t approach him during school that day. Not that any of his friends gave him any chance to. He had at least two of them with him at all times. Kili was happy to note, though, as he caught a glimpse of the senior in study hall, that the lower half of his face was painfully swollen, making Fili’s wounds look less serious in comparison.

Gimli and Ori walked him to archery practice, sticking by his side as he waited for practice to begin.

“Kili?” Bard said, approaching him with a frown. “Can I talk to you alone for a moment?”

Gimli seemed about ready to intervene, but Kili shot him a look a stepped off to the side with Bard.

The older teen gave him a grimace and sighed. “Look, Kili, some of the others on the team are wondering if they’ve done something to offend you or something? You didn’t talk to them last Tuesday and seemed to avoid everyone Thursday...”

“No!” Kili said quickly before biting his lip. “I’m not really good at talking to new people. I joined the team because Tauriel did and now she’s not talking to me so I... just don’t know...”

Bard gave him a look of relief. “Good! Well, not _good,_ because we want you to be comfortable,” he explained. “But a couple of the guys thought you thought you were better than everyone and I really didn’t think you did—”

“I don’t!” Kili cried in horror. “I really don’t!”

“I’m glad,” he replied before frowning. “Is that why you brought your two friends? Because you didn’t feel comfortable around us?”

“Um, no,” he mumbled with a sheepish look. “My brother kinda recruited all our friends to guard me.”

Bard’s frown deepened. “Against Drake?” Kili nodded. “Listen, Kili, it’s none of my business, but you should be careful, okay?” he said seriously. “From what I’ve heard, Drake has a bet that he can... well, sleep with you... before Christmas.”

“What?!?” he cried, revulsion welling within him.

“Yeah, but, Kili, Drake takes extreme pride in his wagers,” Bard warned him. “He doesn’t like losing.”

“Well, he’s going to lose _this_ one,” Kili declared, crossing his arms in anger.

Smaug was out of his mind if he thought Kili would ever agree to do _that_ with _him._

tbc...

 


	31. Chapter Thirty One

Kili kept what Bard told him to himself. He felt guilty, but he knew that Fili was already out of his mind with worry for him. Why add to that? Besides, everyone was already watching him like a hawk. It’s not like Smaug could do anything anyway.

His friends had, thankfully, eased up a little on guard duty though. He still had at least one person with him at all times at school, but that didn’t really bother him that much, especially since that one person was usually Fili.

A small part of him couldn’t help but remember his plan from when he was younger to keep Fili from falling in love with anyone. He shook his head with a small smile. He was an idiot to not realize he was in love with the blond sooner.

“What are you smiling at?” Eomer asked teasingly as he walked with Faramir and Kili towards study hall. Kili would have protested that the older boy didn’t need to rush to their history classroom to walk them, but he was fairly certain that Eomer’s actions had absolutely nothing to do with him. Faramir, of course, was quietly thrilled at the attention.

“Just remembering some of the stupid things I used to think as a kid,” he answered wistfully.

Faramir chuckled. “I think we all used to think stupid things when we were kids. Thankfully some of us have grown up,” he said, giving Eomer a pointed look.

“Just because I like to eat cereal and watch Saturday morning cartoons, he says I’m not grown up,” Eomer mock-groused in a long-suffering tone. “Can you believe it, Kili?”

“I believe Frodo has the same Saturday morning routine,” he replied thoughtfully. “Maybe you two should schedule a playdate.”

Eomer scowled as Faramir laughed. “You two are horrible and I don’t like either of you.”

Even though the words were obviously said in jest, Kili saw the flicker of doubt in Faramir’s eyes. Making a split second decision, he stopped walking. “Crap! I forgot my notebook in my locker. You guys go on and I’ll meet you at the library.”

They both turned with identical frowns on their faces. “Kili, I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Faramir said.

“It’s fine. I’ll be five minutes,” he assured, giving Eomer a meaningful look. The older blond looked puzzled before shame overcame his expression. Good, Kili thought. He knew he could count on Eomer to understand Faramir’s self-doubts.

He dunked around the corner and leaned against the wall, not really needing anything from his locker so resolved to just loiter for a few minutes to give them a little privacy before following after them.

It really was his rotten luck that Smaug would choose that moment to catch him unawares.

He jumped as he was suddenly bracketed on both sides by a pair of arms and stared up at those hated icy green eyes with dread.

“Leave me alone,” he said through gritted teeth, moving to dunk under one of his arms, but Drake was quicker. He grabbed Kili’s shoulder and pressed him back against the wall.

“Now, now, don’t be rude,” he chided in a pleasant voice. “I just want to talk.”

“Well, _I_ don’t want to talk to _you,”_ Kili shot back, shrugging out of Smaug’s hold.

“But I know a secret about you,” the senior replied with a sharp smile. “One I’m pretty sure you don’t want certain people to know.”

“You know _nothing_ about me,” he snapped, pushing him back and making to storm away.

“I know who you’re in love with,” Smaug said, stopping him in his tracks.

He was bluffing. He had to be. There was no way he had figured out Kili was in love with Fili. It was impossible.

“And why would I care about that?” he asked coldly, looking back at him with false bravado.

Smaug stepped closer with a grin and leaned in close. “Most people don’t want the fact they’re in love with their brother widely known,” he whispered softly.

No.

“Kili!” Aragorn’s voice called out, though to Kili it seemed like he was calling from far away. His blood ran cold as he looked at Smaug with horror. Drake was smiling serenely, as if he hadn’t just caused Kili’s world to collapse on him.

“Lose your minders and meet me under the bleachers after your archery practice,” Smaug said, making a quick retreat just as Aragorn reached Kili.

“What’d he say to you?” Aragorn asked urgently, eyeing him critically.

Kili knew that he wasn’t doing a very good job at pretending to be unaffected. He was sure his face was pale, and he could feel himself shaking. He felt dizzy all of a sudden, and reached out blindly to steady himself against the wall.

He was _terrified,_ but he didn’t know what frightened him more. What Smaug wanted from him or Fili finding out.

He shuddered at both options. He couldn’t lose what he had with Fili. He didn’t know what he’d do if he did.

But could he let Smaug…?

He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to keep his breathing regular as he felt panic begin to set in. No. That wasn’t an option either.

“Kili,” Aragorn said, strong arms wrapping around him just as he felt he might collapse. “Just breathe, okay?” That was easy for him to say, Kili thought unkindly. “I’m taking you to the nurse.”

“No, I’m fine,” he gasped breathlessly, knowing that he was fooling no one. “Please, can’t we just go to the library?”

He blanched as he realized that that was where Smaug would be too, but he was sure if he saw the nurse, she’d take one look at him before sending him home.

And he couldn’t go home. Not until after practice. Because as much as he was dreading meeting Smaug again, he had to know exactly what the older boy wanted from him.

Aragorn frowned. “Just go to the nurse’s office and lie down for study hall, okay?” he suggested gently. “She won’t send you home as long as you don’t look contagious or anything.”

Kili gave in and allowed Aragorn to help him to the nurse’s office. His legs were still a bit shaky, so he was very grateful that the older teen didn't seem to mind him leaning heavily on him.

This was ridiculous, he berated himself. No matter what Smaug said, he shouldn’t have let it upset him so much. Maybe something else was wrong with him? He snorted silently. Yeah, something that struck right when Smaug told him he knew he was in love with Fili. That was unlikely to say the least.

Is this what shock felt like, he wondered? Or was this a panic attack? Whatever it was, he had to get a hold of himself.

The nurse frowned over him in concern, asking Aragorn a bunch of questions that Kili didn’t really hear clearly. He was glad she didn’t ask him anything. He didn’t think he could concentrate on breathing and try to answer her questions.

“…call his parents…” he heard her say faintly.

“No!” he gasped, trying to sit up. “Please, just let me rest here til next period.”

“Shh,” she soothed, pushing him back down on the cot gently.

Aragorn said something to her that he didn’t catch fully, but he thought he heard the word “brother.” He wanted to protest and tell them no, not to get Fili. Fili would just worry about him.

He focused hard on take deep, even breaths. They must’ve been working because the world soon quit spinning. He still felt oddly light and shaky, but it wasn’t so hard to breathe anymore. He looked around and saw the nurse writing something at her desk in her small office in the next room. Aragorn was nowhere to be seen. She must’ve sent him on to study hall.

The door opened just then, causing him to start with the irrational fear that Smaug had come to gloat over him. The sight that greeted him, though, was far more welcome, even if he had protested him being sent for.

“Fili,” he croaked, and the blond was instantly at his side, clutching his hand desperately.

“Kili, what happened?” he asked softly, brushing his hair back gently. “Aragorn said Smaug…”

“I had a panic attack when I saw him,” Kili lied, not meeting his eyes. “Smaug didn’t do anything but surprise me.”

“Is he going to be okay?” Fili asked in a louder voice, turning to look at the nurse.

She gave them both a smile. “He’ll be fine. Has he ever had panic attacks before?”

“Not that I know of,” Fili answered for him, looking at Kili for confirmation.

He shrugged. “Not that I remember.”

“Are you going to send him home?” Fili asked.

“I don’t want to go home,” Kili protested.

The blond frowned at him. “Kee, you need to go home and rest. You can miss English Lit just this once. And you really shouldn’t go to archery practice today.”

“For what it’s worth, I agree with your stepbrother,” the nurse chimed in, smiling between the two of them. “And I’m sure Fili here would just go crazy with worry for you if you don’t go home.”

“I don’t want to make Dad or Pop leave work to come get me,” Kili mumbled. “Tell you what,” the nurse said sympathetically. “How about you hang out in here and rest until the end of the day and then Fili can walk you home?”

Inspiration suddenly struck Kili. “Can I come watch you rehearse instead of going to archery practice?” he asked Fili, knowing his brother wouldn’t say no.

“Of course,” he replied with a gently smile, stroking back Kili’s hair. “But only if you rest up until then.”

Kili smiled back, feeling nauseated as he thought of his plan. Fili’s rehearsal usually lasted half an hour longer than his archery practice. He could sneak out to meet with Smaug and be back before anyone even knew he was gone.

“You can stay with him until the bell rings,” the nurse told Fili. “I’ll be just in here doing some paperwork. Try to keep him warm, too. I’d offer a blanket, but a couple of students were sick all over the ones I had this morning.”

Fili wasted no time scrambling on the cot with him and pulling him close. Kili honestly hadn’t realized he was cold until he was burrowed into the warmth of the blond. It was a tight fit on the cot with both of them on it, but Kili didn’t care. He felt safe for the first time since his encounter with Smaug.

It might have been an illusion, considering he was planning on meeting the senior later that day, but he let it comfort him anyway.

Exhaustion hit him like a freight train and he yawned, closing his eyes as his lids became too heavy to stay open.

When he next opened his eyes, Fili was gone and a warm blanket had been thrown over him. The nurse must’ve noticed him stirring, because she turned to him and rolled her chair out to check on him.

“Feeling better?” she asked with a smile. “You looked cold so I hunted down a blanket from the guidance counsellor.”

“Thanks,” he said, sitting up and stretching. “And yeah, I am. What time is it?”

“You have pretty much perfect timing,” she replied. “The final bell will be ringing in about five minutes.”

He leant his head back against the wall behind the cot, ignoring the bell that rung a few minutes later. He was sure Fili was on his way here to meet him. Since was planning on betraying his trust enough later this afternoon, he figured staying put was the least he could do.

Sure enough, Fili walked in the door not five minutes later, grinning in relief as he saw Kili. “You’re looking a lot better.”

“I feel better,” he assured him, letting him help him to his feet.

“Good. Sure you don’t want to just go home? I can be late for rehearsal if you do,” he offered, concern still lurking in his blue eyes.

Guilt spiked through Kili, but he shook his head anyway. “I don’t mind listening to you sing for a couple of hours.”

As it turned out, Fili spent most of the rehearsal sitting with Kili in the auditorium anyway as the drama teacher worked with Eowyn and another girl on their duet. From what Kili could tell, they were playing the parts of the stepsisters.

As rehearsal went on and Fili stayed at his side, flipping through his script, Kili began to worry that he wouldn’t be able to sneak away as planned. Something of his unease must’ve shown on his face because Fili kept shooting him worried glances.

Thankfully, Mrs. Fitz called Fili to the stage eventually to run through the opening number. This was extra helpful as it meant that Eowyn was on stage as well, and Legolas was thoroughly distracted with his accompaniment to pay any attention to Kili.

Glancing at the time, Kili discreetly slipped out of the auditorium, leaving his bad behind. He’d hopefully be back before anyone noticed, and if he wasn’t, leaving his bag left him with the excuse that he just stepped out to the bathroom.

He made a beeline for the bleachers of the track field, noticing that his teammates were just packing up their gear on the field. He quickly dunked beneath the bleachers, noticing with trepidation that Smaug was already waiting for him.

The senior smiled at him as if he hadn’t forced Kili to come. “There you are,” he greeted. “I wondered if you would show up when I didn’t see you practicing.”

Kili took a deep breath and gathered his courage. He would not be cowed by Smaug. He was just like every other bully. He just had to not think about exactly what was at stake. If he thought about losing Fili, he wouldn’t be able to confront Smaug.

He had to be strong. He was here to figure out what he wanted in exchange for his silence. Hopefully, it wouldn’t be anything he wasn’t willing to give.

The question was, what wouldn’t he be willing to give for Fili?

“What do you want?” he asked, glaring at Smaug in defiance with his arms crossed in front of his chest.

“Kili, what have I always wanted?” Drake said with a shake of his head. He stepped closer to Kili, attempting to drive him back against the cross bars of the bleacher supports, but Kili held his ground, even if it meant Smaug was uncomfortably close to him. “I want you to go out with me.”

He narrowed his eyes. “I know about your bet,” he spat. “If your end goal is to sleep with me, you can forget it. I won’t do it.”

“Kili, I don’t want to sleep with you,” Smaug replied condescendingly, smirking down at him. “I want to fuck you. Spread those lovely legs of yours and pound that tight little ass until I fill you up and ruin you for anyone else.”

Kili cringed in disgust. “I guess you’re just going to be disappointed then,” he said, trying to keep his voice calm. He learned a long time ago that letting bullies see how much they upset just added fuel to the fire.

“I wonder how disappointed your brother is going to be when he learns that his baby brother has been lusting after him,” Drake mock-lamented. “How angry he’ll be when he realizes that you’ve probably used every hug he’s given you to jerk off to later.”

“That’s not true!” Kili growled angrily even as his heart dropped to his stomach. Fili might think it, though, despite the fact that it wasn’t true. He knew nothing would ever make Fili hate him, but he didn’t want things to change between them either. The thought of Fili not casually throwing his arm around him, or pulling him close for some innocent cuddling, broke his heart.

“Doesn’t matter if it’s true,” he said with a shrug. “What matters is that you don’t want Fili to believe it’s true. So, what do you say?”

Kili didn’t say anything, so Smaug pressed his advantage, stepping even closer to him and leaning in to whisper into his ear. “Come on, I’ll even make it easy for you,” he added in an oily voice. “I’ll slip something in your drink and you won’t even know what’s happening. What do you say?”

He felt sick to his stomach. What _could_ he say?

“Excuse me?” a familiar voice said as two thin fingers tapped Drake on his shoulder. The senior whirled around only to double over suddenly in pain as a red-headed figure kneed him forcefully in the groin.

Kili blinked in shock at Tauriel, who was glaring at Smaug in hate. “Stay away from my friend!” she snarled, before grabbing Kili’s elbow and pulling him towards the school.

With a sinking heart, he realized she was pulling him towards the auditorium. But how could he face Fili now?

“Tauriel,” he called softly, trying to tug out of her hold.

“What were you thinking meeting him alone?” she muttered, pinning him with a look of displeasure and just tightening her grip. “And the things he said! I should’ve done more than knee him in the nuts.”

“Just wait a minute,” Kili said, digging in his heels and forcing her to stop. “I’ve got to figure out what I’m going to do before I face Fili,” he told her desperately.

She rounded on him with one hand her hip and another pointing at Kili. “If you think I’m going to let you go anywhere near that asshole alone, you’ve got another thing coming!”

“What’s it to you anyway?” he snapped. “Since when are you even talking to me! I thought you said I was making it up!”

“I didn’t mean it!” she cried in frustration. “I’m sorry, alright? You were right, and I was wrong, and now I’m trying to return the favor!”

Kili deflated at that. “I can’t let him tell Fili.”

“No,” Tauriel stated firmly. “You should do that yourself.”

“I _can’t!”_ he protested.

She set her jaw in a stubborn look. “Kili, you stopped me from doing something stupid, and I’m going to do the same for you. Now Fili is going to find out how you feel. Either from Smaug or you. And if you even think about giving into that bastard, I’ll tell Fili myself.”

Betrayal welled within him. “You wouldn’t.”

“To keep you safe? You bet your ass I would,” she declared. “It’s your call.”

Kili couldn’t even find it in him to be angry. All he felt was despair.

tbc…


	32. Chapter Thirty Two

Tauriel escorted him back to the auditorium with a fierce frown, not letting Kili drag his feet as much as he would have liked. He felt like someone on death march to the executioner’s block. He might as well be. Nothing would be the same after he told Fili how he felt.

They ran into Eowyn as she slipped out the auditorium doors. She sighed in relief as she caught sight of Kili. “Kili! Thank God!” she cried. “Fili was about to go out of his mind wondering where you were!” She then shifted baleful blue eyes to Tauriel. “What are you doing here?”

Tauriel looked shame-faced and hurt, and Kili, despite himself, couldn’t help but feel a little sorry for her, even if she was blackmailing him into not being blackmailed. Before Tauriel could answer, though, Fili and Legolas stepped out of the auditorium as well, with Fili carrying both his and Kili’s bags, bags he dropped immediately upon seeing Kili.

Kili wondered what exactly the blond saw in his face that prompted him to immediately sweep him into his arms, but as soon as he was safe in his embrace, the dam holding back his emotions finally broke. Silent tears fell from his eyes as he desperately clung to Fili, hiding his face in his neck.

“What happened?” Fili demanded to know. Kili looked up to explain, but saw that the blond was glaring at Tauriel instead.

“I found him under the track bleachers with Smaug,” Tauriel told him somberly.

Fili pulled back from Kili slightly and his horrified eyes gaze at him. “Why…?”

Kili bit his lip and didn’t meet his eyes. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I had to.”

“Kili,” Fili moaned, tightening his arms around him and buried his face in his hair, fear and worry palpable in his grip. Kili was grateful he didn’t ask for further explanation. He was under no delusions that he wouldn’t ask later when they were alone, and he would have to tell Fili exactly what Smaug was blackmailing him with, but that wasn’t a conversation he really wanted an audience for.

Fili raised his head to looked at Tauriel gratefully. “You got him away?”

Tauriel frowned. “Not before Smaug tried to threaten him into some awful things.”

“I’m fine,” Kili asserted unconvincingly, especially with tears still streaking his face. “Can we go home? Please?”

Fili looked torn, and Kili knew he was fighting the urge to hunt down Smaug and throw a few more punches, but that wouldn’t fix anything. If anything, it gave the senior a chance to tell Fili that Kili was in love with him. He couldn’t let that happen.

Finally, he nodded, picking up their bags once more and keeping an arm around Kili. He didn’t mind, as he clung to Fili right back. He might not have this for very long, so he was resolved to savor it while he could.

“Thank you,” Fili said to Tauriel. Kili just gave her a blank look though. He wasn’t sure if he was happy she had come along or not. She was threatening him with the same thing Smaug was. He knew she was doing it to keep him safe, but it was just as unwelcome.

They were quiet on the way home. Kili couldn’t read the expression on Fili’s face, but he knew the blond was upset with him. He didn’t know what exactly he was going to say once they got home. He knew he should be taking this time to figure it out, but he really just wanted to take in his closeness to Fili while it lasted.

He didn’t know what he was going to do once he lost it.

They entered the house silently and headed up to Fili’s room, with Bilbo calling from the kitchen that dinner would be ready in about an hour. Once they were in Fili’s room and Fili had led him gently to the bed, Kili just stared at the bedspread, at a loss of what he was supposed to do now.

He knew what he had to do, but not how.

“You snuck out of the auditorium to meet Smaug, didn’t you?” Fili asked, voice full of sadness and pain. Kili winced. He had done put that pain in Fili’s voice. He nodded, still not looking at him. _“Why?”_

“Smaug… he… found out something about me…” Kili mumbled hesitantly. “Something I didn’t want people to know… I didn’t want you to know,” he finally admitted. “And he threatened to tell you. And if he did, I knew… things would change between us.”

“Kili, there is nothing that Smaug or anyone could tell me that would change how much I love you!” Fili cried, reaching out to tilt Kili’s chin up and force him to look at him. “Nothing could change what’s between us,” he continued in a softer voice.

“This would,” he said in resignation. Fili looked like was about to argue, but Kili cut him off. “It _would,”_ he insisted.

“And what did that bastard want from you to keep whatever this is secret?” Fili asked with narrowed eyes.

Kili blanched as he remembered Smaug’s words and shuddered in revulsion. Had he really essentially asked Kili for permission to _date rape_ him? And had _really_ been considering giving it before Tauriel intervened?

He couldn’t tell Fili that. Not in such harsh terms at least.

“Well, Bard told me that Smaug had a bet that he could have sex with me by Christmas,” he muttered instead. “And he, um, wanted me to, uh, do that.”

Fili’s hands gripped his shoulders tightly. _“Nothing_ is worth you letting some asshole… _rape_ you,” he hissed, snarling the word.

Kili shivered, unable to deny that it would definitely had been rape, but also not wanting to think about it in those terms. “I can’t lose you,” he said tearfully in a barely audible whisper.

“You won’t,” Fili promised, pulling him close and holding him tight. “I swear, you won’t. Just don’t… don’t that, okay?”

He snorted humorlessly. “It wouldn’t stop you from finding out anyway,” he muttered. “Tauriel said she’d tell you herself if I tried.”

“Remind me to thank her again later, then,” Fili murmured, brushing a kiss over his forehead. Kili squeezed his eyes shut at the innocent gesture, sure it would be one of the last times he felt Fili’s lips on his skin.

“She told me I should just tell you,” he told him, tucking his head under Fili’s chin, needing the familiar comfort. “That you deserved to hear it from me.”

He felt more than saw Fili shake his head. “You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to,” he replied vehemently. “It wouldn’t change anything, no matter what it is, but I don’t want you to feel forced to confide in me.”

“If I don’t tell you, Smaug will,” he pointed out.

“I won’t let him get a word out,” Fili promised. “I’ll run away with my fingers in my ears if I have to.” He smiled down at Kili and brushed back his hair. “I wish you’d tell me because it’s obviously bothering you, but I won’t let anyone take the decision from you.”

Kili’s heart ached with love. Leave it to Fili to try and protect him even in this. He really didn’t think he could, though.

“He’d get find a way to tell you eventually,” he said mournfully. “Or he’d spread it around the whole school and _everyone_ would be talking about it and you’d _definitely_ hear it.”

“Is it really that bad?” Fili asked, bringing a hand up to cup Kili’s cheek, eyes shining in concern. “Kili, nothing… _happened_ to you that I don’t know about, right?”

He shook his head immediately. “No, this is about what I’ve done,” he assured him. He had to tell him, he knew. But he wasn’t ready. He hadn’t mentally prepared himself to lose the closeness between he and Fili.

“How many times have I told you that nothing you could do could make me love you less?” Fili murmured, thumb rubbing Kili’s cheekbone gently.

“Can I tell you at the end of the weekend?” Kili begged, bottom lip trembling slightly. “I just… want to spend as much time with you as possible before…”

A hot tear escaped from his eye before Fili brushed it away. “You can wait as long as you want,” he replied. “I told you, you don’t have to tell me everything you don’t want to.”

“But we can spend the weekend together? Just you and me?” Kili pleaded.

“Of course, Kee,” Fili said.

He surged forward to wrap himself around the blond. “Thank you,” he muttered thickly. Fili wrapped his arms around him automatically, holding him close. “I don’t want to go to school tomorrow,” Kili whispered after the silence stretched on between them.

“I’m sure Dad and Pop will let you stay home,” Fili said. “We should tell them about your panic attack and Smaug trying to blackmail you.”

Kili’s breath hitched at that. He didn’t know if he wanted to let his parents know what had happened. Bilbo would just worry, and he was pretty sure Thorin might try to shoot Smaug. “Do we have to?”

“Yes,” Fili stated firmly. “Smaug isn’t going to stop trying to get you to sleep with him, and I’m afraid he’ll decide your permission, coerced or not, isn’t necessary.”

His mind balked at the idea and he shook his head. There was no use being afraid of things that weren’t going to happen. “He won’t do anything,” he said confidently.

Fili frowned at him. “You don’t know that.”

Kili shook his head with a smile. “Yes, I do. Because even if things change between us, you won’t let anything happen to me,” he replied with certainty.

Of that, he was more than sure. Fili always looked out for him. Even when Fili found out how Kili felt about him, he wouldn’t stop. Things would change, yes, but Fili wouldn’t stop loving him. He might be uncomfortable with the easy physicality that they usually displayed, but he wouldn’t love him any less.

The knot of fear that had been in his chest since Smaug cornered him in that hallway eased a bit at that realization.

Fili dragged him downstairs to the kitchen after that, catching Bilbo as he put a casserole in the oven.

“We need to talk to you and Pop,” Fili said seriously, clutching Kili’s hand tightly in his hand.

Bilbo took one at their sober faces and called Thorin into the kitchen. Once they were all sitting across from each other at the table, their dad sighed. “I knew this was going to come sooner or later.”

Kili blinked in confusion. “What? You… knew?”

“Well neither of you ever hid it very well,” Bilbo said kindly with a smile.

“I don’t think we’re talking about the same thing,” Fili cut in impatiently, tone deadly serious. “Dad, Kili had a panic attack at school today after Smaug tried to blackmail him into having sex with him!”

“What?!?” Bilbo cried in horror. “Why didn’t the school call us?”

“I told them not to,” Kili said in a small voice, staring at the table. “Smaug didn’t tell me what he wanted until after the panic attack. I… had to know.”

“Kili, you shouldn’t have—Thorin, where are you going?” he asked, as the detective got up from the table.

“To call the local precinct and have a criminal complaint filed,” he barked, walking out of the room.

“What, no!” Kili protested, but it was too late. Thorin was already out of the room and talking on the phone. “Dad, stop him!” he pleaded.

“Kili, that boy’s behavior is criminal. Thorin is doing what’s best,” Bilbo said gently.

Before Kili even knew what had happened, there was a detective friend of Thorin there, asking him for his statement.

He looked at Fili desperately. Things had gotten so out of hand! The police were never supposed to be involved. Then again, what else could he really expect with a detective for a father?

“Just tell them what Smaug said to you,” Fili encouraged.

Kili took a deep breath before recounting the past few weeks and his encounter with Smaug that triggered his panic attack, glossing over exactly what Smaug was using to blackmail him. When he got to what happened under the bleachers, he hesitated.

He knew he had to tell the detective everything, but he knew Fili and his parents wouldn’t like it.

“Then he described what he wanted to… do to me,” he told him, worrying his bottom lip. “He was very… graphic,” he added, echoing the word Fili used to describe the words Smaug said to start their fight. “And he said…”

“What did he say, Kili?” Detective Peters asked as Kili trailed off and stopped there.

Fili reached over and grabbed his hand while Bilbo wrapped an arm around his shoulders.

“He said he’d make it easy and put something in my drink if I wanted,” he all but whispered, Fili’s hand tightening into a death grip around his. “Said I wouldn’t even know it was happening.”

He saw Thorin move out of the room out of the corner of his eye and then heard a loud _thud._

“What was he threatening you with?” the detective asked as Thorin walked back in, shaking his hand as if in pain.

“He threatened to tell Fili something I didn’t want him to,” Kili answered, unwilling to say anything more.

“I need to know what that was,” he stated as kindly as possible. “It’ll come out eventually, Kili.”

“Fili, why don’t you take Kili upstairs as I talk to the detective? We’ll finish up with the detective,” Bilbo said with a frown.

Kili sighed in relief and let Fili lead him up to his room. He dropped down on the bed heavily and dropped his head in his hands.

This had gotten out of control.

“It’ll be okay, Kee,” Fili soothed, sitting down next to him and wrapping his arms around him. “I promise.”

 

 

Their parents decided to let them both stay home from school the next day. Kili was extremely grateful because, although he didn’t think he could face going to school, he definitely didn’t want to stay at home alone. And although he knew his dad or pop would have stayed with him if he had asked, he also knew that he was putting them through enough without having them miss work for him.

Fili and he curled up on the sofa in the living room and watched Pixar movies all day, Kili savoring the easy touches that passed between them, knowing they wouldn’t happen after this weekend.

“I’m not going anywhere,” Fili murmured, pulling closer even as Kili clung to him.

“I know,” Kili said.

That wasn’t the problem. The problem was that Fili would treat him differently. That was a certainty.

It was probably for the best, of course. He couldn’t cling to Fili forever. Things would have to change eventually. Wasn’t it better he do it now instead of waiting until Fili fell in love with someone else? Or went to college and moved out?

That last one he hadn’t thought of before. There was going to be a time when he and Fili didn’t live together. Why did he have to realize that now?

“I hate seeing you like this,” Fili said with a sigh, pausing Cars and turning to face him fully. “If you’re going to tell me, why don’t you just tell me now? That way we have the weekend to figure out how to get past it?”

Kili considered that. It was a good idea, he knew. But telling Fili now meant telling Fili now. There would be no more avoiding it, no more hoping something would happen so he wouldn’t have to do it, like getting struck by lightning or something.

The longer he put it off, though, the more he would dread doing it. Maybe doing it quickly would be better. Like pulling off a bandaid…

Kili looked down at his hands and took a deep breath. “I love you,” he said quickly. “As more than a brother, that is,” he continued, rushing to explain, looking anywhere but at Fili. “And I know it’s weird but I always have. I mean, you were the first person to ever care about me, and you were always so wonderful to me and how could I _not_ fall in love with you, Fili? I know you’ve always called us brothers. You did the first time we talked. But I… always felt more. Didn’t realize it, of course, but you know how I am, and when I _did_ I thought you’d hate me but of course you wouldn’t but things would change and—”

He was cut off by Fili putting a finger on his lips. “Sorry, but you were rambling,” he said with a smile. Only it was a weird smile. One Kili had never seen on Fili’s face before. His heart cracked at the odd look, sure it meant nothing good.

“You were right, though,” Fili added, bringing both hands to cup Kili’s face. “This does change things.”

Before Kili’s heart had time to break at the statement, Fili’s lips suddenly met his in a tender kiss.

tbc…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was tough so I hope it came out okay... I didn't mean to get the police involved, but then I realized that's exactly what a detective would immediately do so of course Thorin filed a criminal complaint. Hope it came out alright!


	33. Chapter Thirty Three

It took Kili’s mind a few moment to catch up with what was happening.

Fili was kissing him.

_Fili_ was kissing _him._

He barely had time to kiss back before Fili was pulling back, causing him whimper in protest and desperately clutch at Fili’s shirt to keep him close. The blond chuckled before bringing their lips together once more, Kili an active participant this time.

It probably wasn’t the best kiss. Neither had any experience, after all. At least, Kili didn’t _think_ Fili had any experience. A sliver of jealousy shot through him at the thought, and he pressed closer to him, unable to suppress a moan as Fili’s arms wrapped around him as his tongue hesitantly brushed against the seam of Kili’s lips.

Excitement ran through Kili has he enthusiastically opened his mouth and let Fili in, sticking his own tongue ungracefully to explore Fili’s mouth. It was messy, with too much spit and teeth clanking together.

But it was perfect.

“Kili…” Fili murmured, pulling back and trying to disentangle himself from Kili’s limbs. “We need to talk.”

He frowned, not really liking the idea of talking. Talking came with the fear of hearing that Fili was willing to humor him, that he would give Kili this because he loved him but not in the same way Kili loved him.

He’d rather keep kissing and not hear any of that.

“Don’t wanna talk,” he said, aware that it sounded more like a whine than anything else. He leaned in for another kiss, but Fili’s hands on his shoulders stopped him.

“No, I need you to know exactly what you mean to me,” the blond said seriously. “You were honest with me. Now I need to be honest with you.”

Kili froze at that, unable to stop his trepidation at the words. His fear must have shown on his face because Fili smiled softly at him and pulled him close again, resting his chin on his head.

“Don’t worry. I love you just as much as you love me. Maybe more,” he teased.

“Not possible,” Kili said with certainty, smiling in contentment as he wiggled closer into Fili’s embrace before waiting patiently for Fili to say what he needed to say. Talking was fine as long as Fili loved him too.

“I’m sorry,” Fili sighed, tightening his hold on him. “I should have told you before. I just… never dreamed that you would actually love me back.”

“I didn’t tell you either,” he pointed out with a frown, looking up at Fili. “You can’t take all the blame for that.”

He shook his head. “But me not telling you _hurt_ you!” he argued. “This whole thing with Smaug and all the shit he put you through, that’s my fault.”

“It’s _not!”_ Kili protested.

“I was the one who first called us brothers,” Fili continued in a pained voice. “You said it yourself. I wanted to take it back the second I said it. I was barely eight, but I knew I wanted to be more than brothers with you. But you looked so _happy_ after I said it… I thought I could be a brother to you if that’s what you needed. I wasn’t a very good one, though.”

“No!” Kili cried, looking at him in horrified shock. “You were the _best!_ You _are_ the best!”

“I kept you closer than I should have,” he said, cupping Kili’s face and giving him a sad smile. “And when I thought you were growing up and away from me, I guilted you into staying with me.”

“What? No!” he argued, angry that Fili seemed to think he was anything but wonderful to him. He sat up and glared at the blond. “There was _never_ a time when I didn’t want to be with you all the time! If I ever seemed like I was pulling away from you, it’s because I thought _I_ was being too clingy! And then when I realized I was in love with you… Fili, I was so scared you’d hate me…”

“Never,” Fili said quickly before horror crossed his face. “Kili… that wasn’t why you were so depressed last year?” He nodded sheepishly as Fili pulled him into a crushing embrace. “Kili…”

“That’s when I realized I was in love with you,” he admitted, wrapping his own arms around Fili’s waist. “That I had _always_ been in love with you. I’ve felt so guilty touching you or being touched by you since, thinking I was taking advantage of you.”

Fili snorted and gave him a wry look. _“You’ve_ felt guilty? Remember our first kiss?”

“You mean the one five minutes ago?” Kili asked sarcastically, wondering where Fili was going with this.

“No,” the blond said, poking Kili’s side and causing him to yelp and scowl at him. “The one when we were ten.”

“Oh,” he replied thoughtfully, thinking back to that day with a satisfied smile. He had almost forgotten about that. Well, if Fili had kissed someone in the meantime, at least he got his first kiss.

“I felt so guilty kissing you then,” Fili confessed. “But when you suggested it, I couldn’t say no. And when you didn’t like it, I couldn’t help but suggesting trying again.”

“I liked it!” he argued. Fili shot him a look. “Well, I didn’t _not_ like it! We just didn’t do it right the first time! And you shouldn’t feel guilty about that. I’m glad I was your first kiss.”

Fili laughed. “You don’t have to look so smug about that. I was your first kiss too.”

“First and only,” Kili murmured, looking up at him with a shy smile. “I want you to be my first and only everything.”

Fili’s breath caught in his throat before he hauled Kili up into another kiss. Kili gasped as the movement ended with him straddling Fil’s lap on the couch. Heat flashed through his belly as he felt the heat from Fili’s body from his chest to his… well…

“You can’t say things like that, Kee,” Fili mumbled as he pulled away, looking up at him with dark eyes. “You have no idea how much I want that.”

“I think I can guess,” he panted, feeling overheated but not willing to pull away from Fili.

“We should slow down,” Fili said, taking a deep breath and rearranging both of them until Kili was seated on the couch next to him, still tucked closely to his side.

Kili still felt hotter than he should, but he understood Fili’s meaning and let himself be arranged so that Fili was still holding him, but not in such a compromising position.

“Why should we go slow?” he asked petulantly. He’d follow Fili’s lead as always, but he wanted to understand.

“Because we can,” Fili replied, smiling down at him in what Kili realized was adoration. It took his breath away, not because it was new, but because it was _familiar._ How had he missed it before?

Fili went on. “We’ve got all the time in the world to be together,” he said confidently, dropping a kiss to the topic of Kili’s head. “I don’t plan on ever letting you go.”

Kili shot him a suspicious look. “This is you protecting me again, isn’t it?”

He laughed. “Yeah, it kinda is, but it’s better this way, Kee, I promise. Besides, you’re all about experimenting and figuring things out, aren’t you?” Fili gave him a sly smirk.

Kili smirked back at him. “You know, the best experiments are repeated multiple times to make sure the results are accurate.”

“Is that so?” Fili replied, leaning down and capturing Kili’s lips with his own.

Kili’s heart stuttered at the thorough kiss. Fili’s lips moved against his slowly and carefully at first before his tongue snuck out to lick at Kili’s lips, not moving further into his mouth. Kili groaned at the teasing touch, turning in Fili’s half embrace and trying to press closer.

The blond chuckled as he kept a careful distance between them and continued his exploring kiss, _finally_ licking inside Kili’s mouth, tilting the brunet’s head to press deeper. Kili responded enthusiastically, mirroring Fili’s movements and snaking his own tongue into the blond’s mouth.

They broke apart with a gasp, Kili’s heart pounding in his ears as he leaned his forehead against Fili’s.

“We should experiment some more,” he said, panting as if he had just run a marathon.

Fili shot him a heated look but shook his head, sitting back on the couch and pulling Kili back with him. “I think we need to space out our experiments a bit more for now,” he commented, unpausing the movie. “We wouldn’t want anything to overheat.”

Kili snorted but understood his point.

If they kept at it, Kili didn’t know if he could stop himself from wanting more. And more kinda scared him, though he wasn’t ready to admit it.

They watched movies for the rest of the day, sitting even closer than they were before, if that were even possible. They couldn’t help themselves, though, and often the movie would be forgotten as one or the other pulled the other in for a kiss. Often, they were kept chaste, just sweet exchanges of affection that made Kili’s heart melt. However, some became heated make-out sessions that ended only when Fili gained enough control of himself to force himself away.

Kili had discovered that he himself had very little self-control when it came to Fili. Which made sense, he supposed. Fili had been aware of his feelings for much longer than he had, which meant he had to cultivate more self-control over the years.

It might have been unkind to let their kisses become to passionate at times, but Fili didn’t seem to be complaining.

Of course, though, it would be in the middle of one of these kisses that their pop burst through the door, Frodo right on his heels.

Thorin just stared at them as they broke the kiss off abruptly. Kili cringed into Fili’s arms, suddenly terrified. He had never considered what their parents would think of him and Fili actually being together. It hadn’t been important because he had never thought they would get to this point.

Now, as Thorin kept staring without saying a word, he couldn’t help but tremble slightly in fear. Fili noticed and glared at Thorin defiantly.

The tension was broken, though, when Frodo grinned at them. “I _knew_ it!” he shouted in glee.

Thorin seemed to shake himself out of his shock at that and shook his head with a smile. “I think we all did,” he commented lightly, giving Kili a reassuring smile before looking at Fili sternly. “We will all discuss this as soon as your father gets home.”

Thorin went upstairs, then, and Kili relaxed as he heard the shower turn on.

“It’ll be okay,” Fili murmured.

“So are you two getting married like Dad and Pop?” Frodo asked with a grin as he plopped down on the armchair near Fili. “Are you in _looooove?”_

Kili scowled at his little brother and threw a pillow at him, which just caused him to laugh. “Keep talking and I’ll tell Sam you’ve got a crush on him,” he warned.

“I do not!” Frodo cried indignantly, turning beet red.

“Oh you _so_ do,” Kili said with a gloating smile. He took pity on his little brother, though, and added, “Don’t worry. He likes you too.”

“Really?” he asked with a shy smile before shaking his head and throwing the pillow back at Kili before darting upstairs.

Fili shook his head and laughed. “How did you know about Frodo’s crush? You usually aren’t good at things like that.”

Kili snorted. “’S’not hard with Frodo putting their initials in hearts all the time. And if Sam still comes over here even though Merry and Pippin play pranks on him all the time, then he likes him back.”

“Frodo’s right, though,” Fili commented with a shy smile. Kili gave him a questioning look. “I do want to marry you someday.”

He bit his lip. “Really?” he asked hopefully, unable to deny how much he wanted that as well.

“Yeah…” Fili said, giving him a sheepish smile. “That’s why I didn’t want to change my name when Dad and Pop got married. Becoming a Baggins with marrying you hurt too much. It felt like it would just be rubbing what I’d never have in my face. Stupid, huh?”

Kili shook his head and leaned in to give Fili a soft kiss. “No,” he said with a smile. “Not stupid.”

When Bilbo came home about an hour later, Fili and he were still snuggled together on the couch, arms wrapped around each other with Kili’s head resting comfortably on Fili’s shoulder. It was a testament to how normal their closeness was that their dad just smiled at them before heading to the kitchen.

Thorin came down shortly after that, though, and told them to get to the kitchen as well. Bilbo looked up from perusing the fridge as they all filed in and made their way to the table. Their dad raised an eyebrow before frowning in concern.

“Did something else happen with that Smaug boy?” he asked darkly, looking at Thorin for answers.

He shook his head. “Peters is looking into it,” he told him. “But he thinks he can get him with stalking if nothing else. But no, this is about something else.”

Bilbo sat down at the table next to Thorin, looking between the three of them with a curious expression. “Oh?”

“I walked in on our boys kissing,” Thorin informed him before giving Fili a stern look. “And that had better have been all that was going on.”

“Of _course_ it was!” Fili cried defensively, slipping his hand into Kili’s.

Kili thought it was supremely unfair that Thorin seemed to be acting like Fili was to blame for something. He opened his mouth to say something but Bilbo beat him to it.

“Come on, Thorin, you know Kili is as much of an active participant in this as Fili is,” their dad remarked. “Put away the over-protective father routine. This is Fili, your _other_ son, not that Smaug kid.”

Thorin looked shame-faced at that. “I’m sorry, Fili,” he said. “It’s just…”

“I get it,” Fili assured him, glancing at Kili and giving his hand a squeeze.

“Well, we knew this was likely going to come,” Bilbo stated with a heavy sigh. “The two of you have always been closer than brothers.”

“You _knew?”_ Kili asked in surprise. “Why didn’t you _tell_ us?”

Their dad chuckled. “Oh, I knew this was something you needed to figure out on your own, Kili. And I definitely didn’t want to push you two together if we were reading things wrong.”

“You’re not… mad?” Kili had to know. He knew he had a death grip on Fili’s hand as the blond watched their parents with a wariness in his eyes. “I mean… we _are_ brothers…”

“Well, this complicates things, there’s no doubt about that,” Bilbo explained ruefully. “But, Kili, the two of you were always more than brothers. We’d have to have been blind to not see that. And there’s nothing _immoral_ or _illegal_ about your relationship…”

“It won’t be easy for you two, though,” Thorin warned them seriously. “You might have a tough time at school.”

Fili shrugged. “Most people don’t even realize we’re stepbrothers,” he said, easing whatever fears Kili might have had before they took hold. “And our friends will understand.”

Kili frowned. “How do you know?” He knew that Tauriel, Legolas, Gimli, and Faramir already knew about _his_ feelings but he had no idea how Aragorn, Eowyn, Eomer, or Ori would feel about it.

“Because if they don’t, then they aren’t really our friends,” Fili said firmly.

Bilbo nodded. “Very true. Now, let’s talk about ground rules for home,” he said sternly. “I will not have anyone accusing us of child endangerment because we let the two of you rush into a sexual relationship.”

Kili blushed, looking down at the table in front of him. “Dad…”

“Don’t you ‘dad’ me,” Bilbo said. “Now, Thorin and I have discussed it before and we think it’s best that Fili move into the basement and will be using the shower that Frodo uses.”

“We aren’t going to be… doing… anything like… _that…_ anytime soon,” Fili mumbled with pink cheeks. “You can trust us.”

“It’s not about _trust,”_ Thorin replied. “We trust both of you, Fili. But we’ve also got to protect both of you as much as possible. You’re teenage boys. We were both teenage boys and we know _exactly_ what kind of temptations you’re going to face.”

“So you’re going to punish us by separating us before we even do anything?” Kili asked hotly, unable to believe how unfair that was.

“It’s not a punishment!” Bilbo exclaimed. “We just don’t want you to rush into anything because of your hormones! And we’ll fix up the basement really nice! We’ll put Fili’s bed down there, and there’s an old sofa there, and we can get the cable run down there. It’ll be a great hangout place for you and your friends!”

Kili flushed hotter at the mention of their _hormones,_ but he tried to swallow his embarrassment to argue his point. “You’re exiling Fili for something neither of us could control.”

Bilbo rolled his eyes in exasperation. “No one is being _exiled,_ Kili! It’s the basement. Not France.”

“But—”

“Kee, I really don’t mind,” Fili interrupted him with a soft smile. “And I understand.”

Kili pouted. “I don’t want to be so far from you…” he admitted finally.

Thorin wiped a hand down his face. “Kili, this doesn’t mean you will be far from Fili. I expect you two will be just as close as ever, closer in obvious aspects,” he said, looking extremely uncomfortable with the thought. “You’ll just be sleeping on different floors.”

“Okay,” he said sadly at last.

“And doors will be open whenever the two of you are alone in a room together,” Bilbo said firmly, shooting a meaningful look between the two of them.

Kili couldn’t help but thinking his parents were going a bit overboard, but Fili took all everything in stride with a serious glint in his eyes. He wouldn’t complain, though. He knew that Bilbo and Thorin could be much less understanding and much more unforgiving about his and Fili’s relationship.

Besides, Fili said they had forever, right? He could take sleeping so far apart and any other rule their parents imposed as long as he got Fili in the end.

After all, they wouldn’t be teenagers forever. And the thought of a life with Fili after high school sent shivers of happiness through him.

“It’ll be okay, Kee,” Fili murmured as they both went upstairs to begin shifting Fili’s stuff down to the basement.

He grinned at him. “I know. I love you,” he said, thrilled that he could say it so freely and have it taken the way he meant it.

Fili smiled back at him. He glanced around before giving him a quick kiss. “Love you, too, Kee.”

tbc…


	34. Chapter Thirty Four

Dinner Sunday night was a tedious affair for Kili. He didn’t want to go back to school the next day. Going back to school meant leaving the blissful and carefree weekend he had enjoyed with Fili and facing reality.

Facing Smaug.

He bit his lip as he pushed his peas around his plate absently, his stomach feeling like it was in a huge knot. Thorin cleared his throat, causing Kili to look and see that his pop had put on his cop face. His stomach twisted even more.

“So Drake Smaug was arrested at school Friday afternoon,” he announced.

Kili’s eyes widened as his heart began to pound. That meant everyone would know.

“Does that mean he won’t be in school anymore?” Fili asked in hopeful eagerness, shooting Kili a reassuring glance.

“Not… exactly,” Thorin said uncomfortably. “An ADA buddy of mine convinced him to take a deal, so Kili won’t have to worry about testifying or anything.”

Kili hadn’t even thought about that. Now that he had, though, he was very grateful that he wouldn’t have to deal with it. “But he’ll be at school?” he asked in a small voice.

His pop sighed. “He has six months of house arrest, but he’ll be allowed to go to school. But he’ll be separated from all the other students. You won’t even know he’s there, Kili, I promise. And it’ll probably take them at least a week to get the whole thing set up for him. Until then, he won’t be there. You can just forget all about him.”

Kili really didn’t think he’d be able to forget that he was there. Hell, he had barely seen the senior the past couple of weeks outside of study hall, and had still felt his presence keenly.

“And I’ll be with you every second that you aren’t in class,” Fili vowed.

“And you won’t have to worry about him being there during your archery practices,” Bilbo was quick to assure. “He’ll be gone before the final bell rings.”

He nodded, not really knowing what he could say. He didn’t really feel any better about going back to school with Smaug there, but he knew it couldn’t be avoided. And he knew that he’d be safe. All the faculty would be watching Smaug, no doubt. He wouldn’t be able to slip away to confront Kili.

It would be fine.

“Who’s Drake Smaug?” Frodo asked as he looked around the table in confusion.

“Someone who threatened to hurt Kili,” Bilbo explained. “But we’re not going to let him.”

Frodo’s blue eyes went wide. “Why would anyone want to hurt Kili? He’s never mean to _anyone!”_

The eight-year-old’s indignation on his behalf made Kili smile. “Sometimes people are just mean,” he told him. “And they hurt other people just because they can.”

He caught Fili beaming at him triumphantly out the corner of his eye and shot him a face which didn’t faze the blond at all. If anything, his smile grew larger. Kili was well aware that what he had just told Frodo was a lesson that Fili had ingrained in him over the years and had never truly sunken in. Just because he was repeating the words to Frodo didn’t meant Fili had to look so smug about it.

“Now, since we are all done with supper, Thorin, why don’t you and Frodo clean up while I have a talk with Fili and Kili in Fili’s room?” Bilbo suggested, raising an eyebrow at their pop. Thorin was quick to scramble for the dishes and shoo them away. Kili had no idea what their dad wanted to talk to them about, but it was obviously something that their pop didn’t want to be present for.

“Alright,” Bilbo said, pulling Fili’s desk chair over to sit in front of them as they sat on the sofa. “I know your pop… tried… to have this talk with you before,” he continued in a long-suffering tone. “But since he was exceedingly bad at it and you two are now in what I assume is a committed relationship,” here Fili was quick to nod while horror welled inside of Kili. “Then it’s time we had a more thorough sex talk,” Bilbo finished.

Kili hid his face in his hands as it became burning hot. “Do we have to? Can’t we just Google it or something?” he begged from beneath his fingers. He didn’t dare risk a glance at either of them.

“Who knows what you’d find on the Internet,” Bilbo answered with a sigh. “And if you can’t talk about it, you definitely shouldn’t be having it.”

“Maybe I just can’t talk about it with my _dad!”_ he cried, looking up at Bilbo’s unamused stare. When he risked a glance at Fili, he couldn’t help but glare. The traitor was holding back laughter.

“I’m not going to worry about telling you both how big a step sex is, because you both already know that,” Bilbo continued, ignoring Kili’s embarrassment and Fili’s amusement. “I’m also not going to bother telling you that you should wait for the right person, because I think you’ve already found him.”

Fili grinned at Kili and wrapped an arm around him. He smiled back despite everything. So far, Bilbo hadn’t said anything he couldn’t handle.

“And I think the two of you can figure out handjobs and blowjobs on your own,” Bilbo quipped. Kili groaned. Yep, there it was. He couldn’t handle this. He turned his head to bury his face in Fili’s shoulder. “But I think it’s important that you have a basic understanding of how anal sex works.”

Kili knew he was going to die of mortification. His dad just said _anal sex_.

Bilbo gave a laugh all of a sudden. “Alright, I’ll stop teasing you now,” he said, standing up and pulling a pamphlet out of his back pocket. “Here, this should give you the basics. Just remember, you don’t have to do anything you’re not comfortable with and there’s no rush, okay? In fact, if you both want to wait until you’ve moved out the house, I, for one, would be very grateful.”

Kili blinked down at the pamphlet in his hands as Fili chuckled and Bilbo walked back upstairs. He narrowed his eyes and looked at the blond. “You _knew!”_

“I saw him stick it in his pocket before we came down,” he replied with a smirk. “I didn’t think he’d want to go over it with us.”

“You could’ve told me!” he said, pouting.

“Where would have been the fun in that?” he asked with a laugh. Kili just glared at him petulantly until Fili rearranged his face into a somewhat repentant look, though he could still see the mirth sparkling in those blue eyes. “I’m sorry,” he said, wrapping his arms around the brunet and kissing his pouting lips.

“No, you’re not,” he muttered, but let himself be pulled into another kiss anyway.

“I am,” Fili swore, brushing back his hair before licking into his mouth. Kili groaned into the kiss before smirking to himself and pushing the blond back on the couch. “Kili?” he asked, looking up at him in confusion that quickly turned to arousal as the brunet climbed on top of him before kissing him again.

Kili moaned into the kiss as he ground his hips against Fili’s, feeling a thrill of excitement as the bulge in his pants met an answering bulge in Fili’s.

“Kili!” the blond gasped quietly, panting against his mouth. His hands came up and stilled the motions of Kili’s hips. “We can’t.”

“Why not?” he said, frowning down at Fili but shifting off of him nonetheless. He sat back on his knees as the blond sat up. “We both want it.”

Kili _knew_ that Fili wanted as much as he did but was only holding back for his sake. He didn’t want that. If they were going to be in a relationship, they had to look out for each other. Fili couldn’t just be looking out for him.

“It’s too soon,” Fili tried to say but Kili cut him off.

“It’s not! Fili, we’ve always been together. Sure, we might have just acknowledged it, but it’s always been there,” he pointed out. “The only thing that’s changed about our relationship is that we kiss now! This is it for us! Why shouldn’t we explore it more?”

“Because I’m selfish,” Fili answered with a rueful smile as he cupped Kili’s cheek. “Because once I have a taste of you, I’ll want it all. Everything. Kili… I’ve held back for so long, it’ll be like a dam breaking.”

“I want everything too,” he murmured, leaning in to Fili’s touch.

Fili gave him a smirk. “You don’t even know what everything is.”

“But I know I want it with you,” he replied immediately, drawing a chuckle from Fili.

“Baby steps, okay?” the blond said, giving him a gentle kiss. “We’ll give _both_ of us time to adjust before taking another step.”

Kili sighed but nodded. It was probably for the best. Fili wouldn’t have suggested it if it weren’t. “Well,” he said, grabbing the pamphlet that had fallen on the floor. “Let’s figure out just what everything entails.”

Of course, after they had looked over the pamphlet, and Kili had looked over it a couple more times, he only had more questions. He had never really touched himself… there… before. He had the vaguest idea that gay men _did,_ but…

“Does that actually… feel good?” he asked, looking in Fili in puzzlement. “Isn’t it… uncomfortable?” He wanted to say painful, but he definitely didn’t want Fili to associate pain with sex in any way. If he did, he might not do it to Kili. And even if he didn’t understand exactly why it felt good, he definitely was curious to try.

“We don’t have to do anything you’re uncomfortable with, Kili,” Fili assured him. “I’m sure there are lots of ways to make each other feel good without doing that.”

Kili’s eyes lit up. Lots of ways? Sex was sounding more and more interesting as he realized how much there was to it. Where the thought of it used to confuse and embarrass him (even if he was still embarrassed when _his dad_ talked about it), the thought of sex _with Fili_ was thrilling. Yes, it was very personal and invasive, but it was _Fili._ Now that they had shared their feelings with each other, there wasn’t any secrets between them.

Fili eyed him with a raised brow. “You’ve got that look in your eye that you get when you come across a particularly challenging math problem. Do I need to be concerned?”

He grinned at him. “Nope. We’re going to try _everything,”_ he announced smugly.

“Figures your curiosity would translate to the bedroom too,” Fili said with a roll of his eyes. “But we only do what we’re _both_ comfortable with. And not for a while, okay? And no looking at porn for ideas!” he added with a stern look. “That stuff isn’t realistic and won’t give you any good ideas.”

“You just don’t want me looking at other guys,” he teased but tipped his head in acknowledgement. He didn’t like watching porn anyway. It gave him a slimy feeling.

They settled down to watch television after that. An old rerun of _Friends_ came on, causing Kili to frown.

“Do you think they’ll be okay with us?” he couldn’t help asking. It wouldn’t change anything for Kili, but he really didn’t want to lose any friends just because he loved Fili.

He didn’t have to explain what he meant to the blond. “Well, Aragorn knows how I feel about you,” he replied with a sigh. “So he’ll be glad I’m not still planning to move to California.”

“What!” he exclaimed, sitting up and staring at Fili in horror. Fili, for his part, looked ashamed.

“I thought it would be better for you if I moved away for college,” he mumbled, looking down. “I thought I would only be holding you back if I stayed here.”

“You’re not as smart as I thought you were, then,” Kili hissed testily, crossing his arms and leaning back onto the cushions instead of cuddling back against Fili. “You moving would have been _awful.”_

“I know,” he said apologetically. “I’m sorry. I probably wouldn’t have even done it. It would have hurt too much.”

“You’re not still thinking about it now, are you?” he asked timidly, not meeting Fili’s eyes.

“Never,” he replied, pulling Kili into his arms again. “I promise. I’m never leaving you.”

“Good,” he said firmly, shooting Fili a glare. “Never think about it again. I’d never be better off without you.”

“I see that now,” he said with a smile, leaning their foreheads together. “I was blind before.”

Kili huffed before curling back against Fili and facing the tv. “So Aragorn knows and will be okay with it. Tauriel, Legolas, Gimli, and Faramir all knew how I feel and will be fine with it. What about Eomer, Eowyn, and Ori?” he asked.

“Ori’s known us both for so long that I doubt he’ll be shocked,” Fili responded thoughtfully. “Eomer and Eowyn are going to be pissed at me for not saying anything before, but I don’t think they’d hold it against us forever. But let’s not worry about them until tomorrow, okay?”

He nodded before biting his lip. “What about Smaug?”

“Don’t think about him,” the blond said, tightening his arms around him. “He won’t be able to hurt you. He won’t be able to see you at all.”

“But he’ll be there,” he said in a frightened whisper.

“Not this week. And when he is there, I will be too,” Fili stated confidently. “Nothing bad is going to happen to you as long as I’m around, okay?”

He nodded. As long as Fili were with him, he’d feel safe.

 

 

The hardest part, Kili was quick to figure out as they walked into the high school the next day, was how exactly they were going to tell their friends about them. Short of kissing in front of them, which Kili didn’t really feel comfortable doing, anything else they did that was “couply” would just be something they would normally do anyway.

Which meant that they had to come out and actually say what had happened, something that was easier said than none when all their friends seemed to want to talk about as they met up in courtyard was the arrest of Smaug.

“What _happened_ Thursday?” Eowyn demanded, worry etched into her face. “He didn’t… do… anything, right?”

Kili felt instantly guilty. He hadn’t even considered that Eowyn had probably worried about him the entire weekend after seeing how distressed he was after Smaug threatened him. He had been so wrapped up all weekend with Fili that he hadn’t considered her at all.

“No, he just… threatened me, is all,” he explained, the furrow in her brow telling him that that didn’t not assuage her concern. “He tried to… blackmail me into having sex with him,” he continued in a mumble, figuring that they might as well know everything.

Fili squeezed his waist reassuringly as their friends broke out in outraged cries.

“That _bastard!”_

“Kili, you _can’t_ …”

“Why I oughta…”

“Asshole!”

“How _dare_ he!”

“It doesn’t matter!” his voice cut through their cries as they seethed. “It doesn’t matter anymore. He can’t blackmail with the information he has and, now that he’s under house arrest, I never have to see him again.”

“But what…” Ori began to ask before flushing and shaking his head. “Never mind, sorry.”

“What did he have on me?” Kili asked with a rueful smile.

“You don’t have to answer!” Ori was quick to assure.

“Right, like you said, it doesn’t matter,” Gimli jumped in, looking around the table as if daring the rest of them to ask.

“No, it’s alright,” Kili said. If he wanted an opening for telling them about him and Fili, he wouldn’t get a better one than this. He took a deep breath and mentally prepared himself.

“Smaug found out Kili was in love with me,” Fili said without batting an eye, shooting a wink at Kili. He sagged in relief. He really hadn’t wanted to be the one to say it when he was so unsure about the reaction. “But he told me about it and I told him the feeling was mutual, and now we’re together.”

Fili’s succinct explanation was following by a challenging look that said exactly what would happen to his friendship with whoever spoke against their relationship.

“Wait, I thought you two were _always_ together?” Ori asked with a frown. “I always assumed you were and treated you like you were…”

Kili gaped at his oldest friend as Tauriel snorted. “It’s not like they did a good job hiding it.”

“Come on, Tauriel, you had no idea Fili felt the same for me,” he grumbled, crossing his arms with a pout.

“I did too!” she argued. “I figured it out at the audition! When his prince charming was acting like he was in love with Cinderella, he was wearing the exact same expression he wears when he looks at you!”

“How did I miss that?” Eowyn wondered before glaring at Fili. “You could’ve told us.”

“I knew it!” Eomer told her with a self-satisfied smirk. “Well, I knew about Fili. So much for women’s intuition.”

“That’s because it takes one pining idiot to recognize another,” she snapped back.

“Not pining anymore,” he replied with an easy grin, throwing an arm around Faramir’s shoulders.

Faramir rolled his eyes at him before smiling at Kili. “I told you it would work out.”

“How did Smaug figure it out though?” Gimli asked with a frown.

“Probably the same way any of us did,” Tauriel commented with a scowl. “Again, they weren’t very good at hiding it. And Kili looks at Fili like his world would end if he weren’t there…”

“I do not!”

“… it probably wasn’t hard for him to figure out that Kili was afraid of Fili not returning his feelings,” she continued, unperturbed by his protest. “But how did he know they weren’t already together?”

Kili paled at that. “I told him,” he whispered softly, glad Fili’s arm was around his waist as his knees became shaky. “I told him,” he repeated, feeling like an idiot. “He asked if Fili was my boyfriend, and I said no. I was stupid.”

“You couldn’t have known,” Fili soothed, wrapping his other arm around him. “And he would’ve found out another way if you hadn’t. It’s over now, though. You don’t have to be afraid of him.”

In the safety of Fili’s arms, Kili could believe that were true.

tbc…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the right prosecutor (with the right motivation) could definitely convince a 17 year old to plead guilty and get house arrest in order to avoid being sentenced to an adult penitentiary (16 and 17 year olds are charged as adults in NY, which really kinda sucks from a human rights perspective). The criminal justice system might be faulty, but you can bet your ass it works in the favor of a decorated detective such as Thorin as often as possible.


	35. Chapter Thirty Five

Though he could never quite forget that Smaug was lurking somewhere unseen at school, Kili still found it easy to enjoy the next couple of months. How could he not? Life had suddenly gone from absolutely awful to improbably perfect all in a very short time.

Now that Tauriel and he had made up, she helped him integrate flawlessly into the archery team. Bard must have spoken to them as well, because they all made an extra effort to be welcoming to him. Of course, it didn’t hurt that placed in the top five at their first competition.

If he had been worried about negative reactions to his and Fili’s relationship, he hadn’t needed to be. The few people who even noticed didn’t seem bothered by it. And their friends were more relieved than anything.

“Legolas and I had a plan to shove you both into a closet naked if you hadn’t gotten together by Christmas,” Aragorn told him one day during study hall. “If I had to listen to Fili talk about moving to California one more time…”

“So should we adopt that plan to get you and Legolas together then?” Eomer cut in, shooting Kili a wink even as he was elbowed in the side by his boyfriend. Aragorn just opened his Chemistry book and pointedly ignored the blond twin.

Kili wisely decided to not comment on Eomer’s comment either. He was sure Aragorn and Legolas could figure things out without his rather inept help. Instead, he turned back to the papers he had printed out earlier.

Eomer was quick to catch sight of what he was reading, though. “Why are you looking at graduation requirements?” he asked with a frown.

“I’m meeting with the guidance counsellor after school to talk about some things,” he replied, trying to be as vague as possible.

“Is something wrong, Kili? You haven’t fallen behind in your classes or anything, right?” Faramir asked in concern.

“No,” he said with a shake of his head. “I just want to go over the classes I need to take to graduate.”

“But they go over that with us in homeroom when we sign up for classes for next semester,” Faramir said suspiciously.

Kili sighed in defeat. “I want to graduate a year early,” he admitted reluctantly, not wanting them to try to talk him out of it.

Because he _couldn’t_ go a year without Fili. It was _awful_ just when he was stuck in junior high while Fili went to high school. And that was with them living in the same house! Fili wouldn’t want to live at home his freshman year of college, even if he _did_ end up going to a school in the city. It wouldn’t really be convenient anyway.

So since he refused to be left behind when Fili went off to college, he had decided he would just graduate early.

From what he had read, it wouldn’t be that hard. Well, from an administrative standpoint at least. It would be a lot of work, but he could deal with that.

It was for Fili, after all.

“You don’t have to do that, you know,” Aragorn said gently. “Fili’s not going to go off to college and forget you or anything.”

“I know that,” he retorted, rolling his eyes. “But it’ll be easier for both of us this way. This way my senior year won’t suck because he’s moved into some dorm or apartment in the city, and his freshman year won’t suck because I’m still here.”

“Does he know you’re planning this?” Eomer asked.

“No, and don’t any of you tell him!” he hissed. “I want to go over everything and make sure I can do it before I mention anything to him. And I’ve got to talk it over with my parents.”

“He won’t hear it from us,” Faramir assured him.

Kili relaxed at that and began pouring over the printouts once more. If it took 44 credits total to graduate, that was 11 credits a year, and 5 a semester. So if he wanted to do it in three years, he’d have to fit the 11 credits from senior year into the remaining six semesters. And since he had already gotten 2 credits in junior high by taking Algebra I. That combined with the 6 credits he was taking this semester meant he already had 8, leaving 36 left to do in five semesters. With four blocks each semester with a maximum of 2 credits each, finishing a year early was extremely doable.

Which is exactly what the guidance counsellor told him in his meeting. Though, she brought up a lot of stuff about college that he hadn’t thought of. He’d have to catch up a bit in figuring things out, but thankfully he had decided early enough to try and graduate early that she assured him it wouldn’t be too difficult.

Armed with his plan in hand, all he had to do now was talk to his parents about it. But first, he had to tell Fili.

He slipped into the auditorium to watch the last hour of Fili’s rehearsal. The musical was coming together extremely well, though he could tell that everyone was a little frazzled with opening night in a week. Fili had already made him promise that he wouldn’t sneak into rehearsal any next week, as it was their tech week when they’d be in costume and Fili didn’t want the musical ruined for him.

Kili had agreed, though it really didn’t matter to him if the musical was ruined. He would be more focused on Fili than he’d on the actual story. Besides, it was Cinderella! Who didn’t know that story? What kind of spoilers could there be?

Fili grinned at him as he caught sight of him and made a beeline for him as soon as rehearsal was over.

“Hey,” he said, leaning over and brushing a kiss against his lips, causing Kili to blush. “You weren’t here at the start of rehearsal. I thought you’d gone home.”

“I was in a meeting with the guidance counselor,” he said with a shake of his head. “Ready to go?”

“Yeah, let me grab my bag and we can go,” Fili told him, darting to where his backpack was thrown against the wall near the stage before grabbing Kili’s hand and pulling him out the auditorium, grinning broadly back at him as Kili protested his hurried pace with a laugh.

Fili tugged him out the side door of the building, but instead of moving towards the sidewalk, he led Kili around the back corner before pressing him gently against the brick wall. Before Kili could say anything, Fili’s mouth was on his, tongue snaking into his mouth as the blond pressed their bodies together.

Kili groaned into the kiss, fisting his hands in the back of Fili’s shirt and arching his back off the wall in an attempt to get closer.

“Sorry,” Fili murmured against his lips as he pulled back slightly. “Couldn’t resist.”

“You never have to apologize for stealing me away for kisses like that,” he replied breathlessly, surging forward to capture Fili’s lips once more. He moaned as Fili’s thigh wedged between his and rubbed deliciously against his arousal. Kili broke the kiss with a gasp as Fili’s hand found its way to his ass and pushed him forward so that he was straddling the blond’s thigh.

“Fili!” he cried, bucking forward with a groan. The blond looked hesitant for a moment, glancing around. “Don’t you dare,” Kili growled, knowing Fili was about to pull away and stop, just like he _always_ did. He attacked Fili’s mouth with a kiss again, pushing his own thigh forward to press against the bulge in Fili’s pants.

“We shouldn’t do this _here,”_ the blond gasped, unable to stop himself from thrusting forward though. Kili shuddered as the thigh under him moved with the motion, creating amazing friction against his straining erection.

“You started it,” Kili accused with a smirk, grinding down with a groan. “And you won’t let us do it at home either.”

“Kili, no,” Fili said, pulling away from Kili with obvious effort. The brunet whined but Fili put his hands on his shoulders to keep him at arms length. “I’m sorry, but I am not going to get you off for the first time hidden behind a dirty wall. You deserve better than that.”

Kili groaned for an entirely different reason, leaning his head back against the wall. “You’re killing me here, Fee,” he said with a pout. “And I can’t even be mad at you for it. That’s so not fair.”

“I’m sorry,” he replied, stepping away from the wall and holding out his hand. “If it’s any consolation, I’m killing myself here too. And you can be mad at me if you want to be.”

He took his hand and shook his head. “It’s no fun being mad at you if you give me your permission.” He pulled him towards the steps of the school and sank down to sit. “Let’s wait here for a few minutes. It’s kinda… uncomfortable to walk right now.”

Fili laughed and sat down next to him. “Yeah, you’re right. So what was your meeting about?”

“I, um, wanted to talk to the counsellor about graduating a year early,” he said before biting his lip and looking at Fili out of the corner of his eye. He _thought_ he knew how the blond would react, but he wasn’t as positive as he’d like to be. After all, maybe Fili thought it’d be better for them to spend a year living apart.

“And?” Fili asked, a glimmer of hope in his eyes that caused any worry Kili may have to evaporate.

“It’ll be a bit of work, but it shouldn’t be that difficult,” Kili pronounced confidently, giving Fili a grin.

“You know you don’t have to do all that extra work for me, right?” he told him seriously. “You don’t have to graduate early if you don’t want to. I could take a year off and get a job or something and still stay at home. Or I could live at home and go to a city school. We wouldn’t be apart.”

“It’s better this way,” he insisted. “Besides, it won’t be so bad. It’s not like school is hard or anything. I make straight A’s now and I don’t feel like I’m working all that much. An extra class or two a semester isn’t going to hurt me.”

Fili chuckled. “Of course it won’t, genius,” he teased, standing up and helping Kili up as well. “But you’ll have to sell it to Dad and Pop.”

“You think they won’t go for it?” Kili asked apprehensively.

He shrugged. “They might not be too keen on losing us both to college in one go.”

And when Kili pitched the idea to Bilbo when they got home, Fili turned out to be right. Their dad was less than enthused about the idea, though he seemed a bit resigned to it as well.

“Don’t you want to enjoy your senior year with your friends, though?” he asked with a sigh.

“I wouldn’t enjoy it without Fili there,” Kili pointed out.

“And I wouldn’t enjoy my freshman year without Kili around,” Fili added, unknowingly echoing Kili’s earlier argument to Aragorn.

“I suppose it’d be pointless to try to convince both of you to live apart for a year anyway,” Bilbo said in resignation. They both gave him horrified looks. “Don’t look at me like that. It’s _important_ to know how to live on your own.”

“Why?” Kili asked. “Fili’s always going to be with me.” The blond nodded in agreement, grabbing his hand and squeezing it reassuringly.

“Well, you know, there might be times where you have to be apart, for school or work or something,” their dad said, looking as if he wanted to add something but not being able to bring himself to say it.

“So we should be unhappy for a year because we _might_ have to spend a week apart for some reason?” Kili said skeptically. “That doesn’t make sense.”

“I think I know what Dad means,” Fili cut in, giving Bilbo a solemn nod. “But I don’t think it’s something we have to worry about. Spending time apart by choice isn’t going to make being forced apart later any easier.”

Kili felt like he missed something as Bilbo sighed again. “You’re right,” he said sadly. “And I hope nothing ever does force you apart. And if you want to finish school a year early, Kili, I suppose your pop and I can live with that.”

“Thanks, Dad,” he said with a relieved smile.

Later, though, when they were safely in Fili’s room downstairs, he asked Fili what he had missed.

The blond gave him a sad smile. “Dad’s just worried that we wouldn’t be able to live on our own if something happened to one of us.”

Kili started at that. How would living a year on his own keep him from being _destroyed_ if something happened to Fili? He shook the thought away though. There was no use worrying about something that might never happen.

“Oh.”

“You know,” Fili changed the subject with a sly smirk. “Frodo’s staying at Merry’s this weekend.”

“Yeah?” he said with a raised brow, wondering where the blond was going with this.

“Well, you know Dad and Pop have that awards dinner they have go to tomorrow night,” he continued, smirk growing into a full-blown grin, displaying the dimples Kili loved so much. “I remember because Dad had to double-check to make sure it wasn’t the same night as the musical. So…”

A slow grin spread across Kili’s face. “So we’ll have the whole house to ourselves. Do you actually intend to do something about it?” he teased.

Fili leaned over and backed Kili into the corner of the couch, arms bracketing his body. “You bet I am,” he whispered into his ear, breath hot against Kili’s cheek. “I’m going to take you apart just like you took the desk lamp apart.”

Kili couldn’t help huffing a laugh at that. Trust Fili to remember that stupid lamp at a time like this. “You’re not going to put me back together wrong, are you? I’d hate to never be turned on again.”

“Don’t worry, Kee,” he said, kissing him lightly on the cheek before moving away and sitting back on the couch. “I won’t break you.”

He groaned. “I think you already did.”

 

 

Getting through that night and the next day was torture. Fili didn’t make it any easier, either, sending him heated looks whenever he caught his eye.

Kili thought he would combust by the time 6:30 rolled around and Bilbo was hollering up the stairs at Thorin to hurry up. The baker then shot the two of them a narrow-eyed look. Kili cringed, feeling like their dad knew _exactly_ what they planned to do as soon as they left the house.

Thankfully, Bilbo said nothing about it and just yelled at them to not burn the house down as he and Thorin walked out the door.

They sat stock still as they heard the car pull away from the house. They waited a few moments more in silence before Fili abruptly grabbed his hand and tugged him towards the basement. They nearly tripped a couple times on the stairs as their mouths met again and again.

Kili couldn’t believe this was happening. He gasped as Fili pulled back to help him out of his shirt before tossing his own on the floor. He shivered as their naked chests pressed together, the skin on skin contact feeling better than he ever imagined.

“Fili, please,” he begged into his mouth, shuddering as Fili’s fingers played with the waistband of his sweatpants. His breathing became harsh as Fili _finally_ pushed his pants and underwear down slowly, standing up and holding him for balance as Kili kicked them off his feet.

He shivered as he stood completely naked in the middle of Fili’s bedroom, the blond’s blue eyes almost black with lust as they took him in.

Fili swooped in for an open-mouthed kiss, backing him towards the bed and lowering him down gently as the back of his knees hit the edge.

“Fee,” he whined, tugging on the blond’s pants impatiently. He chuckled as he stepped back from the bed and dropped his own bottoms before quickly joining Kili on the bed.

Kili groaned as Fili covered him with his body, lining up their erections so that they slid deliciously together.

“I-I’m not gonna last,” he warned breathlessly, bucking up against the blond and shivering.

“Me either,” Fili gasped, capturing Kili’s mouth in a desperate kiss as he thrust against him.

Kili came embarrassingly quickly a few moments later, white bursting behind his eyes as he wailed Fili’s name.

“Kee!” Fili cried a couple of seconds later as he came as well, making Kili feel better about not lasting very long.

The blond collapsed bonelessly on him, panting heavily as he tried to catch his breath. He made a move to roll off of Kili but the brunet wrapped his arms around him to keep him in place.

“Please, stay,” Kili whispered, the warm weight of Fili on top of him oddly comforting to him.

He couldn’t say how long they stayed like that. Eventually, though, Fili started peppering his neck with kisses, coaxing more moans out of his mouth as he moved lower. He mewled and arched off the bed when the blond’s mouth latched around one of his nipples. Who knew those could be so _sensitive?_

His mind stuttered to a halt as Fili kept kissing even _lower._ “F-Fili?” he said as the blond reached his belly button, cock already standing at attention once more.

Fili just gave him a heated look before moving down. He wrapped a hand around Kili’s erection and gave the head a tentative, testing lick.

_“Fuck!”_ he groaned, throwing his head back at the feeling and hips bucking wildly. “F-Fee!”

He tried really hard to keep his hips still as Fili wrapped his lips around him and took as much in as he could, not wanting to inadvertently choke the blond, but it was probably the hardest thing he had ever done.

“F-Fee!” he gasped, his entire body shaking with pleasure at the hot suction on his length. “Feels amazing!” he groaned.

He cried out as Fili hummed in answer, blue eyes sparkling up at him. He pulled desperately on the blond’s hair. “Fee, I’m gonna come…”

Fili’s only response was to suck hard, making Kili come completely undone. He screamed as he came. He must have blacked out for a moment because the next thing he knew, Fili was at his side, kissing his forehead gently.

“Okay?” the blond asked, eyes shining with concern.

“Perfect,” Kili breathed, rolling to his side and kissing him, groaning at the strange bitter taste in Fili’s mouth, quickly realizing he was tasting _himself._

He snuck a hand down to where Fili was still hard and wrapped his hand around the blond’s length, smiling as Fili moaned into their kiss.

It only took a few strokes for Fili to stiffen against him and cry out as his cock spurted in his hand. Curious, Kili brought his now messy hand up to his mouth and sucked a digit into his mouth to taste Fili’s release.

It wasn’t terrible, he decided. It felt salty and thick on his tongue, but it wasn’t bad.

The reaction his actions drew from Fili, though, would have made any bad taste worth it. His eyes darkened and he growled, pressing Kili back into the mattress as he climbed on top of hims and devoured his mouth.

Fili pulled away with a sigh, though, and rolled out of bed. “Come on,” he said, holding a hand out to him. “We need to shower and wash the sheets before Dad and Pop get home. I’m sure they know exactly what we’re doing but no need to leave the evidence behind.”

Kili grimaced at the idea of their parents knowing what they were doing, feeling any faint stirrings of renewed arousal disappearing at the thought.

“Can we at least shower together?” he asked hopefully, unable to tear his eyes from Fili’s body as he bent to pick of Kili’s sweats.

He eyed the clock. “If we hurry. You go on up and I’ll join you after I throw the sheets in the washing machine.”

By the time Bilbo and Thorin got home, they were both sitting innocently on the couch in the living room, curled around each other and freshly showered, but with nothing pointing to what they had done while their parents were out. Fili’s sheets had also been washed and dried and were now safely on the bed once more.

“Don’t stay up too long, boys,” Bilbo told them as he and Thorin climbed the stairs to their room.

Kili smiled up at Fili and snuggled against him in relief, having been half afraid that Bilbo would take one look at them and _know._

“Can we accidentally fall asleep together here?” he murmured, not wanting to give up their closeness. Tonight had been amazing and he wasn’t ready for it to end.

Fili chuckled and pressed a kiss to the top of his head. “Sure.”

Kili smiled as he let his eyes slip close. “Love you.”

“Love you too, Kee.”

tbc…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I kinda suck at writing sex scenes. Sorry.


	36. Chapter Thirty Six

“You should eat,” Kili said, nudging the box of pizza Thorin had brought home towards Fili. “You don’t want to faint from hunger on stage.”

Fili shot him a glare but grabbed a slice of pizza anyway and began nibbling on it.

“You two are backwards right now,” Frodo pointed out with smirk as he watched Kili wolf down another slice of pizza. “Fili used to have to make you eat, Kili.”

He frowned at that. “He never _made_ me eat.”

“He did so!” their little brother argued, picking a pepperoni off his pizza and popping it in his mouth. “You always used to just pick at your food unless he was watching.”

Kili blinked at that. That couldn’t be right. He ate just fine without Fili, right? He looked at Fili who just shrugged at him with a sheepish smile.

“You only did that when you were upset about something,” he assured him.

Frodo snorted. “Then you’ve been upset for a while. Dad and Pop were worried. I heard them talking about it,” he said matter-of-factly.

Kili was horrified. He hadn’t meant to worry anyone. He lowered his half-eaten pizza and dropped it on his plate in distaste, stomach suddenly feeling like it was tied in knots.

“Hey, none of that,” Fili said immediately, scooting his chair over and picking up the piece of pizza he dropped. He held it up to Kili’s mouth with a smile. “No feeling guilty about being upset before. That’s all over now, right?”

He smiled back at him and took the pizza from his hand before taking big bite. “I didn’t realize what I was doing,” he said after he swallowed. “I just… don’t feel hungry when I’m upset. It feels like food will make me sick.”

“And that’s why you _talk_ about it,” Fili replied with an understanding smile, taking a bit of his “That way we can help you fix it.”

Kili grimaced, not liking that he had apparently worried people without realizing it before, but on the bright side, Fili didn’t seem to be stressing so much about his upcoming performance. He took another large bite of his pizza just to prove that he could.

“Fili!” Bilbo called. “Time to go!”

The blond blanched at that. “Why did I do this?”

“You’re going to be great!” Kili assured him with a grin. “I can’t wait to see it!”

“Yeah!” Frodo agreed with a smirk. “You’re gonna look great in your tights!”

Kili kicked his little brother under the table as Fili sputtered, “They’re _not_ tights! They’re _leggings!”_

Personally, Kili didn’t care what Fili wanted to call them. He looked _hot_ in them. Not that was going to say that in front of Frodo. He stood up and wrapped his arms around Fili with a smile.

“Break a leg, Fee,” he murmured, kissing his cheek as he pulled away.

Fili’s nervous expression softened into a loving smile. “Thanks, Kee. See you after?”

He nodded with a grin. “I’ll find you backstage. Love you.”

“Love you too,” he whispered.

Frodo made a gagging noise from the table and Kili glared at him while Fili laughed.

“Fili!” Bilbo called again.

“Gotta go!” the blond said, dropping a peck on Kili’s lips before dashing out of the kitchen and towards the door, where their dad was waiting to drop him off at school to get ready for his performance.

Frodo batted his eyelashes at Kili as he sat back down and made kissy faces at him. Kili scowled and threw his pizza crust at his little brother, which just caused him to laugh.

He sighed before pouting at Frodo. “Were Dad and Pop _really_ worried about me?”

“Yeah, but they aren’t anymore,” he replied with a shrug, reaching for another slice of pizza. “They think you were depressed because you were in love with Fili and didn’t think you could tell anyone. They also think that you two are sleeping together already,” Kili almost choked on his pizza but Frodo continued without noticing, “and Pop’s worried because he thinks you’re too young. But I don’t understand why he’s so worried. You and Fili used to sleep together all the time and you were even _younger_ then.”

Kili took a moment to be grateful that apparently Frodo didn’t understand the different connotation that “sleeping together” had. “How do you know all that?” he asked curiously.

“I listen!” he proclaimed with a proud smile. “And people don’t always realize I’m around because I’m so little and quiet.”

He gave the small boy a suspicious look. “You don’t spy on Fili and me, do you?”

“Not anymore,” Frodo said with a wrinkled nose. “You two kiss too much.”

Kili made a mental note to check to see if Frodo was lurking around before he and Fili made out again with him in the house.

He stay sitting there picking at his last slice of pizza as Frodo bounded up to his room and his Pop strode in. He perked up, remembering the suggestion Fili had given him ages ago but that he had completely forgotten about.

“Hey, Pop, I have a question,” he said as Thorin reached for some pizza.

The detective gave him a wary look. “Okay?”

“Do you think I could get a summer internship with Dr. Radagast?” he asked hopefully. For some reason, Thorin looked relieved at the question before he grinned. “Absolutely!” he exclaimed enthusiastically. “Well,” he conceded. “I’ll have to ask Rob and everything, but I’m sure he’d be happy to have you or, if he can’t supervise you, can recommend someone who _can._ Still interested in forensics, then?”

Kili pursed his lips. “I like forensics, but I want to make sure I can do it before I apply for college, you know? If it’s going to freak me out to see bloody pictures, I want to know now.”

Thorin nodded with a small smile. “I understand. But I don’t think you have much to worry about. You’re stronger than you think.”

“I don’t feel all that strong sometimes,” he confessed. “I feel… weak… most of the time.”

“See, that’s where you’re wrong, Kili,” his pop said confidently. “A weak person would not have been able to go through what you’ve been through and still trust Bilbo when he adopted you. A weak person could not have made Frodo smile and laugh right after he lost his parents. A weak person would not have stood up for Faramir when he was being abused. And a weak person would not have been able to love Fili the way you do with no fear of any kind of backlash.”

Kili ducked his head shyly. “I didn’t think those things made you strong.”

“There are different kinds of strength, Kili,” Thorin told him. “And believe me when I say your heart is stronger than most.”

“Thanks, Pop,” he said, feeling warm at the praise.

“You’re welcome,” he replied. “Now go upstairs to shower and dress. We’ve got to get to the school early enough to get good seats to see Fili sing.”

He nodded and did as he was told.

 

 

It wasn’t long before they were all seated in the auditorium, Kili practically bouncing in his seat in anticipation of seeing Fili on stage. They had great seats because they had gotten there so early. Front and center so they’d have a great view of Fili. Bilbo had been a bit concerned about being early with Frodo, but the eight-year-old was involved in a game on his iPod so it wasn’t a problem.

People were slowly but surely filtering in. Kili waved as he saw Tauriel come in with her dad. He could see Thorin’s mouth thin in distaste as he caught sight of Thranduil. Fortunately for his pop, the seats around them were already occupied so the Greenleafs were able to sit near them, a fact that Thorin looked disproportionately smug about, causing Bilbo to elbow him in the side.

He turned his head to scan the auditorium for his other friends as the lights flickered signaling the show would start soon. He spotted Eomer and Faramir sitting together a few rows back. And further back he saw that Ori had come with his dads and his grandfather. He grinned as he caught their eye and waved enthusiastically.

The music started up before he could scan the room for the rest of their friends, and Kili whipped around to watch the stage with rapt attention, eyes zeroing in on Fili as soon as he walked on stage.

God, he was gorgeous, Kili noted. His shoulder-length golden curls were pulled back in a low ponytail instead of Fili’s customary bun. The deep red leggings he was wearing hugged his muscular legs in a particularly pleasing manner. Kili really wished he could see how they fit on his ass, but the white jacket Fili was wearing covered that up, unfortunately.

And of course, he sang like an angel. His voice was a smooth tenor, washing over Kili and making him shiver as he remembered that same voice moaning in his ear not even a week ago.

He didn’t know what he had done to deserve such an amazing person, but Kili would be grateful for the rest of his life that Fili loved him.

When Fili wasn’t on stage, Kili could admit that Eowyn was pretty good as well, though he wasn’t sure how fake those hateful glances as Cinderella were. Had something happened between her and Lothiriel that he didn’t know about? He’d after to ask Fili later.

The first act went by quickly enough, ending on Cinderella being sent off to the ball by her fairy godmother.

Kili didn’t bother moving during intermission. There were so many people leaving the auditorium to no doubt go to the bathroom that he figured he’d avoid the crowd. Thorin and Frodo got up to head the bathrooms, though, and Bilbo went to speak with Dori.

Tauriel dropped down in Thorin’s empty seat before he could get too bored waiting. “Your boyfriend is doing great,” she said cheerfully. “Better watch out. There’s going to be a lot of girls and guys out there with crushes on Fili after tonight.”

“I’m not worried,” Kili replied confidently. “Fili loves me.”

She laughed. “When you’re right, you’re right.” She gave him a smirk. “Did you see the way Eowyn was looking at Lothiriel?”

“Yeah, what was up with that?” he asked.

“Lothiriel took her on a date just to make her old girlfriend jealous,” Tauriel told him before giving him a sheepish smile. “I’m not _happy_ that she was hurt or anything, but I’m glad that whole thing is over and I can have another shot. This time, I won’t just wait around too long before asking her out.”

Kili’s eyes widened. “How’s Eowyn doing?”

Tauriel snorted. “She was more pissed than anything. Pretty sure she slapped Lothiriel as soon as she realized what was going on.”

Kili believed that. Eowyn was not the type of girl who went home and cried into her ice cream. “Just be careful with her, okay?” he told Tauriel.

“Eowyn’s got a soft side under that tough exterior.”

Tauriel did, too, he knew, but in a different way. While Tauriel’s softer side was where she shoved all her emotions to keep from being hurt, Eowyn was gentle under her ferocity, which just happened to overshadow her more gentle side rather than purposefully hide it. The two girls were similar in a lot of ways, but different in others.

“I will,” Tauriel said softly. “She’s a good friend, and I wouldn’t hurt her for the world. Even if she doesn’t want to be my girlfriend.”

“Good,” Kili stated as the lights began flickering. “Better get to your seat.”

She nodded and got up. “See you after.”

Kili couldn’t help the smile that spread across his face at the sight of Fili dancing on stage. He didn’t _love_ the fact that Fili was waltzing with all those girls. And he _definitely_ didn’t like him holding and nuzzling Cinderella when she came on stage, but he knew it was just acting. He wasn’t lying to Tauriel when he said he wasn’t worried about Fili and anyone else.

Fili loved him and nobody would ever take him away.

Of course, that didn’t keep him from folding his arms in annoyance as Fili’s prince kissed Cinderella near the end of the show. It was just a chaste press of the lips, but Fili’s kisses were _his,_ he thought petulantly.

He stood and cheered as the actors took their bows. Fili caught sight of him and grinned when he and Lothiriel took their final bows, dispelling any irritation Kili felt over that stupid pretend kiss.

“I’m going to meet Fili backstage,” he told Thorin as soon as the actors had left the stage, darting off as soon as his pop nodded.

He managed to get out of the auditorium before the crowd waiting in the aisle became too thick. The door backstage was around a couple of corners, nearly hidden unless you knew where it was. Thankfully, Kili had been to enough rehearsals with Fili to know exactly where he was going.

Before he could reach it, though, he was grabbed roughly from behind and a hand was slapped tightly over his mouth.

“UMH!” he tried to yell, as he struggled to get free. He tried turning his head to see who was holding him, but the grip keeping his mouth muffled was too tight for him to move his head.

Remembering something he had heard a while back, Kili let his body go limp, forcing his attacker to support his entire dead weight. He heard a low oath behind him as whoever it was struggled to keep Kili from sliding completely to the ground while dragging him backwards.

They didn’t go far, just around another corner to a more isolated part of the school where no one could see them. The hand was removed from his mouth and he was dropped unceremoniously to the floor.

“H—”

His cry for help was cut off as two hand wrapped around his throat and _squeezed_ as a body straddled his own. Drake Smaug’s face swam in his blurry vision as he tried desperately to draw a breath, hands coming up to try and pry the other’s fingers away. Smaug’s grip was too tight though.

He couldn’t breathe.

“You ruined my life,” the older boy hissed softly, a deranged look in his eye. “I was all set for a full ride at Virginia and you _ruined_ that. You took my life from me. Now, I’m going to take yours.”

Kili tried in vain to gasp in air as the words slowly sunk in. Oh, God. He was going to kill him. He was going to die.

He blinked away tears as black began to creep around the edges of his vision as his hands fell limply to his sides.

He thought he heard a roar in the distance, but that must have been the blood pounding in his ears. No one was coming to save him.

This was the end.

At least he had gotten a chance to be with Fili before he died...

Blessed air rushed into his body as the weight on top of him was suddenly gone.

He coughed as his head swam, trying and failing to sit up. There were more hands on him and he whimpered and shied away, thinking they were Smaug’s hands returning to do more damage.

“Shh, Kee, it’s me,” Fili’s voice soothed as he helped him sit up.

Kili sobbed and turned in Fili’s arms, burying his face in the blond’s shirt as he cried, sobs interspersed with coughs as every breath he took made it feel like he had swallowed glass.

“H-He…” he hiccuped painfully in a hoarse voice.

“No, don’t talk,” Fili murmured, pulling him closer and tucking Kili’s head under his chin. “Not before a doctor checks out your throat.”

He nodded, feeling safer and less shaky in Fili’s warm arms. He dared a look around the hallway and saw a large crowd of people gathering around the corner and peering at them. Smaug was being held down by Eomer and Legolas as Tauriel and Eowyn tried to keep people away.

A couple of police officers was suddenly shoving through the crowd, taking in the scene before them as Tauriel rushed over to them and began saying something to them, pointing angrily at where Smaug was being held down and then gesturing towards Kili.

“KILI!” he heard his dad’s voice yell as his parents suddenly pushed through the crowd, tears pouring down Bilbo’s face as he rushed to Kili’s side. Thorin barked something at the officers before hurrying over as well.

“What happened?” Bilbo asked gently, reaching out to stroke Kili’s hair.

“We found him on the ground with Smaug choking him,” Fili ground out in a pained voice. “He tried to kill him, Dad.”

Kili frowned as he felt a drop of water hit his forehead and looked up to see Fili crying. He reached his hand up to brush away his tears and opened his mouth to tell him he was okay, but Fili’s finger on his lips kept him from talking.

“Your throat is hurt enough without you talking,” he muttered.

“We need to get him to the ER,” Thorin said, scooping Kili into his arms and standing up. Kili cried out as he was torn from Fili. “I’m sorry, Kili, but it’s easier if I carry you,” his pop whispered, sounding heartbroken.

Kili shivered in his pop’s arms but nodded. He was still trembling when Thorin placed him in the backseat of the car and Fili immediately climbed in after him. He wrapped his arms around Fili’s waist, clinging to him in an attempt to calm down. He tried taking deep breaths, but they just made him cough more.

Bilbo had gotten into the front with Thorin and they were quickly on their way to the hospital, Kili vaguely wondering who Frodo was with as he coughed some more.

Fili rubbed his back soothingly, looking more scared than Kili had ever seen him. “It’s okay, Kee, we’ll be there soon.”

He wished he could say something to reassure Fili that he was okay, but settled for squeezing closer to him instead.

“Kili, you’re shivering! Are you cold? Dad, Kili’s cold!” Fili said worriedly.

“Here,” Bilbo said, shrugging out of his long coat and struggling with it for a moment before handing it back to Fili. “Cover him with this.”

Kili sighed as the warm coat was draped over him, snuggling up to Fili’s body heat as his trembling slowly subsided. Exhaustion was hitting him like a sack of bricks. He was quickly losing the battle to keep his eyelids open as they pulled up to the hospital and Thorin stopped at the entrance to the ER.

“You carry him in,” he heard his dad’s voice say. “I’ll park the car.”

He felt his pop’s large arms pick him up once more before lowering him a few moments later onto a somewhat uncomfortable surface. Fili was quickly as his side, though, pulling him into his arms and letting him rest against him.

He dozed off for a while before he heard a voice call his name and he was being scooped up again.

“Fee,” he murmured, wincing at the pain in his throat.

“Shh,” his pop’s deep voice said.

He tried to stay sleeping, but he kept being disturbed by doctors that wanted him to open his eyes so they could shine a bright light into them, and to open his mouth so they could look at his throat. He whimpered as he was wheeled into another room by himself as they took x-rays of his throat.

He weakly reached out for his pop as soon as they brought him back, curling into Thorin’s warm arms. He wanted Fili, but his pop would work. He closed his eyes once more and was finally allowed to sleep without interruption.

He woke up to them coaxing him into a wheelchair and wheeling him into a private room, where Bilbo and Fili were waiting for them.

He gave an involuntary cry as he reached for Fili, who wasted no time in curling onto the bed next to him as gently as possible. Kili turned in his arms and buried his face into his neck, sighing as he relaxed for the first time since he had been grabbed.

“Just sleep, Kee,” Fili murmured. “I’ll be here. I love you.”

Kili wanted to say that he loved him too, but both his exhaustion and his soar throat kept him from responding. Instead, he just kissed the skin under his face before he faded back into sleep.

tbc…


	37. Chapter Thirty Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait and the short chapter. Real life has been kicking my ass lately, haha. Hope you enjoy!

Hands were wrapping tightly around his throat as he struggled to breathe. He didn’t know what was worse, the pressure around his neck from the hands or the fear that felt like it was squeezing his heart.

He was going to die, though he wasn’t sure if it would be from the fear or from being unable to breathe.

He tried to struggle, to fight against the hands, but he couldn’t move.

Blazing green eyes swam in front of his face, a triumphant smirk on their owner’s face as his vision began to go black…

Kili gasped awake, body instantly wracked with coughs as his bruised throat was irritated by the sudden intake of air.

A hand rubbed gentle circles on his back as he was pulled into a sitting position. “Shh, Kee,” Fili soothed, voice sounding as rough as Kili’s throat felt. “You’re okay. You’re safe.”

Kili shivered as the coughing died down, turning into the warmth of Fili and leaning against him. Fili lowered them both down to lie back down, pulling the blankets under Kili’s chin and tucking the brunet against him. 

Kili wrinkled his nose as he registered the cannula feeding him oxygen. That would take some getting used to.

He glanced around at the dark room from the safety of Fili’s arms, half afraid that he would find hateful green eyes staring out at him. He frowned in confusion when he didn’t see Bilbo and Thorin there though.

“Fee, w—”

“Shh, don’t talk,” the blond interrupted. Kili grimaced at the pain in his throat just at those two words and figured that was good advice.

His question was answered anyway as he caught movement from over Fili’s shoulder. He peered over Fili to see Thorin leaning slightly through the doorway, giving Kili a small smile when he noticed he was awake before turning and focusing back on what someone, no doubt a doctor, was telling him and Bilbo.

Safe in Fili’s arms with their parents nearby, Kili let himself drift off into mercifully dreamless sleep.

He woke up again sometime later to an odd snuffling sound. He blinked in sleepy confusion at the soft, barely morning light drifting in through the window. It took him a moment to realize what felt off.

Fili wasn’t next to him anymore.

It didn’t take him long to figure out where he was, though, as the blond was still on the bed, just further down near the foot. He was sitting on the edge of the bed, face buried in Thorin’s chest. Kili couldn’t see him very well, as his view was blocked by their dad, who was sitting on the bed next to him, nearer to Kili, with his arm wrapped around the blond’s shaking shoulders.

It took Kili a moment longer to register that the snuffling sound was coming from Fili.

With a start, he realized that Fili was _crying_.

“—could’ve _died_ ,” he was able to make out. “I should’ve _been_ there!”

“You can’t be with Kili all the time,” Bilbo reasoned gently. “But the important thing is that you got there in time. You and your friends _saved_ him.”

“I keep seeing it over and over,” Fili whispered. “Only when I get to him, he’s…” His voice caught and he wasn’t able to finish.

Kili frowned and pushed himself up on his elbows. “I’m okay, Fee,” he rasped despite the throbbing pain in his throat, his voice sounding faint and odd to his ears.

In any other situation, it might have been funny the way all three of their heads snapped in his direction. But Kili could never find Fili’s tear-streaked face funny. He reached a hand out weakly towards the blond. Bilbo quickly rose from the bed to allow Fili to climb back up to Kili’s side and curl around him as if to protect him from the world.

Kili wrapped his arms tightly around Fili’s waist to reassure him, hating the slight tremors running through the other.

Hatred towards Smaug flashed through him. If it weren’t for him, Fili wouldn’t be this distressed.

They lay there in silence, holding each other as the sun rose outside and streamed brighter through the window.

Their parents had settled on the sleep couch that had obviously been brought into the room. They must have assumed he and Fili had fallen back asleep because Bilbo sighed quietly and said in a low voice, “We’ll need to get them both into therapy.”

Thorin hummed in agreement but Kili scowled. He didn’t want therapy, mostly because he was afraid what a therapist would say about his relationship with Fili. He knew he was probably more attached to Fili than was really considered normal. What if a therapist said their relationship wasn’t good for them? What if their parents made them spend more time apart, or worse, break up?

He didn’t think he could handle that.

Hate for Smaug simmered within him once more. None of this would have happened if it weren’t for him. Why had the senior have to target Kili anyway? What had he ever done to him? What was it about Kili that made people like Smaug and Randy and his father want to hurt him?

Kili was afraid of the answer to that last question. What if there _was_ something about him that was wrong? _Normal_ people surely didn’t get targeted so much by bad people. What if something about _him_ made people want to hurt him?

He shuddered at that and tried to burrow closer to Fili.

“Kee?” the blond murmured, looking down at him in concern. “You’re safe, I promise.”

He was glad he had an excuse to not talk because he wasn’t sure if he could without breaking into tears. 

He jumped as a light tap came from his door. 

“Come in,” his dad called.

An older woman in scrubs opened the door and smiled at him. “Breakfast time,” she said cheerily. “Afraid it’s soft food only for you for a while. I’ve brought you some nice oatmeal and apple juice though.”

Fili sat up and fiddled with the bed controls to raise Kili up into a sitting position, settling back down beside him but leaving room for the lady to wheel the table with his food over his lap.

Kili gave her a polite smile and nod, but only stared at the food after she had left. He wasn’t all that hungry.

Fili sighed and nudged him with his elbow. “You need to eat. Come on, don’t prove Frodo right.”

Kili frowned. Their conversation with Frodo about eating felt like so long ago, though in his head, Kili knew it had just been yesterday afternoon. Knowing he would just worry everyone more if he didn’t eat, he reluctantly picked up the plastic spoon on the tray and dipped it into the oatmeal.

He grimaced both at the taste and the unpleasant slide down his aching throat.

“Here,” Fili said, reaching over and grabbing a small packet of brown sugar off the tray. He ripped it open and dumped the contents into the oatmeal. 

Kili stirred the sugar in and took another bite. It was better. Not great, but still better. He made himself eat the entire bowl, taking sips of his juice when the oatmeal began to feel too thick sliding down his throat.

He pushed the table away when he was finished, immediately curling against Fili. The food sat heavily in his stomach, but the look of relief on Fili’s face was worth it.

Fili brushed a kiss to his forehead. “Thank you,” he breathed.

Bilbo sat down on a chair on his other side, reaching out and taking Kili’s hand. “Are you in pain, Kili? I can get the nurse to come give you more pain medication.”

His immediate reaction was to shake his head no, but he knew that would be a lie. His throat felt like it was still being crushed, especially after swallowing his food. And his back and shoulders ached from where Smaug had pressed him against the floor.

Knowing that none of them would want him to be hurting unnecessarily, he nodded his head, earning a soft smile from his dad.

Bilbo pressed the call button for the nurse and a few minutes later a young man dressed in scrubs stepped into the room. “Can he get some pain medication?” his dad asked.

“Of course,” he replied with a smile towards Kili, stepping out and coming in a moment later with a syringe. He injected it into the IV that Kili hadn’t even realized was in his elbow.

It didn’t take long for the medicine to begin working and Kili sank bonelessly into Fili’s side. He felt his eyelids become heavy and he let himself drift off to sleep.

He slowly came back to awareness when he heard people talking.

“But _why_? Why would someone want to hurt Kili like this?” he heard Frodo ask in a small voice. 

“Because some people are assholes who don’t like to hear the word ‘no,’” Fili muttered contemptuously. 

Kili frowned. Normally, language like that in front of Frodo would have prompted scolding from their parents, but neither of them commented on it. 

“He’s gonna be okay, though, right?” Frodo whispered sadly.

“Kili’s going to be more than okay,” Bilbo replied firmly. “He’s strong. He won’t let something like this hold him back.”

Considering how weak he felt at that very moment, Kili most certainly didn’t think that he deserved to be called strong. He couldn’t help but think he was going to disappoint his parents. First Thorin and now Bilbo had said they thought he was strong. What would they say when they found out how wrong they were?

He blinked his eyes open with difficulty, unable to keep his lips from quirking up in an almost smile as Frodo’s face lit up when he saw he was awake.

“Kili! I was so worried about you!” he gushed, crawling into the very small space on his other side and wrapping his small arms around him. “I heard some kids at the high school say you that boy had choked you and you almost _died_ and I was scared you were and Pop and Dad said I had to go home with Mr. Nori and Mr. Bofur and… and…”

Kili put a finger on his brother’s lips and smiled at him, hugging him close to him and rubbing his shaking back.

“Kili’s okay, Frodo,” Fili soothed, obviously knowing that Kili wanted to say something himself but was unable to do so. “He won’t be able to talk for a while, but he’s going to bounce back just fine.”

Kili didn’t miss the look Thorin and Bilbo exchanged at those words and wondered if they knew something he didn’t. He nudged Fili lightly with his elbow and nodded towards their parents, hoping he conveyed enough meaning with his eyes to get Fili to question them more.

He must have because Fili frowned at them. “He is going to bounce back fine, right?”

Bilbo opened his mouth to answer but seemed unable to. He shook his head and pursed his lips, giving Thorin a pleading look.

Thorin sighed heavily. “The doctor thinks he’ll most likely make a full recovery. There might be some vocal damage though.”

“You mean his voice would sound different from now on?” Fili asked.

Terror welled within Kili at that. He never really thought about how his voice sounded, but he didn’t want it to change. Not because of this. How would he ever be able to talk without thinking of Smaug?

“We won’t know anything for certain for a few days,” Bilbo was quick to assure. “And it probably won’t be an issue. It’s just a… possibility. There might also always be some residual pain.”

“That’s why the doctor doesn’t want you to speak for at least a week to give everything a chance to heal up,” Thorin told Kili. “It’s better that you don’t try to speak and inadvertently strain your voice before you’re completely healed.”

Kili closed his eyes against the tears that welled in his eyes and nodded. It was just another reminder that things would never be the same. _He_ would never be the same.

Smaug may not have succeeded in killing him, but he had definitely broken him.

And Kili wasn’t sure how to put himself together.

tbc…

 


	38. Chapter Thirty Eight

Kili was taken to one final CT scan before lunch, and was discharged early that afternoon when the results came back clear.

Walking into the house with Fili’s hand firmly in his was a relief. This was familiar territory. He was safe here.

“Why don’t you boys go watch some TV while your Pop and I get started on dinner?” Bilbo suggested.

Kili knew exactly what that meant. Bilbo and Thorin wanted to discuss things without them overhearing. If the pain medication he had taken before leaving the hospital had made his limbs feel so heavy, he’d probably try to sneak and listen at the kitchen door. As it was, he let Fili lead him to the living room and get him settled on the couch.

He frowned as the blond made to step away, tugging on his arm insistently to get what he wanted across. Fili smiled at him fondly and let Kili pull him down on the couch as well before rearranging Kili and the pillows Frodo had helpfully brought in so that they were more comfortable.

In the end, Fili ended up sitting in the corner of the couch, pillows piled at the arm of the sofa and over his lap to keep Kili comfortable where he was all but cradled in the blond’s arms. Kili liked the position, though he was sure that even with the pillows, Fili’s legs would soon get uncomfortable with him draped over his lap. Still, it let Kili stretch out comfortably in Fili’s arms and still be able to easily see his face.

Which was a good thing, because Kili couldn’t help but give in to the urge to seek out Fili’s face every few minutes. Even the other’s arms around him weren’t enough to reassure him that Fili was _there_. He had to have the visual confirmation.

Fili must’ve understood, because the blond kept his eyes glued on Kili’s face as well. The intense scrutiny from anyone else would have made him uncomfortable. But this was Fili, so it just made him feel secure.

How would any therapist their parents wanted to send them to understand their relationship? Their situation was undoubtedly unique, but Kili didn’t think it was unhealthy. They loved and supported each other. Neither of them would ever try and make the other do anything he didn’t want to do.

Kili was _maybe_ willing to concede that maybe Fili was a little too quick at times to give things up for Kili, but that didn’t mean that Kili let him whenever he noticed! And Kili was just as willing to sacrifice for Fili! Wasn’t that what you were _supposed_ to do for the people you loved?

He felt fingers card through his hair and he looked up to see Fili’s blue eyes looking at him in concern. “You’re thinking awfully hard about something. What are you worrying about?”

Kili sighed. Even when he couldn’t say anything, Fili could still read him like a book. He picked up iPhone and opened a new note before typing:

_Pop and Dad want us to see a therapist._

“It’s probably a good idea,” Fili admitted after reading it.

Kili shook his head vigorously and typed more furiously:

_They won’t understand us._

Fili looked torn before a steel glint of decision settled in his eyes. “So they don’t understand us. I’m not going to let you go no matter what some therapist tells me. I love you, Kee. I can’t bear to lose you.” His voice cracked a bit at the end and he sounded very sincere.

But Kili didn’t believe him for a second and typed:

_Even if they told you our relationship was hurting me? Can you promise you won’t believe them?_

The blond bit his lip. Kili turned the phone back to him and added:

_It wouldn’t be true. COULDN’T be true. Losing you’d hurt more than anything else ever could._

Tears fell from his eyes even as he typed the words. Fili took the phone gently from his hands and put it aside, barely glancing at what he had written.

“Kili, I promise you. You won’t lose me. I won’t let anyone take me from you,” he vowed, pulling him closer and letting him bury his face in his neck.

He sniffled and pulled backed just a bit to glance towards the kitchen significantly.

“Not even Dad and Pop,” Fili added firmly. “Though they wouldn’t make us do something that’d make us both miserable.”

Kili wasn’t so sure about that. Though their parents probably understood their relationship better than most, Kili still wasn’t sure they understood completely sometimes. If they did, they surely wouldn’t force them to be separated every night, and Bilbo _definitely_ would never have suggested living apart for a year.

“They decided to make you both see Dr. Peredhel,” Frodo announced in a low voice as he plopped down on the recliner next to them. “They thought someone familiar with your relationship would be better.”

Kili was not a bit surprised that Frodo had spied on their parents’ conversation. He was a bit surprised, though, that he was divulging what he had heard.

Fili gave him a stern look. “You’re almost as nosy as Kili,” he admonished.

“Kili wanted to know!” Frodo protested in affront. “I saw the way he watched Dad and Pop leave!”

He felt a wave of affection for his little brother and shot him a grateful smile. Faced with that explanation, even Fili couldn’t pretend that he disapproved of Frodo’s spying. Instead, he gave Kili a mock glare.

“You’re a bad influence,” he teased. Kili just stuck out his tongue at him.

“What’s wrong with your relationship?” Frodo asked. “Why would anyone think it was bad for you when you’re both so good to each other?”

Fili sighed. “Lots of reasons, really,” he said. “Some people just won’t like that we’re both boys. Some people will think we should be more like brothers. And some people might think we… love each other too much.”

Kili felt a knot of tension within him release as he realized that Fili felt the same fears he did. Well, not _fears_ , really. He really didn’t _care_ if anyone didn’t like their relationship. He _did_ , though, care if a therapist told their parents they needed to be separated and their parents took it to heart.

“How can you love someone too much?” Frodo scoffed. “That’s stupid.”

He laughed at that, but that quickly turned into a cough as the sudden intake of air irritated his throat. Kili gasped for air, panicking when he couldn’t get any in.

“Shh, just breathe with me, okay?” Fili’s voice was saying as he was straightened and a hand began rubbing his back. “In… and out… In… and out…”

With an effort, he managed to match his breathing with Fili’s, coughing subsiding as he began to breathe normally again.

He looked up and met Fili’s gaze, intending to give him a reassuring smile that unfortunately came out as more of a grimace. He glanced around and saw that their parents had run in from the kitchen at the noise. Bilbo was crouching by the side of the couch, as Thorin hovered behind him, Frodo clinging to his legs and staring at Kili with terrified eyes.

He was pathetic. He couldn’t even _laugh_ without nearly having a panic attack.

He turned to burrow into Fili’s chest, hiding his face away from the eyes of his family. He didn’t know if he could take their worry right now. He was so tired of worrying everybody.

“It’s okay, Kee,” Fili tried to soothe.

But he was wrong. It wasn’t okay.

 

Bilbo made tomato soup for dinner, with chocolate pudding for dessert. It wasn’t the most exciting meal he had ever made, but the warm, thick soup felt nice on his throat and the cool pudding slid down easily.

He was given his pain medication and urged to go to bed after dinner. Kili nodded but glanced morosely at the stairs from his place on the couch before curling against Fili and giving him a pleading look.

The blond looked at their parents. “Can’t he sleep with me? Please?”

Kili watched as Bilbo and Thorin seemed to have a silent discussion. Their dad frowned as Thorin raised an eyebrow. Bilbo pursed his lips unhappily as their pop looked at him intently with one corner of his mouth twisted upward.

Bilbo finally sighed and gave Kili a sad smile. “I don’t want you to become dependent on Fili as a crutch.”

“When you’re hurt, sometimes you need a crutch to heal,” Fili pointed out defiantly.  

Kili couldn’t help but smile at that. Thorin barked out a laugh while their dad’s lips twitched up.

“He has a point,” their pop said.

“Fine, but don’t get used to it, okay? You’ll have to start sleeping on your own eventually,” Bilbo warned.

Kili’s smile widened a bit as Fili helped him off the couch and led him towards the basement stairs. He didn’t take Bilbo’s warning to heart. Even after over a year, he still hadn’t gotten used to sleeping alone. It’s not like spending a few nights in Fili’s arms was going to hurt his non-existence progress.

He squeezed Fili’s hands in thanks as they slowly navigated their way down the stairs. He sighed in contentment as he was eased down on the bed, Fili quick to follow him and wrap him up in his arms.

Kili looked up at him with heavy eyelids and very deliberately mouthed _I love you_.

Fili brought a hand up to cup his cheek and smiled softly. “I love you, too, Kee,” he murmured before giving him a gentle kiss. “You should get some rest. I’ll be here.”

He nodded and lay his head on Fili’s chest, feeling calmer as he listened to the blond’s breathing and let it lull him to sleep.

 

Sunday past quickly enough, Kili spending most of it in a medicated fog in Fili’s room, moving from the bed to the couch and eventually back to the bed as night fell once more. His friends had texted during the day, but he hadn’t really had the energy to text back more than a few words. Now, he was currently listening to Fili and Thorin’s hushed conversation as he pretended to be sleeping.

“There will probably be a lot of talk at school tomorrow,” Thorin was saying. “You can’t let it get to you. No matter what anyone says.”

“Right,” Fili answered in an uncertain voice as Kili quietly panicked.

Fili was going to school tomorrow? Fili was going to school tomorrow _without him_?!?

He supposed it made sense. Fili couldn’t just miss school for him. But Kili couldn’t just stay here _alone_!

He shook off his fatigue and snatched his phone off the nightstand and began typing frantically, Fili and Thorin both turning to look at him at the sudden movement.

He thrust the phone out towards Fili with determination.

_If you’re going back to school, I want to._

“Kili, no, you need to stay home and rest,” Fili answered while showing the phone to Thorin.

“Fili’s right,” Thorin stated. “You’ll go back when you get your voice back. For now, Fili can go and get your work.”

Kili scowled and held his hand out impatiently for the phone, which Fili handed back to him.

_No. If Fili goes, I go._

He held the phone out again, this time towards his pop. Thorin sighed as he read what he wrote.

“Kili, you should really wait for things to die down before going back,” he reasoned. “And your medication will make you sleepy. It’s better if you stay home.”

Kili took the phone back and re-typed his last words.

_If Fili goes, I go._

He would _not_ be left at home while Fili went to school. He _couldn’t_. He wouldn’t feel safe with Fili. He wouldn’t _be_ safe without Fili. What if he had a full-blown panic attack while he was gone? What if he couldn’t figure out how to breathe on his own?

Thorin sighed again as he read the words. “How about this? Fili can stay home with you for a couple days, and if you can stay awake without being in pain the day before, you can go back with him.”

Kili beamed in triumphant and lay back down, suddenly exhausted again. He heard Thorin wish them both good night before Fili slid under the covers and pressed close to his back.

“I’m glad you convinced Pop to let him stay with you,” the blond whispered. “I would’ve gone crazy worrying about you if I had gone to school.”

The brunet turned to face Fili and buried his face in the crook of his neck, a position that never failed to bring him comfort.

“Goodnight, Kee. I love you.”

Kili smiled against Fili’s skin as his eyes slid close, safe in the knowledge that the two of them would still be able to hide in their sanctuary tomorrow and the next day.

After that, Kili wasn’t really sure what was going to happen.

tbc…

 


	39. Chapter Thirty Nine

Wednesday came way too soon in Kili’s opinion. He had spent Monday and Tuesday with Fili under Bilbo’s watchful eyes. Unfortunately, he hadn’t been able to make it through all of Tuesday with taking a pain pill for his throbbing throat. And since the medication never failed to make it him tired, he had fallen asleep shortly afterwards.

Which meant Fili was going to school alone this morning.

No matter how much Kili pouted, though, he couldn’t get his parents to cave.

And that left him sitting with his back against the wall on Fili’s bed with his knees pulled under his chin as he watched Fili get ready for school.

“Don’t look at me like that,” Fili sighed. “It’s not my fault. I’ve got to go to school today. I don’t want to leave you either, you know.”

Kili gave him a look that he hoped expressed his apology. Not being able to talk was really getting annoying. He hadn’t let himself think about the possibility that his voice would never be the same.

He wasn’t even sure if he’d still _have_ a voice. Sure, he had muttered a few words when he had first woken up, but he had heard Thorin and Bilbo’s whispers with the doctor before he had been discharged. He knew that the swelling in his throat might have further damaged things, and his coughing fits probably hadn’t helped…

There was a chance, at least a small one, that he’d never speak again.

That thought _terrified_ him.

“Hey?” Fili said softly, as the bed dipped next to him and the blond reached a hand up to tilt Kili’s chin up. “It’s going to be okay.”

Kili shook his head as traitorous tears filled his eyes. He didn’t want to make Fili bad about going to school by crying out it. It wasn’t really the whole reason why he was crying. _Everything_ was wrong. How could it ever be okay again?

He jerked his chin away from Fili and pressed his face into his knees as the tears began to flow against his will. His shoulders shook with his sobs under the arms that Fili immediately wrapped around him.

He couldn’t take comfort in Fili’s touch, though. Fili was going to _leave_. They were about to be separated. True, only for a few hours, but anything could happen in a few hours!

They had been outside of each other’s sight for a few _minutes_ when Smaug had shown up after the musical.

Terror seized his heart and his chest went tight. He gasped in air, but it didn’t help. It felt as if something was squeezing his lungs. He couldn’t breathe.

Oh, God, he couldn’t _breathe_!

“No, Kee, you’ve got to breathe!” he heard Fili’s voice say with a note of anxiety before he was frantically calling out, “Dad! Pop!”

Fili kept up a litany of encouragement, begging Kili to draw in breaths with him, but no matter how much Kili tried, he couldn’t seem to take in more than a few gulps of air at a time.

He was going to die, he realized with a flash of panic.

Strong hands gently pried his hands away from where they were gripping his upper arms in too tight a grip, and pulled him so that he was cradled against a broad and firm chest.

_Pop_ , his mind supplied.

“Shh,” Thorin’s deep voice soothed. “You’re safe. You’re okay. Just breathe with me, okay? Deep, slow breaths. Relax.”

Safe. Was he really safe? Thorin was there. Of course he was safe. Thorin was strong. He’d protect them all. There was nothing to fear as long as Pop was there. 

And Fili. Fili’d never let anything happen to him either. Of course, Fili’d get himself hurt to keep Kili safe. Kili didn’t want that. That couldn’t happen. Not again.

“Hey, no, even breaths,” Thorin admonished gently as Kili’s breaths threatened to speed up once more. “With me. Let’s count them. One…” he said as he inhaled. “And out…” he said on the exhale. “Two… and out… Three… and out…”

The counting gave Kili something to focus on. His eyes slipped closed to stop the world from spinning, and he was on breath thirty seven before he felt safe enough to open them again. Fili was kneeling on the bed beside him and Thorin, anxiety and fear written all over his face. Bilbo was wearing a pinched expression behind him. Frodo, thankfully, hadn’t come down. Kili didn’t want to see his little brother’s terrified face again.

“That’s good, Kili, just keep breathing,” Thorin told him, rubbing his back gently as he eased out from behind him and swung his legs over the side of the bed. Kili hadn’t even realized his pop had climbed on the bed with him until then.

“Can I please stay with him again today?” he heard Fili ask Bilbo in a low voice. “I can’t leave him like this.”

Their dad sighed heavily. “I’m sorry, Fili, but you’ve got to go to school.”

“One more day won’t make me fall behind!” he hissed back.

“This is about more than you falling behind in school,” Bilbo explained gently. “This is what’s best for both of you.”

Kili shot him a glare. Why did his dad always try to separate him and Fili? Didn’t he realize he _needed_ Fili? Now more than ever! How could Bilbo be so heartless as to keep them apart _now_?

He still felt shaky, but all the panic and fear left him. All he felt was _mad_.

He couldn’t help but hate his dad just a little bit as Fili brushed a kiss against his forehead and left for school with Thorin.

It wasn’t _fair_.

Bilbo gave him a mournful look before disappearing up the stairs. Kili scowled and flopped back on the bed, wincing a bit. His body felt sore and his muscles were aching. He ignored his pain, though, and focused on his anger. He wasn’t surprised at all that his dad had fled upstairs without another word. Surely he knew how mean and unreasonable he was being. He _should_ be unwilling to face Kili.

Of course, his anger left him as fear began to creep in once more as he realized that, for the first time since he’d been attacked, he was _alone_.

Before he could panic again, though, Bilbo came back downstairs carrying a tray. The knot of anxiety that had been tightening in his chest loosened immediately, and he melted into the mattress in relief.

“Scrambled eggs and chocolate milk,” Bilbo announced as he set the trap down over Kili’s lap. “I even smothered your eggs in ketchup just like you like them. And your pain medication because I know you’re hurting after your episode.”

Kili wrinkled his nose at the word _episode_. It made what happened sound so… wrong.

“I know you’re upset that I wouldn’t let Fili stay with you today,” his dad went on in a sad voice. “You probably think I’m some sort of monster to send him away when you’ve been hurt so badly.” 

The genuine sorrow in his voice made Kili feel bad for thinking just that. He scooped some eggs into his mouth, the food sliding more easily down his throat than it had yesterday but still not comfortable.

“We’ve been worried about the two of you for a while, now,” Bilbo admitted. “We just know that you both need to be your own person outside of being Fili-and-Kili. These are the years you’re supposed to be finding out who you are. To do that, you’ve got look beyond you think Fili wants you to be. And Fili has to look beyond what he thinks you need from him.”

Kili wanted to argue, wanted to say they _had_ their own interests and they _were_ looking beyond each other, but he was forced to sit in silence and eat his breakfast. The problem with silence, though, was that it gave him too much opportunity to think. And the more he thought about it, the more he thought that Bilbo might be _right_.

He scowled again and pushed the thought away. It didn’t matter, he thought as he finished off his eggs and took a gulp of his milk. If being his own person meant giving up Fili, he’d just rather not be his own person.

He wasn’t giving up Fili for _anything_.

Kili took his pain pill and washed it down with the last of his milk.

“Do you want to sleep some more down here or would you like me to help you to the couch in the living room?” Bilbo asked him.

For a split second he considered curling up in Fili’s bed and taking comfort from the pillow that smelled like the blond before he realized that would leave him alone. His dad, he knew, was likely to be in and out of the living room, not leaving him alone for more than a few minutes at a time.

Deciding that that was much more preferable, he followed Bilbo up the stairs, grabbing a few pillows from Fili’s bed. He threw the pillows on the couch and sighed as he sank down onto it, curling into the back cushions and falling asleep almost instantly.

He woke up a few hours later, turning and squinting to see the time on the cable box. 1:13.

He frowned as he sat up, looking around to see if his dad was around. He could just make him out through the kitchen archway, sitting at the table and reading a book. 

Kili considered Bilbo for a few moments. He was still angry at him. He thought if anyone would understand, it would be his dad. He knew how much Fili meant to him. How much he had _always_ meant to him. He _needed_ Fili. He wasn’t _him_ without Fili.

Bilbo glanced up at that moment and smiled when he saw Kili was sitting up. He set his book on the table and came into the living room.

“Hungry?”

Kili nodded even though he didn’t feel like eating. He might not care at that moment if he worried Bilbo by not eating, but he knew Fili would be upset him he came home and Kili hadn’t eaten since breakfast.

Bilbo switched the television over to Netflix and let Kili watch whatever he wanted for the rest of the afternoon. Kili decided to binge on _The Office_. It was a safe choice. Funny enough that the episodes were still funny after watching them hundreds of times, but not so funny as to make him laugh out loud and start coughing. He chose a season at random, and was a third of the way through the fourth season when Fili burst into the house.

Kili’s face lit up as the blond made a beeline for him and scooted over on the couch so that Fili could sit next to him. He sighed as he melted into Fili’s embrace. Even though he had only been awake for a few of the hours Fili was gone, he had still missed him fiercely.

Unable to contain his curious, though, he grabbed his phone and started typing.

_Are people talking about what happened?_

Fili hesitated for a moment before answering, “No one said anything around me, but I know most everyone was whispering about it behind my back. And I think our friends have been fielding questions and squashing rumors.”

Kili paled. _Rumors?_

“Don’t worry about them,” Fili told him, wrapping him tightly in his arms. “They don’t matter. Besides, no one is saying anything bad about you, I promise. Most of the rumors are about what’s going to happen to Smaug or how bad you’re hurt.”

Kili still didn’t like the idea of being talked about at school, but at least no one was blaming him for the whole thing or saying he provoked Smaug or anything. That was a relief at least.

“I think you’ll probably have some visitors in the upcoming days,” Fili continued matter-of-factly. “Tauriel especially seemed unwilling to wait until Monday to see that you’re okay. Don’t worry,” he assured. “I told them to come two or three at a time. I don’t think they’d all fit in the house at the same time.”

Kili rolled his eyes at Fili’s explanation, knowing that they both knew _exactly_ why Fili didn’t want them all crowding around him. He didn’t have to worry about that, though. Kili wasn’t going to have a panic attack because _too_ many people were around. Being alone is what usually triggered his fear.

Frodo came home at that moment, letting the door slam shut behind him and earning him a scolding from Bilbo.

Kili smiled up at Fili as Bilbo left the living room to talk to Frodo. Well, _yell_ at Frodo, really. He picked up his phone again and typed:

_I missed you._

“I missed you too,” he whispered, bringing their lips together in a tender kiss. Kili shivered at the touch, heart aching at the love in Fili’s eyes as he pulled away.

How on earth could this be _bad_ for them?

tbc… 

 


	40. Chapter Forty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So overblown that this story has reached 1000 kudos! Thank you all for the wonderful response!

Kili woke up Saturday with dread pooling in his stomach. He wondered if he could get away with turning over and going back to sleep. He didn’t know if he could face today.

Today was the day he was allowed to try talking again.

He took deep, even breaths like he had taken to doing whenever he felt fear and panic creeping up on him. He wasn’t really sure it helped all the much. He hadn’t had a full-blown panic attack since Wednesday. He had felt the beginnings of one last night, but Fili had managed to calm him down before it got too far.

“Good morning,” Fili murmured, dropping a kiss to the top of his head.

Kili turned his head and buried his face in Fili’s chest. What if he opened his mouth and nothing came out?

“It’s okay, Kee,” the blond told him. “You don’t have to try to talk until you’re ready.”

He melted into Fili’s arms in relief, grateful that Thorin had managed to talk Bilbo into letting him sleep with Fili for a few more nights. He was sure that, if he was in his room alone, he probably would have already worked himself into an attack.

He hated how weak he had become, how he couldn’t even be in a room for five minutes by himself without feeling an edge of fear creeping in, how he was constantly afraid of being unable to _breathe_ and knowing that his fear only further fueled his panic.

He was just tired of being scared all the time.

Kili lifted his head slightly and looked up to find Fili’s eyes shining down at him, full of love and encouragement. He opened his mouth but closed it without attempting to speak. How disappointed would Fili be if he _couldn’t_ talk? Or if his voice was changed?

How would it be anything but a constant reminder of Smaug?

He let his head drop again, unable to hold Fili’s gaze.

It’s not like he _needed_ a reminder, though, he thought bitterly. Every time he closed his eyes, he felt hands pressing on his throat. Every time he was alone, he jumped at every shadow thinking he was about to be attacked. He couldn’t forget Smaug if he _tried_.

So he might as well get it over with. What safer place to try, after all, than in Fili’s arms?

Kili cleared his throat before taking a deep breath. “I love you,” he forced out, the words feeling weird in his throat after not speaking for a week. His voice sounded a bit scratchy from disuse, but it still sounded like _him_.

He burst into relieved tears, feeling a weight lift off of him. Fili’s hands came up to frame his face, thumbs wiping his tears away gently. Kili looked up and was surprised to see tears spilling out of the blond’s own eyes.

“Oh, Kee,” he chuckled thickly. “I love you too.” He hauled Kili up and closer, burying his nose in Kili’s hair. “I missed hearing your voice,” he muttered, kissing him right behind his ear and causing Kili to shiver.

Kili turned his head and caught Fili’s lips in a searing kiss, gripping Fili’s shirt desperately as the blond groaned into his mouth and pulled him tight against him. Fili rolled them over so that Kili was on his back and broke the kiss, hovering over him and just stared down at him for a moment, an intense look in his blue eyes.

“Fee…” he said, just because he could. The blond smiled down at him before capturing his lips once more. Kili threaded his fingers through Fili’s golden hair, arching into the body above him and moaning.

“We need to stop,” Fili mumbled as he broke away from Kili’s lips only to brush a trail of kisses up his jaw to focus on the brunet’s ear. “Pop and Dad will be coming to check on us if we’re not up soon.”

Kili felt a flash of irritation towards their parents. Why were they so against Fili and Kili being together? What did it matter what they together? They both wanted it. It’s not like either of them was making the other do anything they didn’t want to.

They were in love. Of _course_ they were going to want to be as close as possible and want to make the other feel good.

“Hey,” Fili said, cupping his cheek and brushing a thumb under Kili’s eye. “I’m here. I’m not going anywhere. We’ve got the rest of our lives. And in a few years, we won’t have to answer anyone. We can just be us.”

Kili smiled at that, though he felt a pang of guilt for wanting to be away from his parents and Frodo. Bilbo and Thorin were the best parents ever. And he loved Frodo to pieces.

But if it came to choosing between them and Fili, he’d choose Fili every time.

With that in mind, they reluctantly rolled out of bed and headed upstairs, where the rest of their family were already eating breakfast.

“Good morning,” Kili chirped mischievously, relishing in how all three heads snapped to look at him. Frodo grinned wildly at him and cheered, while Bilbo and Thorin just looked immensely relieved.

He grinned at them. In that moment, with his voice back, Fili close at his side, and his parents and brother giving him bright smiles, he actually felt like thing _were_ going to be okay.

That lasted only as long as he sat down with Fili at the table and caught his dad frowning at them, no doubt unhappy with how close he was sitting to the blond. Kili scowled down at his pancakes and purposefully scooted his chair even closer to Fili.

Wanting to escape Bilbo’s looks, which weren’t quite judgment but were definitely close, Kili dragged Fili back down to the basement and spent most of Saturday curled up with the blond on the sofa. Thorin brought them some sandwiches down for lunch, so they didn’t have to go back upstairs until Bilbo called them for dinner.

Bilbo cleared his throat after they had started eating. “Kili,” he said, giving him a hesitant smile. “You’re going to have your first session with Dr. Peredhel tomorrow afternoon at three.”

Kili’s fork clattered to his plate. “On a _Sunday_?” he asked, stomach feeling heavy with dread.

“He felt it would be best for you to come in before you go back to school, and since you couldn’t speak until today, he thought tomorrow would be best,” Bilbo explained. “Your normal sessions will be on Mondays and Fridays after school. Fili will be meeting with him every Tuesday.”

He frowned. “Why does Fili get to only go one day a week?” he asked petulantly. He knew why, of course. 

It was because Fili wasn’t fucked up like him.

“Dr. Peredhel suggested just once a week since he wasn’t the one attacked,” Bilbo replied mildly. “We might have to reassess later though.”

“I don’t want to go,” he said pleadingly, turning to look at Thorin imploringly. “Please don’t make me.”

His pop sighed heavily. “You need this to get better, Kili. To get over what happened.”

Tears welled in his eyes and he bit his lip as he gazed unseeingly at his lap. Going to therapy would mean talking about what happened. That was bad enough. But he _knew_ going would also mean dissecting his relationship with Fili. And if his own father wasn’t even supportive of it, why would some psychiatrist?

He just nodded and stayed silent for the rest of the meal, practically _feeling_ the concerned glances of his parents and Fili.

“Nothing he says will change what we have,” Fili assured him later that night as he lingered in Kili’s room. Bilbo had put his foot down and said that they had to start sleeping in their own beds again. Neither of them were particularly happy about it.

Kili really wasn’t sure Fili was right. If Dr. Peredhel managed to convince Fili that their relationship was hurting him, he was sure Fili wouldn’t ignore that. Hell, if the doctor told him that their relationship was hurting _Fili_ , he wouldn’t be able to ignore it either. Not if what he said made sense.

“I don’t want to lose you,” he mumbled, tracing the thread pattern on his comforter.

“You won’t,” Fili vowed, grabbing his shoulders firmly. “We’ll come out of this whole thing better and stronger than ever. We just can’t give up, okay?”

He couldn’t help but give a small smile at that. “Okay.”

It became a lot less okay after Fili had kissed him goodnight and left him alone. He kept his eyes shut as he waited for sleep to come. The longer it eluded him, the more he could feel the tendrils of panic seeping in.

He concentrated on his breathing, keeping them as steady as possible and counting each inhale. He was up to two hundred eighty two before he started to feel sleep creep in. He finally manage to slip into oblivion around three hundred twenty seven.

 

 

Kili sank back into the couch cushions as Dr. Peredhel gazed at him from an armchair across from him. It wasn’t the set up he had been expecting. For some reason, he envisioned one of those couches like they show on tv and the movies, the leather kind that you lay on and faced away from the psychiatrist. Not the overstuffed, creamy white sofa he was sitting on now.

“What would you like to talk about, Kili?” 

“I thought we were supposed about what happened with Smaug?” he asked in confusion.

“We’re supposed to talk about whatever you feel like talking about,” Dr. Peredhel replied with a smile. “What do you feel like talking about?”

“I don’t know,” he said, shrugging. “What do people usually talk about?”

“Whatever they want. This is a safe zone. There’ll be no judgment here. I won’t tell anyone anything that is said in here. Although, I do have to report if you are a danger to yourself or others,” he warned. “But I don’t think I’ll have to worry about that with you.”

Kili shook his head before sighing. “I don’t know where to start.”

“Well, how about you help me get to know you better,” Elrond suggested. “What are your plans for after high school?”

“Well, I was going to go to college for forensics, but I don’t know about that anymore,” he admitted.

“Why?”

“I get scared a lot,” Kili said sheepishly. “Even before this happened, I did. I don’t know how I’d handle the more gruesome pictures I’d have to see. Pop said he’d help me get a summer internship to see.”

“So you haven’t given up on the field yet?”

“No, not yet.”

“What made you interested in forensics?”

Kili was happy with the turn of this conversation. He could handle this topic. “I job-shadowed the forensic scientist Pop works with a few years ago for school. At first, I had wanted to job-shadow Pop, but Dad and Fili didn’t think it was a great idea. But the forensics lab was so cool!”

“Your pop is a detective, right? So you at one point thought about following in his footsteps?” the doctor asked.

“Well, yeah,” he said. “But what kid doesn’t want to be a policeman or a firefighter growing up? I always thought Pop’s job was cool. You know, protecting people, fighting back against criminals, that kind of thing.”

“You liked the idea of being able to protect others from people who wanted to who to hurt them?”

Kili nodded. “Exactly! But I could never do something like that.”

“Why not?”

“Because it’s too dangerous!” he protested. “Fili would always be so worried about me.”

Dr. Peredhel paused for a moment before asking, “But you would prefer being a detective to a forensic scientist?”

Kili frowned. He had never thought about that before. Detective had been taken off the table pretty much as soon as his interest in it had been sparked. He had never stopped to consider which one he’d rather be.

“I don’t know,” he admitted.

“Perhaps it’s something to give more consideration to,” Dr. Peredhel commented, making some sort of note in his notebook. “Are you worried about tomorrow?” he asked, switching gears.

“Maybe a little, but not much,” he replied with a shrug, realizing it was true.

“Why not?”

“Fili and all my friends will be there,” Kili said. “And I won’t be alone or anything. I’m not so scared when I’m not alone.”

“Are you worried about having a panic attack at school?”

Kili bit his lip and nodded. “Kinda… I concentrate on keeping my breathing right whenever I feel like one might come on, though. I don’t know how much it helps, but I haven’t had one since Wednesday.”

“That’s very good, Kili. I want you to keep doing that. Do you think you’ll be able to make it through the week without having an attack if you keep doing that?”

“I hope so.”

“Good,” Elrond stated with a nod. “I’d rather not medicate you if you think you can keep them on your own. But if you do have an episode this week, I would like to discuss placing you on a mild anti-anxiety medication.”

Kili really didn’t like the sound of that but nodded anyway.

Their session went on much like that, not touching on anything really heavy and his relationship with Fili didn’t come up once.

He left the session feeling like maybe the whole therapy thing wouldn’t be as bad as he thought it would be.

Maybe things really would be okay.

tbc…

 


	41. Chapter Forty One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter, but hope you enjoy!

Kili paused and took a deep breath before they rounded the final street corner on the way to school. He could do this. It would be okay. Fili would be with him. And so would all his friends. And it was just school…

Fili squeezed his hand reassuringly and waited patiently at his side, not pressuring him to keep walking.

Thorin had offered to drop them off, but Kili knew he needed to get back into normal routine. Or at least as normal a routine as possible when it now included therapy every Monday and Wednesday.

He resolutely took a step forward and rounded the corner, something easing within him as he saw all their friends loitering in front of the school gates waiting for him. 

Kili hadn’t seen any of them since the attack. It hadn’t been easy putting them off visiting over the weekend, Tauriel had been particularly insistent, but Kili hadn’t wanted to risk seeing them Saturday without knowing if his voice was going to be okay, and Sunday he had his session.

He hadn’t realized how much he had missed them all.

“Kili!” multiple voice called out happily as they approached.

A warmth filled him as they surrounded him and walked him to homeroom, shielding him from the curious glances that he could still see the other students sending his way. He was grateful for that, really, he was, but it wasn’t necessary. It had been a long time since he had cared about what other kids had thought about him.

Still, it was nice to know that his friends cared enough to try.

“You know, I’m supposed to be getting back in a normal routine,” he commented with a wry smile. “All of you falling me around isn’t really that normal.”

“Maybe we all just missed you,” Eowyn said breezily, causing her brother to snort.

“And maybe we’ve heard enough idiots talking that we figured we’d keep them from bothering you,” Eomer said more honestly. “Ow!” he cried as both Eowyn and Faramir elbowed him in the ribs.

Kili laughed though. “Don’t hit him for being honest! I don’t need to be treated like I’m made of glass.”

Despite his previous musings about not caring about the other students, he was extremely grateful that they were keeping some of the ones giving him sharp, angry looks away. Most of those were seniors on the track team, he noticed. They probably weren’t happy that he had taken away their star.

He made it to homeroom without any mishaps. He and Tauriel went in after he had told them all that he didn’t want to see any of them waiting for him once homeroom was over, giving Fili a particularly stern look.

Normal, that was what he was wanting. _Normal_.

It was starting to become a bit of a mantra for him, to be honest.

It was with a sigh of relief that he walked out of homeroom and realized that they had all respected his wishes. Tauriel, of course, insisted on walking him to Geometry though.

“Are you seeing someone?” she asked as they began walking. He shot her a confused look, wondering how she could have forgotten about him and Fili. “I mean a therapist someone,” she elaborated with a roll of her eyes.

“Oh,” he said before nodding.

“Good,” she declared with an approving nod. “I think it’ll be good for you.”

Kili furrowed his brow. “What do you mean?”

She shrugged. “It’s been helping me come to terms with the whole Thranduil being my dad thing. And lord knows you’ve had more shit thrown at you in life than I have. It’ll be good for you to talk to someone neutral about everything.”

He hadn’t known Tauriel was seeing a therapist, but he ignored that to focus on what she had said instead. “Some neutral party,” he snorted derisively. “He doesn’t approve of Fili and me.”

“Did he say that?” she asked with a raised brow.

“He didn’t have to,” Kili replied in a huff. “Dad talked to him about seeing me and I _know_ Dad doesn’t approve.”

She shot him a scandalized look. “That can’t be true!”

“It’s true,” he said with a sigh, thinking about how Bilbo frowned every time he saw him and Fili sitting too close together.

“I think you’re misinterpreting things,” she stated with a frown. “Maybe you should talk to him?”

He rolled his eyes at that. “What’s there to talk about? I’m not going to break up with Fili, and that’s obvious what he wants.”

“Kili, your dad _loves_ you,” she insisted. “Like _really_ loves you. He and your pop are probably the perfect parents. There’s no way he would want you to do something that makes you unhappy.”

“He would if he thinks it’ll be _good_ for me,” he spat bitterly before sighing. “I’m afraid he’ll convince Fili that breaking up would be the best for me.”

“You don’t have to worry about that,” Tauriel replied with snort. “If he ever had that dumb of an idea, all it would take would be one look at your heartbroken face, and he’d come running back.” That oddly made Kili feel worse. He didn’t want Fili to be with him out of _guilt_. “Have you asked Fili what he thinks of your dad’s attitude?” 

Kili shook his head. The truth was, he was too afraid to. However, they reached his Geometry classroom before he was forced to admit that.

Ori and Gimli, thankfully, kept any and all conversation safely away from anything heavy, choosing instead to focus on potentially seeing the new Pixar movie next weekend, which eventually developed into a heated discussion over what the best Pixar movie ever was.

“If you think _Finding Nemo_ is better than _Up_ , I can’t even talk to you,” Ori said with finality, causing Gimli to sputter in indignation.

“ _Finding Ne_ … Kili, talk sense into this crazy lunatic!” he cried, throwing his hands up in the air. “Honestly!”

Kili gave them both a sly smile. “I always liked _The Incredibles_ ,” he replied, both to hear both of them groan in frustration and because it was the truth. Something about a crime-fighting family of superheroes had always appealed to him. Plus, he still remembered that first movie night that he, Fili, Thorin, and Bilbo had together all those years ago.

Things had been simpler back then, he mused with a frown. Then again, their parents had been worried about the two of them even then, he realized with a start as he walked into English Lit.

He and Fili had been wrapped around each other sleeping. Well, Fili had been sleeping and Kili had been dozing. He distinctly remembered the word codependent being used. At the time, he hadn’t realized what it had meant. Now he understood it a little better.

But if they had been so worried about it _then_ , why hadn’t they said something before now? Why wait until now, when Kili needed Fili the most?

By the end of the period, Kili had worked himself into a state of fury. The more he thought about it, the more he thought his parents (both of them, even though Thorin wasn’t being as obvious as Bilbo) had just been setting him and Fili up to have their hearts broken. Oh, they probably had some noble purpose. Surely it would be _good_ for them to experience their first heartbreak in a controlled environment.

How _could_ they?

He stuffed his books in his bag and stomped angrily out of his classroom and froze as he realized no one was there to walk to the cafeteria.

Kili tried desperately to stomp down the panic that flashed through him at the realization. Of course, Fili wasn’t there. Kili had told him _not_ to be there. God, he was an idiot.

He bit his lip hard as he quickly back into a quiet corner away from the crowds of students pushing through the hallway.

He took a deep breath through his nose as he continued to chew his bottom lip. He wasn’t alone. There were plenty of other people around. He was fine. There was nothing wrong. There was no reason to panic.

Things were getting fuzzy around the edges despite his best efforts in calming down.

No, no, no. He couldn’t have an episode here. Not only would it be embarrassing as hell to break down in the school hallway, but Dr. Peredhel would put him on medication for sure. He didn’t _need_ medicine. He wasn’t _sick_.

His hands balled into tight fists and pressed his back tightly against the wall, screwing his eyes shut as he concentrated on breathing through the anxiety pressing heavily on his chest. Slow, deep, and even. He could breathe. Nothing was choking him.

He felt a little lightheaded as he opened his eyes again as he got his breathing under control. His muscles felt sore as he pushed away from the wall, but he had done it. He had fought back the panic. In school, and without Fili or his parents around.

Kili walked to the cafeteria with a little spring in his step, feeling confident in himself for the first time since the musical.

It wasn’t much, he knew, but he felt like he had beat something by fighting off the panic attack. Something of his satisfaction must have shown on his face because Fili, Legolas, and Faramir looked at him curiously as he sat down.

Fili raised an eyebrow questioningly and Kili beamed at him.

“I fought off a panic attack,” he answered the unspoken inquiry with pride. “By myself and in the middle of the hallway.”

“I knew I should’ve met you to walk you here,” Fili said in consternation.

Kili rolled his eyes. “You’re not listening. _I beat it_!”

“Of course you did, and that’s great!” the blond assured him. “I just wish I had been there for you so that you didn’t have to go through it alone.”

Kili frowned at that. Sure, he probably wouldn’t have almost had an episode if Fili had been there, but he wouldn’t have been able to know that he _could_ handle it alone his own. Sure, he had been able to fight them off in the safety of his bed or when Bilbo was within his line of sight, but this was _different_. Fighting off an attack in the middle of the hallway made him feel _strong_.

“I’m glad you weren’t there,” he said slowly after a moment. “I mean, I always want you around,” he added quickly at Fili’s stricken expression. “But beating it by myself made me feel like I maybe could be okay, you know?”

Fili’s face settled into a soft smile.

“Of course you’re going to be okay, Kili,” Faramir told him, making him remember that he and Legolas were still there. He gave them a shy smile. He hadn’t meant to say so much in front of them.

Legolas was looking between him and Fili with a furrowed brow before giving Kili a small smile as he realized he was being watched. “I think it’s wonderful you were able to fight back the attack on your own.”

Something in his eyes, though, told Kili that he was thinking a lot more than just that. He didn’t press him, though. Legolas was never quick to share all his thoughts with anyone, especially when he hadn’t fully formed them completely. The blond was the type to really think things through before sharing his thoughts.

“I’m proud of you, Kili,” Fili murmured with love shining in his blue eyes.

The words made warmth swell within Kili’s chest, but as great as Fili’s pride felt, the pride he felt for himself felt even _better_. 

It was odd for something he was feeling to trump an emotion Fili directed at him. Maybe it was because he finally felt like he was proving that Fili and Thorin and even Bilbo could be _right_ when they told him he was strong enough to get past what had happened.

That had to be it, he thought with satisfaction. It was the only explanation that made sense.

tbc…

 


	42. Chapter Forty Two

“Are you nervous about your session tomorrow?” Kili asked Fili after they had scurried down to the basement after dinner.

“Not really,” he answered with a shrug before throwing an arm around Kili and pulling him closer on the couch as the beginning of _Elf_ began to play on the television. They had both seen it so many times that they didn’t feel the need to pay attention. “We’re just going to talk about what happened and figure out how I can stop having nightmares about it. Nothing to be nervous about.”

Kili sat up straight and looked at him with a stricken look. “You have _nightmares_?”

Fili reached out and gripped his hand tightly. “You nearly _died_ , Kee. I can’t…” He broke off and swallowed thickly before giving him a wry smile. “I don’t know how I’d gone on if I lost you. I’m not sure if I could,” he finished sadly.

He gave a soft anguish cry as he surged forward to wrap himself around the blond. “Don’t say things like that,” he muttered forcefully. “You’d be fine without me. Yeah, you’d miss me and be sad, but you’d be okay. You’re strong.”

“Not that strong,” he said with a shake of his head. “Not strong enough to survive losing you.”

That made Kili’s heart _ache_. “You’re not going to lose me,” he assured, holding onto him tighter. “I’m not going anywhere.”

Fili gave him a soft smile. “Good.”

They settled back onto the couch, Kili curled into Fili’s lap and resting his head against the blond’s broad chest. They watched as Buddy made his way to New York to find his father. He had just been kicked out of his dad’s office when Kili spoke up again.

“You’re going to end up talking about our relationship,” he told him.

“Is that what you talked about with him?” Fili asked curiously.

He shook his head. “No. We didn’t even talk about Smaug. We just talked about me. Dr. Peredhel said he wanted to get to know me.”

“Then what makes you think we’ll talk about you and me?”

Kili pursed his lips and twisted his head to give Fili an incredulous look. “Because Dad talked to him. He must’ve told him I was too stubborn so he’d have to work on you.”

Fili rolled his eyes. “Why would Dad do that? Dad is happy we’re together!”

“Really? When has he ever said that?” he asked pointedly, shooting Fili a triumphant look when the blond puckered his brow in consternation. “See! He’s never said anything that said he was happy about us. He never wanted us together! Remember how he kept trying to make us spend time apart before we got together? And look at all he’s done to try and keep us apart now! He made you move down here to the basement, he tried to stop me from graduating early, and he sent you back to school before me when he _knew_ how much I needed you!”

He was breathing heavily by the end of his rant, righteous anger building in him as he spoke. “And you _know_ Pop agrees with him. At least, Dad’s convinced Pop that he’s right. Pop’s just playing nicer so that they can manipulate us more.”

Fili gave him a pained look. “You know that’s not true, Kee,” he said in a pleading tone. “They love us. They want us to be happy.”

“As long as we don’t do anything they don’t like,” he spat bitterly.

“That’s not true,” Fili insisted, though his voice betrayed his doubt. “And I’m not any less stubborn about our relationship than you are, by the way. I love you and nothing’s going to make me give us up.”

“Until Dr. Peredhel convinces you that our relationship is bad for me or some shit and that it’ll hold me back in life or whatever pack of lies he tries to feed you,” Kili grumbled.

The blond shot him an angry glare. “That’s not fair,” he accused. “And you can’t tell me if someone convinced you that our relationship was bad for _me_ that you wouldn’t rethink things.”

“That’s different,” he said dismissively.

“How?”

“You’re more important than me,” Kili replied without thinking. He quickly averted his eyes and bit his lip as he realized what he had admitted.

“Kili, _no one_ is more important than you,” Fili whispered, shifting the brunet in his lap so that he had to look at him. Kili’s heart clinched at the anguish in those blue eyes. “No one.”

He shook his head. “I’m not so special. I can barely function when you or one of our friends aren’t around. Fili, I couldn’t even _talk_ to anyone on my archery team when Tauriel and I were fighting. Something is _wrong_ with me. Why else would people keep trying to hurt me? And that doesn’t make me important, and it definitely doesn’t make me more important than _you_.”

“Kili, _nothing_ is wrong with you,” Fili stated firmly, an intense fire in his blue eyes. “You’ve had the bad luck to be born with a shitty father but you didn’t let that dim your spirit. And because you shine so bright, you attracted the attention of a really shitty person. But that does _not_ mean that something is wrong with you!”

Kili rolled his eyes. “You have to say that. You’re my boyfriend.” 

Saying the word sent an unexpected thrill through him. It was odd. Even though they had been together for a couple of months, they had never really called one another “boyfriend” before. They had never even thought to label what they were. He pushed the thought away. Their relationship wasn’t really normal. It was probably to be expected that they wouldn’t go through the same steps as others did.

“Do you think I’d be your boyfriend if there was something wrong with you?” Fili asked.

Kili narrowed his eyes at that. “Don’t do that. I know what you’re doing and it’s not going to work,” he warned. Fili did that all the time, turning bad things he said about himself onto Fili. It usually worked, but Kili didn’t like it. It was Fili trying to force him into thinking they were equal when Fili would _always_ be better than him.

“Sorry,” he murmured sheepishly. He pulled Kili tighter to his chest and hooked his chin over the brunet’s head. “I just don’t like you thinking there’s something wrong with you when you’re perfect the way you are.”

“I’m not the perfect one here,” Kili muttered.

“I’m far from perfect, Kee,” Fili told him, frown obvious in his voice. “Don’t think I am. I’ll just disappoint you in the end.”

He scoffed. “You’d never disappoint me.”

“I never _want_ to,” the blond argued. “But if you put me on a pedestal, I’m going to.”

Kili pulled away and glared at him. “And what do you do to me?” he asked hotly. “You says I’m so perfect and smart and strong and sometimes I’m _not_! Is it going to disappoint you when I don’t live up to what you think I am?”

It was a fear that always niggled in the back of Kili’s mind, not just with Fili, but with all his family and friends. Would they all leave you when they saw how weak and pathetic he really was?

Fili pursed his lips. “You don’t see yourself clearly.”

“I’m beginning to think _you_ don’t see me very clearly either,” Kili accused, standing up and glaring down at Fili with his hands on his hips.

“Kili, do we have to fight about this?” Fili pleaded, reaching out to take Kili’s hand but he snatched it away.

“We’re not fighting!” he cried before he cringed. They were totally fighting. Well, if they were going to fight, he might as well do it right. With that in mind, he turned on his heel and marched upstairs.

“Kili!” he heard Fili cry out in distress, but he ignored it. Fili didn’t need him.

He marched past their parents and Frodo in the living room as he made his way to the stairs, ignoring Bilbo’s questioning eyes and Thorin’s concerned frown.

He made it all the way to his room and shut the door before he collapsed in on himself with a sob.

What was wrong with him? Why’d he have to go picking a fight with Fili like that? The blond hadn’t done anything to deserve that. All he had had done was tell Kili how much he loved him and how special he was to him. And what had Kili done? He had yelled at him and walked away.

He wouldn’t even _need_ Dr. Peredhel to convince him to break up with Kili, he thought bitterly. Why on earth would Fili want to stay with such a basket case? It wasn’t like Fili needed him. He was so much stronger than Kili. He could move on and live his life.

Without Kili there to hold him back.

Kili sobbed harder as he realized he had done exactly what he had told Fili _not_ to do. This was because Fili was having nightmares about him. As soon as Fili had told him that he couldn’t go on without him, Kili had pushed him away. Why had he done something so stupid? What was the point? To prove Fili wrong? To show him that he was stronger than Kili?

Well, good job, he thought morosely. Fili probably wanted nothing more to do with him. Kili couldn’t blame him either.

He knew that he should get into bed, but he honestly didn’t have the strength to get off the floor even as his tears ran dry.

What was he supposed to do now?

A light tapping at his door startled him out of his thoughts. For one bright, shining moment, he thought Fili had followed him upstairs before he heard his dad’s voice.

“Kili? Can I come in?”

Kili huffed out a sad breath. Of course Fili didn’t come after him. After Kili had pushed him away, he really didn’t blame him.

Knowing Bilbo wasn’t likely to go away until he let him in, he shifted slightly so that he was curled up against the wall instead of the door and called out a weak, “Yeah.”

“Oh, Kili,” his dad murmured sadly as he caught sight of him on the floor. He quietly shut the door before sinking down next to him, wrapping his arms around the teenager.

Though Kili had grown taller than his dad in recent years, the sense of security that settled around him as Bilbo held him caused him to sag against him, tears once more streaming down his face and his shoulders shook with silent sobs.

He really didn’t care in that moment that he had been furious with Bilbo not an hour beforehand. All that he cared about was being held in the safety of his father’s arms as he cried.

“I ruined it,” he muttered between his tears, voice sounding hollow to his ears. “I ruin everything.”

“Hey, no,” Bilbo soothed, rubbing small circles in his back. “You haven’t ruined anything. There’s nothing here that can’t be fixed.”

Kili shook his head. “F-Fili won’t want me anymore. I l-love him so much, Dad,” he hiccuped. “I c-can’t lose him… I’m s-sorry you don’t like it b-but…” He couldn’t finish as a fresh wave of tears hit him and his body shook hard. How could he be this pathetic?

Bilbo held him tight for a few more moments before pulling back slightly to give him a stern look. “First of all, Fili is always going to want you. I don’t know how you’ve missed it, but that boy loves you as much as you love him. And it scares me a little how intense that love is, but I’m very happy you two have each other,” Bilbo told him. “I’d never ask you to give that up.”

Kili was taken aback by that, not understanding. “But you’ve been frowning at us whenever we’re together,” he said in weak confusion.

Bilbo gave him a sad smile. “Because I worry. It’s not easy raising two teenagers who are hell-bent on giving everything up for each other,” he commented wryly. “And I understand the instinct, Kili, I do. But you don’t have to give anything up for Fili, and he doesn’t have to give anything up for you. It sometimes feels like the line between the two of you is blurring and that _scares_ me, not because I don’t want you happy, but because I _do_.”

Kili tried to process that, but his mind was too foggy. “I don’t understand,” he said, blinking away the moisture in his eyes with sore and tired eyes.

His dad sighed. “I’m sorry. I’ve been trying to establish boundaries between the two of you that we really should have worked on years ago. I feel like I’ve been a terrible father to you.”

That caused his head to jerk up. “You’re everything I could have wanted in a dad!” he protested. “That’s why it got to me so much when you didn’t want me and Fili together…”

If he were honest with himself, he had never really been angry with his parents. He had been _hurt_.

“I _do_ want you and Fili to be together,” Bilbo insisted. “I’m not sure how this family would function if the two of you _weren’t_ together. Even before you both realized you were in love with each other, you’ve always been together. You were the ones who made us a family in the first place.”

Kili snorted. “Guess I ruined the whole family, then,” he said in self-deprecation.

“You haven’t ruined anything,” Bilbo told him. “The only reason Fili isn’t up here now trying to apologize for what he thinks he did is because Thorin and I thought it’d be better to talk to the two of you separately first.”

“Oh,” he said, glad that Fili didn’t seem to hate him. “But Fili didn’t do anything wrong!” he cried as he processed what else Bilbo had said. “I’m the one who pushed him away!”

“Why?”

Kili looked down, unable to meet Bilbo’s patient eyes. “I just… I don’t know…” He took a deep breath to calm his fraying emotions. “He said he didn’t think he’d have been able to go on if Smaug had killed me. It just… I couldn’t… I don’t know. I was stupid.”

His dad sighed heavily and pulled Kili close again. “I know you don’t want to hear this, but this is why the both of you need to work things out in therapy. You’ve both got to learn to not depend on each other so much. Not because you won’t always have each other,” Bilbo was quick to cut off Kili’s argument before he even opened his mouth. “But because the two of you can be even stronger as a couple.”

That didn’t really sound so bad.

He yawned as he leaned against his dad, the quiet that stretched between them sinking into him and making him feel drained.

“I think it’s time for bed,” Bilbo prompted gently, standing up and helping Kili stumble to the bed.

He frowned up at his dad as he sat down on the bed. “Can I see Fili first?” he begged, needing to apologize.

Bilbo gave him a smile. “I’ll send him up, but I expect both of you to sleep in your own beds tonight.”

Kili made a face. Knowing and understanding why Bilbo was doing what he was doing was one thing. It didn’t mean he had to like it.

It was like taking medicine, he decided as he sank down on his bed to wait for Fili. It might be good for them, but it wasn’t a pleasant experience.

“Kili!” Fili cried as he rushed in and curled around him on the bed. “I’m so sorry!”

Kili swatted his arm gently even as he tucked himself against Fili’s side. “You didn’t do anything. I was just being stupid.”

Fili shook his head. “No, you were right. Neither of us should think the other is more important than thy are. We have to be equals in this relationship.”

“I see you had a productive talk with Pop,” Kili murmured with a smile. 

“Sometimes old people say smart stuff,” the blond replied with a roll of his eyes.

“Mmm,” Kili hummed sleepily in agreement as his eyes slipped shut.

Fili chuckled. “You’re falling asleep. I’ll let you rest. Love you,” he said, brushing a gentle kiss against Kili’s lips.

“Don’t go,” Kili mewled but Fili pulled away anyway. He pouted up at the blond. “I hate taking medicine.”

Fili gave him a confused look. “Did you take something?”

“No,” he slurred, eyes sliding shut again. “Love you.”

Fili chuckled again and kissed him on the forehead. “Night, Kee. Love you, too.”

tbc…

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter took some turns I didn't expect. Hope you enjoyed it anyway!


	43. Chapter Forty Three

Kili stuck close to Fili the next morning, grateful their dad had already left for the bakery by the time they woke up for breakfast, sure he would have been disappointed that Kili wasn’t putting any distance between them like he said he would.

It wasn’t that he didn’t understand what Bilbo had said last night, but Kili didn’t really know how to establish boundaries with Fili. He hadn’t begged (much) for Fili to sleep with him last night. That was a step in the right direction, right?

Besides, they had fought last night and it had made Kili feel absolutely wretched. He was sure Fili was going to decide he wasn’t worth the effort anymore and break up with him. He needed the added assurance that Fili still wanted him.

He kept his hand firmly in the blond’s until they parted ways in front of Kili’s homeroom. He reluctantly let Fili pull away him him with a brush of his lips on Kili’s temple.

It was going to be a long morning.

Thankfully, Tauriel was more than willing to amuse him by texting him during homeroom and walked with him to Geometry chatting about archery practice that afternoon and how excited the team would be to have him back for the tournament the next weekend. Kili had completely forgotten about the tournament. He hoped his week of no practice wouldn’t hurt him too much.

If Tauriel texted him any in Geometry, Kili didn’t know it. He hadn’t dared risk looking at his phone sitting so close to the front. And since Ori and Gimli both seemed quite involved in following the teacher’s lesson on arc lengths, the minutes ticked by slowly.

English Lit was a bit better, as his teacher was letting them watch _Romeo and Juliet_ so at least he didn’t miss anything by not being able to focus on anything.

He was still wrestling with how he was supposed to establish unwanted boundaries with Fili when his musings were interrupted by a quiet _psst_.

He frowned and looked over at the girl in the row next to him but one seat up. Very few people ever talked to him at school outside of his friends and the archery team. She looked familiar, but Kili couldn’t remember her name for the life of him.

He didn’t particularly like the look she was giving him. There was curiosity in her gaze, but also a hint of reproach that made him feel self-conscious. Still, it was rude not to answer.

“Yes?” he whispered.

“Is it true that you’re having sex with your own brother?” she asked quietly.

The question stunned Kili. He noticed that the rest of his classmates in hearing distance were listening for his answer. He scowled at him. What made them think it was their business what he and Fili did together?

“He’s my _step_ brother,” he hissed back. “And if we have sex, that’s nobody’s business but ours.”

She sneered at him. “That’s disgusting.” He rolled his eyes and tried to focus on the movie. “Drake would’ve been doing the world a favor by getting rid of someone as sick as you,” she continued.

Kili’s breath caught in his throat and he stared at her in horror, but she had already turned away from him to talk to her friend on her other side. His stunned horror faded as he narrowed his eyes in determination and stared back at the television at the front of the room.

He may not always understand people, but at times like this, he was happy about that. He didn’t want to understand how someone could casually tell a person they didn’t even know that they were so wrong for loving someone that they deserved death.

He felt the eyes of his classmates on him for the rest of the class, judging him, condemning him. How many of them wanted to hurt him?

Despite his resolve to ignore them and not let them get to him, a cold sweat broke out on the back of his neck and he had to fight to keep his breathing calm. He dug his fingers into his thighs, knuckles white as his nails bit into his skin through his jeans.

It was fine. _He_ was fine. No one was going to attack him. They were all stupid, but that didn’t mean they wanted to hurt him. There was no reason to get all panicky.

He felt as tightly strung as his bowstring. He kept his eyes glued on the movie as he counted his breaths to himself. He resisted the urge to glance around him nervously. He knew it wouldn’t help and would just make more paranoid.

He was on breath three hundred forty two when the bell rang, causing the air to catch in his throat and his heart to stutter in fear. What did he do now that he had to leave the classroom? 

He couldn’t rush out before everyone else. What if he was attacked from behind?

But he couldn’t wait for them all to leave. That gave anyone time to set up an ambush for him in the hallway.

And he definitely couldn’t leave _with_ everyone else because then he would be surrounded.

What was he supposed to do? He tried to take a deep breath and think but he _couldn’t_. Shit. This couldn’t be happening. Not in the middle of the classroom.

The idea of his classmates seeing his panic attack made the anxiety pressing on his lungs feel like an impossibly heavy boulder. He was aware that he was shaking but he couldn’t stop.

Black spots danced in front of his eyes. No, he thought in terror. He couldn’t lose consciousness. What if someone tried to hurt him while he was helpless?

It was no use. The more he fought it, the more he panicked, and the more he panicked, the worse the attack became.

He was in a downward spiral and he didn’t know how to stop it.

“Kili?” he heard the voice of his teacher ask, his voice sounding odd and faint.

The black spots in his eyes grew larger and merged together before he could even try to answer him. He felt a swooping falling sensation before he lost all awareness of what was happening.

 

He woke up to Fili and Bilbo whispering above him as fingers absently ran through his hair. He kept his eyes closed as he tried to figure out what had happened, hoping his dad and Fili’s words would give him some clue.

“I’m not going to make you stay at school, Fili,” Bilbo said with a sigh. “But I do want you to go to your session with Dr. Peredhel still.”

“I can’t just abandon him after he’s had such a bad attack that he fainted!” he argued in a whisper.

“It’d only be for an hour,” their dad replied in exasperation. “And Dr. Peredhel might think it’s best for Kili to come in and see him today as well.”

Kili grimaced at that and blinked his eyes open, squinting up at the two of them as Fili’s hand still in his hair. “Do I have to?” he asked with a pout.

Bilbo gave him a sad smile. “We’ll see what Dr. Peredhel says, okay? But you had a really bad attack today so we’re going to do whatever he feels is best.”

Looking up into Bilbo and Fili’s worried eyes, Kili had no choice but to nod miserably.

Now that Kili had gained consciousness, Fili helped him up as Bilbo went to sign both of them out at the front office. Kili still felt a little dizzy and shaky so walking to the doors took a little longer than normal and Bilbo had already brought the car around for them both by the time they were outside.

Fili slid into the backseat with him, and he gratefully leaned into the blond’s side. He noticed Bilbo kept glancing back at them, but not because of their closeness. There was nothing but concern in their dad’s eyes every time he looked back.

He must have really scared Bilbo for him to overlook his clinginess with Fili.

“What happened, Kee?” Fili asked once they were curled up together on Fili’s bed.

Kili felt safe in the basement with Fili. There were no windows for anyone to be peeking through, waiting for the perfect moment to attack. There were no dark corners anyone could be hiding in. There were no hiding places at all, really, unless you counted the bathroom, but that door was always firmly shut.

“I was scared,” he whispered into Fili’s shirt.

“What made you scared?”

He shrugged the shoulder that wasn’t wedged between the bed and Fili’s side. “One of the girls in my class said I deserved to be hurt by Smaug,” he admitted. Fili inhaled sharply. “I started wondering if any of the other kids wanted to hurt me too and I just… panicked.”

“What stupid idiot said you _deserved_ …” Fili shook his head as he trailed off. “It doesn’t matter. You _know_ you don’t—”

“I know,” he assured him. “I know that I didn’t deserve to be attacked by Smaug. Especially not because I—”

He cut himself off, not wanting to admit to Fili exactly what the girl had said. He didn’t want Fili to try and blame himself for what happened. None of his was his fault.

“What?” Fili asked, pulling back slightly to meet his eyes. “Please, tell me.”

Kili sighed. He really couldn’t resist Fili when he said please. Besides, he probably deserved to know.

“She said that I was sick for being with you,” he muttered finally, not looking at the blond. “Said Smaug would’ve been doing the world a favor.”

“Bitch,” Fili growled, tightening his arms around him. “Who was that said that?”

Kili rolled his eyes. “I don’t know. Some stupid girl in my Lit class. I don’t even know why it got to me so much,” he murmured. “I just couldn’t stop thinking about how some of them might want to see me hurt. Might even want to hurt me themselves. And when the bell rang and I had to leave the safety of the classroom… I got so scared,” he confessed as his voice broke.

“Oh, Kee,” Fili said, pulling the brunet’s trembling form close as Kili let the tears run unchecked down his cheeks. “You’re safe. I promise.”

“Dr. Peredhel is gonna medicate me for s-sure,” he sobbed, shuddering at the thought.

“That might not be a bad thing,” the blond soothed, carding his fingers through his hair. “Medicine is supposed to help you get better. You won’t be on it forever.”

Kili shook his head. “Crazy pills,” he spat bitterly. “He’s going to put me on crazy pills because I’m crazy.”

Fili jerked back suddenly and gave him a stern frown. “You are _not_ crazy,” he said firmly. “And they won’t be crazy pills. Your brain is trying to get better but keeps overreacting because it thinks you’re in danger. It just needs some help to keep calm so it can adjust to you not being in danger.”

“What if they change me?” he asked in a whispered, voicing his secretest fear. He had googled some things about psychiatry after he learned he’d be seeing Dr. Peredhel, and had read some stories about psychiatric drugs that terrified him. Stories of people shutting down emotionally while on them, or becoming violent or super depressed. What if he wasn’t _him_ anymore?

“Then we’ll just get the doctor to change it,” Fili said firmly. “None of us are gonna let you be hurt by something that’s supposed to help you, Kee.”

He thought that over for a minute before shaking his head again. “I’m still scared,” he whispered faintly.

“I wish you’d at least try,” Fili said with a pleading look. “You scared _me_ today, Kee. When I found out that you had collapsed…”

Fili trailed off as a tear leaked out of his eye, startling Kili as he reached up and brushed it away.

“I’m sorry,” he told him earnestly. “I didn’t realize I was scaring you so badly. I can be brave. For you.”

The blond shook his head. “You gotta do it for you, Kili. You’ve gotta get better for your own sake, not mine.”

Kili frowned at that. He didn’t know how to respond. At a loss for words, he tucked his head under Fili’s chin and let the silence stretch out between them.

They lay there together, both soaking in the other’s presence, both unsure what to say, until Bilbo called to them that it was time to go.

tbc…

 


	44. Chapter Forty Four

“Do you want to talk about what happened?” Dr. Peredhel asked.

Kili shrugged. He had already talked about it with Fili. Why did he have to talk about it again? Silence settled around him as Elrond waited for him to say something, but Kili kept quiet.

“Kili, I’m here to help you, but I can’t do that unless you talk to me,” he prompted.

“I just got scared,” he replied, feeling pathetic. How stupid was it to get so scared over _nothing_ that he couldn’t even _breathe_? “Some kids were being mean and I was scared they would try to hurt me. I know I overreacted. I didn’t mean to.”

“It’s perfectly natural,” Dr. Peredhel was quick to assure him. “Kili, I don’t want to officially diagnose you with anything so soon, but what you’re going is similar to post-traumatic stress disorder.”

“PTSD?” he interrupted with a furrowed brow. “That’s what soldiers coming back from war have. I can’t have that.”

“And I’m not saying that you do,” Elrond said. “But you have been through a very traumatic experience, and it has had a significant impact on the way your brain processes the world around you. Where something before would have made you a little anxious, your brain takes that and transforms it to paralyzing terror. Your brain is playing tricks on you.”

Kili frowned. “How do I stop it?” How did someone stop their brain from thinking?

“We can work on techniques together. But for now, I’m going to put you on a very low dose of Valium to try and keep your attacks at bay.”

“Is that the only way?” he asked, unable to keep his unease out of his voice. He had heard of Valium before, but it had always sounded like something serious that people with very serious issues took. 

“I think it’s the best option for now,” Dr. Peredhel told him with an understanding smile. “But talking about what happens is also helpful.”

He sighed. “Some girl said Smaug would’ve been doing everyone a favor by killing me. My mind ran away from me and I started wondering how many other people in the class wanted to hurt me,” he confessed. “I panicked.”

“Kili, I won’t tell you that there aren’t people out there who will want to hurt you,” Elrond said sadly. “As much as I wish there weren’t bad people there, we both know that there are. Your fear is completely understandable. We’re just going to have to work together to get you to a place where that fear won’t trigger your brain to go into overdrive.”

“Until then, I have to take the pills, don’t I?” he asked in defeat.

“Only for a little while,” he assured. “You’re strong, Kili. I don’t think it’ll take you very long to adjust.”

“Everyone seems to think I’m so strong,” Kili complained with a scowl. “I don’t feel strong.”

“I know you don’t,” the doctor told him. “Sometimes it’s hard to feel strong when we’ve gone through so much. But you’ll get there. Now, how about I write you that prescription and then I’ll get to Fili for his session. We’ll talk more tomorrow, okay?”

Kili nodded and took the slip of paper from Elrond when he finished writing, leaving the office to go back to the waiting room where Bilbo and Fili were sitting. Dr. Peredhel followed him.

“Fili?” Elrond said, giving the blond a small smile. “Why don’t you come on back? Bilbo, there’s a pharmacy on the second floor that you can get Kili’s prescription filled at while you’re waiting.”

Kili pursed his lips, feeling like the doctor said it just to make sure Kili didn’t hide the prescription from his dad. He wouldn’t do that. He wanted to get better.

“I was going to give you the prescription,” he muttered as they walked to the elevator. “Dr. Peredhel didn’t have to call me out like that.”

Bilbo hummed thoughtfully. “I don’t think that was what he was doing,” he told him kindly. “I think he just wanted to give us something to do while we waited for Fili. His session is supposed to last an hour, after all. No use in us just sitting around waiting when we could be doing something.”

Kili guessed that was fair. His first session with Elrond hadn’t seemed to last that long, but it was probably different when you were on the outside waiting.

“Why did you think he was… how’d you put it, ‘calling you out’?” his dad asked as they stepped into the elevator.

He rolled his eyes fondly at Bilbo’s awkward use of the phrase and shrugged. “I don’t know,” he said as he punched the button for floor two. 

Bilbo sighed. “Kili, I know that recently you’ve stopped trusting the adults in your life. And I think that’s my fault, and you have no idea how sorry I am for that,” he said earnestly. “But you’ve got to know that all of us are on your side.”

Kili frowned. He hadn’t realized that he had stopped trusting all the adults he knew, but as Bilbo said it, it had become obvious that he was right. When had that happened? Why had that happened?

He thought back. He trusted them before Smaug attacked him. What had happened to make him stop? Was it because he had been afraid that they were trying to separate him and Fili? But his dad had explained that to him and he understood. Forgave him, even.

So why did he still not trust him or Dr. Peredhel or even Pop?

“I know you’re on my side,” he told Bilbo as they stepped off the elevator. “I’m just afraid you’re going to decide what being on my side means without even talking to me about it first.”

His dad nodded with a considering look on his face before he stopped them before they reached the pharmacy. “How about this?” he said serious, putting a hand on Kili’s shoulder. It was the first time Kili noticed that he had grown nearly as tall as his dad. “I promise that your Pop and I won’t make any decision that directly impacts you without discussing it with you first _if_ you promise to not shut us out. If something is bothering you, you have to tell us so that we can help you.”

Kili considered that for a moment. “That sounds fair,” he said slowly. “But you have to promise to not try and get Fili and me to break up.”

Bilbo smiled. “I can promise you that. I told you that I am happy the two of you have each other. I wouldn’t take that from you for the world.” 

That mollified Kili as they continued to the pharmacy. He watched as Bilbo handed over the prescription to the pharmacist and was told that it would be a few minutes. He stepped to the side to examine the magazines near the counter, not really finding any of them interesting but not having anything else to do.

His dad cleared his throat as he wandered along the magazine rack with him. “So, in the spirit of discussing things that affect you,” he began, making Kili instantly nervous. “Do you want to look into changing schools?”

The question surprised him. “Why would I want to change schools?” he asked in confusion. 

“Well, Fili told me that someone in your class was being mean to you and that’s what triggered your attack,” Bilbo explained. “He didn’t give me any details, so he didn’t betray your confidence,” he was quick to add. 

Kili wouldn’t have cared if he did. He trusted Fili enough to know that he wouldn’t repeat anything Kili told him unless it was necessary.

He honestly had never considered switching schools as an option. Not with Fili and all his friends going to Bayside High. He shook his head. “I don’t want to change schools.”

“No one would blame you if you did,” Bilbo told him gently.

“But I don’t,” Kili insisted firmly. “A new school would just make things worse,” he explained with a shrug. “I’d feel even more on edge if none of my friends were at school with me.”

“Fair enough,” he conceded. “But you’ll let us know if you have any problems? Pop and I are more than happy to go to your principal and raise a little hell if your classmates are bullying you.”

Kili snorted at the mental picture of Bilbo berating Principal Thompson while Thorin loomed over them both in silence. 

“Only if you let me watch,” he agreed with a smile, making his dad laugh. Then the pharmacist was calling him over to collect Kili’s medicine, and Kili was left to his own thoughts for a moment.

He was happy that he had cleared things up with Bilbo. They had always had a good relationship. It had hurt when he thought the older man had turned against him because of his relationship with Fili.

Bilbo came back with a small white pharmacy bag, which Kili eyed with apprehension. 

“Dad?” he said hesitantly, resolutely not looking at the bag of medicine as they began to walk back towards the elevator. “You know how you wanted Fili and me to…,” he paused for a moment as he tried to remember how Bilbo had put it, “establish boundaries?”

His dad gave him a tight smile. “Yes?”

“How do we do that?” Kili asked, frustration coloring his voice.

Bilbo blinked in surprise. “You’re not going to fight me about it?”

He shrugged as he punched the button for the elevator. “You said it’d make us a better couple in the long run,” he said before twisting his mouth ruefully. “Besides, I’ve been thinking about it and you might be right…”

“Really?” his dad asked as he trailed off, giving Kili a bemused look. “You’ve spent an entire week thinking I was a terrible person for wanting some distance between you and Fili and now you think I might be right?”

Kili rolled his eyes. Why did parents have to question everything?

“Yes, you might have had a point,” he admitted petulantly before sighing. “Do you know that we never called each other ‘boyfriend’ until last night? I never even _thought_ it until we were fighting,” Kili told him, troubled by that more than he cared to admit. “We’ve been dating for over two months!”

He was glad there was no one else in the elevator when it opened and they stepped inside.

“Have you?” Bilbo asked with a frown. “I mean, have the two of you actually gone on any date?”

“Of cour—” Kili cut himself off. Had they? They had gone on things that Kili thought _felt_ like dates before they actually confessed their feelings to each other, but had they gone on any dates after that? Surely they had?

So why didn’t he remember any?

His dad gave him an understanding smile as they reached their floor and stepped out of the elevator. “You two have skipped a few steps,” he said with a fond shake of his head. “You two act more like a married couple than a couple of teenagers in their first relationship.”

Kili blushed, definitely not going to admit that he and Fili had already talked about getting married. Not anytime soon, of course, but the idea had already been put out there.

“So how are a couple of teenagers in a relationship supposed to act?” he asked, ignoring the “first” that Bilbo had used to qualify “relationship.” If Kili had it his way, this would be the only relationship he ever had.

Which is why he wanted to make sure that it was as strong as it could be.

Bilbo pursed his lips thoughtfully before he huffed a laugh. “You know I have no idea,” he confessed. “To be completely honest, I never dated in high school. Barely dated in college. You’re really not asking the right person for advice.”

Kili rolled his eyes again and shook his head. “That’s not really helpful.”

“You have friends in relationships, don’t you?” his dad asked. Kili nodded, thinking of Eomer and Faramir. “Just do what they do, then.”

Kili scrunched up his nose in distaste. Considering Eomer’s penchant for impulsiveness and Faramir’s endless patience and forgiveness, he wasn’t really sure their relationships were anything alike.

“I don’t know how that will work…”

“Well, I’m not saying you do exactly what they do, Kili,” Bilbo told him in exasperation as they reached Dr. Peredhel’s waiting room. “Just use them as a model. Get a gage on how often they go out, how many nights they spend apart, that kind of thing.”

Kili sighed. “I guess that seems fair. But how are me and Fili supposed to spend nights apart when we live together?”

“I don’t know, Kili,” his dad answered with a sigh. “Maybe just spend time in your rooms if you aren’t at one of your other friend’s houses? I know this is an unusual situation, and I’m not saying that this is a perfect solution, but it’s something we can try.”

Kili spent the rest of the time that they waited for FIli pouting, knowing that Bilbo was probably right but not liking it one bit. He thought they were over the days where he and Fili were supposed to spend time apart “for their own good.”

“Also,” Bilbo added after a while in a hesitant tone, “it might not be such a bad idea for you to graduate a year behind Fili. I won’t make you,” he was quick to say, much to Kili’s relief. “I’ll support whatever decision you make there, but I want you to _really_ think about it, okay?”

Kili nodded miserably, perking up only slightly when Fili walked out of Elrond’s office. 

The blond frowned as he caught sight of Kili’s sad face. “What’s wrong?”

He shook his head. “I’ll tell you later,” he promised before nodding towards Dr. Peredhel’s office. “How’d it go?”

Fili shrugged. “Not bad. It kinda felt good to air some things out, you know? How about you? Are you feeling better?”

Kili nodded as they followed Bilbo into the elevator. He slid his hand into Fili’s and squeezed tightly. “I’ll be alright,” he reassured him.

Fili gave him a smile and squeezed his hand back.

He smiled back, though the little white bag that Bilbo was carrying still bothered him.

He didn’t want some stupid pills to change him. He knew Fili said that they wouldn’t let anything that was supposed to make him better hurt him, but Elrond told him that it was for the best if he took the pills. What if it was still what was best for him even if they changed him?

What if they changed him into someone Fili couldn’t love?

tbc…


	45. Chapter Forty Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this took forever. Sorry! Hope it was worth the wait!

Kili went through Wednesday in a fog, feeling sluggish, like he was wading through the day. Thankfully, Bilbo let him stay home from school that day. He wasn’t sure if he could focus enough on anything to actually learn anything anyway.

He was so out of it that morning that he watched Fili walk out the door without an ounce of anxiety. Then he proceeded to stare at the door for a good ten minutes before his pop gently shook him out of his daze to eat breakfast.

He spent most of his morning dozing on the couch, watching crappy daytime tv without having the energy or motivation find anything else on.

Elrond told him it was normal when Bilbo took him in for his session. His body just had to get used to his medicine. Things might be a bit fuzzy for a day or two, but it would even out.

They didn’t talk about anything really important in that session. They didn’t touch on Smaug or school or Fili or anything Kili thought Elrond wouldn’t want him to talk about. Instead, they talked about Kili’s first family.

“You call your biological parents your first family?” Elrond asked with a slightly amused look on his face.

Kili shrugged a bit lazily, still feeling almost as if he were moving through water. “I was probably about nine when I first called them that,” he said, words slurring together a bit. “Guess I didn’t know the word biological then,” he added with a chuckle.

“Most kids that age just call their biological parents their ‘real’ parents,” the doctor commented.

Kili rolled his eyes, too drowsy to care about being rude. “Bilbo’s my real dad,” he insisted. He thought about it a second and tacked on, “So is Pop,” for good measure.

He decided right then that he could have two real fathers. There wasn’t any rule against it.

“I think they would appreciate that,” Dr. Peredhel replied with a smile. “I know they think of you as their real son.” Kili smiled at that, even though it was something he already knew. “But what happened to your first parents?”

“My first dad didn’t like me,” he said with another sluggish shrug. “Thought everything I did was wrong. Hit me all the time.” Kili frowned as he realized something that he had really always known but had never wanted to think about. “I’m pretty sure he was going to kill me.”

He knew that he should feel something at the realization. And he knew that the emotions were there, underneath all the fog in his head, but they felt remote. Removed. Distant.

“Your first father tried to kill you?” Elrond prompted, giving Kili an encouraging nod. “How did you survive?”

“My mother stopped him,” he said softly with a slight frown. “She… died saving me. He killed her.”

Even the fog of in his mind couldn’t keep the sadness completely at bay. It was weird. He hadn’t really ever felt sad over his mother’s death. He had never thought about his mom’s death as an isolated event. It was always attached to his first father’s attack and the fear that that invoked. He had pushed it all away as much as he could, not examining the emotions he felt about those events.

Now that his fear and anxiety were covered in a thick layer of lethargy, his sorrow at his mother’s death was able to leak through. He wasn’t sure how to process it.

Thankfully, Elrond didn’t press him any further about his first parents. Instead, he moved on and asked him about foster care. Kili was more than happy to recount how he met Fili and Bilbo and Thorin and how they had all become a family, even if his retelling was a little less enthusiastic than it normally would have been.

“Are you sure this will go away?” he asked at the end of the session, feeling completely drained. “I feel… empty.”

Dr. Peredhel frowned before sighing. “I’m not going to lie and tell you that you’ll feel normal soon. The truth is that some people acclimate to the medicine quickly and some people never do.”

Kili blinked at that, eyes feeling oddly tight. “I could be like this the whole time?” he asked. The idea bothered him, but he couldn’t be upset about it, which only bothered him _more_.

“If it stays this bad, we’ll discuss other options,” Elrond assured him. “But I really want you to try to push through it, Kili.” He nodded miserably. “Now our time is up for today, so I’ll see you next Monday.”

Kili nodded again and pushed himself off the couch, trudging out of the office slowly. He must have looked as exhausted as he felt because Bilbo frowned at him and told him to wait for him in the waiting room while he spoke with Dr. Peredhel.

He moved towards one of the couches and blinked dumbly. When had Fili gotten here?

The blond gave him a tight smile as he stepped closer to him and wrapped him in his arms. Kili frowned as he automatically wrapped his own arms around Fili’s waist, but the embrace felt different. Like something was missing.

“I love you,” he said, trying to make himself _feel_ it.

“I love you too, Kee,” Fili told him sincerely, pulling back and looking at him with soft eyes. “It’ll get better,” he said, as if reading Kili’s mind.

A warm feeling seeped into him at that. It took a few moments for Kili to realize what it was. “Maybe,” he said, still a little uncertain but also a little hopeful.

 

School the next day was awful. He was still moving in his fog so none of the lessons actually sunk in. He was sure that if this kept up that his grades would suffer, but he really couldn’t summon enough energy to care. At this rate, though, Bilbo probably wouldn’t have to worry about him graduating early. He might be lucky if he graduated on time.

He kept his head firmly down, though, when he walked into English Lit. He was a little nervous as he sat down, vaguely wondering if that meant he’d be having a panic attack by now if it weren’t for the meds, but he pushed that thought away. It felt like tempting fate to even _think_ about having another attack.

“Kili?” the guy next to him said, causing his heart to skip a beat.

He turned his head hesitantly to look at the other teen. He frowned as he recognized him as one of the other freshmen on the archery team. What was his name again? Haldir?

“Don’t let what Lindsay said get to you,” he told him seriously. “Everybody pretty much jumped down her throat as soon as they took you to the nurse. She was out of line.”

“Oh,” he said dumbly as he let that sink in and felt something relax inside him. “Thanks.”

Haldir smiled at him. “Are you coming to archery practice today?”

“Probably not,” Kili replied with a sigh. “I’ve kinda been… really tired lately.” He purposefully didn’t mention it was because of his medicine.

It was a bit easier to get through the class after that, but it was still nearly impossible to concentrate. By the time lunch came around, all he really felt like doing was staring listlessly at his chicken nuggets. Still, he could practically feel Fili’s concerned gaze on him so he picked a nugget up and nibbled on it deliberately.

Kili knew his friends were walking on eggshells around him, careful not to mention his panic attack or bring up anything else that might upset him. He could have told them that it wasn’t worth the effort. His stupid medicine didn’t really let him get upset over anything.

It was nice of them to try, but he just wanted thing to go back to normal.

Thinking about normal, though, made him remember his conversation with Bilbo.

“What kinda things to you and Eomer do in your relationship?” he asked Faramir as they walked towards study hall after lunch.

Faramir snapped his head to gape at him for a moment before stammering out, “W-what do you mean?”

He furrowed his brow before he realized how his question sounded. “Not like that,” he corrected himself. “Like dates and stuff. How often do you go out and do you spend time apart and you know… things like that?”

“I don’t know,” he answered with a shrug. “We hang out at my place or his a lot, but I guess we go out on actual dates once or twice a week maybe? But Elrond is kinda strict about making sure we spend at least one week night and one day a weekend apart,” he explained with a roll of his eyes. “He can be a bit weird sometimes.” Judging by the fond note in Faramir’s tone, Kili suspected he didn’t mind Dr. Peredhel’s idiosyncrasies as much as his words made it sound. “Why do you ask?”

“Dad suggested Fili and I try and be more like a regular teenage couple,” he told him. “You and Eomer are the only other ones in a relationship right now.”

Faramir snorted. “I wouldn’t model yourself after us. We’re hardly a perfect couple. Besides, what you and Fili have is so above normal. You two are like _soulmates_ , Kili. Why would you want to lower yourselves to normal?”

“Because I want us to be Fili and Kili, not _Fili-and-Kili_ ,” he said with a helpless shrug, knowing it sounded stupid.

But he got an understanding nod in return. “I see what you mean. Maybe just, I don’t know, schedule times that you’re definitely going to spend together and times that you’re definitely going to spend apart. And _talk_ to each other,” he said meaningful, shooting a knowing glance at Kili. “You don’t have to keep your feelings bottled up.”

Kili made a derisive noise at that as they walked in the library together. “I don’t have to worry about that,” he remarked with a sigh. “With the meds I’m on, I can barely feel anything.”

Faramir frowned as they sat at their customary table. Thankfully, Aragorn and Eomer hadn’t arrived yet. “Kili…”

“It’s fine,” he said wearily, resting his elbows on the table and propping up his head. “I’ll either get used to it or Dr. Peredhel will take me off of them. It’s only for a little while. And I can feel _some_ things. They just have to be pretty strong. They’re just… muted.” He spotted Aragorn and Eomer walking in and sighed. “Can we just not talk about this? At least not here? Aragorn or Eomer might mention it to Fili and he’ll only worry.”

Faramir shot him a stern look. “You should _talk_ to Fili. Don’t keep things from him. That’s not going to be good for you in the long run.”

Without any pesky feelings of guilt or embarrassment to stand in his way, he could see that Faramir was right. Kili could have avoided the whole fight with Fili the other night if he had just talked to his boyfriend about his insecurities. Instead, he had let them fester until they had blown up in his face.

So when they got home and were curling up on the couch in Fili’s room watching television, Kili took a deep breath and turned to look at Fili.

“I can barely feel that I love you,” he confessed with a puckered brow, trying once more to _will_ his love to the surface but it remained elusive.

Fili went completely still as he looked back at him. “What do you mean?”

“I still love you,” Kili explained, realizing his words had come out wrong once more. “And I can still kinda feel it sometimes when it would be really strong otherwise, but… I feel so numb, Fee,” he said, hearing the dead tone of his voice and hating it. He let his forehead fall to rest on the blond’s shoulder. “I don’t like how the pills make me feel.”

“Did you tell Dr. Peredhel?” Fili asked in concern.

He nodded. “He said to give it time and then we could look at other options if it didn’t work out.”

“Well, we’ve got all the time in the world, Kee,” the blond said gently, reaching up to cup his face and give him a short peck on the lips. “And I promise you that I will love you enough for both of us, okay?”

A familiar warmth spread through him and his lips curved up ever so slightly in a smile. “Okay.”

tbc…

 


	46. Chapter Forty Six

The start of Winter Break was a relief to Kili. School had become a real struggle for him.

It wasn’t the other students. His classmates have actually been fairly accommodating to him. His archery coach had even let him take a break from the team until after the New Year. Considering that the last time Kili had went to practice, he had nearly shot the man in the leg with an arrow, it was nice of him to let him take a break rather than just kick him off the team entirely.

The struggle, though, came with the actual school part of school. Though the drowsiness that had come with his meds had worn off as he got used to them, they still made it hard to concentrate on his lessons. His assignments took him twice as long to finish now, and the grades he got on them had slipped dramatically. And he was pretty sure he failed at least half of his finals.

But Dr. Peredhel had finally given the okay for him to come off the pills, but he had thought it would be best if he did so when he didn’t have school. They decided that the ten days he had without school was the best time for him to ween off the medicine and get used to being off them again.

It was a trial period, he had been warned. If he had a panic attack during that time, they might have to rethink the no-medicine idea. Kili, though, was determined that he wouldn’t have an attack and that he’d never have to take any more pills.

Each dosage his dad gave him starting the Saturday before Christmas was carefully reduced so that by the time Christmas Eve morning came, he didn’t have to take any medicine at all.

Which meant he was able to watch _It’s a Wonderful Life_ with a clear head with the entire family that night, a Christmas Eve tradition for them.

He couldn’t help but grin as he looked around the dark living room, the Christmas tree twinkling happily in the corner near the tree as the black and white movie cast a dull light on the rest of his family. His parents were stretched out together on the couch, with Frodo having migrated from sitting with them to sprawled out on the floor on the carpet.

Fili was curled up with him on the love seat, of course, meeting his eyes every now and again throughout the familiar movie and smiling happily at him. Kili was thrilled that, with the meds mostly out of his system, he could feel the love between them again. Both Fili’s love for him and his own love for Fili.

And if he teared up a bit at the end of the movie, when the entire town showed up to help George out, well, it was touching moment so who could blame him?

Kili was so focused on the good emotions he could feel, though, that he forgot that bad ones could creep in too. So when his parents shooed them to bed after the movie and he kissed Fili good night before heading to his room, he was completely blindsided by the crippling fear that hit him as he lay alone in the dark.

His first instinct was to run downstairs immediately and climb into Fili’s bed. If he did that, though, he’d have to admit in his next session that he didn’t even _try_ to handle things on his own. Even worse, he wouldn’t know if he _could_.

He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. He knew there was nothing to be afraid of. He _knew_ no one was lurking in the shadows to hurt him. He was _safe_ here.

More importantly, he _deserved_ to be safe. That’s what he and Elrond had been discussing for the last couple of weeks, after they had talked about his first family and finally gotten through Smaug’s attack. Their new topic of discussion had come about after Kili’s comment that maybe there was something about _him_ that made people want to attack him.

It was something that he knew Fili had shot down immediately when he mentioned it to him, but the blond was a bit biased when it came to him.

Dr. Peredhel, though, had been working with him trying to get him to understand that he didn’t deserve to be hurt. That nothing about who he was made people want to hurt him.

Kili was at a place where he knew that in his head, but accepting it was just a little more difficult.

Just like it was difficult to push the fear aside even _knowing_ that there was nothing in the shadows that could hurt him.

Counting his breaths had always worked for him before, so he tried that. Before he got to one hundred, though, he nearly jumped out of bed at the sound of his door opening.

“Kili?” Fili’s voice whispered, as the door was quietly closed.

He sighed in relief and lifted his head from where he had hidden it beneath the covers. “Fili? What are you doing?”

“It’s midnight,” he replied, slipping into bed with Kili and pulling him close. “I want to spend Christmas with you.”

He smiled as he curled into the blond’s embrace. “Couldn’t wait until morning?” he whispered, secretly pleased that Fili had sneaked up to his room.

“Trust me, if your boyfriend was as gorgeous as mine is, you wouldn’t be able to stay away either,” Fili murmured into his hair.

Kili rolled his eyes. “If you say so. Glad you came up though,” he admitted softly, looking up at him with a sheepish smile. “I couldn’t really sleep. I was… afraid…”

“Dr. Peredhel said stopping the meds might be tough,” Fili reasoned, brushing Kili’s hair back gently before wrapping his arms around him securely. “It’s probably normal to be a little overwhelmed now that you’re feeling emotions you haven’t felt in a while. You’ll get used to it.”

“I shouldn’t have to get used to being an actual person with feelings again,” he mumbled with a derisive snort. 

“There are a lot of things you shouldn’t have to deal with,” Fili muttered darkly, tightening his arms around him. “But you’re dealing with everything better than anyone could ask you to,” he added, pulling back to look Kili in the eye. “I really don’t think there’s anything you can’t do. Except sing. I love you, but you can’t carry a tune in a bucket.”

That surprised a chuckle out of Kili. “I’ll leave the singing to you then,” he quipped, snuggling close to him once more. “Sing me to sleep?”

“That I can do.”

And with Fili’s smooth and rich voice singing “Silent Night” in his ear, it was extremely easy to fall asleep.

 

 

Christmas day passed in a blur of presents and amazing food. Kili was pretty sure he had never eaten so much in his life. So it was in happy and full contentment that he curled up next to Fili that night, alone in the basement and watching _How the Grinch Stole Christmas_.

He was halfway dozing during Cindy Lou’s singing when he felt something drop into his lap. Kili frowned as he looked down at the box wrapped shiny green paper. “What’s this?” he asked, giving Fili a confused smile.

The blond chuckled. “It looks like a present.”

Horror welled with in Kili. “But I didn’t get you one!” he cried, feeling like the worst person ever. It hadn’t even crossed his mind to get Fili a present. They had never gotten each other anything before. Kili felt like an idiot for not realizing that being boyfriends instead of just brothers made things different.

“That’s okay, Kee,” Fili assured him.

“No, it’s _not_ ,” he insisted. “This is our first Christmas together and I didn’t get you anything!”

“You don’t need to,” he told him, clasping Kili’s hands firmly as they flailed about dramatically and giving him a soft smile. “Just like I didn’t need to get you this. But I saw it and I wanted to get it for you. Christmas is just a good excuse. Besides, it’s for my benefit too.”

Kili picked the small box up and shook it as he held it to his ear. “It’s not condoms and lube, is it?” he couldn’t help but ask cheekily.

Fili rolled his eyes. “No. Just open it.”

Kili tore through the paper carefully to uncover a nondescript white box. He lifted the top to reveal a handsome, but simple bracelet, made of a rich brown leather woven band looped around a metallic infinity symbol with a brushed silver finish.

Kili loved it.

“Just how is this for you?” he asked as he lifted in from the box to examine it more closely.

Fili smiled as he took it from Kili’s hand and deftly clasped it around his right wrist. He smirked in satisfaction as he rubbed a thumb over the underside of Kili’s wrist, causing the brunet to shiver.

“Because now I get to see _my_ bracelet on _your_ wrist,” Fili replied matter-of-factly. “Seeing as Dad and Pop would flip out if I got you any kind of ring so soon, this is the next best thing.”

“You’ve thought about getting me a ring?” he asked shyly, biting his lip as he tore his eyes away from the bracelet around his wrist to look at Fili.

“Pretty sure I already told you I planned on marrying you,” he commented with smirk. “But don’t worry, my eventual proposal will surprise you and sweet you off your feet. Promise.”

Kili tugged on Fili’s hands and pulled him closer. “As long as I get you forever, I don’t care,” he whispered over his lips.

Fili smiled and brought one of his hands up to tangle in Kili’s hair. “You’ve already got me forever,” he whispered back before closing the minuscule distance between their mouths.

Kili moaned into the kiss, falling backwards onto the couch and pulling Fili down with him. The blond looked surprised at their sudden vertical position, but went with it as Kili tugged him into another kiss.

“Kili,” the blond breathed, as he moved his mouth lower to brush against his neck and then his collarbone. Kili groaned as Fili’s hands slipped under the hem of shirt and pushed it.

“Fee, _please_ ,” he murmured, wrapping his legs around the blond’s hips to keep him in place. He gasped as Fili’s hand traveled up to play with his nipples. “Oh God, _Fili_!” 

He was making a concerted effort to keep his voice down, but he was sure his ragged breathing was going to give them away. Their parents and Frodo may have already gone to bed, but he knew they were pushing their luck.

And while he firmly believed that there was nothing wrong with him and Fili making each other feel good like this, he would be absolutely mortified if his parents or his brother caught them.

“Shh, I got you, Kee,” Fili soothed him, pulling back slightly and grabbing for the remote to turn the tv volume up a little bit. “You’ve got to be quiet though.”

He nodded quickly, biting his lip as Fili turned his attention back to him and carefully pushed his sleep pants and boxers down. He let his head fall back heavily onto the couch as Fili’s hand wrapped around him. He knew he wasn’t going to last long like this. There was something incredibly hot about Fili’s blue eyes staring at him intently while he was laid out with his shirt rucked up and his pants around his knees.

“You have no idea how beautiful you look like this,” Fili told him, leaning down to kiss him gently even as he brought a hand back to Kili’s right nipped to toy with it as his other hand pumped his arousal slowly.

“Fili…” he whined, trying to thrust into his hold but the blond sitting on his legs kept him from being able to get much leverage.

“Wanna see you come, Kee,” he breathed, brushing kisses along his jaw before leaning up once more. “Will you come for me, Kee?”

“ _Fee_!” he moaned, fingers scrambling to find purchase in his boyfriend’s shirt. He bit his lip to stifle the sounds threatening to break free. Fili added a little twist to his stroke, and the pleasure coiling inside him was a second away from exploding. 

He brought his hand up to his mouth just in time to smother the loud cry that was ripped from him as he spurted all over Fili’s hand and his own thighs and stomach.

He collapsed bonelessly back on the couch, panting hard as he watched Fili smirk down at him before rolling off and onto his feet. The blond left him there for a moment before returning with a damp washcloth from his bathroom.

“So beautiful,” he said with a smile as he gently cleaned him. “And I can’t wait until I can draw those noises from you without having to have them muffled.”

Kili grinned at him, letting him finish wiping him off before pulling the blond down for a deep kiss. “Your turn,” he told him.

Fili pulled back, though, and shook his head, glancing at the stairs in worry. “We’ve probably pushed our luck enough for one night.”

“Okay,” Kili agreed easily enough, a plan already forming in his mind as he stood up and straightened his clothing. “Let’s go to bed then. I don’t think Dad and Pop will mind if I spend Christmas night with you.”

Fili smiled at him. “I’m sure they won’t.”

As soon as they were under the covers, though, Kili pressed Fili onto his back and kissed him thoroughly. “If you think I’m going to just let you buy me presents and make me feel amazing and not return the favor, you’ve got another thing coming. I _love_ you, Fili,” he told him seriously. “I want to do things for you as well. Let me make you feel good,” he murmured, nipping at the blond’s neck and slipping a hand down to toy with the waist of his pants.

“Kili…” Fili said, gasping as the brunet’s hand slipped into his boxers and wrapped around him. He shuddered beneath Kili as the younger teen nibbled at his ear. “Yes. _Please_.”

Kili smiled as he was given permission and slowly slid down Fili’s body and beneath the sheets. He tugged the blond’s pants and boxers down a bit and stared for a moment at the thick erection that sprang free.

He took a deep breath before he lost his nerve, wrapping a hand around the base before leaning forward and wrapping his lips around the tip. It wasn’t an unpleasant sensation, his lips stretched around Fili’s leaking cock, hot and heavy in his mouth. The moan of pleasure that Fili gave only served to give him an even greater thrill.

Being able to give Fili this much pleasure was enough to make him want to do this every night.

“ _Kili_ …” Fili hissed, throwing the covers back and propping himself up on his elbows to watch. Kili found that locking eyes with Fili made the experience even better.

He couldn’t hope to take all of Fili in, of course. The fear of not being able to breathe was still niggling at the back of his mind. But Fili seemed to be enjoying him sucking only on the head and using his hands for everything else. When he snuck his other hand down to gently massage his balls, Fili sucked in a sharp breath.

“Kili, I’m gonna come…” he warned breathlessly.

Kili relentlessly kept up his ministrations, teasing Fili’s slit with his tongue, almost surprised when Fili stilled completely and exploded his his mouth. He managed to keep it all in his mouth, though, the taste musky and salty and thick and _Fili_. He swallowed it all before letting his lover’s spent cock slip from his mouth, smiling proudly at the wrecked expression on Fili’s face.

“Good?” he asked smugly as he snuggled into Fili’s side after he tucked him back into his boxers and pulled his pants up, feeling inordinately pleased at Fili’s dazed expression.

“Stupid question,” he shot back, still slightly breathless as he curled around Kili and pressed a kiss to his temple. “Best Christmas present ever.”

Kili chuckled as he let his eyes slip closed. “Good,” he muttered. “Love you.”

“Love you too, Kee.”

He smiled as he felt sleep tug at his consciousness. Tomorrow, he’d have to relearn to sleep alone with fear threatening him from the shadows of his bedroom. But tonight, he could rest soundly in Fili’s arms.

tbc…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this got a bit smuttier at the end than I intended. I'd apologize, but I'm not sorry, haha.


	47. Chapter Forty Seven

Approaching the school on January 2 with Fili’s hand firmly around his own, Kili felt an odd sense of deja vu. He kept his breathing calm and even. There was nothing to be afraid of. No one at the school would hurt him. Even if some of them _wanted_ to hurt him, like that girl in his English class, those people were outnumbered by people who wouldn’t _let_ them.

It was okay. Everything was going to be okay.

And it was.

Right up until his homeroom teacher began passing out report cards.

Kili supposed he should just be happy that he passed everything. But when he was staring at a B, B-, and C+, well, he didn’t really see anything he should be happy about.

“How’d you…” Tauriel started to ask as she turned in her seat. She trailed off, though, once she caught sight of his face. “Oh, Kili…”

He blinked back tears and took in a shuddering breath. “It’s not the end of the world,” he quipped, looking up and trying to smile but he knew it didn’t come off right. He swallowed thickly and looked back at the paper in his hand, his vision suddenly blurry with tears.

“Kili, it’s not so bad!” she assured him, not bothering to keep her voice down. Their teacher wasn’t bothering stopping the class from comparing and talking about their grades.

“My GPA is a 2.67,” he sniffled morosely. “It starts with a 2…”

“That’s just your semester GPA,” she pointed out. “Look at the bottom. Your overall GPA is still a 3.08 when you figure in your A+ in Algebra I from last year. That’s not bad.”

He shook his head sadly. “I will have to get at least an A in everything I take from now on to pull it up so I can get in a good college.”

Graduating early was definitely out now. There was no way he could keep his grades up and take such a heavy workload every semester. And that meant Fili was going to go off to college without him. It meant that Kili would have to go to school _for a year_ without him.

“Kili!” Tauriel’s worried voice said frantically as the bell rang signaling the end of home period. “It’s okay! Just breathe, okay?”

He hadn’t realized his breaths were coming in sharp, uneven gasps until then. Tauriel’s green eyes were scared when he was finally able to focus on her face. “That’s it,” she said, reaching a hand out to grab his as the other students milled out of the classroom. “Just breathe.”

He inhaled deeply through his nose and exhaled slowly through his mouth, trying to calm his racing heart. He was _not_ going to have an attack before he left homeroom on the first day back to school off his pills. He was _not_ that pathetic.

If he did that, Dr. Peredhel would put him back on the pills for sure, and he wouldn’t have to worry about not graduating early because he probably wouldn’t have the grades to graduate at all.

He took a few more deep breaths and stood up when he felt like his legs would support him. Tauriel stood with him, giving him a smile that did nothing to hide her concern. She kept a tight grip on his hand as she led him out of the classroom, only to nearly butt heads with Fili as he was coming in.

Fili brushed past Tauriel immediately and put his hands on Kili’s shoulders, blue eyes roaming up and down in body as if checking for injuries.

“I’m okay,” Kili told him truthfully, feeling a lot more steady on his feet with Fili with him. He smiled ruefully. “Just kinda freaked out over my grades…”

“Are you sure?” he asked him, worry still heavy in his voice. When Kili nodded, the blond sagged in relief and pulled him into a hug. “Just remember that grades aren’t nearly as important as you are,” he whispered as he held him close.

“I know,” Kili replied softly, letting himself bask in the comfort of Fili’s embrace for a few moments more before pulling away with a smile. “We should get to class before we’re late.”

The warning bell rang by the time he and Fili reached Kili’s AP Biology I class, the blond having insisted on walking with him.

“You’re going to be late,” Kili said, feeling guilty. “And it’s the first day of the term…”

Fili just shrugged though. “Then I’ll be late. I’ll be here to walk you to your next class.”

He rolled his eyes. “Then you’ll be late for your _next_ next class too,” he pointed out in exasperation.

“Can’t argue about that now, Kee,” he replied cheekily. “I’m already late for class.”

Kili watched him go with a fond shake of his head before steeling his nerves and walking into his classroom. He sighed in relief as he spotted Faramir near the back of the room, at a lab table for two whose other seat was mercifully vacant.

The redhead smiled at him when he sat down. “I was beginning to think I might be stuck without a lab partner.”

Kili instantly perked up at that. For half a second, he had forgotten how excited he was for this class. They were going to get to do actual _experiments_. 

He paid rapt attention when their teacher called them to attention and began going over the syllabus for the class before launching into the lab safety rules. And even though that was all they went over for the day, Kili still walked out of the classroom with a large grin and a spring in his step.

Faramir nudged him as they walked out, nodding towards the end of the hallway where Fili was striding their way. “Your other half is here.”

Kili gave Fili a mock glare as he met them. “Thought I told you that you didn’t have to walk me to my next class,” he said.

“And I told you we didn’t have time to argue about it,” the blond quipped back, throwing an arm around his shoulders with a smirk, not paying his glare any mind as he turned towards Faramir. “Hello, Faramir, how was your break?”

Faramir smiled and shook his head. “It was good, but I’ve got to run. I’ve got gym next.”

They said goodbye to Faramir as they started in the opposite direction. “So what do you have next?”

“Spanish,” Kili answered. “And then I have Psychology, then Health, and then gym.”

Fili frowned at him. “ _I_ have Psychology that period. That’s an upperclassman elective. How do you have it?”

“I got permission to sign up for it instead of having a study period this semester,” he explained, smile slipping from his face. “Back when I thought I’d still be able to graduate early. I might have to drop it though…”

“What makes you say that?”

He shrugged and stared at the floor. “I have to get my grades up after last semester. I don’t know if I can do that with a heavier workload. I’m sorry.”

“Hey,” Fili said, stopping them and tipping his chin up so that he had to meet the blond’s eyes. “You have nothing to be sorry for. It doesn’t matter to me if you finish early or not. Hell, you could drop out of high school and plan to live off of my money and lie around the house watching Netflix all day for all I care! As long as you’re happy.”

Kili made a face at that. “Sitting around doing nothing wouldn’t make me happy,” he told him with a shake of his head. He sighed. “I want to do something that I love doing. And the best shot of doing that is to get into a good college.”

Fili smirked at him. “Then you should do whatever you think you have to do to do that. I promise you that we’ll make things work in our relationship no matter what.”

Kili couldn’t help smiling back at him. “Okay. But let’s see how today goes. I might be able to handle Psychology this semester. I know things will get harder trying to fit four years into three, but I don’t want to give up this semester without at least trying to do it.”

“Good,” Fili said, lacing their hands together as they began walking again. “I want you to do whatever will most make you happy, Kee. Just remember that.”

He considered that as they turned the corner towards his Spanish class. “The same goes for me, too, you know,” he told the blond after a few moments. Fili gave him a questioning look. “I want you do to what will make you the happiest,” he elaborated. “And if that means you become a firefighter, then that’s what you should do.”

“Thanks, but I don’t think you have to worry about that,” Fili confessed, shooting him a small smile. “It’s one of the things Dr. Peredhel and I have been talking about and I think I finally understand why I wanted to be a firefighter in the first place.”

“But I thought—” Kili was cut off by the sound of the warning bell and groaned. “You’re going to be late for class _again_!”

Fili laughed. “No, I won’t. I have drama next and it’s right by your Spanish class. I’ll tell you about the whole firefighter thing later, okay?” he said as they reached Kili’s classroom.

“Okay,” he agreed, undeniably curious about what Fili and Dr. Peredhel had talked about to make him not want to be a firefighter anymore.

The only good thing about Spanish class was that he had it with Tauriel, Legolas, and Ori. Everything else about Spanish class, in Kili’s opinion, _sucked_.

How was it possible that the very first lesson made him feel so _stupid_ , he wondered as he and Tauriel partnered up to quiz each other on the word list they were given. All they were doing were color and numbers, to “get a feel for the language” as their teacher had said. Why was it so _hard_?

“Orange?” Tauriel said in a challenging tone.

Kili groaned. Trust Tauriel to start him off on a tough one. The only colors he could remember were azul and rojo. “Um… a-mar-rillio?”

She smirked and shook her head. “That’s yellow. Or it would be if you said it right. Your pronunciation sucks. Yellow is _amarillo_. Orange is anaranjado. Now, what’s red?”

“Rojo!” he stated triumphantly. “And blue is azul!”

She rolled her eyes. “And what’s purple?”

“Uh… Rojozul?” he answered.

“Did you just smooth rojo and azul together?” Tauriel asked incredulously.

“Well,” Kili said defensively, “red and blue mixed together makes purple!”

She laughed at that. “Well, I can’t fault your logic, but you’re wrong. It’s morado.”

“I’m bad at this,” he moaned, laying his head on his desk in defeat. “I’m never going to get it.”

“You just have to _practice_ ,” she told him in exasperation. “Not everything can come easy to you. Now, what’s eight?”

Kili lifted his head and glared at her before sighing. He mentally counted to eight in Spanish and answered, “Ocho.”

“See? You can do it,” she said smugly before continuing.

Needless to say, Kili was extremely grateful when the bell rang for lunch. He was disappointed, though, when he saw Fili walking towards his drama classroom as he was exiting his own classroom. The blond shot him a regretful smile as he continued inside.

In his head, he knew that there was always the possibility that he and Fili wouldn’t have the same lunch period every semester. That didn’t mean he had to be happy about it though.

Not that having lunch with Legolas, Ori, Tauriel, and Eomer was terrible, it would’ve just been _better_ with Fili.

Thankfully, though, he knew he’d see him next period.

Kili grinned as he walked into Psychology as spotted Fili. He hurried to where the blond was sitting and dropped into the desk behind him. “How was drama?”

“Great!” he replied cheerfully. “Eowyn is in it with me, and Mrs. Fitz said she’s considering doing Les Mis for the Spring musical!”

He smiled at Fili’s enthusiasm, but wasn’t entirely sure what Les Mis was about so didn’t comment on that. “Eowyn is in it. What about Lothiriel?”

“She’s not in the class,” Fili explained. “You can only take it for credit once and she took it ages ago. How was Spanish?”

“Awful,” Kili groaned. “I suck at it.”

“You don’t suck at anything,” he said immediately.

“That’s not what you said Christmas,” he pointed out with a smirk. Fili’s face turned beet red, and Kili instantly realized how that could be taken. “I meant about how you told me I sucked at _singing_!” he cried in mortification.

“Who sucks at singing?” Aragorn asked as he sat in the desk next to Fili. “And why are you both blushing?”

“Anyway,” Kili stated emphatically, wiling his face to cool off unsuccessfully, “I’m not good at Spanish. With taking that and AP Bio, I really don’t know if I’ll be able to handle this class too. I think I’m going to go by the counsellor’s office after school and drop it.”

“I’ve heard this class is pretty tough,” Aragorn told him, thankfully deciding not to question them further about their blushing faces. “But I don’t think it’s anything you can’t handle, Kili. And you have Fili and me to help you if you want.”

He shook his head. “It’s not the difficulty of the class. It’s the time commitment. I don’t have a study period if I take this class, and then I have archery practice twice a week.”

Aragorn made a face and nodded in sympathy. 

Fili shot him an understanding look. “Do what you think is best for _you_ , Kee.”

Knowing Fili supported his decision, he got through health and gym fairly easily. Fili met him at his locker at the end of the day and walked him to the counsellor’s office. It was an easy thing to get the class dropped. The counsellor even seemed a bit relieved at his request.

“I know you were hoping to graduate early,” she had told him, “but I really think this is the best for you. You had a rough time last semester, but I want you to enjoy your high school years. Not pile yourself with work and rush through.”

When they got home and he told Bilbo what he had done, his dad was relieved as well.

“I’m glad,” Bilbo told him with a soft smile.

Kili frowned at that. “Was it really such a bad idea that _everyone_ has to be happy I’m not doing it?”

“It’s not that it was a bad idea, Kili,” his dad said gently. “It’s just that it’s a lot to take on after all you’ve been through. And with the workload you’d have to do, you wouldn’t have hardly any free time to enjoy yourself. You would be sacrificing your time with Fili _now_ for a very small amount of more time with him _later_.”

“I never thought of it that way,” he admitted, glancing over at Fili, who only smiled at him encouragingly. Kili looked back to Bilbo and rolled his eyes. “Why didn’t you just tell me that before?”

His dad chuckled. “As if you would have listened. And I might not have thought of that last argument until just now,” he confessed. “Now, you two can go make trouble somewhere else while I start dinner.”

Kili needed no more prompting before he dragged Fili down the stairs to the basement, remembering his curiosity from earlier.

“Why don’t you want to be a firefighter anymore?” he asked immediately.

Fili huffed a laugh. “You’ve been dying with curiosity all day, haven’t you?”

“Only when I wasn’t distracted by the whole class schedule thing. Now tell me,” he demanded with an impish grin.

The blond shook his head as he led Kili towards the couch. “Dr. Peredhel helped me realize that the whole reason I wanted to be a firefighter was because I didn’t want to be helpless. Or maybe that’s a bad way to put it, but… all of us, you, me, and Frodo, lost our parents in one way or another when we were little. I didn’t think I could help prevent situations like mine or yours, but I thought maybe I could stop someone like Frodo from losing their parents, you know?”

Kili thought about that for a moment. “It’s not a terrible reason to want to do something,” he said finally.

“No,” Fili conceded. “But it’s not the best reason either. Not when I’d feel like an absolute failure and hate myself if I did everything I could and _still_ couldn’t save someone. Dr. Peredhel told me to consider what I _enjoyed_ doing and try to find a career that fit with that.”

“That makes a lot of sense,” he replied with a smile. “Especially since you’re in the position where you have enough money in your trust fund that you don’t even necessarily _need_ a career to live off of.”

The blond rolled his eyes. “You’re in the same position, you know,” he grumbled. “My money is your money.”

“Well, we’re both lucky then,” Kili said cheekily. “So we can shoot for whatever crazy career we want without worrying about a stupid thing like money. Looks like we just have to figure out what we enjoy doing.”

Fili shot him a knowing look. “You already know what you enjoy doing. You like figuring things out. Whether it’s science, math, or puzzles, you like figuring out how things work.”

“So what do you enjoy doing then since you know what I like so well?” he asked.

“No clue,” he sighed. “Since you’re so good at figuring things out, why don’t you help me?”

Kili smirked. “Challenge accepted,” he said, sitting up straighter. “Give me a couple of days, and I’ll have some options for you.”

He laughed at that and slung an arm around Kili’s shoulders. “I look forward to it.”

tbc…


	48. Chapter Forty Eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, it's been awhile! Hope this chapter doesn't disappoint!

Kili couldn’t help but fidget nervously on the couch in the waiting room of Elrond’s office. Fili was sitting next to him and holding his hand, his sweaty palms telling Kili that he wasn’t the only one apprehensive about this session.

He tried to force himself to calm down. So what if this was the first time Dr. Peredhel had asked to see both of them? There was nothing to worry about. Dr. Peredhel had assured them both in their individual sessions that he wasn’t there to force them to do anything. He’d make suggestions about what he thought would be helpful for them, but only if he thought it was necessary.

Still, Kili couldn’t help but be terrified what sort of suggestions Elrond would deem necessary. So if he gripped Fili’s hand even tighter as they were called into the office and greeted their doctor, well, who could blame him?

Dr. Peredhel gave them a reassuring smile as they sat. “Good afternoon, Kili, Fili. I’m glad you could both make it.”

He wanted to pout childishly and say they didn’t have much of a choice, but he knew that wouldn’t help anything. And it wasn’t even _true_. Not really. Dr. Peredhel always told him that he always had a choice in whether or not he wanted to engage in therapy, and he had explicitly told Kili that they didn’t have to discuss his relationship with Fili if he didn’t want.

But Kili knew that his and Fili’s relationship needed work. It was… different… from the relationships of their friends. And not in the whole soulmates-meant-for-each-other way that Kili always kinda thought, but more of a maybe-a-little-too-dependent-on-each-other kinda way that probably wasn’t okay.

“I’m sure both of you have realized that I wanted to do a joint session with you so that we could discuss your relationship,” Elrond began after it was clear that neither Fili nor Kili were going to start. “I think you have both realized that things can’t continue the way they’ve been.”

Kili gulped guiltily. He hadn’t really talked to Fili about his worries about their relationship. Mostly because he didn’t want to give the blond any reason to think that he wanted to end it. He didn’t want that. Could _never_ want that. 

It was just… sometimes the intensity of things scared him. 

“I don’t want Kili missing out on anything because of me,” Fili said, breaking the silence. “I don’t want our relationship defining who he is. And…” he looked down self-consciously, “I suppose I don’t want to lose myself in it either.”

Kili’s heart clenched. He had no idea that Fili had his own concerns about things between them. It made him feel a bit better, knowing he wasn’t the only one with relationship fears.

Dr. Peredhel gave him a proud smile. “You are allowed to take your own feelings into account, Fili,” he said approvingly before switching his gaze to Kili. “And Kili? Anything you want to add?”

“I’m scared that Fili puts me first without thinking about himself,” he admitted, shooting his boyfriend an apologetic smile before turning back to Elrond. “I know I’m comparing him and Smaug with my mother and my first father, but I can’t help it sometimes…”

Kili took a deep breath and stared at the carpet as he continued, “I’m also afraid that I need him too much. There are nights when I can’t get to sleep because I’m so scared and I _know_ that if Fili were there I wouldn’t be…”

“But you don’t seek him out then?” Dr. Peredhel pressed.

He shook his head. “Only because I know I’m not supposed to though,” he confessed.

“It’s a good start,” he told him gently.

“I get scared some nights, too, Kee,” Fili said softly. “I wake up from nightmares where we don’t get to you in time and you’re…” He swallowed thickly and sighed. “All I want is to sneak into your room and see that you’re breathing after those.”

“And why don’t you?” Elrond asked.

“Because we’re supposed to be setting boundaries, right?” he answered with a shrug. “Trying to get our relationship more normal and healthy?”

Dr. Peredhel gave them a small smile. “I want you both to stop worrying about normal and healthy. The truth is that normal doesn’t exist and healthy is relative. The fact that the two of you are actively trying is a very large step in the right direction.”

Kili frowned. “If healthy is relative, how do we know when we get better?” he asked, despair beginning to creep in.

“Well, I think the best way to go about knowing that is to set goals for yourselves,” he replied with a thoughtful look. “Once you’ve reached those goals, you’ll know that you’ve made substantial progress.”

“But will we be better?” Kili persisted.

“You’ll be better than you are now,” Elrond said calmly. “This isn’t a cold or infection that you can treat and it’ll just go away. Keeping boundaries in your relationship might be something you both struggle with for the rest of your lives. But all relationships take work. You just have to be willing to put in the effort.”

“Will it always be this hard?” Fili asked in a quiet voice. “All I want is for Kili and I to be together and love and support one another, but I don’t want our relationship to hold us back.”

“I think acknowledging the strength of your attachment to each other and the problems it may cause will make things easier going forward,” the psychiatrist mused. “That’s one of the main reasons I wanted to bring you together for our session: so that you could confess your concerns to each other.”

Kili had to admit that he felt loads better after telling Fili the worries he had. And it definitely helped knowing that he wasn’t alone.

“I guess we need to learn to talk things out more,” Fili said ruefully.

Elrond nodded sagely. “Communication is very important to any relationship. I think when it has as tricky a history as yours, it becomes doubly so.”

“Is that all you wanted us to come in together for?” Kili asked, suspicious all of a sudden. He hadn’t forgotten that Dr. Peredhel had said that he might give “suggestions.”

“I can see nothing gets by you, Kili,” he answered with a shake of his head. “There is one other thing I would like the two of you to do other than just communicate more effectively. I know it is asking a lot, and it is only a suggestion, but I would like you to consider spending the summer apart if possible. Or at least part of it.”

Ice ran down Kili’s spine and his immediate reaction was to give a very emphatic _no_. He looked at Fili and saw the same horror reflected in his blue eyes. They couldn’t spend the summer apart. They couldn’t…

“Deep breaths, Kili,” Elrond said soothingly.

His gaze snapped to the doctor, who was half out of his chair and watching him closely, ready to move forward if further aid was needed. Kili quickly concentrated on his breathing, unaware that it had even started to get erratic.

He looked back at Fili and saw that something in his gaze had shifted. The horror from earlier was gone and was replaced with steely resolve.

Fili leaned forward and took his hand gently. “We’ve got to try,” he whispered. “You can’t be so afraid of being away from me that you hyperventilate.”

“I can do better…” Kili protested weakly.

The blond smiled. “I know you can. That’s why I know we can do this. And we have a few months to work up to it, okay?”

He gulped. He wasn’t at all sure about this plan. But he had to be strong. “Okay.”

 

 

“How was therapy, boys?” Bilbo asked at dinner later in a carefully casual tone.

Kili wasn’t fooled. He was sure that their dad had been waiting until now to bring their session up. He had probably manufactured dinner to specifically facilitate it. That explained why Thorin had been waiting with Chinese when they got home, and Frodo was having dinner at Merry’s house.

“Dr. Peredhel wants us to spend the summer apart,” he said morosely. The idea still didn’t sit right with him. He didn’t _want_ to spend so much time without Fili. But he knew it was for the best. It wasn’t healthy that he got panicky at the thought of being away from FIli.

“The entire summer?” their pop asked with a furrowed brow. “That might be tough.”

Kili shrugged. “He said at least part of it.”

“I, uh, actually thought about how we could spend time apart,” Fili said, giving Kili a sheepish look. “It wasn’t something I really considered before but now…”

“Well, what is it?” Bilbo prompted, once it became clear that Fili was reluctant to continue.

“Well, Mrs. Fitz suggested I look into summer theater programs,” he said, ducking his head bashfully. “She said she thought I had a lot of talent.”

Kili couldn’t help but smile at that. “She isn’t wrong,” he stated. Even though the night had ended badly, he couldn’t deny that Fili had been amazing in Cinderella.

“A lot of the programs are really competitive, and there are a lot of people who’ve been training for lot longer than me,” Fili said with a shrug. “But I’m sure I can find one that’ll take me.”

“I think that sounds like a wonderful idea,” Bilbo said.

“What am I supposed to do all summer then?” Kili asked, imagining sitting at home alone while Fili was off at drama camp and growing sad at the prospect.

Thorin snapped his finger as his face lit up triumphantly. “Didn’t you want to intern with Dr. Radagast? I can still talk to him for you?”

Kili perked up at that. “Yeah?” he said hopefully.

“Yes, and I’m sure he’ll take you on,” his pop told him confidently. “That’ll keep you busy enough so you will barely even notice Fili is away.”

He really doubted that, but he figured it might distract him a little bit at least. But that wasn’t really what was bothering him the most. He really didn’t like the idea that Fili had already thought about a way to spend the summer apart. It made him think about how quick Fili was to sign up for jiu-jitsu classes when Bilbo has suggested they spend time apart years ago. It made him wonder if there was a lot that Fili would do if he didn’t have Kili to worry about.

Considering Elrond had just told them that they needed to communicate better, he brought it up after dinner when they were alone.

“Are there a lot of things you would do if I wasn’t around?” he asked.

Fili furrowed his brow in confusion. “What do you mean?”

“I mean you knew you wanted to do theater this summer and way back you knew you wanted to take jiu-jitsu,” he explained. “It just seems that whenever someone suggests we spend time apart, you have something you want to do.”

“And you think that means you’re holding me back,” Fili surmised, comprehension dawning on his face.

Kili worried his lip a bit before answering, “Didn’t you say you were afraid of that earlier?”

He sighed. “Yeah, I suppose I did, but I don’t think you _have_ held me back,” he said thoughtfully. “There’s never been something that I wanted to do that I didn’t do because of you.”

“Would you have gone to drama camp or whatever if Dr. Peredhel hadn’t told us to spend the summer apart?” he shot back.

“Probably not,” Fili admitted ruefully. “But not because of you.”

“But you wanted to go before,” Kili pressed.

“Kind’ve…”

“And why weren’t you going to go?”

Fili looked down in defeat. “Because I didn’t want to be apart from you.”

Kili gave him a sad smile and nudged him lightly with his elbow. “Guess we have our work cut out for us.”

“Maybe, but it’s worth it,” the blond said firmly, meeting his eyes and smiling back. “I love you, Kee, and we can make this work.”

He nodded back, bolstered by Fili’s confidence. “Yeah,” he agreed. “We just have some things to work on. Like my separation anxiety and your putting me before other things you want. Because you’ll always have me,” he tacked on, needing to make sure Fili knew it. “You don’t have to choose between me and anything else.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Fili said, eyes soft before he smirked mischievously. “Now, Mario Kart?”

Kili grinned. “You’re on!”

They spent the rest of the night racing each other on the television, Frodo joining them once he got home. Kili wished he could say that he was letting his little brother beat him, but the truth was the little imp was way better than he had any right to be.

“That’s it! I admit defeat!” he cried dramatically after yet another humiliating loss.

Fili snorted. “Maybe you should be going to drama camp, as you call it.”

Kili gave him a thoughtful look. “You know, maybe that’s what you should think about doing as a career.”

He had thought of a lot of things that Fili could do ever since he had said he’d help him figure out what he could do, but he hadn’t considered acting. Which was oversight on his part because he had seen last semester how much Fili loved the stage.

Fili rolled his eyes at the thought though. “That’s just a hobby, Kili.”

“But you’re so good!” Frodo chimed in, giving Fili a grin.

Kili smiled smugly at him at Frodo’s agreement. “It’s something to think about at least,” he pointed out. 

“Maybe, but I think I’ll have a back up plan all the same,” he quipped with a shake of his head. “I hear the whole theater thing is a competitive field.”

Kili laughed. “Maybe just a little.”

“You’re going to drama camp?” Frodo asked suddenly.

“It’s not drama camp,” FIli said. “It’s a summer program, and I might.”

Their little brother pouted. “You’re going to be gone _all_ summer? Without Kili? Why?”

He and Fili shared a look. Neither of them really wanted to explain their relationship problems to Frodo. He didn’t need to deal with their mess.

“Because Fili wants to go and I don’t,” Kili answered for him, smiling down at their little brother. “We can spend time apart doing our own things and still love each other.”

Frodo gave him a hopeful look. “You mean it’s okay if you don’t do everything together in a relationship? Cause Sam spends _hours_ in the little garden his mom gave him and it’s _so_ boring!”

That surprised a laugh out of both of them. “I thought you didn’t like Sam?” Fili teased.

Frodo turned red. “I don’t!”

“Sure you don’t,” Kili said knowingly. “But no, you don’t have to do _everything_ together when your in a relationship.”

He knew it was supremely ironic that they were telling Frodo this. But in their defense, they were _trying_ to take their own advice. He looked over at Fili, who was giving him a sheepish smile. 

It was going to be hard, he knew, to spend more time apart, but he also knew in that moment that it was something they had to do.

tbc…


	49. Chapter Forty Nine

While Kili knew that he and Fili wouldn’t get to spend a lot of time together that summer, he hadn’t thought the time they spend together before that would be reduced so drastically as things settled into their respective routines.

Kili hadn’t really realized until that point how disruptive circumstances had been from the very beginning of their relationship, and even before that really. With the threat of Smaug hanging over him, there hadn’t really been a time for Kili to settle into a routine at high school, instead sticking as close as possible to Fili and their friends in order to stay safe. And when Smaug had been out of the picture for a couple of months, he had just stayed continued doing the same, wanting to spend as much time as possible with Fili in case it was all a dream.

Then, of course, he was attacked.

Now, though, with Dr. Peredhel encouraging him and Fili both to stake out their individuality, both of them had a pretty full schedule that kept them apart more than Kili was really happy with.

Kili was still doing archery, which had picked up considerably for the Spring semester, as that was when most of their competitions were. In addition to that, Ori had pleaded with him to join the school’s freshman science bowl team with him. Studying in the afternoons and on the odd Saturday morning with the rest of the team on days kept him busy when he didn’t have archery.

Fili was working hard as well. Mrs. Fitz, knowing that he would also be working on his audition piece for the summer, gave the blond the role of Marius instead of Jean Valjean as she had originally planned. It was still a lead, but it didn’t have the same demand as the main character had. Whenever he wasn’t rehearsing, though, he was practicing for his audition, which left him with little time with Kili. He had also restarted taking jiu jitsu lessons on Saturday mornings, so he was busier than ever.

They were both still meeting with Dr. Peredhel each week, too, though they were both only going once a week now. Kili was happy Elrond seemed to think he had made enough progress to go from two sessions a week to one, but he didn’t really like how he had had gotten there.

“I don’t feel like I’ve made progress,” he had admitted during one of his sessions. “I feel like I’m just too busy to have a panic attack.”

Dr. Peredhel had just chuckled at that. “That _is_ progress, Kili,” he had assured. “You’re able to concentrate on things instead of being scared of being hurt and without the constant need to be with Fili. Compare that to where you were two months ago.”

“But Fili and I barely have any time for each other,” Kili had complained. “We see each other at meals, and though we spend most evenings together, it’s doing homework and we barely even talk.”

“You have to _schedule_ time together, Kili,” Elrond had told him. “You two have to strike a balance between living your lives and _sharing_ your lives. Trust me, it only gets harder when you get older and have more responsibilities. I know this runs contrary to everything your parents and I have been telling you, but you’ve got to make time for each other.”

Kili was far from satisfied with the advice. Balance was such a weird thing. How was he supposed to know when their lives were balanced just right? There wasn’t a giant scale he could use to measure his time with Fili against his time without Fili.

When he asked his dad about it in the car, though, Bilbo had laughed.

“Kili, you’re overthinking it,” he said, not unkindly. “You make time for the things that are important to you.”

“But archery and the science bowl aren’t important to me,” Kili argued, staring petulantly out the window at the passing buildings. “ _Fili_ is important to me.”

“And why are you on the archery and science bowl teams if they aren’t important to you?” Bilbo prompted, as if he already knew the answer.

Kili shrugged. “Because Tauriel and Ori asked me to.”

“So because you wanted to spend time with your friends,” his dad said with a knowing smile. “Because they’re important to you.”

“Well, yeah,” he said with a frown. “But I _like_ archery and the science bowl stuff. It’s just not particularly important to me.”

“It’s not a bad thing for the people you love to be the most important things in your life, Kili,” Bilbo told him. “It’s actually pretty admirable. But maybe you should be on the lookout for something that you love as much as Fili loves theater or Tauriel loves archery or Ori loves quiz bowls.”

“Like what?”

“I don’t know,” his dad said, smiling at Kili as they stopped at a red light. “And you don’t have to figure it out now. You’ve got years and years for that, Kili. Just keep it in mind.”

“Should I drop the science bowl or archery so that I can make time for Fili, then?” he asked, confused over what he was supposed to make of Bilbo’s advice.

“That’s not what I’m saying,” he replied with a sigh. “You enjoy those things, and you should definitely keep doing them. I’m just saying that you shouldn’t be afraid to try new things and maybe find something you’re passionate about. As for making time for Fili, you can do that without dropping anything.”

“How?”

“Well, generally, people consult the other person for the best time for a date, and then they both arrange their schedules accordingly,” Bilbo teased, easing the car forward as the light turned green.

Kili frowned at that and looked down at his hands, bringing his right hand to absentmindedly stroke the infinity symbol on his bracelet. Bilbo’s advice sounded an awful lot like the advice Faramir had given him before Winter Break about scheduling his and Fili’s time together. 

Dates were a common thing for couples to do, but he and Fili never really went out on one, even after Kili had admitted as much to Bilbo months ago. Maybe it was time for him to change that.

An idea began forming in his head, but he wasn’t sure if it was really doable. Pop, he decided, was the best person to consult. Not only would he help with the planning, but Kili knew he was an old softie. If he didn’t have enough money to actually see his plan through, he knew Thorin could be counted on to chip in and help.

First, though, he had to make sure Fili was free.

He pounded down the stairs of the basement as soon as he and Bilbo got home, excited to see Fili. He paused at the foot of the stairs, seeing that Fili listening intensely to whatever was playing on his headphones. Probably his latest recording of his audition piece. 

Kili hovered hesitantly on the stairs, not wanting to interrupt. Fili’s eyes, though, flickered towards him and the blond’s face lit up as he tore the headphones off. “Kili!” he greeted before frowning. “Why are you just standing there?”

He smiled shakily. “You were busy.”

Fili shook his head and stood up, crossing the room quickly. “Never too busy for you,” he promised, wrapping his arms loosely around the brunet’s waist and leaning in for a gentle kiss. “How’d your session go?”

He shrugged. “Alright, I guess,” he replied, a bit more subdued than he was before but his excitement coming back as he remembered his plan. “I mostly complained about how much I miss you. But I have an idea about that.”

“Oh really?” Fili asked mischievously, raising an eyebrow at him, knowing _exactly_ what that did to Kili.

He suppressed the flash of heat that shot through him though. Now was not the time, unfortunately, especially when they were standing right beneath the door and could hear their parents in the living room.

“Do you have any plans for next Saturday?” he asked eagerly. 

“You mean for my birthday?” Fili clarified.

“I mean during the day. I know it’s your birthday and you may want to do something with everyone that night, but I want to spend the day with you… Like on a date?” Kili ended the question a bit uncertainly. He hadn’t thought about the fact that Fili may want to have a party or something that night. It was stupid of him, and maybe a bit selfish, but he hadn’t _meant_ it to be.

He just wanted to make their first real date super special.

He didn’t have to worry, though, as Fili beamed at the idea. “I’d love to go on a date with you for my birthday,” he answered. “What did you have in mind?”

Kili grinned at him. “Nope! That’s a surprise,” he told him, giving him a quick kiss before moving to dart back up the stairs.

“Hey!” Fili cried, grabbing him and pulling him back with a pout. “I miss you, too, you know, so don’t just run off.”

He laughed and leaned in for a longer, more thorough kiss, breaking it abruptly and leaping up the stairs. He giggled at Fili’s put-out expression.

“You need to practice,” he told him smugly. “And I have planning to do.”

“Scheming, more like it,” Fili muttered as he headed back to his computer and papers.

Kili leaned back from the door as Fili bent over to pick up his sheet music from the floor, unable to tear his eyes away from the denim stretched tightly over the blond’s ass. He gulped and ran from the basement at that, really not needing those thoughts in his head as he conspired with Thorin.

His pop frowned after he had told him his idea. “I don’t know, Kili, your dad and I have work during the day, and I don’t like the thought of you two going into the city by yourselves…”

“We can take the subway,” he argued. “And it’s probably one of the safest areas in the city during the day with all the crowds and police around.”

Thorin gave him a meaningful look. “And will _you_ be alright with all the crowds?”

He rolled his eyes. “I haven’t had a panic attack since before Christmas!” When his pop shot him a disbelieving look, he quickly amended the statement. “I haven’t had a full-blown panic attack since before Christmas, and I haven’t had to do any breathing exercises in over two weeks!”

Thorin took on a considering expression before he sighed. “Do you have enough money for this?”

Kili had to bite back his smirk. He knew he had won. “I don’t really know how much it costs…”

“And you thought you’d hit your old pop up for some money to cover what you can’t,” he surmised, raising an eyebrow at Kili, in an eerily familiar way.

Kili shook that thought away quickly before it could even take root. Comparing Thorin and Fili would never not be weird.

“Well, I kinda hoped you might give me a loan?” he said, trying to look as innocent and pathetic as he possibly could. “It’s our first real date and Fili’s birthday, and I wanted to make it special… We haven’t really had a chance to do something like this together because of everything that’s happened…”

Kili knew he was laying it on thick, but he could see Thorin was cracking when he glanced up, giving him puppy-dog eyes in order to seal the deal.

“I know Fili would love it,” he told him. “And Fili’s done so much for me and been so good about everything. I just want to give him this in return. And it would show him that I support his dreams, which I know he sometimes feels guilty for pursuing because he thinks he’s choosing them over me and he’s _not_ and—”

“Alright!” Thorin interrupted in exasperation. “You’ve made your point. Keep your money. I will take care of it.”

Kili frowned at that though. “Then it’s not a gift from _me_!” he protested.

“The time spend with him in going is the gift, Kili,” his pop said with a roll of his eyes. “Fili doesn’t actually care who paid for it. I mean, do you actually care that Fili ‘borrowed’ money from me that he’ll never pay back to buy you your bracelet for Christmas?”

The brunet started at that and looked down at the bracelet that he always wore thoughtfully. “No,” he answered. “Cause Fili picked it out for me and told me… well, told me what it meant to him…” He bit his lip at his slip. He wasn’t quite sure that Thorin was ready to hear that it was a promise of marriage and forever and everything.

From the glint in his pop’s eye, though, he was pretty sure he already knew.

“Trust me, then, Fili won’t care if I pay for things. But now you’ve given me an idea,” he said with a conspiratorial wink. “Let me talk to your dad, and we’ll see if we can’t turn your idea into an even bigger birthday idea.”

Kili frowned at that, but grinned once Thorin explained his thoughts more.

They were going to make sure that Fili’s sixteenth birthday was one that he would always remember.

 

The week leading up to Fili’s birthday seemed to drag on. The blond kept asking him what their plans were, but he kept his mouth determinedly closed on the subject. There was no way he was going to ruin the surprise.

_Finally_ Saturday arrived, and Kili could barely contain his excitement. He barged into Fili’s room at 9 AM and picked out the blond’s clothes for the day, much to Fili’s amusement, before ordering him to shower and be ready by 10:45.

“Yes, sir,” Fili said, playfully snapping to attention and saluting him.

They were out the door by 10:50, Kili bouncing as he led Fili down the street. When they got to their destination, Fili paused just outside the door and frowned.

“You had me dress up to take me to Rosie’s for an early lunch?” he asked with an incredulous laugh. “Very romantic, Kee.”

Kili scowled at him with no real heat. “We have to eat before we go, and if we eat near where we going, it’ll ruin the surprise! Besides, you _know_ you want some birthday pie!”

Fili grinned at that. “You know I never turn down Rosie’s pie.”

They had a quick lunch, making sure to save room for a couple of slices of pie afterwards, before Kili paid and rushed them towards the subway station. 

“So I guess we’re going into the city,” Fili guessed as they settled into a couple of free seats on the train.

“Yes, we are, Captain Obvious,” he answered with a fond roll of his eyes.

The blond mock-pouted at him. “Be nice to me. It’s my birthday,” he pointed out.

Kili smirked slyly. “Yes, it is, and I don’t think I’ve given you a birthday kiss yet.”

“You haven’t!” Fili cried, leaning in close with a smile. “What a terrible boyfriend you are.”

“Guess I should make it up to you,” he quipped before leaning in and bringing their mouths together, wasting no time in deepening the kiss and pressing his body closer to Fili’s.

Fili was obviously not expecting his forwardness because he groaned in surprise before fisting Kili’s shirt and doing his best to reciprocate.

They made out longer than was probably appropriate in such public place, but their car was mostly empty until they got a bit closer to the city. As more people began stepping on, Kili put pulled away from Fili slightly, not at all comfortable with the scrutiny they were suddenly getting.

He still kept a firm grasp on Fili’s hand, scooting closer nervously as they neared their stop and the car became more and more crowded.

“Are you okay?” Fili asked in concern.

Kili swallowed thickly but gave him a nod and a reassuring smile. This was his idea, dammit, and he had promised his parents that he’d be able to handle the crowds. He could _do_ this.

Fili’s concern for him at least meant that the blond wasn’t really paying attention to where they had stopped when Kili pulled him off the train and up to the street. It quickly became evident to Fili, though, what their plans were.

“You’re taking me to a show?” he asked, a pleased smile on his face as Kili continued to lead him down the street, resolutely ignoring the crowds surrounding them.

“Not just any show,” he told him proudly as they stopped in front of the Imperial Theatre, the Les Misérables banner clearly displayed in the windows above the door. He glanced nervously at Fili after a moment of silence, only to see him staring at the theatre with a furrowed brow. He bit his lip. “You are sick of it from all your rehearsing, are you?” he asked uncertainly, as Fili’s silence stretched on.

The blond seemed to shake himself out of his stupor and looked at Kili in shock. “Are you kidding? I’ve been wanting to see it in person for forever!” he cried, sweeping Kili off his feet to twirl him in a giant bear hug. “This is the best present ever!”

Kili beamed at him and dug their tickets out of his pocket triumphantly. “Let’s go then!”

“Where are our seats?” Fili asked eagerly as they entered the theatre.

He frowned as he consulted the tickets. “Center Orchestra, Row E, Seats 113 and 114.”

Fili gave him a knowing look as they were directed to their seats, which even Kili realized were very good. “Pop helped pay for them, didn’t he?”

Kili’s face fell a bit as he sat down. “He said it wouldn’t make the present any less from me,” he admitted.

“And it doesn’t!” he assured him, nudging his shoulder slightly before taking his hand. “Especially because you’re here with me when I _know_ you’re not the biggest fan of this stuff.”

“I’m a big fan of making you happy, though,” Kili told him, smiling once more. “And this stuff makes you happy.”

“You make me happy,” Fili murmured, leaning in and brushing their lips together. “I love you, Kee. Thank you for this.”

“I love you, too. And happy birthday.”

When the show started, Kili really didn’t know what to expect. Sure, he had heard Fili practicing a few songs here and there, but, unlike when the blond was in Cinderella, Kili hadn’t gone to the rehearsals so he didn’t have any grasp of the story.

For some reason, probably because it was a musical, he had expected the show to be happy, despite its name. He most certainly did _not_ expect to end up crying halfway through the first act.

When the last notes of “One Day More” finished reverberating around the theatre and intermission began, he couldn’t help but look at Fili with awe, tears still glistening in his eyes.

“I think I understand why you like this so much,” he said thickly. “I didn’t know it was so… intense…”

Fili smiled at him, eyes a little glassy himself. “Yeah, a lot of people don’t realize how powerful music can be until they experience it themselves. Don’t get me wrong, I love the fun stuff like the Disney musicals, but shows like this show how music can be used to invoke emotions beyond words. It’s… freeing.”

“I like that,” he murmured, leaning his head on Fili’s shoulder as they waited for the next act to begin. “Thank you for sharing this with me.”

He chuckled. “Pretty sure this was your idea.”

“Yeah, but only because you love it so much,” Kili pointed out. “Now that I understand it, I feel like I understand you better.”

Fili shook his head and looked down at him in amusement. “You understand me better than anyone. I’m not sure you _could_ understand me better.”

He shrugged. “There’s always more to learn,” he replied as the lights flickered signaling the next act would begin shortly. He sat up once more to focus on the stage.

The second act was even more heart wrenching than the first, though Kili was happy to learn that the character Fili would be playing in the school musical did _not_ die. He didn’t want to have to watch Fili even _pretend_ to die any time soon.

“So you liked it?” Fili asked once they were back in their neighborhood and walking home.

“This was _your_ present, Fee,” Kili reminded him in fond exasperation. “I’m supposed to ask if _you_ liked it!”

“Well, of course, I loved it,” he said. “I’m a drama geek. You, however, are a science nerd and I want to know if you liked it.”

“I liked it even though it was sad,” he replied. “I’m sure I’ll like it even more when you’re in it.”

“Pssh, the guy playing Marius on Broadway is much better than I’ll ever be,” Fili scoffed.

“I don’t think so,” Kili told him confidently. “Your voice is better. And once you have half the experience he does, you’ll be a Broadway star!”

Fili laughed. “I’m glad you think so, but we’ll see.” They paused before they walked up the path to their front door. “Thank you for this, Kili. I really did love it.”

“Good first date?” he asked shyly.

“This isn’t our first date!” Fili protested before a look of dawning horror crossed his face. “Oh my gosh, this _is_ our first date! I’m so stupid! I should have taken you on a date _ages_ ago!”

Kili smirked at him. “It’s okay. We’re doing things a little out of order.”

Fili looked far from mollified though. “Kili,” he hissed. “We’ve sucked each other off without ever having gone on a date! That’s more than a little out of order.”

“You don’t regret the things we’ve done, do you?” he asked softly, a little worried at Fili’s vehemence. “Cause I don’t…”

“Of course I don’t _regret_ things,” he was quick to assure before he sighed. “I just… wanted to do things right with you.”

“I don’t think there is right,” Kili told him, stepping closer and wrapping his arms around Fili’s waist, humming in contentment as Fili’s arms instantly came up to wrap around him as well. “It’s like how Dr. Peredhel says that there is no ‘normal’ relationship. As long as we’re happy and not hurting each other, we’re good.”

Fili smiled at him. “I can live with that,” he said before giving Kili a chaste kiss. “Come on. I’m sure Dad and Pop are wondering when we’ll get back.”

Kili bit back a smile at that, but let Fili lead him to the house. He hung back a bit as the blond opened the door. Fili hadn’t taken three steps into the house before numerous loud voices cried out, “SURPRISE!”

Kili grinned at Fili’s gobsmacked expression and surveyed the living room where the main party had been set up. He noted with satisfaction that all their friends had come, along with the Uncles Balin and Dwalin, and Dori, Nori, and Bofur.

Fili laughed. “You got me!” he cried exultantly before quickly being embraced by the crowd.

Kili stayed back a bit, content to just watch Fili’s happy expression as he accepted all his birthday well-wishers. After a while, Fili’s eyes met his from across the room and they shared a smile before Fili turned back to Aragorn and Eomer, and Tauriel caught Kili’s attention.

She gave him a shrewd look before giving him an approving nod, glancing at Fili before looking back at him. “You don’t feel the need to rush over there, do you?”

Kili frowned at the question before realizing what she meant. “No,” he answered in amazement. “I don’t.”

She beamed at him. “I’m happy for you, Kili.”

He was happy for himself. Given that two months ago, he had nearly had a panic attack at the idea of not graduating with Fili and having to spend a year apart, not feeling the need to cling to Fili was concrete proof that he _was_ improving. Sure, the thought of a year apart from Fili still didn’t please him, and honestly still made him feel a bit panicky, but it didn’t paralyze him with fear anymore.

He grinned over at Fili, who was completely absorbed in what Aragorn was saying and not paying one ounce of attention to Kili at the moment.

For the first time in a long time, he was sure that they would be okay.

tbc…


	50. Chapter Fifty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not completely satisfied with this one, but I hope you enjoy!

The semester flew by quicker than Kili wanted it to. As expected, their quiz bowl team lost at the regional competition, though they finished second, which was more than Kili had expected after they had only had a month to prepare. Still, that meant that after Spring Break, Kili had more free time than he had previously had.

Fili submitted his summer applications and audition tapes around the same time. Kili had thought that this would mean that his boyfriend would have more free time as well, but he was bitterly disappointed to learn that his rehearsals were becoming more intense the closer they got to opening night. He didn’t remember the blond working as hard for Cinderella, but apparently Les Mis was a much more daring endeavor for the high schoolers.

They managed to find time for dates here and there. Nothing elaborate like Kili’s birthday surprise for Fili, but they did Friday night dinners or Saturday afternoon outings. When the spring weather became pleasant, they even managed a picnic in the park one Sunday.

That had been an unmitigated disaster, in Kili’s opinion. The ant bites for his ankles still itched.

Still, Fili’s opening night was approaching swiftly, along with the end of school, and Kili was positive that they would have two or three weeks to spend together before they were pulled apart for the summer.

That idea, though, was thrown out the window the Thursday before opening night.

Archery practice had been cancelled that day and Mrs. Fitz hadn’t schedule rehearsal so that the cast’s voice could be well-rested, so Fili and Kili had walked straight home after school, only to be greeted at the door by Bilbo brandishing a large envelope and a smile.

“This came for you today, Fili,” he told him, handing it over.

Kili managed to catch a glimpse of the word “Northwestern” before Fili was flipping the envelope over and ripping it open in excitement. Considering how very large the envelope was, Kili had no doubt that it carried only good news, which was confirmed a moment later after Fili scanned the letter he had pulled out.

“I got in,” he said in soft, stunned voice. His blue eyes flew up to meet Kili’s as a wild grin spread over his face. “I got _in_!” he cried, nearly vibrating with excitement and throwing his arms around Kili with a laugh.

Kili grinned even though his heart was breaking inside. Northwestern was the one program he had desperately wished Fili _wouldn’t_ get in, as selfish as it sounded. The blond had barely made the second admissions deadline, when there would have necessarily been less space, so Kili _knew_ how impressive it was that he had actually gotten in.

And he _was_ proud of Fili. If anyone deserved it, he definitely did. It was just…

That was a _seven week_ program. That meant Fili was going to be gone for nearly the _entire_ summer.

“They would have been stupid not to accept you,” Kili told him, trying to keep his voice as bright as possible to hide his dismay. Fili, thankfully, was too caught up in his excitement to notice.

He pulled back and beamed at Kili, giving him a smacking kiss to the lips before whooping. “I’ve got to let everyone know!” he declared, pulling out his phone and moving into the living room to call people, leaving Kili standing in the foyer with their dad.

Bilbo gave him an understanding smile. “Come on, Kili. I made brownies.”

He followed his dad into the kitchen with a frown on his face, not bothering to hide his sorrow with Fili safely in the other room, babbling happily on the phone to Aragorn or Eowyn or someone.

He collapsed into a chair at the table as Bilbo set a plate of brownies down in front of him.

“He’s going to be in Chicago all summer,” he said sadly, taking a brownie and nibbling at the corner. Tears filled his eyes as he realized something. “I don’t think we’ve ever been apart that long since we’ve met.”

“You have,” Bilbo told him confidently. “I had you for about three or four months before I met him and Thorin, so you were apart for that long at least. But you didn’t completely come out of your shell until you got him back so I imagine it was tough for you even then.”

“We don’t even get any time together before he leaves,” Kili pointed out morosely. “His program starts right after school is over.”

That was only four weeks away! Kili felt a slightly panicky feeling creeping up on him. He closed his eyes and took deep, even breaths, just like he always did when he felt overwhelmed. He felt more in control, but his anxiety was still there.

“Would you rather him not go?” his dad asked softly. “You know he’d stay if you asked him to.”

Kili’s head snapped up and he stared at Bilbo in horror. The thought of asking Fili not to go only caused the bubble of panic inside him to grow bigger. “I can’t do that!” he choked out, blinking back tears. “He’s so happy and he wants to go and I _want_ him to be happy even if it means going.”

He forced himself to focus on the brownie in his hand, bringing it to his mouth and carefully counting the number of chews he took. His jaw began aching after a few moments of vigorous chewing, but he kept at it, blocking out everything but the brownie mush swishing around in his mouth.

“Kili,” his dad’s voice reached him through his intense concentration, sounding a bit faint to his ears. He felt a hand grip his, and he started at the touch, finally meeting Bilbo’s concerned eyes.

“I’m sorry,” he muttered, hating how worried his dad looked.

He shook his head. “You don’t have to be sorry,” he reassured him, squeezing his hand comfortingly. “But… can you tell me why you’re so scared?”

Kili bit his lip as he considered the question. “I’m not sure,” he admitted at last, feeling stupid. How could his insides feel so shaky and twisted without him really knowing why?

“Are you scared you’ll be hurt if he’s not around?” Bilbo prompted. “Or that he’ll be hurt with you not around?”

He frowned but shook his head. “No, I know I’m safe with you and Pop and all my friends around,” he replied. It had been something that he had had to work on with Dr. Peredhel, but it was something he had come to accept. He was still working on feeling safe when he was alone, but he wouldn’t be alone even with Fili gone. “And I’m usually more worried about Fili being hurt when he’s trying to protect _me_.”

“Then what worries you?” his dad asked.

He stared down at the brownie in his hand as he wrestled with his feelings. What was he afraid of? He knew he was going to miss Fili like crazy and that the blond’s absence would _hurt_ , but he wasn’t really afraid of that. He wasn’t looking forward to it, but he could handle it. They’d call and text and FaceTime. It would be totally fine. Well, not _fine_ , but it wasn’t anything to be scared of…

So what _was_ he scared of?

When he thought about it, the answer was just a new variation of an old fear.

“What if he realizes he can do better than me?” he asked in a small voice. He gave a watery, choked laugh that contained no humor. “I’ve always stuck close to him, and he had no time to find anyone else. That’s _why_ I was so clingy before I realized I was in love with him, not wanting to share him with anyone else. If he goes away from _seven weeks_ , who’s to say he won’t realize there are better options than me.”

“I say,” Fili’s voice said firmly from behind him.

Kili cringed as he turned to see Fili leaning against the doorframe with a deep frown. “I’m sorry,” he murmured, not able to meet Fili’s eyes. “I don’t want to ruin this for you. It’s exciting and you should be proud. _I’m_ proud,” he insisted truthfully. “I just…”

“I know,” he said, stepping forward and crouching next to Kili’s chair, grabbing the hand Bilbo wasn’t holding tightly. “And if I thought for a second that me going away would hurt our relationship, I wouldn’t go. But I _know_ this is for the best. You know it too.”

He nodded reluctantly with a sigh. “I do know it.”

“And you never have to worry about me finding anyone else,” Fili told him seriously, thumb brushing over the metal infinity symbol around Kili’s wrist. “I made you a promise, right?” Kili nodded with a soft smile as he gazed down at his bracelet. “And have I ever broken a promise to you?”

Kili thought for a moment before shaking his head. “No.”

Fili smirked at him. “And I’m not about to start now. Feel better?”

He blinked as he realized that he did. The panic had receded, and he no longer felt shaky and queasy. “Yeah,” he said, dunking his head shyly and smiling up at Fili. “Thank you.”

“Anytime,” he replied with a grin, leaning forward to give Kili a tender kiss to his forehead. If they were alone, Kili knew the kiss would have been on his lips and would have lingered a bit more, but he was fairly certain both of them would be mortified to do such a thing in front of their dad.

“And I _am_ proud of you,” Kili stated firmly. “This is a great opportunity for you and you’re going to be amazing! I’m going to miss you like crazy, but I know you have to go.”

Now it was Fili’s turn to give a shy smile. “I’m going to miss you too.”

Kili was glad that Bilbo had taken that as his cue to slip out quietly because he really didn’t think he could resist kissing Fili at that moment.

 

 

“Are you ready for tonight?” Kili asked as he and Fili walked to school together the next morning. Fili wouldn’t be walking home with him, as the entire cast and crew was going to stay after school to prepare for opening night. After the rush of excitement caused by his acceptance letter yesterday, Kili was sure Fili would be confident going into tonight’s performance.

Which is why the uncertain look on Fili’s face puzzled him.

“You know you’re going to be amazing,” he told him when the blond didn’t answer. When Fili still didn’t answer, Kili stopped and grabbed his hand in concern. “What’s wrong?”

Kili was well aware of their reversed positions, as usually it was _Fili_ who was worried about _Kili_ being lost in bad thoughts. Kili was the one who usually overthought things and got stuck in his own head. Fili typically just made a decision and followed through.

“I don’t want you to worry,” he admitted after a moment of hesitation.

“I’m already worried,” he murmured, stepping closer and bringing a hand to the side of Fili’s neck. “We’re supposed to be communicating more.”

“It’s just… I can’t help remembering what happened last time I performed,” Fili confessed finally with a heavy sigh.

Kili furrowed his brow in confusion. “Last time you…?” It hit him suddenly, and he felt like an idiot. “Oh.”

The last time Fili had performed had been the night that Smaug attacked him. How had he forgotten that? He remembered watching Fili proudly as he played Prince Charming, and he couldn’t forget Smaug’s horrific attack if he tried, but the two events had somehow been separated in his mind.

“I didn’t want to say anything because I didn’t want to trigger a bad memory for you,” Fili explained in a rush. “But I just… last time I walked off stage after curtain call and you never showed up backstage and then Faramir was shouting, telling me to come quickly, and you were on the ground looking so pale and still…”

Fili was practically sobbing by the time he trailed off, and Kili didn’t hesitate to wrap his arms around the blond and pull him close, burying his nose in Fili’s hair as his boyfriend’s shoulders shook with tears.

He couldn’t imagine being in Fili’s position. Just the thought of Fili being hurt made his heart clench with fear, but to actually _see_ the aftermaths of a brutal attack and to see Fili lying lifelessly on the ground…

“I’m sorry,” he whispered as his grip on Fili tightened. He didn’t know how Fili even found the courage to even participate in another show. He knew he wouldn’t have been able to. “I didn’t even think…”

“No,” Fili said firmly, pulling back a bit and shaking his head fiercely. “You don’t have anything to be sorry for, and you shouldn’t have to think about it. I've been trying hard not to think about it. That was a bad night for both of us, but we’re supposed to be putting it behind us.”

“But it’s still _hurting_ you,” Kili pointed out, feeling a flash of hatred directed at Smaug. He pushed that feeling away, though, because he wanted to focus on Fili instead. “You know nothing like that is going to happen tonight.”

He nodded. “In my head, I do,” he answered. “That doesn’t really stop me from being afraid.”

Kili snorted. “Yeah, I’m pretty familiar with that feeling. What can I do to help?”

Fili bit his lip. “Could you… maybe make sure to stay with Dad and Pop tonight? Or at least don’t go anywhere alone? I think if I can just make it through tonight knowing that you’re safe, I won’t worry so much during tomorrow’s show or anything.”

“I won’t go anywhere by myself,” Kili promised. “I’ll stay with Dad or Pop tonight, and tomorrow I’ll stick close to our friends.”

Fili sagged in relief at that. “Thanks. I know nothing’s going to happen, and I swear I won’t make you do this every time I perform, I just…”

“I get it,” he assured him immediately. “And I really wasn’t planning to wander off on my own anyway.” He leant in to give him a gentle kiss before smiling in understanding. “I love you, and if this makes you feel better, I’m happy to do it.”

More than happy, really. Fili had done so much for him when he was scared, it felt good to be able to give him a little in return.

Fili gave him a grateful smile. “I love you too. Now, come on,” he said, stepping out of Kili’s embrace and tugging him along the street. “If we don’t hurry, we’ll be late.”

tbc…


	51. Announcement

So I’m trying to sanitize my life a bit with the new year coming up and all. This is a very personal decision on my part and I don’t want to discuss it too much, but I wanted to let my readers know that this will be impacting my fics because one of the things I plan to do is to cut smut out of my life, which means no more in my fics.

My stories with smut in them will either have those portions removed or will be deleted altogether. I know I haven't updated this fic in a while, but I wanted to let you know that I will be going through and removing the explicit content within the next week. The story itself will remain up, and maybe one of these days I will finally get around to posting more and giving the story closure. 

Sorry to disappoint you all. 


End file.
